#1123 - Kevin Smith

May 30, 2018

Kevin Smith is a filmmaker, actor, comedian, public speaker, comic book writer, author, and podcaster.

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go Joe Rogan one word you will receive $5 and the cash app will send $5 to our good friend Justin wrens fight for the Forgotten charity building Wells for the pygmies in the Congo my guess today needs no introduction he's bad motherfuker his name is Kevin Smith

The Joe Rogan Experience

all day

biatch

live did we always we would say yes every like 2 or 3 years we pledge the we will do these regular but I hope that in your heart just like mine that it's not like I've had enough of that fuck no no no I see how busy you are the two people I follow on Instagram night I've set it on the previous show I just love to look at your life cuz I'm like fuck he's doing everything he want and nothing I've ever wanted to but fucking goes to the hell you doing that but just like you know you upset if you live a man's life I live a boy's life as a 47 year old man so you do things like you had a float tank handle bow and arrow that writes about people that shoot bow and arrows to stop crimes he's like boxing gloves at the end of an inch it like that that's good to like I do I do

I guess the point is I know you're busy as fuck and I know sometimes I get very busy as fuck but I think we only don't do this because of how busy we are when you say it like that says yes for sure I could do that once a week because I'd walk away I was walk away with a real like I've never done cocaine but I imagine it's what it's like to do a line of cocaine off I don't know somebody beautiful or something like that. I was walk away with wisdom and it's wisdom that even though it's on a podcast recording there's a record of like wow that's where you learn those things I still go out into the world present them as my own where the cocaine doesn't like fall into the ass crack in this lifetime done

I slipped it to man on even less than when you read about those of us who try to be fun in this business and those who have been insanely successful I become icons they always have you know and then blow it up for our doubts and blah blah blah do you ever feel like that's not part of my Matrix hence I must not be one of the greats that you don't have a real problem with speed and amphetamines and Coke I think I have a real problem that's what girls your I like from a distant really think it's the worst thing for someone like me who's up probably over confident person begin with a serve me well but if you walked into the

facility that I just walked into and have The Grand Tour that you were given a gentle listener and watch her at home I was saying to jail before he went like he's got this new play new to me I don't know how long you been here since October yeah but it's it's the paradise it's the you know fuck the term man cave this is like man Empire you walk in and it's just it's like walking into Joe's head it's everything he loves us under one fucking roof and I said it to him before like you did this with your mouth like you talk to yourself into this we've got a zillion things that you do but like even in the world of like the end of May so if that's still your mouth it's always your fucking mouth that is taking you from where you started till now you walk into this building it's not like he had a family fortune and is is Wilton your mouth put you in a building this night painted the walls of car does you walk inside the museum it's like you see pieces of

of him and it's me all over the fucking place that's all out of your mouth if anybody's watching or listening at home teetering on the verge of like I wonder if I should do a podcast son of a snapshot of that fucking room where you can launch bow and arrows for 45 yds don't start talking if you're interested in all you do a podcast enough people like this I'm not a one of those famine thinkers I think the opposite I'm like you could do it anybody can do I'm never like man might not be enough for everybody I agree with her I'm always the guy who encourages they try it because oh my God it's fucking fun for me and you know we've been as much as we've been around since the fucking art form started like you been doing podcast since a minute after podcast he was the guy walk breed a Corolla for sure but you're in the first fish fryers

you start I started we just celebrated last year was our 10th anniversary so I guess we're now you're 11 so count back from now is 2007 when did you begin 2009 oxygen sensor 2009 of the Big Bang it was Leo Laporte doing this week in tech and I think he still does that and the Happy Tree Friends and that was like the Apple podcast top five and then me and Scott started with smodcast and then later on we added a bunch of stuff but getting in within the first 2 years like we happened and then right on the heels of us

Adam was on the radio and then the radio job went away and I had him he was not where Adam went to podcast and got to be 2000 if we started smartcast 2007 I got it's either we start February 2007 either he loses the radio gig in 2007 and was Tupac Shakur it happens in 2008 but it was the model for a lot of folks like Ralph Garman the guy that I do Hollywood Battle of Ralph's Ralph's amazing he was let go by K-Rock earlier this year later yeah light at the end of last year for Christmas and so he to moved into a new kind of online World it can sustain a mother fucker I like him a lot at K-Rock when you go to K-Rock and that's how our friendship again you sit there doing the show and then afterwards I got a cigarette smoke in those days and we'd sit there out in the parking lot and smoke and

slowly like I remember I came in once K-Rock just announce like I ran to the theater on Santa Monica Boulevard and we're calling it smodcastle we're going to do with the world's first live podcast in theater then we're going to do podcast and stuff and so Ralph was listening he's right there and then like months prior that approach me like a man would you ever want to do like the show biz beat that's what I used to do on K-Rock on Kevin & Bean like as a Saturday show and I hear myself on the radio that fantastic so we were demo for the show gave it to his bosses bosses for like nobody wants to listen to people talk on the radio anymore and so it died they're just like how years ago things died when you couldn't get past the gatekeeper who was like we don't want your shit was this after the talk radio station in La went under us okay so they probably were like it's burned on that and they were just

K-Rock was reading the tea leaves which was like people don't want to hear people chew this won't play music group eating with satellite radio now we're cooking with streaming music where it's like they don't have to wait 15 minutes to hear a song that's a good shows though it was a really good show great there's a bunch of really good shows but the so he we had tried that it was called Showbiz beat and then months later when I was in there going like yeah I'm open this Podcast Theater afterwards in the parking lot grabbing the post-show smoke Ralph is just like hey would you ever want to try that radio show at that theater and I was like yeah you want to do this podcast and so I was driving home and I texted him at a light I said we could call it Hollywood babble-on there's no book called Hollywood babble-on that was about like you got to be stories about Hollywood people and stuff but we spell it of course differently and stuff and that was my

that's what I brought to Babylon other than that Ralph built that entire thing and then my job became to sit next to him and react to the news which is that's why I love that podcast so much cuz as you can tell that fucking love the sound of my voice and I wind up talking talking talking on smodcast I would lead on Jay and Silent Bob get old that's really about Jason Mewes I wound up wind up talking a bunch but with Babylon I get to sit there while he's the main act and I'm being of the second banana I don't think it's nice to be able to top and bottom in the world of podcasting like you know it fits it gives you a place to go if I'm topping all the time right then I'm talking about my thoughts and what I believe in and use the experiences I've had people interested in that but then sometimes you just want to check out and talk about somebody else's shit now I'm the podcast we do call fat man I'm Batman that's what we do I just sit around and go like oh my god you watch The Avengers and shit like that so you get to concentrate on that kind of stuff

The Babylon thing grew insanely organically we started at that little theater sat 48 people and since he was on the radio every morning you can just fucking sell it out he'd be like I got to go to this website to be sold as is that your place on was it it was somewhere in in West Hollywood right that little theater it was on Santa Monica Boulevard in an area where they put up a few black box theater this this sections called the complex and we had one theater in the complex and repainted it and hung up like all the artwork like you got our work based on the podcast out in the hallway same thing we like I'm essentially built the shrine to the Scott Mosier my co-host of smodcast which I'm sure on some level creeped in the fuck out first time we walked in was just like he wants to wear my skin and so the idea was wearing nothing but smodcast here but since Scott

didn't suddenly go until I Galaxy 5 broadcast awake you know it stayed pretty much the same we had a theater with nothing going on in it and stuff so I started trying other things Babylon became one of them Jay and Silent Bob get old also came out of that experience as well we let go of that me and Maddie Colin who's the co-host on this very fun podcast he doesn't have Macaulay Culkin have you spoken to fucking Macaulay Culkin no I'm just putting a bug in your ear dude fuck he gives good talk to the world I mean that sounds filthier than I meant to but you know what I'm saying like as a guest parking Fastener and funny and Bill anyway Matt and Tim Cawley to a podcast called bunny ears and so Matt Cohen was the guy that I'd open smodcastle if I got was God I wish I had a black box theater and Matt went out and found it and stuff so we kept it open for like 1 year and then let it go because what had happened was like the battle show sold so well so quickly all the time

became clear like we can move this to a bigger theater this is the thing he was on the radio all the time so it was easy to move seats so we went up to the Lovett number of Jon Lovitz Comedy Club Alfred went to the Improv and love it and love it too like you can have 95 or a hundred percent of the doors of something ridiculous and and that was the only reason we went up there over there for a while thanks but I would love it and stuff and then we moved to the Improv and stats we've been there ever since and now we do it on the road in a quite a bit and stuff it was meant to be a dude what it was BB King's originally back in the day so it's like a jazz club where you are looking down at the axe but for a podcast guy with a tracking device like how my supposed to be funny now I'm there staring down at me judging my boss but yeah I did some comedy shows there and it was great but it was because it was a weird shaped glass

let me just jump off topic real quick what movie was it the times you were featured in for being like the the source for news what it's this thing that these guys are there their they're calling something the intellectual dark web yes and they have connected a bunch of people together that are interesting people that don't follow poor standard for name bed Market at cuz when I read it I was like I don't think of him as dark web it all by the guitar Quest I think of it like that sneaky came up with the name of that I can just get to kick out of it I think the piece was about how you are doing media that quote on quote real media is not doing that you can't talk to the rise of like certain intellectuals that are very controversial like Jordan Peterson Sam Harris and all the debate about him I'm just someone who they get a chance to talk to for 3 hours you know in a pretty

well I subscribe to Bates is a lot of people that are going to listen to these conversations and they get it they will why why haven't I heard people talk like this before but haven't I heard about the idea of determinism vs Free Will why don't you know why haven't I heard like last time we were here we talked about Universal monetary everybody starts for the salary Universal basic basic income and then the more I thought about it immediately dismiss something I would have to go okay why why am I immediately dismissing it like what is what's really going on cuz it's a weird reaction that I had like I had a reaction against examined life is not worth living so it's easy enough for you to be like now care but most people spend it there and their store

different direction you're like wait why don't I have a clear defense of my actions I thought do anything but the way I consider this subject I didn't have a real big items very neat jerk so I said okay let me really examine this and what the real issue I think is going to be Automation and artificial intelligence I think it's going to remove a tremendous amount of jobs I think Automation in terms of car driving and different functions wants to get better at Robotics and being able to do things and then people will be less and less necessary and there they have a real problem with the number of males that drive cars it's an in the Millions for a job in the do-it-all like almost instantly be out of work they ever get these automated cars down and I wear everyday

since we're at a culture that believes in technology ones inclined to believe all they will get these self-driving Vehicles down to a science I think they'll get it down there got there pretty damn close close it like this I said as soon as somebody gets hit they get set back couple hundred miles but how many have been fatality because of humans and I always say that's true but how many more humans are driving that fucking robots I mean that shit is off the charts and I got 10 two of them kill people settle down but still if you if you look at the numbers though billions of people driving cars only 10 robots and I've already taken to live so that's pretty is as pretty does Bad Axe right this bro that's what's going to happen started leave that I've been talking about this a lot just a fucking robot that DARPA created

and it's called the eater robot eater and it can fucking fuel itself with the biological material

any or is it program for certain biological materials no man but it's powering down I don't know here's remember either the Military Road at the supposed to eat humans kisses the thing I think the idea of biological material is maybe it could sustain yourself on Plants maybe consistency I go it's possible it's possible um right to human remains possible if you can use in a battlefield that you would want to have it eat people so you can have dead people everywhere have this fucking robot monster that you sent me to kill people also eat them so not only is a killing people but it's also cleaning up in the background as well taking dead bodies way I was a diabolical scientist and I was going to come up with the evilest meanest shit send it to the enemy to go get them will be a robot that eats people because it's going to kill people right it's going to be sent there as well minutes

killed your loved one watch in horror as a consumer power me further future kill you next and wouldn't we I mean to a pretty bad and I didn't say racist robot voice I apologize man they can make it look like Venom like from the Star Wars books or I mean to send that face the giant face with a mean that if that was in the eater robot and just inside all would that scare you would that scare you more or would it scare you more if there are like the heater robot its head is full of hypodermic needles each one more toxic than the last and infected bowl at a moment's touch

well those are terrible two options

have you spoken about Roseanne yet not publicly private conversations enough to form some sort of Ben Shapiro about it today on his show but it won't be out until Sunday what is do you have you ever encounter car in the world I talked to her on the phone and I believe every word she said she told me that she was taking Ambien and that she was drunk Memorial Day weekend and she tweeted a bunch of stupid shit and she's out of her fucking mind and she said you know in her words I need to adjust my meds you know I'm I'm not thinking straight and she was talking about how exhausted she got doing a television show and she got bronchitis and she's overworked think she's stressing the fuck out she also told me that she did not know that that lady was even black she thought that lady was Jewish and she said to me like you really think that I would make a joke about a black lady and say plan today's I wouldn't fucking do that just like I thought you was Jewish look at her

so I did look at her like a pull up her Wikipedia page this lady

she I mean she most certainly put up so we can see it I mean

she most certainly could be African-American for sure but she also most certainly could be like Hawaiian or Native American or point being that you wish those were Roseanne say Jewish this is what she said I do not know I don't think she's lying to me I don't think she's racist have you ever trace a friend of mine about it today and he got up in the middle of the night cooked himself a meal ate it went to sleep got up in the morning and had no recollection of it he had to be told they did was trying to figure out who put the plates in the sink who ate this food where this food come from couldn't figure. He got up in the middle of the night doesn't remember a thing and cook them self a meal sat down zero recollection of it

it's a spooky story be like I took an Ambien and I made myself some food it's even spook your story like I took Ambien and I fucking killed somebody but it's a it's a stretch to be like I took an Ambien and I said something I would never say in a million years it it hardens me to hear you say that she said that she wasn't aware of the ladies race cuz you know I don't know her all I know her from is Roseanne how I know her from is Decades of watching her and media or TV show I followed him for the TV show it didn't seem like

the Roseanne that I've watched for 30-40 years I'm not close to her on a daily basis I know I have tremendous respect for her as a comedian I think she's she was a real Pioneer in a lot of ways she was as Brash like really confident lady who shit on stupid men and she did it and it's like really bold stand up it was very unique for the time people go back and you watch some of her early stand up when she was coming out of Denver The Domestic Goddess crushing you know and then she got that Sid, is absolutely one of the greatest sitcoms of all time but now she's 65 years old and it's fucking hard for her and that schedule she was telling me was absolutely brutal and that they were killing her with all the work

I don't know her very well but I do know there was another time where she said something about Susan Rice who is another African American woman and she she said something about her and compared with her balls yeah something like swinging balls

do you know so that's 84 to it's too yeah well this one for sure right cuz this one there's no excuse for this is one from the past that it was no you know like oh my God I was on Ambien between this no one said anything Susan Rice is a man with a big swinging ape balls and that wasn't meant to be a compliment I guess you can I mean I don't know if it's still available but if you go through timeline and see a bunch of things are not like a comedian being funny but beliefs that one is Delta rough want that to me is a way rougher one its way rougher like that one is like that's what you said I mean it is what it is you know if you said that the other lady looks like Planet of the Apes just because of her haircut cuz she looks like the the lead woman in Sera Sera there's like a photo of her back was just like the haircut

some people you know but if you didn't know that she was black it's a totally different thing do we know that for sure you know only she knows for sure you know it's surprised at how quickly it all ended what happened that was the part of the story that again I have no skin in the game other than I watched the old was Anne and I was enjoying the new Roseanne as well but I came home from like I was Vegas the other day and I flew home yesterday morning then I had a meeting over at the studio is like at noon so I took a nap when I get home bike and also my wife wakes me up and she goes good you got a meeting don't forget like it's 11 3000 and Roseanne's been canceled and I'm like that that's impossible like I was groggy but I'm like that's impossible like 20 million people watching that show and she said that she tweeted something racist stop fucking pick up my phone and I look at it and stuff and by the time

like this it happened in the span of like the hour I took a fucking nap date that the network acted so fucking incredibly fast there was no prevarication equivocation sharpened and ready it was not it's like all the sudden they were just like we don't know where it was I think it was so surprising because it's been awhile since somebody did something even superficially moral I came in babysitting on the show so of course they been bugging I didn't have as much skin of game so it's easy for them to cancel it where they have canceled it as fast if they own the show and... You can you can make a bunch of kind of caveats but at the end of the day something bad happen and then the network reacted up major Network a major company made the corporation reacted in to just immediately cancel the show

would have maybe fired her and kept everybody else done like the you know Valerie die off use computer animation you could replace it with the Pixar character but I think you can sell equally compelling stories like without her honestly like The Nine episodes that they've done this season she really hasn't been the driving factor of entries it's been more about Darlene that's why I felt bad for when this whole thing imploded cuz I'm like she's she put the show together Sara Gilbert and she was like Shania she was like really good showing off like everybody's out a job feel bad for John Goodman I've worked with him before and he was wonderful on the show like the show without her I think can she be forgiven

sure I mean can't let me have him being intoxicated as yell and some anti-semitic stuff at a cop on a drama and that so bunches ex-wife like there's smoke there's more violence action and him just going to say hey sugartits like there was some his wife so weak nobody knows if he truly I don't know my bad I thought that was I don't know I don't know I don't know what even the specifics of any accusations and also I also didn't follow it that closely and not because I'm like me and that's Martin Riggs and I don't want to grind by the time I just didn't follow it cuz I'm like

yeah man it's Angie be forgiven. I don't know I mean look she should have tweeted what you said instead of oh my God I took Ambien like you know that turned into an opportunity for a major pharmaceutical company says like put out one of the best singers Twitter's ever seen kids normally used to like hey what should we say to be funny like that to put out very stayed information and for once they're like how about this guy's we say racism isn't it you know a byproduct of her job. There was this is well worded it was whoever wrote it was pretty slick the thing ambient does do though and definitely makes you act as are you there's there's some people that would help

dedicated to people that have had crazy experiences on it stuff I've seen a few that start cooking dinner is about the 4th time somebody's communicate that's right now Ted said that store probably have people drive cars on it they go places that realize that it on the way to get places like a serpent in the rainbow man you become zombify me like I'm not going to fucking casket there was a guy that got pulled over a few years back was famous and I forget what it said something about like I got to get to the dance or something like that in the cops are like what the fuck you talking about and they realize like he was kind of out of it and then after it was over it was revealed that he had been on Ambien and then he'd gotten in his car and really had no idea what that even know it was talking to the guy was in a dream it reminds me of when I was a kid this is not not drug-related but I was a kid I was sleep I fell asleep on the couch watching TV and before might like my brother had lost his fucking wallet at ask

dance my mother was like I'll drive you up there and try to find it and my father would get up for work at about 9 at night and then head to work at 10 and I think you started work at 11 and I leave work to the post office canceling fucking stamp so my mom tells me that I fell asleep on the couch watching like fucking Dynasty or some shows the 80s and then my dad wakes me up cuz he woke up and nobody was home like my mom was around nobody's there and he's like where is everybody called me awake so I was like what oh Donald Donald they had to go to the school cuz Donald lost his Thriller and it my father was what I was like Donald lost his Thriller he was like I don't know what you're saying and I was like. Mom said that Donald losses Thriller and I kept replacing the word wallet with fucking trailer my father is booked a man and literally sent me is out of the next day to be like are you using drugs and I was like me up

me too you know like a your brain just never clicked back over into Waking Life where I stayed in this weird Zombieland where were wallet meant Thriller did you tell him that all I'm trying to remember what he told the cops were they realize that something was going on I think it was it was in one of the articles that I tweeted the store was in what the article that I tweeted what happens if the Cam Newton arrest you for being the Ambien driver cuz a lot of people take that shit you no longer this story all the time. There's another website just a couple of those pills a day there's no web page devoted to stories of people who took Ambien and and got fired for being racist even better there's no stories of people that took Ambien and you know became became some sort of a

Gap Robinson probably yeah I think you'd like getting addicted to falling asleep and are meeting at the fall asleep probably yeah I guess if you were somebody was like I can't go to sleep without that addictive like maybe like heroin is addictive now right or like a speedy knock people get like physically addicted to that we're kind of changes of receptors are not I don't know if it dulls the senses to the point where it's like when you and that's what the way I heroines always explain to me was when your on heroin the senses are good though the nerve receptors like just don't take it as much but when you're not on heroin that pain of withdrawal part of it is The receptors coming back to life all at once and it was like and yeah Jason Jason Mewes long time ago I had problems dishes so it was one of the rehab doctors communicated this lady said you know how when you sit on your hand and fucking falls asleep and I get totally so I can imagine that was your whole body in

X by million that's what he's going through and I was like I explained it that way I was like that would be that would be fucking paper no wonder the kid doesn't want to get off heroin cuz he's like I know the path to not being on heroin is full of pins and needles but you never die from it that's the good thing about that like you don't die from heroin withdrawal at we know from Amy Winehouse and other cases that you can die from alcohol withdrawal like you can you can get off like when you're in jail and you're kicking heroin you know the cops just feel like you know it here just keep throwing up and pissing but if you're kicking booze they have to give you booze cuz your heart could stop what it would look at this fucking article pull up an estimated 446000 people in the United States for current Miss

users of Ambien know what is a misuse Army dependency on to Ambien can develop after just two weeks of use don't attempt to quit without proper knowledge and before putting a medical treatment plan into place 2 weeks is all takes two weeks maybe I'm driving around having conversation Ben gets a good night's sleep and you know it just happens to the job in the morning. Where you're like you just lose the word like you're like Donald lost is Thriller and that's the last mildest form you every now and then you skip a word you know Roseanne is she's an older lady she's in her 60s and you know she's had some mental problems and and she's drinking and she's taking that stuff to go to sleep and she's not taking his two weeks she's taking a lot you know and she said she needs it to go to sleep

and I think there's a lot of people that feel like they need something to help me go to sleep that's fine but then for don't tweet that should be what you did and it's like if you think for a second that if in using this drug which I need to go to sleep because I'm late 6180 my rest or whatever you just deserve fucking sleep like the merciful have never suffered from a lack of sleep but I know the people who have and it's fucking mind bedding and stuff but if you know you have to do that and you know there's the slightest chance that you could become somebody else or say things that are not in your character give up your fucking social media man like you don't think she's obviously going to do that ticklish in the past before and it flew under the radar and nobody cared to me about it and what's positive to me about it is that we have our

your house like a fucking zero tolerance for racism now tightened up so much like it's entirely possible that within a few decades like racism can be almost completely eradicated I think it's possible with the spread of the internet we're going into like 50 years from now 60 years from now racism could be seen as the ridiculous idea that it is racism can be seen the way Someone Like You. Looks at it or someone like Jane you'll be like a Roddenberry world would they like Star Trek where all people like maybe back in the day there was something like that we haven't experienced that in centuries the distrust in and hate for specific gigantic General groups of people like Asians are blacks or whatever and they'll disparaging ideas that you have about a race

just because they're you know just because a person from a specific part of the world that shit it's got to be a thing of the past we got to get past that because I said I would love to believe that but unfortunately we live in a bubble out here where to live in a state does kind of work it if you know at dumbass and believe me I've heard people out there about to like judge the fact that he's fucking cell in California California San Diego California fuck the rest of the world if I could rest of the country but I will say this everyone here lives fairly multiculturally and it doesn't seem to be I mean granted we in this area that of the state perhaps it's different elsewhere but it feels I'm not going to say utopian but it feels like people get along out here even if it's a plastic get along that's still do you know I'm pretty good yeah

I think I like people in the state where that's you know where mystified when the election went the way it did because they would not know because that's not the way life works most of California but I think that's a bunch of reasons in a lot of the middle of the country didn't feel represented have a significant say when it comes to you know the

what's it called Electoral College vote that's that's when it we get squirrely when you look at like the points that different states are worth like there were like two very weird that we still have that it's not a person one-person one-vote not even one person one vote like these weird fucking Xbox one has no one person like it says explain to me in high school why the Electoral College was necessary and even then I was like yeah but one person one vote kind of makes more sense I Know Jack schitt about politics as more people fucking idiots by like Trump and I met a buddy of yours I'm playing like a nice guy but here's what I want to pass on

like we were on a 45-minute flight may be right

super smooth like in and not in the way of like hello I'm Lando Calrissian but this dude had a thing like like a red Parts in like he wasn't like having sex with somebody but he had a a r a party going with the flight attendant that was so effortless and I said next time we chatted for the fight and I had mentioned something about bugging Joe Rogan goes I know Joe Rogan and he talked about like hunting bubble but in any event for the rest of the flight I had like a front-row seat for him talking to the flight attendant

and it was like it was a real clinic in like oh like he's got that thing but like I've had to make up for not having my whole life I feel like people not even just talk to people like like the way like you watched like a fucking movie star say two things and people like you like he just had this person in the palm of his hand and I'm being very careful because I don't want it to seem like you like he was making the moves on you we wasn't easily could have been with that person by the flights end and it was just as I sat there watching it going like I've had to make up for a deficit my whole life be like here here's some funny things and hey I saw Star Wars and talk about all this other shit to try to trick somebody into fucking met this guy just like sit down on the plane was like what's up she was like a hoe you and instantly started going talking to him and I was trying to discern throughout the whole flight

do they know each other is easier on this flight often or something now dry hit that flight AS dry as anybody else and literally could have walked away hand-in-hand with somebody was very impressive is that what it is it's got to be it was he has to get closer to animals and his practice more he was my friend Aaron Snyder he's a little bit crazy he was explaining that and it didn't sound like a really good podcast podcast Cafaro Kifaru it's a it's a company that he works for the makes really high-end hunting and Hiking backpacks and military backpacks and he does a podcast through them he should be very good at it he's very good at talking so so I can fucking a test to it I sat there and watched him be there. Bowhunter confidence is that what it is

swagger like there was nothing about him that instantly is definitely very much help but there was thinking about his thing that was like, guys got like honestly that's why 2:10 and probably could have been a kind of Aaron was just as interested in short row a short-range bow hunting he would have landed that guy as well like he was very I don't know it's good like when he said I do apologize to it made sense I was like I bet you do yeah smart dude that's a that's a weird way to live you know he spends like 200 nights a year in the forest sleeping in like either a bivy sack or 10 to Robert tarp I fucking just like he's out there all the time and it's like there's not a whole lot of people that are doing that was ex-military to it's a lot of these ex-military guys they get really into bow hunting because they find it very difficult than a physical challenge and so nerve-wracking it's hard to keep your cool

air pressure and for a lot of guys who they go from the military and maybe do a few chores overseas and come back to the mainland and just have a real issue with being just not stimulated enough and you feel detached and you don't feel like you're involved in anything that's got like a high adrenaline threshold and for a lot of these guys bow hunting is very therapeutic the so is that an issue when people come back this year I always hear about of course is PTSD but that sounds like the opposite like somebody was like I was there for The Rush and now the real world offers like that that move Hurt Locker that they're there for the rush but that once they experience that rush you know I got to look up too much but Sebastian Junger wrote a book called tribe and it's all about this and it's about these guys coming back from war and trying to just sort of assimilate and having a really difficult

time and how so many of them talk about when they were over there they had a purpose and that life was intensified and cranked up to 10 than the highs were the highest in the lows are the lowest and they come back here and everything's just too flat it's just really hard for them to adjust and they feel disconnected from their community and date long to go back and that's why a lot of them keep signing up and going back and they they feel that that life at the tip of the spear is actually more more satisfying more rewarding it just feels right for them and the regular world just for whatever reason they just tasted it or they gave adjusted to it but they're at they have a very very difficult time some of them do was leave closest you've ever felt to that but have you ever gotten close to the feeling of like a what have you done in life that is giving you the address to land hi what's your highest adrenaline rush I guess I'm asking

the pub the most nervous I ever got was when I was fighting when I was doing martial arts does that was a nervous for a good reason it's like you might get fucked up it's really possible you might get kicked in the head but second most nervous was before I did stand up for the first time I was shooting my pants man I was really fucking nervous I don't know I don't know I didn't High School funny I was locker room funny I was I would make my friends laugh in the locker room does that's all I got talk to you when you buy a good buddy of mine my friend Steve Graham still good friends with you talked me into it my friend Edgewater it just did talk me into it I would make them laugh you know and but I thought that they were laughing cuz doing my friends and that's all I can be else going to think I'm an asshole. Like there's people that you would like my sense of humor was fucked up because it was all fighters you know and so everybody was like they were hard men so you had to have like a certain staying to your Gallows humor

well everybody was on their way to go kick people in the head it was just a weird life and I was very very strange way to be 15 you know have 15 16 17 I was like my whole life has a way of doing stand-up was unexpected that's why I freaked me out cuz I didn't think I was going to be so nervous and no shit in my pants and right before I was going up there I was thinking of all the times that I fought and I should be comfortable doing this but I was fucking shit in my pants I was so terrible boss in a place called stitches are they still there August 27th 1988 no no no do you remember that August 27th 1988 exist naturally everything I hear I have to put through a filter of how does this affect me so I'm sitting there doing what was I doing August 27th 1988 I just graduated high school in

June and where was I working I was working at Buy Rite Liquors and shit like that and it would be

two years before I would go onto the stage at Rascals andytown between the mouth of Monocacy View Square Mall and try it myself and I didn't see stars is down in like that by Asbury Park this place is like a couple miles south I did that one to an open mic night just because and I didn't tell my fucking friends because I was terrified my friends and be like why do you think you're funny and stuff I was not the funniest of my friends so I wasn't sitting there going like yeah man come support me I kind of did it on the slide and stuff and I did 5 minutes and I made like one joke that really worked a bit about sucking my own dick and that wound up in clerks like so I was like well I know that might get a laugh and stuff so what was how long was your first meeting was it open mic is open mic yeah I think they gave you 5 minutes but I don't think I even had 5 minutes I think I had for what did you do observe

no I just I just told some terrible jokes terrible Joyce and I really set up punchline the stuff that I've written you know just where did you write that right now I even had a piece of paper that I brought with me on stages of tariff I was going to forget lot of guys were getting you knew you were a pro when you put that paperwork I'm about to cry that's so fucking sweet man young you how old are you this point was 21

so why did you wait so long after I have to be 21 to get about lunch yet hope your night club you know that's what I thought apparently I was wrong though and you they would allow you as a performer to go in their younger but I didn't know this at the time I thought you had to be 21 so I waited until I was 21 which is August 11th and then I went up on August 27th what was the what got the biggest laugh fucking day all know if I remember I'll try to get nothing past as quickly as possible to go faster going no do you like my tits yes I do here's a warning like it was that bad that's how bad that's how bad the, I was swinging and 1988 was captain adorable how many years before Newsradio 88 was 6 years

words that fucking terrible joke land you eventually on Newsradio welding what's not mocked wings of a butterfly that becomes a hurricane right like being go back in your life and think about weird little left you took or right you took when I bunch of those when I had a free Mod Squad heart attack when I was on the table cuz it's a good doctor was just like you you have a hundred percent occlusion you're a lady and I was like I don't know what that means he said you're a ladies your is the main artery goes across funny heart he's going it's a hundred percent of collisions hundred percent blocked you've got cholesterol is blocked there's no way for blood get through in that fits creating your mask Art Attack so he's like we're going to we're going to take care of it right now he goes but your account book guy right I said yeah and it goes you'll like this that artery that's called the Widowmaker and I said why and he goes because in 80% of cases of on

send occlusion the patient always dies he's going but you're going to be in the 20% some really good at my job me fucking disappeared into my crotch one of my grind to my femoral artery and fucking went up in my heart and put a stent in that in that led and the moment here because I'm an open it up now and he show me what it was tiny little mesh wire thing he wasn't open it suddenly it was like like that artery had been like a hose if you bend it and it's fucking full of water and shit was pushing down in the heart which was interned pushing down on my lunch I had no idea was at Menards I just felt like I couldn't catch my breath I thought I was too hot I was in between shows I mean two gigs that was the filming we we shot them both while we were going to shoot them both we only got the one because I've already checked we didn't do the second one but was fair for the folks accounted Dynamics and it became a Showtime special so we are shooting to show that night I was meant to be like an hour and an hour but we know once you get up there I feel like a fucking Rollin I'm Rollin so I did 2 hours and after the first show they were like we don't even need to the SEC

shall we can cut in that were only got an hour out of it so you gave us plenty and stuff as I got two different hours so I I want to do the second show and plus everyone was there they were lined up and so I took a big Swig of fucking milk I was the dairy Drinker heavy Dairy Drinker in those days I sense become vegan ice be happy now I'm fucking vegan but I took a big Swig of milk then I went to The Green Room to chit chat real quick with Jordan who runs our company has Jason's wife Jason Mewes his wife and Emily was there she does Medicare makeup so we were chit-chatting then I was like man I feel fucking weird I feel sick I feel like I'm going to throw up can you guys get out of here cuz when I get sick I just want to go off like an animal and fucking die alone like I don't want to be ministered to and like fuck off and she so they were like totally and I lay down on the floor and I felt like nauseous nauseated and I never feel sick like that I want to throwing up some by all not trying to give you just like fluid and so I was like wow that Matt and maybe I'll feel better now stood up and I looked in the mirror and I was just swamped man I can have

as a heavy dude you sweat when you fucking breathe this was like I'd look like I just came out of the pool and I felt really cold I couldn't get warm and shit Emily popped her head and she's like are you okay is like no man can you turn on a hair dryer just like dry me off I feel fucking freezing cold and she touched back of my neck while she's driving me she's like you never feel like this is a scary should do some s i e I said I'm still want to do that second show that's like someone find the couch this fine cast for me to lay down if I get like a half hour nap I'm sure I'll be fucking fine and I couldn't get comfortable on the couch couldn't sleep and that's when I started not being able to catch my fucking so you know I'm no doctor but like fucking you think you know I know my body and that's all I know what this is I smoke too much weed and I've got too much mucus in my fucking chest that's all this is so I said I better put my arms up like this cuz that will help me breathe and Jordan comes around the corner of eventually and she sees me she's like are you right now that you know having a hard time catching my breath

I just can't get all the way to the top and stuff of the breath can't take a full fucking breath I was like maybe like maybe we shouldn't do that so I can show after all she goes that we already canceled it so I can show and she was like cuz I never seen you sick like this she's gone you know I hate this this is weird something's going on so yeah maybe I should see a doctor and she has a Sunday night all doctors are close so we called the ambulance was like why the fuck did you call an ambulance oh my God this is don't is embarrassing she's like they're already here and six fireman came into the room big brawny fucking do you call paramedics fire department comes as well so they're looking to make some sitting in the chair of my arms up and then like there are some of them were young four of them were young and I look they looked at me like why is Silent Bob celebrating a fucking touchdown you know I'm sure I'll send the Medics came in and they they were guy and a girl and the guy put stuff on me cuz how you doing man I think that I can really catch my breath and he goes well we're going to look at you right now and put the coffee on you you ever had this done

and then the girl had a flag look like a fishing tackle box had a bunch of leads wires coming out of its yet she put that down heart monitor thing you know they get your fucking blood pressure all that shit on one arm than the other thing to put on your chest to monitor what's going on Sat so she's like I could put these wires on you it's okay and I'm sitting in the chair and This is 40 pounds ago and sitting is no good angle for a fucking fat guy to begin with and shit like that so she just Yanks my fucking hockey shirt and my undershirt up and every titty I have falls out of my fucking shirt in front of these people and is a room full of people out of my golly fucking shit shit then she's like what are you doing I was like man that's my fucking best friend's wife over there she never seem to get these wires on this is the shirt are you reach up under and put them on my chest because how my supposed to speak and I was like you use my nipples as God post like it when you know I've spent all of my life

and when your life is in danger I've never been in that situation but when your life is in danger level gives a fuck about your fucking ego and shit like your vanity so they looked at their info and I realized I guess what was going on there like we can take you to the hospital just to be safe and I wasn't going to that that's fucking embarrassing and shit and they're like we're so close man it'll be fun you ever been to the hospital I was like no not really like it so far it's fun because you can have a good time and I get all the podcast or so I'm like look at the end of the day no time is wasted everything good fucking story so this turns into the opening five minutes of Hollywood babble-on where I'm like they took me to the hospital and turned out I was just too fucking hot you like life's great when your podcast her cuz there's no such thing as fucking bad news anymore like it hit you can hit you on the level of like oh shit that's unfortunate the right away you repurpose it into like alright well I got something to talk about and this latest setback is just the longest and it is just a momentary chapter in a long story or fucking talent show

what happened to go to the hospital not because I was like I think I'm dying but because I was like all right fucking I have a story to tell after this next week it'll be fun I got to the hospital like dr. Lane and I'm used to guys not my cardiologist they pulled me into the ER and he's like Hi how are you in dr. right now I'm wrong what's going on I can't catch my breath and it goes well that's cuz you haven't the first time anyone has said anything like that he know for sure that's what he does I think what he knew for sure was when they put the leads on me and the blood pressure they looked at each other at one point but I assumed it was a different hospital but they took me to Glendale Adventist because they knew that I was in having a cardiac episode and not shy of One hospital in the

Glendale Adventist is one of the best Cardiology Wings in the United States of America so I happen to be in the right fucking place at the right time we were supposed to shoot my comedy special at the Ryman Auditorium in Nashville it wound up being shot instead of the Alex and in Glendale and stuff and if I hadn't been doing the show their who fucking knows me and I'm like I've gone to the hospital but I probably might have fucking. Cuz homeboy told me when he went up the heart when I was in the operating room and he told me like they call that the Widowmaker and shit 80% 80/20 I sat there going like these are the cutest dogs I've ever had my life I figure like love you leave the house 50/50 or going to fucking drop dad Riley get hit by car struck by lightning to trip over fucking dog and then the dog bites your jugular and you fucking bleed out your life but I always love dogs and you die ironically but you know just ran long but I kind of thought and in my head

I had to cognitively reframing go you don't know you might have been close to death so many fucking times in your life there might have been like a psycho behind you with a fucking knife and then I'll sending out a cell phone call and forgot about you or something like that so suddenly I repurposed it the whole time I was laying on the table I get repurposing everything. Repurposing cognitively reframing I was sitting there cuz I couldn't like at one point they were like your wife's on the phone do you want to set you want to talk to her after they told me that I was having a heart attack in the bad to get up me fast and stuff so they're holding up a phone and I see it and its first time crystallized where I was like oh these these people think I'm going to die like I didn't I was in no pain whatsoever I couldn't catch my brother kept asking me like 0 to 10 how do you feel what's your pain level has a negative 3 they like you're doing this wrong I didn't feel pain it wasn't like I grew up in the seventies watching Sanford and Sons am I do have a heart attack if anything like that I was sweating

threw up bile little bit of bile I was cold and and what was the last one was just fucking shit you would never associate with a heart attack like you associated with my goddess I feel under the weather but apparently these are symptoms of heart attacks as well I like to share it because some cats never heard that before and I've seen a lot of people on social media since we're like you save my life here is why because I talked about the fucking symptoms of shit so while I'm laying there and they go up your groin to go up your femoral artery to your heart and stuff he went out and he saw it was all blocked I said later on I was just like fuck man like I'd like dropped 80 lb 3 years ago I've been like walking up the hill a mile and a half everyday and stuff because you have the kind of blockage you at because that didn't start fucking recently he's gone that started in childhood know the man fucking Hostess Twinkies and then I remembered we have no money so as a man fucking Little Debbie Swiss the lights and shit that's how it happened it started with a Little Debbie cakes with you cuz I was raised on it

but you know we were trained to like Twinkies more because they had a commercial Little Debbie would never bother me the commercial that leaves later they did but when we were kids they didn't because how can you have a commercial and sell your product the $0.59 above experience cuz they had more of those trans fats that so God damn I think so that's probably will think about it trans fats are part of when you eat like what were those cookies that were not peek freans is like a white oreo God damn it I forget the name of it it is well fairly well known but when I was a kid it was an older brand from child so my parents childhood and Hydrox Hydrox their name Hydrox comes from hydrogen eyes palm oil or corn oil and self so they

that's what it began there like hey we can take this and fuck it up and turn it into something edible and she'll like that not knowing it would block arteries but canola oil Hearts I got my truck and BJ there it is crazy it's named after chemical that can fucking kill you Pepperidge Farms cookies remember those Pepperidge Farms the little white talking to a fat man I've eaten every fucking cookie there is with milk you remember when they marketed the almost almost home cookies almost home cookies to essentially there was a crazy and they still exist to some degree but when we were children cookies work hard unless they came out of an oven fresh but then they started serving the soft baked cookies you can get them there they are almost home and your groceries aisle and shit and so you take this cookie out of the package and bite it and it was soft as if it came out of the oven

that too is a chemical process I believe because things are meant to get hard after they pushed it doesn't turn into mold I went vegan post heart attack but I'm certainly and it's not a ethical thing like my kids be again cuz she's like I love animals but I want vegan cuz they were like you know if you go plant that you've got a really great chance of dropping your cholesterol and my kids have been bugging me go vegan for like 4 years and stuff and not but honestly not bugging me she would just make comments not your mom not your milk whenever I was drinking milk and sugar to so after the heart attack nutritionist was in the hospital room with been going like a hundred percent blockage man even definitely time to change your diet as a guy you're right and like just fucking I'm not even like everything.

good because you're supposed to distribute the juice of whatever with the fiber while eating the fruit and stuff is juicing thing is is it depends on what I mean vegetable juice is not really an issue but thanks a lot of sugar in it, wait Watchers Ambassador and people believe that like they do juices they say that you really better off with a vegetable smoothie right like we get the fiber it is all about the smoothie and some of the fiber in it in the Weight Watchers. They got three of them some shit like you can if you eat a banana no points if you juice a banana or blend banana then it has points because then it's no longer about the fiber it's all about sugar that bugs don't have any points anymore huh no they took points away from like eggs turkey and chicken which broke my heart cuz I used to love turkey chicken then I realized I didn't love turkey and chicken as much as I thought

like I went on in order to after the heart attack I read listen to it on tape and not even a tape digitally Penn jillette's book Presto but I lost HonorBound after his heart of soda and fantastic book I'm sure you know by passes and then a friend of his was like instead all that why don't you just try eating radically different I could propose it away for you Ray cronies he has a diet called just sides and sell in Penns book Presto he details how Ray was like for the first 2 weeks just eat potatoes nothing but potatoes you have as many as you want as many fucking potatoes you want they can't put anything on you can't fry it is just bake the potato and eat it eat everything and you can have 9 if you're in the sitting but he can't put any butter on a no salt nothing just flat-out potatoes so it's some for me that sounded

just come out of the heart attack so I'm like I'd rather not die so I'll fucking try to tato's two weeks straight up just potatoes and not raw like uncooked you can bake them but you can't use anything to cook if you can't rap into the bowl with butter and salt or anything like that just flat-out plant that's what happens at least in my estimation is that you

you're allowed to use many potatoes you want think you like potatoes when I was reading pens book around to listening to fence book I was like oh my God I can do that like I like fucking dig potatoes any realize you don't like to pay as much as you like butter and salt and milk and everything that goes into like mashed potatoes and stuff so it's in the beginning there's a sense of style potatoes have some growth done and stuff but they're mostly water so it's an excellent diuretic so you're pissing like a fucking racehorse and that's dropping weight like the more water at your body, you tell people what you're doing and everyone's got their fucking advice about how to dye and shit in my sock about me doing this potato. Could we can County potatoes carbs in baked potatoes I lost 19 pounds just dropped off a lot of water weight absolutely but at the same time it taught me something more important than like fuck I hate potatoes it taught me

too fast like you taught me to like now I eat a meal a day I don't eat in the morning when I get up and I'll listen the propagandas like you got ate a breakfast and shit like that not at all my body has enough stored energy I don't need to fucking eat eggs in the morn's juice in order to fucking feel good in the morning I just have to wait for my body to be like nothing's coming in great we'll hook over to fucking stored energy and shit like that I got a lot of things that we do it's it's not so much a doormat and it's like I eat once a day and then some days if I'm like I don't feel the need to eat like you go through yet awhile every once in awhile like generally about 9 839 the first thing of hunger and my instincts were like fucking quick fix it and then I remember like just in 10 minutes it's going to pass and then 10 minutes absolutely passed so you're eating one meal would typically dinner I generally got 3 in the afternoon and then you go a long time for you to get a lot of people think that's the way

I think so smarter people than I like gray who created the just sides diet and pain who follow the diet and stuff let me just trying to I don't think he's down to one meal a day I think he just eats better than I do like he was able to keep up with raised died I couldn't after the two weeks it was like okay now he corn and never eaten corn in my life to add corn to the diet and they were adding more things after the first 2 weeks it wasn't reading the size actually you're eating everything that's kind of jets all plant-based and stuff and so I couldn't I was hoping that I could you know if I Can Go the Distance Indian vegetable fucking hate vegetables and so I had to figure out a way to be vegan is so much you find a very thin Corridor in which you know to live and a

this stupid app that stole food pretty much eating pinto beans and black beans good source of carbohydrates right now for chickpeas chickpeas a great such a great go to snack fucking full of protein and in vegan comfort food cooking they use it as a versatile ingredients like if you go to that one of my favorite restaurants in town is Crossroads I got like this they got real vegan food is that pretty sure they got a meatball sub there dude I would suck a dick for it's so fucking busy I'll make you do that they just make you that's very sweet of them good business model it's supposed to be a very good place latest one of the best pain play fantastic they get this meatball sub

yes I have that's when you go to to talk about the the diet and perhaps some killer fucking pancakes man I don't know what they're doing in New York that got a place in Brooklyn called Champs Diner which is also like all plant-based vegan food but they do comfort food like you know like you can get a like an impossible burger or Bianca that were like you're eating meatballs and me think about it you like right the bread is most of it the sauce is the next Biggest Part and meatballs themselves aren't really that packed with me it's much more breading and fucking meat and stuff so I have to do is find something that will stand in for the fucking meet drench it and fucking marinara sauce and put it in between it a nice soft roll and they use like ricotta like a cashew ricotta to like kind of finish it off his fucking Bliss dude now you know it's just like it's beating comfort food so you can't do that everyday but it's nice to know that if you're ever like I miss real fucking food I want to eat a God damn animal that can

and you something that's like close to the approximate now the good news cuz I know a lot of people like fuck veganism and you're absolutely right it's no damn fun for me at least but after a month of plant-based I was on the series medications after the heart attack and still in and it was on a full dose of Lipitor which is a no cholesterol fucking cutter and stuff like that so my doctor I was telling about this potato he's like I don't trust that she's gone when do Labs I want to do your meds give me some more but they take some music I got to make sure you're getting all the nutrition he's like you can't get it off in the fucking potato I'm sorry so we did my labs and came back and he was like you're fantastic gone nutrients wise are great everything across the board is great except your cholesterol was like why did you said heart attack and he goes know you questions on the toilet he's gone so I need you to break your Lipitor and a half he's going if you can't take that much with her anymore so he's like what have you done differently but I'm just eating fucking potatoes and go slow enough to take me off of my half have my prescription

enough about cholesterol levels is what they told me recently that I found out I thought I was like so it's going to be the cholesterol myth about then we have to be careful make sure it's loose and soften and globule cholesterol says its 2004 go into your brain if it hard pieces like you know I don't know if you ever pull out like fucking grid off your teeth after you've eaten or something like that come back. But you know what that's plaque technically I guess but that's kind of ship is up in your veins when that shit gets hard it gets super hard like the the cholesterol that was blocking up my LED my man had to drill through it to get the stent in there and you keep that cholesterol forever now I can't say that but that's the way it was communicated to me cuz I thought I was like this magic drug will heat up the cluster all goes no we have to be very careful with cholesterol because it moves through out your system so I guess maybe eventually it moves out of your system but if it's in your blood system right there's a chance that it goes up new

Brian eventually so maybe that's what they're trying to keep talking about medical stuff and it's All About Soul free know you're sitting there right now go on like this irritates me if they're not going to speak truth and hard facts they understand Medical Science but when you are or you're getting a full blood panel done and all these different things are checked in all your your right side because at least I'm the guy with the algae and not algae but their child feels that this turn me on to this doctor I bet you know his name but this Name Escapes me who formulated this these are the nutrients you need

I guarantee you probably talk to this guy His Name Escapes me but Ray was I get these supplements they'll cover everything is going cuz you no longer mediator anything you need that would come out of me comes out of this but you know it was explained to me when I was like I don't know like my kid was going you could do it that I'm like it out like we were raised differently like I was granted I didn't I wasn't raised with filet mignon I did eat steak them for most of my childhood but it's kind of a meat like it's tough to separate from something that you've lived with for so fucking long and she was like you gave up cigarettes and I was like all right you're right and stuff so it's nice to be able to go to places where you can eat food that's not just like grass and roots and Kayla and shit like that you eliminate this is what I'm going to concentrate on because they're it all Dairy search a 2 gallons of milk a day so that might have been part of the reason I wound up having a heart attack some milk cheese went away animal food products one away so no Burgers I was in a big burger

but I did like burgers bread so I can stay past against a pasta can be can be vegan that you shouldn't overdo it right no so that's shit just like most doctors on like a man eat all the bread you want but it has a value to it that you can eat bread but it takes up like a quarter of the points you can have as a vegan is a tricky the app it's all at base now I got his part of it when I was a kid like at age 14 I was part of Weight Watchers and I was like the loan mail in the group and stuff now it's so technologically based that if you're in a food store and you're like oh I I want those but I wonder how many point you just scan the fucking barcode and it tells you and so you can enter things like pinto beans

Metallica there zero point so anything you enter they generally have a value for even fast food chains so it's it's shockingly easy used take Weight Watchers out of the equation is being vegan difficult yes like I watch my kid go through I'm like you have no choices you're really limited to the places you can go in life and go out to eat but if it's a choice between 1 and up in the fucking emergency room again and you know eating whatever I want to eat which is what I did for 47 years and then wound up nearly fucking dying closest I ever came death I'm okay to go plant-based for a pro like I told the kids I'm doing it for at least a year and if I can live like this, I'll keep going so you cut out milk cheese animal products and all your meetings Sugar Sugar I cut out prior to this

I'm just like I'm so happy you eat all the candy if you presented it but it was mostly the day. That I had to say goodbye to the most though the biggest percentage of your diet probably yeah yeah especially Dairy exercise exercise after heart attack than I wanted to ship like the first month so there's only 3 months ago that doesn't happen so the doctor gave me the okay then I was back to walking the dog up the hill the way I always did I haven't gone harder than that and I don't honestly like I'm so fucking lazy at heart that I it doesn't like I know some people like I love getting out there and fucking helps me think and my Pleasant not me are you fucking think just fine and I'm smoking a joint sitting there if I can watch The Colbert something like that so you know you like them Rush you're you're like the Adrenaline Junkies who have kind of late raise their level and so it's not enough for you to just sit in one place like you can do this and shocking that you'll do

but then after that she probably do something like Razzle a bear fucking knife hunt species of how far couple miles to mostly do cuz I'm real steep stuff do you listen to me today I did to that cheated I cheat when I listen to things I think it's cheating wives cheating cuz you supposed to be in a meditative state were just pushing yourself in a certain pace and when you're listening to something special something cool it distracts you to the point where you hear how heavy your breathing we don't think negatively about it cuz you think I would have the music you listening to his it's really interesting cuz it's it's a nice trick cuz you can actually work harder and not be bothered by it cuz you're you're so tuned into the music that you listening to or whatever it is you're really captivated with that you can keep pushing but most of time I like to do it where I don't hear shit I just hear the pounding in my footsteps in my breathing and also have it a logic

fear of mountain lions so I don't want to be that you see that story about the park or outside of Seattle encounter a mountain line bike cuz I go to a place in call the Canyon Ranch with the wife in Arizona and there's like one Trail without a sign right at the gate that's like you know mountain lion area she and it's got one of those little like graphic tutorials on what you're supposed to do with your body if you encounter a mountain lion and you know you supposed to beg up like the weather like a man of the Bears charging that you fucking big up at or some shit same thing here like a big up grab a stick make noise and shit like that in that story those guys did exactly as told Nick fucked off for a minute and then fucking came back and that's when they will start swinging the bike at it yeah and the one guy took off the one guy his friend got bit drag and then heat

are you going to get help or don't know what he's going to do in the mountain lion said fuck this, to go out to you now and chased him chase them to wait 30 killed one guy it didn't kill both got one guy killed the other but one guy was down I mean obviously I'm just reading the store I wasn't there but one guy was down but I'm outside with your delivery head and then what did I do to go after his friend his friend ran in the mountain lion tackle does Freddy kill his friend in the tackle or just have to walk them up man this is not even a big cat is a hundred pound cat and was a Mason dated and it wasn't doing well was probably like an old cab here or something Pharaoh Pharaoh are they butt is like I mean feel like I was the other words he probably couldn't catch

can catch deer was getting old you can't catch a rabbit like I'm going to go for the human with a machine under so slow we are so slow today oh my God the fastest human is a joke to a cat but a deer or deers are so fast it was a deer try to run away from a wolf or something like that one video a cat to catch a person so quick but even if you re so it's a hundred pound cat still getting smaller than the dude I am as well but I had a feral cat I raised him girl fucking phone and I had to stay with him in a room to get myself used to him I'll get him used to me this pre-internet too by the way this is like in the 90s and so I locked myself in a bedroom with this

I just brought a stack of books put a mattress in there bought a stack of books just hung out this cat and every time I get near this cat cat freak-out hiss at me and jump on the curtains and fucking literally like climb the blind screaming and hissing and then I finally get my hands on him he would immediately start purring and giving in because once you realize it wasn't trying to eat them that I was his friend I would pay them and he would purr louder than any cat what part was crazy like I developed this bizarre bar on with this cat because his cat was so scared of the world I mean he was scared of every action every time I talk to him though I was the only person like my friends to come over here he would like really crazy frog I'm not a regular cat but I have to go up to him and I could pet him he was a feral cat you know I was my point beginning this I don't know but what

have you know I had to get them fixed this is what it was the cat I had to get him fixed and I had to pick him up and I don't know how the fuck he knew that something was going on that's right cuz I was trying to get them in a laundry basket I'll try to put him in the laundry basket because I wanted to bring to the doctor's or something comes out of the fucking cage rain in my house Maddie lifted his tail up and just shoot piss on my walls as I got you fuck you pissed all over the place by the time I realized like I had to get him to a doctor you pissed my house like 10 times cuz they just piss in the house and so and then I was worried like if you don't get them quick enough like I had to clean everything up a deep clean all the carpets but if you don't get to him quick enough he just thinks what he's spraying from now on even after you fix something that can be a problem so I tried to hold on to him and put him in this laundry basket into heat or beat

fuck up he tore my arms up he just scratched me and call me and he was remarkably strong and this was your friend but he did but I'm your buddy I thought you were my friend bitch I might try something as long as you guys so I had to throw a blanket on him he was hissing at me and try to get out of a blanket and scoop them up and that put them in the laundry basket and then I slowly pulled the blanket out so he didn't suffocate while keeping the lid down and then tape the the the laundry basket so I can put it in my car and he would jump out my car and call my fucking face I'll just walk away was a good friend of mine who has since passed on and it was a he was a really huge animal you know he knew

you had a handle it he's only that I've ever had cry with me over what animal puppy that had distemper friend of mine found these puppies out of gas station small was given them away and he took a bunch of phone calls me up at 6 a.m. and you want to pop either at the gas station said yeah man bring the puppy over here and the puppy just after like a couple of days is being at the house would have these seizures like violent seizures we just lie down in size and roll back and you can just petted a little bit would slowly come back then would be weak and Delirious and it would know it would happen and then towards the end it was having them all day long I mean it was just all day long that's distemper so how does it manifest again it's just some horrible neurological disease that dogs get and if they don't get their rights shots when they're young they can get this and there's a bunch of different horrible reactions and it's it's fatal so I had to take him to the vet and the

that was like there's really nothing we could do with him he's haven't seen ears haven't seizures all night and all night it was awful and he said he's going to die any you know any hour now that we're going to have to put him down so they put him down and he comes out

in the hallway me night I held the dog I placed him down I gave him a kiss I said goodbye and he put the needle in the dog and put the dog to sleep then we both went outside but he was just trying to sweep

you know besides is the job I just loved he felt like he was killed by a drunk driver that that was yeah

yeah yeah it was rough I was with I was a rough one I got an email I believe from his daughter

The Rock won the super good dude man the who are you crying more for the guy the dog because they could do it well but he started with the dog though you started getting your dog is a bummer it was more of a bummer even the way he was approaching it just seems like most doctors I guess I expected that are like God I'm sorry this person was passed down to his eyes West on his his feelings about were super raw that's why I would imagine I would be in the doctor just like I'm so scared the fuck out of me with marriage he will talk to me about his divorce and you just you just grab me like Grammy goes don't you fucking get married don't you ever to it

and I'm serious please like trust me you don't want to do that you don't want to have to go through this kind of a breakup because he goes you got a girlfriend right now you break up with her what happens you get broken up that's it you break up you don't have to see them in court every week for a year over and over again while they're just trying to take money from you and lying about what you've done so they can get more money from you he went through a bad one and I believe some of his friends went through real bad ones too and just use one of those dudes I was like you know 2627 else like Jesus Mad Doctor knows what he's talking about you know a wise man who knew a lot of shit so when he you know I was a moron so he grabbed me those listen don't fucking get married cuz you're married he's just you know he was just a guy that you know I mean I really firmly believe when it comes to

things like that there's just people that was just supposed to be doing what they're doing and he was a guy that was supposed to be working with animals like it just worked bad seen how many animals die how many animals injured and still the guys crying of the baby the puppy is a baby dog nobody wants to see a baby leave this world without a chance so that dude is got his heart in the right place that's the guy you want to bring your animal 200% he's also the first guy that ever told me don't get my dog fixed while I don't let your dog have babies don't be an asshole he goes but if you get your dog fixed you got to realize you're talking to me just ask for anymore it's going to be tired it's going to be the same dog I was like really I got my dog fixed and I'm down he was a pitbull and he was very aggressive when it did, I'm down but immediately lost like most of his energy he didn't you just didn't have the same the same energy anymore I was kind of like bummed out I was

we are the yellow lab that I had a we had to like when I first met Jennifer my wife she got pregnant like shortly after we met holla yeah that's how fucking Bureau I am I kind of like a cat so you know we would never like I never even own a dog so I was like we should get a dog to see if we be good parent and so we went to the pet store in the Menlo Park Mall in New Jersey and look for yellow lab she had in her head she's like I do yellow lab when I was a kid and they're the best dogs for children so let's go get a yellow lab I've never had a dog my life so it's like that sounds great I know what they look like so we went to the Pet Shop try to find a yellow lab and we found this dog that was blond like a yellow lab in their marketing it as a yellow lab but she'd been left behind all the other puppies have gone and she been there preps little too long like you know she wasn't a dog yet but she

is poking on the you know it was the Britney Spears song I'm not a girl not yet a woman like her face was pressed up against a no-show we were like what about all the way down to truly so we got that dog and you never seen it like it was like something out of a fucking cartoon because we were the ones that were like get out of this crap desk age and come with us out into the parking lot

stop instantly bonded with us loved us so fucking much came so needy we called it Scully we're big fans of the X-Files so after a week of having that dog and the dog was a cup in our Grill all the time just like thank you thank you for fucking getting me out of there like you are my people and shit we were like we should get another dog's babysit this to her as a friend so we went instead of the pet store we went to a Breeder's kennel like a pedigree place and they had puppies versions of fucking yellow labs and they're adorable like fucking 10 of them falling all over each other like an animated like a Pixar movie and Jennifer pics of blonde and bonds with his like this is the one that's get this one I went over the counter I was alright man we just bought a dog the week before or six hundred bucks and even then I was like six hundred fucking box man than you think they throw these things out you know we can get me the free and shit but I was like I've never paid $600 for. So I went up to the counter expecting well that's the right I guess they're going

for a yellow lab 600 bucks so I went up to the counter and I was like will take that one and the ladies like that'll be $4,000 for all of them I just want one and I just met Jennifer barely knew her so I couldn't turn around be like put that that's too expensive and we got that dog and to be fair we named him older cuz again X-Files fan Scully Mulder and Scully was just like happy heart that just loved there was so smart and fucking thoughtful he wrote my for best movies that's why he died I made Tuscan yoga hosers like without that dog writing for me how do you write for you to Jojo he was funeral

is it's just saying you're so smart you're so smart how smart he's so smart he he was wonderful but we got them clipped and his demeanor never really changed he was always very low-key we call them Kilroy because he go to the other side of the bed and just look up like this we got it we got a rescue last year year-and-a-half ago that was like one of your mother died a couple years ago he was he made it to 15 which is like Fuckin Perfect and for a big dog to a dachshund I'll stick around you know fucking like cancer but a fucking big dog like that generally don't make it past 10:11 so we got a lot of Tears Adam stuff

fucking horrible I need I spent the last two years of Skully's life almost has rehearsal from older they're yellow lab so what usually goes first is the hips in the back legs so Kelly's back legs when she just rest of her body could work but she was literally dragging your carcass what was wrong with their legs went doctor was like that just happens they're done and she was 12 13 so she made it a while but I was stuck there I can stop working just give out so the nurse stop fire in the lake stop and there's no muscle in the back end of her called of the magic walking scarf and I would become the back legs first so she would walk and I would be the back legs and you know if I can get shit and piss all over and stuff but I dug the dog so it was no big deal so I did that all the way up to install it passed away and then Moulder was always very healthy and fucking mobile and love walking and stuff super athletic dog Jen would take him up on Runyon Canyon and shit then one day

his back leg started drop in and you're fucking hard sex because you're like alright Scully she would not active so when she lost her legs like as a bummer but she wasn't like the run-around dog cuz she has to chase moldy throw ball motor will run after an XU just Chase mold and try to bite his back legs to prevent him from doing it cuz she wasn't nearly as fast Mulder was the go out guy he love to fucking be active so when his back legs when it was like heartbreaking and then he stuck around for 2 more years he was literally 2 years of Miwok magic walking scarfing this dog and then he got to the place where he did he did it you know it wasn't just temper but when you were talking about it sounded so familiar he would do that thing this thing where you got

offender search go on for fucking hours and you could tell it was exhausting for him he couldn't fucking move so you know everyone in the family was like it's time to let him go and this was like when he first lost his legs but I was like a fucking shit me if like if I lose my legs you better fucking put a Magic Wok and scarf around my fat ass and not fucking turn me over to the needle other this is fucking family so I held onto him for as long as I could until he got to that place where he was like an obvious fucking pain and I remember I shot a video of it on my phone I still have it and it's not being a it sounds fucking Cruller sick but like it was it was just a reminder because every once in awhile I got knew eventually that we would have to put him down and like such a weird relationship for one day you're like I love you to death and I love you so much have to fucking kill you so I had that video on my phone for the longest time so that when in like the wee small hours of the morning

be like you killed your best fucking friend I could watch that video and be like you had to he had like he wanted to go so I was sick

so doctor came over we got the vet to come over to the house and it was like a big deal it was like we all knew it was coming and shit I was flying home

from a gig and I kept telling like Jennifer like don't do anything just like fries like I'll be there as quickly as possible and so like dr. Kumar who's our that you know scheduled come over and and that last fucking our was probably hands-down the must have called out my life man because we all knew it was coming and you're programmed to stop that at all costs program to keep people around keep yourself around

and yet like we were just all sitting there loving on him knowing that like by the time dr. Kumar gets here it's all done it was fucking hard it was all right thing in the world to do what he was still in pain the whole time so even though you knew you were doing the right thing it was like

but I understand why that that you know got emotional but now it stops when I bet in any event that we lost that dog while ago couple years ago and I'm at 45th birthday we're back East doing a show at The Count Basie Theater Red Bank we're doing yoga hosers screening at mother shooting at for the Comic Book Men show so I was driving down the highway Middletown New Jersey and I passed the place where we had bought Mulder and so I was just like you know what man I'm 45 years old grown ass fucking man like I make my own money I can do whatever I want I'm going by a fucking dog I'm going to replace that dog like I'm going to get me another yellow lab and we got to talk since then right we got Louie which is a chocolate lab and check is my favorite is little miniature dachshund but like I missed Mulder and I was like I'm going to replace him and then out so I went into the pet store same place the puppies puppies puppies where we've gotten motor

and I walked in and I'm sitting yellow labs and there's nobody at the counter so I was a guy I'll get out of here in a lady comes out and she's like help you and I was like yeah I was like wow I honestly I came looking for yellow lab but like you guys don't have any issues like we have one in the back and so I was like okay can I meet him I'll sit right down to put you in a little room and stuff like that and then they bring the dog in and in my head I'm like counting the money out you know I'm sure it's the inflation is hit the dog market so it's going to be more than 4,000 but I'm ready if I can go and then they bring in this puppy and he was good like he was good dog is very bouncy is energetic as fuck you can cut this dogs nuts off and it wouldn't have mattered but he wasn't molder he looked exactly like him but he wasn't him is this weird lesson of like

when it's gone it's gone and you need to appreciate it more when it's there because

do you know I tell you this for me young age but like everything everything dies and nothing's fucking replaceable at the end of the day so is this at the other playing with his dog I was like it's not like it's not him it's ever going to be him and I would sit there raise this dog is whole life expecting to be something else somebody else out there wants this fucking hyper puppy not me but I took picture of a dozen the fuck with my wife and so I took a picture of the dog of texted it to her my wife instantly called you back be like to not buy fucking dog you can't do that I said I'm 45 year old grown ass man I can do what I want you to know we have two older dogs at home and it be so unfair to bring a new dog into the house and she hit me on that level go and let you know what you're absolutely right she's like you got to wait until one of the other dogs died then you could buy a new dog I said fair enough

and two days later my wife be right before we go home to Los Angeles like uncharacteristically says there's this dog in my Twitter feed look at it and it look like this emaciated fuck it look like the dog from the Sarah McLachlan song just like the dog from The Haunted Mansion ride on a fucking can't just like bones with a dog head on it I was like that's so sad she's like they found this dog is tied up outside of kill shelter with a rope and is trying to knock through the rope and so these people they took it home to Foster but they can't keep it there right at 6 dogs so they need a home for this dog

and I'm like okay

what is have to do with us and she was just like we should be home in like what happened to like we can't get a new dog because if you don't fair to the other two old dogs she's like heaven look at this dog so we went over to ladies house

saw this dog that sounded like the distemper case that you describe the puppy this dog was fucking dead three balls in the grave just weekly looked up at us and fucking weekly went right back down and chat look like hell look like honestly look like a skeleton but just a dog head like glued to it

but heartbreaking you know and so instantly I'm likes dogs on Death Watch we bring the dog home it's going to help these people he knows they don't have to take care of yet another dog but like this. Going to die and I watch Stargate going to make it like a fucking lethargic is when we picked her up she felt like she was like 12 pounds in this is a dog that's mixed Pit got a pit fucking head hard as shit shit she was all like I'm a see if we took her home after a week man that's when she started like getting alert and ship that had told me he goes that's what we do for our you fatten her up and just give her eggs is eggs because um eggs good for a giver protein or fat drop it off to be good for a coat or bring her hair back alright so start making eggs every morning shift scrambled eggs and give her the eggs look suck it up and ship and I was like these eggs are still playing so I start putting my bacon and cheese start making omelettes for the dog and whatnot dog I fucking fat quick healthy all the fur came back to the dog into the vet and doctors just like the fuk happened this dogs dogs like 90 pounds I was like you said to give her eggs I'm giving her omelettes every morning goes

I didn't say to cook the eggs as a green means like you just break and I can put it in a bowl of the fucking dogs eat it like you made it X I was like yeah got in a fight with my wife many times cuz she was like you never made me not mine I was like what the dog is dying here so that dog we nursed back to health when the end of madmartigan Marty and

she says we don't know her history like she's booty figure she's 6 years old the doctor guess she clearly Street dog and she lives in her head I guess the same way that that cat you described it everything was fucking terrifying took a long time for the fucking trust and she loves my fucking wife like she must understand that like she was the one that fucking got her into this house and shed so when other people come into the room she goes fucking nuts cuz she's very fucking protective of the wife and shit like that she could flip fast and recently had an incident house cuz she doesn't get along with two other dogs so we had to put up all these like what we call checkpoint Charlie's in a series of dog gates the dogs could ever fucking days they're all female three females the I've had problems with that in the past females did they don't give up the alpha position like males are give up like if you have a couple males you'll figure it went off on us and the bossel run the

house like I have two males one of them is 120 lb he's he's a Mastiff and the other one is a Shiba Inu English Bulldog mix clear you know there's a there's no issues so who's the boss the one of the boss but females they don't they don't give up on that they said it's just like to keep going after each other it's really comment and I really, females especially if you leave him alone for any length of time they fuck each other up man that it happened not on my watch thank God it happened while I was just the way it was terrible terrible ours was ours happened when I was away I was just doing a show to 3 weeks ago I was in Vancouver I did a few Canadian shows that night my kid called me and she was like Marty and Chucky got into a fight I was like what and check is literally shine adoption she's a miniature dachshund and Marty is the size of a pitbull mix pit so they've seen each other that walk with each other we walk in the house the walk side-by-side

Adam schefter the house territory of Your Love Like Your Love feels so good like if you come over and massage them and start massaging at other dogs they were attacked at dawg I'm not kidding that's that's why I'm going to drown a dog's head also. But I got from the pound I got a couple from the pal I won from the street she was covered in Maine Diner store back to health in a similar story she's 2 years old Chantix drags had puppies wait wait did this dog has also asked when you called I was like did she have puppies cuz it look like she had nipples but he was like no it's also some cases it happens with dogs that are emaciated but I can't imagine the street dog didn't get laid

the vet said she'd had puppies I don't know I don't know why he determined that I think he'd said because of the nipples as they were hanging low light switch with both dogs had no problems with them but those females man they would fight all the fucking time and they would fight whenever one of them when someone come over to get Pat like they got in a big fight once because the pool guy came over and the pool guy was like Hey whatsup kids and he pet one of the dogs in the desert at the other one and so they started going after each other like fucking a fuck you fuck each other up over the pool guy and like all my God you're the first girl but you know so I can somebody turned it back and fuck it the too wound up in the same space and fucking went out it and so one dog's way bigger than the other and so the big dog pick a little dog up by her Hind

Waters and was like that shake it like a dog shakes a toy but meanwhile shaky is the little one is she has no Napoleon complex so she's got no idea of like you're bigger than makes you don't give a fuck so as the dog as Marty's swing and shaky the little dog little dog is swinging from side to side and then swing it to the other side and biting her she wouldn't go down image of somebody bit me in the ass and should be from side-to-side I be like you win but this dog was just like hell's heart I stab at thee she kept trying to go right back out so when I came home it was fucking Harper and cuz I heard they got in a fight and my daughter was like she's got stitches and stuff so I was prepared for stitches but I got home it was like hitting it looked fucking terrible like she had it she look like the fucking walrus from Tusk like a Frankenstein version of her leg how was the other dog she had pieces of her like missing chunks out of it for her she was like

she knew she got in trouble cuz Jennifer like put her into what we call chickens prisons the other side of the gate where you Lord dogs in the chicken and then you're locked in the bathroom you can still see everybody else but there's a gate keeping you on that side of the room so she went to jail for that and then you could tell she felt fucking bad about it but does it linger like you seem to know more about dog that little dogs always going to remember that fight remember it if you leave me alone again I could do it again the girls if you brought home an extra wife how do you think that would work out that's exactly how it's like a dog's they don't know. I told you that dr. Craig my friend is. He just said you can't have two girls because they're just they're just going up there going to go out it more often than not to go so we can leave me alone you a nice big yard doesn't matter I know they're going to final I want to sit there why you sitting there that's my spot that's my boy dogs

do alpha cording to. People not me I don't really know what I'm talking about but what if the way it's been explained to me is that boy dogs for the most part you know few exceptions exceptions will pick alpha alpha will lead the pack unless he's challenge by a new dog or one of the dogs gets bigger or something happened he's older unless you're some sort of a shifting of the chain of command he will remain the alpha forever he's the big dog say I didn't know this about the office yet and with Scully

I was in again a new dog owner right so I would go to let Scully and Mulder out and Scully would barge through the door so I would I would deny didn't know this until later in life later and her life what I would get like fucking shit about it like a man hit first and so I'd hold her back and let him out and the Betrayal on her face and the confusion on motor space of like bro bro no no no no delprado Let It Go Let Her Go bro we decide to stop bullying amongst the three would like to know the order of things you should have first bull shit about it but I might have my two my two older dogs they only only ones that have issues Marshalls the younger dog who run circles around everybody but when I open the door to feed them the big one comes in first every time

little ones to close the door he'll fucking sideswiped with each other and they're cool with everything thanks but this is just the the the leadership of David's tablet and it's one of those things that like hit me in the wrong way cuz I'm not an animal right when I'm sad I'm like I like they've obviously got a system down they worked it out everything is fucking cool my friend Whitney Cummings knows way more about dogs and animals than I do she actually has like a horse that she raises that's like a rescue horse she rides it with no saddle and she has a bunch of dogs and I wait Rescuers with somebody like got rid of the horse horse I think you know if they use them for movies and stunt horses and stuff I don't have one person who owns them some horse kit abandon and she rescue this one horse is very similar to what happens with dogs someone abandons a horse yet used I'm in fact

Ghana the other day too as one of the top UFC women's bantamweight Fighters and she was talking about Equine Therapy to that she's worked with horses and takes care of horses and something about a human bond with horse you're petting a horse riding a horse and feeding horse is like a very good love bond that people develop a horses butt and Whitney knows a shitload about animals my point and Sheet when I talk to her about her dogs she's like she was well I'm the boss she goes I don't walk around them I walk through them I walk through them iPad they're out of my fucking way like we have a real clear like there's a power structure in the house Whitney's the top boss and then all the dogs have to just deal with her so she like she's the awesome hundred percent of the way she decides when they eat to make some sleep and pens by cheat sheet out really yeah she gives them rules yeah still has a lot of structural gangster she's a hoot I would not want to be

Boggs she's like they're not people we attach these human characteristics and needs to them and that's not what they want what they want it's order and they want you to be the one love and a lot of affection and one exercise and all the other great things and good food but they also want order and her order is she's a fucking boss she likes on it I've read a couple books like way way back in the day on dogs have read some books on dogs but I don't know enough all my information species picked up from fucking vets and and also probably a lot of theories that I stitch together might want me to do you give you some shit like that voices say I like to do the bud dog's life for your wife and stuff like I'm always like no you don't I do sometimes silly cuz you're such a silly. There you go bugging my voice was shaky is checking in my world the little dachshund calls me the man she doesn't know my name she just knows me as the man She Knows by wife has that lady

so she's always a good man that's funny cuz I I wonder how they view me I do they view me as an alpha cuz I'm the guy that's like I'll take you out for a walk I'm a your voice is deeper your larger and you'd be the most intimidating if you had to fight to the death your butt hurt me like fighting with my wife no I don't want to get in the shower for them for sure but the fact that it shows your mail that's enough for them to not be a bit alright but let's say like Chucky I've had for 13 years over 13 years this little dog nose like I got him wrapped around my finger I can make them do anything I want but you look at the size of LeBron James is right next to the dog would listen to him

a real man percent no doubt about it that's a way bigger organism than that dog would like some little fella

but give me a small person's name Herve Villechaize 20 say that and he tried to you no talk to the same dog in the same room the dog be like to submissive liked me some LeBron James give me I might be able to eat you so I think like with Whitney's case she doesn't leave any room for any gray area she just runs the roost but she's super affectionate with her dogs all pictures on Instagram of her cuddling with her dog she clearly loves dogs but she's into its cage. Which is cool but the dogs are farting in your face stuff you trying to sleep in there snoring like you're losing sleep for a dog I don't know about all that I don't know if that's the move bro you literally cried about a puppy because I know but now you're going to tell me oh my God

Taylor Swift touch your pillow cases to watch their feet don't sleep in the bed man so ridiculous a little league please real bad and I had fleas in my carpet it was fucking rough man I would go through the house and I would find fleas on my calves like in the walk on my carpet from my bed to the bathroom in the hallway I would have fleas on my leg when I lived with my parents in New Jersey at 21 Jackson Street we work at people watch this I am about to pull out my dick and throw it on the table against your own flea bit we had cats and the cats a lot of them are outside cats so they would come in with please we've never had pets when I was a small child we can start getting cats in her house till about 12:13 or

so my mom having no prior experience with cats and stuff decided that like these flea problems are too much we have to give the cats baths with being a fucking flea shampoo and stuff so you do that and cats don't like 10 anywhere near water and shut like problem I got it was terrible it scratched up well I know because my mother also insisted that I clip the cat's toenails of course she wanted them like declaw knows if you can't do that been like cats need their fucking Claus in nature and shit she's like well you have to clip a cat's cone at toenails they do that all the time so you know you take off the hookie Point partner and then they don't like it but they like it better than if you took it fucking Claus at all together and shit I'm so I used to bathe the cat and then when you bathe in the cat with flea shampoo every fucking flea comes to the surface to try to live and so they would fill the fucking sink like just in the water and you know they're dying in the water because the shampoo is in the water as well but my mom would always

step further she would give me a set of tweezers and she would be like get that one and I would fucking folate flea off the cat and you have to press really fucking hard cuz they're kind of flat to otherwise they just jump away and then come back to the cat when it's dry it wasn't a set schedule like every Tuesday night I bathed the cats but once a week my mom would be like you have to pay the cats the flea and did you ever get rid of the fleas never never you know what got rid of the fleas when there is a storm on the East Coast we have this big storm like it's kind of like a hurricane Sandy but they're not as big and our town got flooded including like our neighborhood we had like 30 outdoor cats that my dad would feed we were finding those cats for like weeks after the five people be like we found six of your cats under our house smell like they're not our cats number one they were a hundred on fences

call Maximum Impact dead we found a few like holding onto fences you know like the escape the flood waters was fucking heartbreaking Smart Ones went up in trees though and they stuck around and live but after that flood no fleas whatsoever but not nearly as many cats either that might help is Christ

yeah ever cat guy we always a dog person

pretty much that's why I really don't want to die at the paws of a mountain cat know what they are fucking super Predators they catch deer with their face where they kill deer with their face think they use their face to kill a deer they bite in the neck they tackle it take it down that's why Mountain cats are scared of their unbelievably powerful I just got Donnie Vincent in here yesterday's outdoor filmmaker check and he was talking about a cat that these guys had hunted and killed they weigh 200 pounds and it was 2 years old

2 years old and weigh 200 lb it been eating so many deer just that it was just a massive jacked fucking super-predator just roaming through the forest and ask those guys in Seattle then I'll survive the one guy that survived the one guy that died from that attack the mountain bike attack their fucking terrifying animals why so you think they attack the people just because they were like we're fucking hungry yes it is just so late I think that's exactly and so he knew they were an organism the normal thing on the diet but it was so risky though it was so rather hungry that was willing to take those risks is willing to go after some people even though the people are swinging their bike at it and what has that was part of the story that like got me the most because you're like that's what I would do I guess I would swing the bike and you would think this bike will save me but no

I couldn't believe how strong he was he was so strong cuz he was fighting for his life he thought I was going to kill him so I'm trying to stuff them into this laundry basket he's going fucking crazy and I was thinking this is what is his cat weigh 80 pounds like maybe a pound I'm fucking terrified of them but I mean you put your hand on it stop the bleeding and it's not going to kill you like a lion kills you I wasn't user forgot both claw sets of claws on your jugular spreading it in so many different directions really excites mostly give him be killed by house Dental scratches its house cat and it reaches back and Claws and your femoral artery should let it go

you would win but it was the ugliest man what the force that you can generate is lethal is ferocious but non-lethal like if you put me in a room with a cat I'm coming out of that fucking real hundred percent of the time the housecat it's going to be dead I'm going to kill that guy yeah but it's going to fuck me up in the process I might get my face clogged up but I'm going to kill it

as soon as I think gets to half my size I'm dead the cat I'm fucked cuz it's too powerful 50 lb cat is like a hundred fifty pound 200 lb man plus they have fangs they have claws that it's it would be much stronger and faster you want me to stop it from biting you and clawing at you would be too big and if you got to a hundred pounds you're fucking dead if it gets to 200 pounds you are super dead you're dead quick and I'll crush your head going to grab a hold of your neck it's going to crush your esophagus crush your windpipe and it's going to be that censors and its taste like certain certain big cats they can feel where your veins are with their teeth their teeth have like a a sense where where to eat something and you feel like a hard piece of something like maybe right now crab or some like that little

Michelle gets in there a movie that shall around inside your mouth while you're chewing and you get the shallow to hear that sense of moving your tongue and knowing what that has without without sang knows how to hit like an antelope juggled a lion when it bites into something to take it out quick the blood is it feels where the veins are but it doesn't want the blood right it's just like I know that if I break this thing this thing will stop moving and I can eat it cut off the air if you see mostly what they do most of the do is crush the neck they there. It's more that but it is like Cut You Like a Knife would cut your jugular it's mostly crushing everything in the presence of this thing is crushing your windpipe can you reach up and choke a cat to death I don't think so why cuz I think they're too strong I think we need a strong they're too strong so would it be swatted at you or something or it would too much muscle around its muscle what if you put your fingers in his eyes

the be one of the only things that I could think might have an affect but it would probably just for a second one and the second one figure out the cat's ass instantly it stops when I get back if that's that's what I do with my last few fucking Brett no way in December you up I would leave this life in the mouth of the big cat with my fingers up its ask that I was there before I left this fucking world I just use people fighting each other stick your finger up your ass watch what happens if you're holding your finger in the ass but dogs biting another dog that's what's happening to other girls. Mentally stop what he's doing cuz you had a bitch ass dog that does not have his drive to hang on there just

hang on and you could go pick her up sometimes sometimes that works for fighting this other dog is the most important thing in the world cuz you want to pet your cat may want to kill you study says I believe that they would absolutely kill you if you were big enough or if they're big enough rather if you were the size of the cat the cat was the size of you you'd be dead from the beginning about how you can have a dog and have a pet hamster and that hamster could live a long and healthy life in the same house running around that if you got a good dog and you train that dog you got a cat that lives in the house and a hamster the hamster has an hour to live

canaries lizards whatever the fuck you leave around that they can kill that's what they like to do like to kill shitt why do we have this relationship of them that because they are smiling like this where the bitches to the cats we should be done with you get free massages they don't do anything for us all they do is curl up to you and go and what I kneaded touch me and you I love you too didn't say he loves you if you died the first thing that happens to any dies the cats eat your face the truth how to get hungry the starting your lips wait if they can't get to anything yeah people that find dead bodies was nearly killed by stray cat left covered in blood because cats are me where does weight go back to what we said before you said that

which part I don't know the thing you just said it was shocking right you totally took my head out the game but it was about the

how about the dogs the cow if a cat was as big as me the cat with yeah that's why I woman could be like 90 pounds never 200 lb Mastiff and I don't want to listen to her she raised that dog from the time it was a puppy and it totally deaf dog listen to her if you have a cat that big like you better hope is that cat just just decide to not kill you because one day it might just get bored and did not planning ahead you know they're not like investment bankers they just don't like the way you're moving when they jump on you and just fuck you up and kill you it's true I've been hit by cats like not like in the face but like you're sitting there no sun electric if that cat was 8 times its size did you see that video of the guy who was a long time animal trainer they trained Lions between this line look for like 10 years and he's in the pen with the thing in the

they just looked at him funny and the guy starts back and I was like oh no he runs and is lying just chases after this motherfucker grabs and by the head and drag him around and apparently he survived the line let him go and somehow they got the line away from them got to go to the hospital but it was an older guy I want to say is like deep into his 60s and his line was dragging him around by his fucking head and it's a line that he had trained and that would happen what's your name Melanie Griffith like her mom to be Tippi hendren was into wild animals bit or scratched as a child it should be an early teens or something about her if she had to have no facial reconstructive snow really I believe so I never heard that they shot like the movie of them interacting with the other documentary about God living with big cats when you watch the video online it doesn't even look real

how many different shots do they have

there's a lot right I want to see there was five of a kind of thing you just ask people and how many cats and big cats it's so preposterously of that that's crazy that's crazy crazy she's so damn imagine if you have any broken of that fucking house holyshit what a mistake breaking the house and you see a 600-pound African male lion just looking at you with that gigantic head of death

fuck man the bizarre hat tale of Melanie Griffith and her pet lion do they talk about the attack

the liquor spitting water into the big cat is not one of the families that were injured by the lion by that line for that one did attack Ron Oxley his owner during a dinner party at his home fuck all of that after Neil the family went on to adopt numerous big cats butts results in a series of serious injuries at 57 years old Melanie has learned from the experience and runs a sanctuary

I want the sanctuary for 32 big cats oh my God look at that thing on the desk that is so insane first of all does nothing need exercise just to keep it shit together like the size of that funk that makes you think you got to feed that guy's a lot dude and only meet their obligate carnivores you know they're not like a dog in the fridge huge animal man that's the point where I'm like I'm not working here anymore just laying around their house cats like will they only imagine the thing about the size of this cat I mean this is it's it's so big it's the must be a thrill to be around something that could just kill you at any moment

and apparently lions in particular are pretty cool with people yeah that's not they're playing lion has her by the legs jump into the pool and some fake fighting her fuck all that we see about that picture right there giant line in our yard with the tigers tigers are a little sketchy here a little sketchy out of school but what I believe is the case is that male lions are mostly there to protect the pride they mostly there and another $100 for the bigger ones to females do all the hunting

oh my God watch this close call below

so it's biting her is it actually hurting her

not sure this is crazy alright this is fucked up to this is in the movie they're freaking out to the line was biting somebody oh my God no blood was drawn the line grab your hair and pulled her back so the line was just fucking with her but it is dangerous that story that I heard she was clogged so responsible

and you know this several clients in this house and then I saw just one so we might as well just there at it and I think they picked them up they came from like and I was in the movie and it brought back to this podcast get ready for another 17 million dollars in 1971 is a nice way to launder cocaine money sign that's what's going on there today like 80 million dollars I think what happens is that Lions the male lions don't hunt they usually just eat the kill that the female lions hunt they they're doing all the hunting but with tigers the male lions hunt like they're all hot and they don't they don't have to write in packs you know they're not like her independence road yeah they're not they don't they don't operate the same way lion so don't have a pride you know I don't think I think Tigers pretty much on their own

heading to females take care of the Cubs as long as they can but I don't think they they have these big I could be wrong find out if I'm wrong but I don't think Tigers operate in like like that kind of a group in a world where like I've got a miniature dachshund that means that somebody genetically made that dog smaller right through a laboratory they're doing it 3 selective breeding can it's remarkably effective and then you do that I just needed that to get to this point can you do that with a tiger baby tiger house cats have come from some kind of wild cat that we turned into a domestic cat there's a bunch of different varieties of cats right the difference between cats and dogs is it all dogs come from wolves all of them everyone every dog every dog start as wolf tigers do not live in permanent groups like lions do for the most part they live solitary lives except when females are raising Cubs although rarely seen the term

for a group of tigers is a streak of dope where it is a streak of tigers and murder of crows and my mom if there's another one you'd be a streak of tigers tigers fuck things up man they all fuck things up all the males hunt and they're they're fast fucking animal man oh is this the movie Rudolph out how they have these big what the fuck it's called the most dangerous movie ever made an idiot when you say they said it was Melanie Griffith's dad was crazy there all these lines are fighting for dominance in this guy is running around in between them while they're filming a shity movie

this is crazy it's like fuck you bitch stay out of my business on my God Jesus Christ what the fucking blow up because they cut each other up man to biting each other fucking each other up

it's what they do man and this was a movie that was meant to show how stupid the guy that sings Roar is a 1981 American Adventure exploitation film written and directed by Nora Marshall producing starring Marshall and his then-wife Tippi hendren and co-starring hendren's real life daughter Melanie Griffith and Marshalls real life Sons John and Jerry was a family who are attacked by a range of ravening jungle animals at the secluded home of the keeper are such as documentary they were literally making a movie with fucking real life about how lions were attacking people members of its cast and crew being injured by the many predatory animals used in the film including its main stars sustaining life-threatening injuries ring from bone fractures to scalpings and gangrene much of the footage capturing the injuries was included in the Final Cut of the film resulting in real blood on screen

it has been considered the most dangerous film shoot in history wow LOL we need to do a fight companion tigers as well Birds

or Jaguars what does Jaguars are leopards do you know the difference to look at the tiger they do not want to get it to think who's boss of course it is all this for these people do you fuck is his Life of Pi on my God look at that thing so big one day we'll do a fight companion put that movie and save it will do it this week we're doing Roar Roar Roar Roar needs to be seen that needs to be heard I'm completely educated I thought it was a documentary but they're actually made they were trying to make it fit of narrative fiction are given

live with lions and I seen it in a magazine article or something or step by step

Jerry oh my God what were the movie with all the cats in the ER and they were crazy and I'm sure the cats are like confused is fucked by The Rolling cameras as well then like what is this all about I mean clean up crew for the world that's what cats are there out there taking out as soon as many of those fucking zebras or water buffalo whatever they can and so that's what they want to do all the time and you just feeding them and they just have many yard they don't even do anything like you got to exercise the fuck out of those girls to keep them from just that kills lust it's in their body a date evolved over millions of years to get to this point with his do this enormous Hawking Supernatural a powerful animal that kills things with its face and you just take that away from them

who was Oz you're going to be in this boat come on up so I can start checking. Would you

would you agree that since you do more outdoorsy activity to me I E running I eat you've done hunting and stuff like that your chances of being eaten alive are far greater than mine oh yeah hundred percent Surfers I'm in a 0% chance in most of my life and getting eaten by shark but I have friends are Surfers who serve all the time and they fucking love it and they're willing to roll that died cuz they like serving that much and you can go in the ocean and then figure it out and defeated just don't go in the ocean with it I got to tell you man I got there's a bunch of bad ways to die but I always felt like the the most indignity I would ever feel in death was if I was something else his food it's one thing if I'm like my body goes into the Earth invoking the worms in the grass and shit like that but to be someone's fucking meal is so it's a temporary

a permanent solution to a temporary problem your life for their meal of the moment and they're just going to shut you out in a couple hours and that's why I think it's hard for humans get their head around being eaten by some guys like no I'm too special and then they're just going to poop me out but that would be the indignity man is like hate me to stay alive I guess but then it's not like I sustained him forever I got to stay in for a couple fucking hours in the ship me out and you. That is how it works right now it's very disturbing scene images of humans have been eaten by animals never seen in and I don't want to you don't want to see that they found it bears at Eton and I was a horrific it's just crazy to look at is it neither look human anymore I mean you know what it is because it was still wearing sneakers and still a neck half of its pants on and it's still like you know the one yeah you can see the thigh bone

when did the the meat from the bone and be completely stripped off and it was just nothing but the thigh bone and it's just horrific you got to realize like those things man when they get ahold of you the amount of the amount of power that a bear could generate like a specially a grizzly bear a friend John saw a grizzly bear kill a moose by swatting it swatted it with its paw and broke its back a moose

I mean second deadliest animal on the planet right after the hippo hippo dangerous animal to man on the planet II is that the Moose part of the deer family that's crazy they're the only dear that really that were regularly Rush people don't want to be anywhere near the most during the rutting season there's that but really more importantly as you don't want to be near cow just got her cab so yeah they say the real the real fear is not running into a male grizzly the real fair is running to a female with Cubs that's why I said I lose so they just didn't want you around you might be a hunter maybe they seen someone shoot an animal before maybe they saw someone of their family and she got a little cat that looks like she's suddenly like you're going to kill me even though your buddies Benson

are there on fucking full red alert all day long because they get eaten all the time the Cubs get eaten by other Bears doing so fucking weird it's like an animal has enough sense to be like something to protect my kids and we just watch the footage from movie where the guys I get close to that lion honey spit water is mouth and we love the thrill of being that close to death in danger I don't know you're a smart man does not extend my wife true you just choose to not put yourself in dangerous situations all time you taking this path in life and become this guy if you didn't have any courage you have somebody of Courage but you just smart enough to know that you're not like a physical person you're not into you don't want to do those things you definitely don't want to be around some fucking giant ass cat that can kill you thought about her being a coward you're being smart but if everything that's a matter of being smart now you would have everything collapses and shit like that then I got no

Google skills to help with the fucking ball and I'm at yours and how many hours do I have break one would have been down down to 20 arrows how many how long can I live with 20 arrows going to miss to he brought a bunch of Arrow shafts learn how to restring a bow with it what if the mother risers snaps I got to get some spare bow somehow and have them laying around I'm not doing well man I'm going to be real skinny I'm going to miss a lot I'm not going to get enough food for you know I was going to happen you're going to be like at least I didn't die years ago like Kev skills whatsoever and when I was like this sucks what's going on right now in Hawaii yes fairly minor what is the terms of volcanic activity

giant events that happened every you know hundred thousand eighty thousand whatever all over the world and the giant events a super volcanoes have been responsible for knocking people down to an estimated what was the number something like 7000 7,000 people somewhere maybe a couple thousand 70,000 years ago is that where I'm getting the 77 from volcanoes that the human population killed everyone except for a few thousand people and there was this was somewhere around I think it was 60 70 thousand years ago was it say I Pompeii like events that mean thousand roughly a thousand reproductive people over a thousand people left 70000 years ago a thousand last of the humans and they repopulated from that number to us once I was as low as 40 40 people so just a rough estimate

again most of North America's dad Yellowstone supervolcano Wow might hit as low as JFK conspiracy breeding pairs of people we've wax we can win let's hope the worldwide population of human being skidded so sharply we are down to roughly a thousand reproductive adults one study says we had as low as 40 40 come on I can't be right well the technical term is 40 breeding pairs children not included more likely there was a drastic dip and then 5000 10000 bedraggled Homo sapiens struggle together and put up a little clumps hunting and gathering for thousands of years until in the late Stone Age we humans began to recover prefer to I'm there so science writer Sam Kim we damn near went extinct and that's because of the volcano it's amazing how everything goes extinct

it's really fucking cold oh my God look at that very scientific Vesuvius 79 and it said the supervolcano in 70,000 years ago so that was a man around 1 cuz that's a super volcanoes just water no no stone is what they call a Caldera Volcano Island it flattens out in the mountain disappear and then just left this crater and so when they were first looking at it or trying to figure out what it was I didn't know if it was an impact crater what it was is Crater from and then they started using satellite imagery I want to say like 20 years ago

20 + years ago they realize that it was a super volcano an enormous volcano I think it's something like 600 kilometers across and if that fucker blows like that is a rap for North America that's a wrap and it blows every six to eight hundred thousand years and the last time it blue was 600000 years ago

so we could be on the verge of the within the Network's blowjob in history's within the next two thousand years it's likely if history repeats itself again that we get some sort of unbelievably violent event that comes out of Yellowstone that literally brings Humanity to its knees so all of our problems overpopulation destroying the environment crime and Warren corruption they will seem like nothing because there will be no fucking son getting in nuclear winter plants dying soon even though I know snap in half the people disappear this is like these are the end times the sky is black something like that if it specially if there's more than one of them went off like say Yellowstone goes off and then say one goes off somewhere else in the world I think it's not like seven or eight supervolcanoes there's there's seven or eight of them I want to see when I could split the earth I think we just cover the Earth with Ash I think the problem is the ash did Jack

all that stuff just blocks out the sun and it lingers for years three of them are in the western part of the United States what's what are the best weight that's where we are what are the other ones Long Valley in Valley Grande I never ever heard of those me look it up I am I should be scared of that shit then after the heart attack now I don't have them I don't get too scared of that somewhere you feel different now that you've had a heart attack you feel like you're a different person give it a second lease on life as a where is but not in the way like you see in movies where you're like isn't Mammoth Mammoth Mammoth could blow you rather be that close to Ground Zero like cuz you don't want to live in the sky whale

kills everybody anywhere near you I don't care I'm going to be like a million miles away so I can you do the lava did you ever have a near-death experience

no not really no it's not like it is in the movies where you suddenly feel like now I see everything fucking more clearly it is certainly an organizing an organizer like you're like you know I guess that shit just doesn't really matter so much anymore and periodically sit there and go like I almost died so it puts things in a different perspective bus a lot of folks online going like I can't wait to see what he makes next Max can be so profound and that's not true next thing I know to make is Jay and Silent Bob reboot there's nothing profound about it and stuff but I figured I figured cuz I start thinking about that why I think it's cuz like I've just always been at least for the last 20 years 25 my career

just conducted myself in a way like live a fucking bucket list like I just do the things I want to do exactly that's why I hate you say courage that's where she was like I don't know how this is going to work out but like you know fucking idiot and also courage come some place that's not about you I think for me I just want to do ship that seems interesting like Ryan's fun did you have the confidence to pursue that listen dude if I could teach you how to use a bow and arrow and figure it out eventually rise just like you're losing all this weight readjusting your life and change it all went down to be like eat him first and I'd be so insulting cuz I'm like you're just going to ship me out I'm good for a podcast or two please donate me so tomorrow I have Robert schoch on the podcast is a geologist from Boston University and he is one of the many people that's now pushing is very controversial theory that the Sphinx and maybe the other structures in Egypt are far older

when people think they are not just like a couple thousand years ago but maybe even 10,000 years ago maybe even more and he bases it on water erosion marks in the temple of the Sphinx like where the Sphinx was carved out and Spinks and closure is all these deep fissures that they thought was sand and gravel and wind but he has you know he studied he's a geologist study to rosian is whole life and he looked at it and he's like this is water erosion from thousands of years of rainfall in the goes into in great detail rainfall in the Nile Valley was 9000 years ago which is many thousand years before they think the pyramids were constructed so it's what he seems like they don't even know of a civilization from 9000 years ago there was capable of cutting a moving Stone like this like this rewrite sister but the idea that all these people have these people that are talking about these ancient civilizations is that Humanity Rose to a very high level and build some incredible structures and then something like that super volcano or an asteroid

impact on Ice Age some gigantic catastrophic event wiped out a shitload of fucking people and then people were forced to rebuild answer to relearn so if you're looking at some of the construction of the pyramids like the Great Pyramid of Giza I'm pretty sure they've dated that to 2500 BC so the people that made the Sphinx and even some of the other structures they might have been from longer ago in history in relationship to the construction the Sphinx then we are to the construction of the Great Pyramid like we might have when we were talking about if the Great Pyramids 5000 years old brightest instant required right now it's entirely possible if the Great Pyramid of Giza was I think of somewhere around $5,000 hold if that was 5000 years old the Sphinx might be 4000 or more years older than that there might be structures that are 10500 even 30

thousand years old is some people just want to go deep by kind of John Anthony West I was his deep speculation based on the way the Sphinx lines up with the constellations in the constellation Leo it doesn't it like 10 2500 BC but also it does it or not. 10500 years ago but it also does it at like 30 30 thousand years ago somewhere in that race like really long ago which people get the fuck out of here that's just not possible and his his take was like we don't know we were just talking about rocks we don't know how these rocks down to the shape this is just week There's No recorded snow recorded history or they used to have some but they never got hieroglyphs I've got a few things they just have the last time you supposedly had incredibly develop Society the Mayans Mayans Aztecs and they were like really into constellations as well they lined up a lot of their structures with the constellations they knew a lot about the summer solstice and they had

really complicated calendar that was like at 13 lunar cycle calendar you know they there was like that the thing where the Mayan calendar supposed to end December 21st 2000 couple years ago to tell everybody we got a couple more years bro if your life or go back so if that turns out to be the case Humanity has experienced these great great achievements and construction methods and their ability to put together these enormous structures and then cataclysm people die off the get down to a small number and then they rebuilt and then they do these over that you know these these dips and Ops and downs over course of thousands and thousands of years which we got to put into perspective this country is only 250 years old nothing so if you went back just let's go let's go full crazy let's go

the history of the planet and nothing in terms of even the history of human beings relatively but 500 years there's nothing here but Native Americans there's no structures is a few Europeans that have visited is a few set up people to come over and boats but there's no buildings in terms of like there's no New York City is no Chicago 5 on years ago there's nothing there's none of this stuff outside of Las around do a 360 and look around and realize how improbable a tall is 250 years later it's crazy it's stacked up with building and construction methods and we would never capable of 200 years ago 300 years ago 5 years ago we couldn't build these things we could make airplane wouldn't have the knowledge that we didn't understand it yet the ideas that people have gone through these great great Heights many times and but they didn't different ways and that's why

like when you look at the construction of the Sphinx in the pyramids nobody bills anything like the pyramids today 2300000 Stones some of them cut from a Corey that was hundreds of miles away you should take the fucking rocks and floating down a boats and fit them in the places it's crazy it's the knowledge they must have had the wisdom think that the understanding of construction methods of if you're off just a little bit with each Rock it's not going to meet up at the top of this perfect pyramid shape is a Marvel of mathematics and engineering and construction and by everyone's estimate its 5000 something years old or in the range of 4500 years old somewhere around there it's insane the pyramid I'm pretty sure and they made this controversial as well but I think it's based on the biological material that they can pull out from in between the cracks in the stones

I think of what people who died while stopped anything physical logical rather like wood or or Boeing tree sap and let it run into the date something apparently they need carbon that's really tough to carbon-date like a stone because you don't know what you're dating are you dating the the way the age of the stone was cut or the stone was created by what the fuck is that a giant piece of limestone what are you dating are you dating the actual origin of the Limestone it might be millions of years old I don't know, I think limestone is sea shells that have been ground down and smashed by gravity and layers and layers of Earth until they form into a stone see if I made that up it might have

I might out it awfully metal this some shit like that for sure like I know travertine is that travertine is like old sea shells that have been like compressed down to the bottom of the ocean forever until they form of this hard layer pretty sure that's true too I might be but my AllState Bill said fuck your well-read nope and correct my wrong

most Limestone deposits are made from the shells of microscopic scopic sea organisms coral reefs are beautiful example of organic sedimentary rocks made by creatures that are still living okay so yeah it is so Limestone deposits it's made by the shells of microscopic sea organism so these shells they compress down they make this Stone they built they built fucking giant buildings out of this shit so just think of the age of that stone like how what how old was that shit so everything could literally be incorrect by a couple fast but even that is like I think it's weird that we're holding on to these numbers and instead of like saying well we have some tests that show they were pretty sure that this was created around then but that you might be right that might be older but people are really resist what he sang there really resisted because you would have to go back in the lot of people that got degrees in egyptology like you have to

right what we know cuz once they once I decide this is the age where this was made and tight Moses the third is responsible for this and this guy is responsible for that right that and then sell the books super hard to take that back and send the billing super hard to admit they don't really know and so this guy something like hey Pluto by its sides or whatever this is like we had literally no idea that people existed that far back but why is it even surprising if people 4000 fucking years ago could build something as crazy as the Great Pyramid like why would I be shocked that someone for thousand years before that could build the Sphinx or four thousand years before that I can build some other fucking Temple I mean so so just a number that's really like fucking ridiculous to get your head around we are like 4000 from now backwards and then 4000 from that

I like forget it yeah and then to think that you Manatee was probably restarted at least is a certain extent somewhere on the end of the Ice Age like the humanity recovered and flourishing again so who knows you know what number people dip down to 15,000 plus years ago if they built the Sphinx for the back then we thought they did did they have language skills and my selfish or something like that without being like a put a nose on it I think they're pretty sure what language is 40000 years old see if that's true I think that's what they think I think they think language in the form that we would describe as language you know like maybe you know I don't know what language is 200,000 what okay

Psychology today though definitely probably smarter than me so okay so two hundred thousand years ago more over around 50,000 years ago for. Referred to by archaeologists to the upper Paleolithic an unprecedented cultural explosion begin to manifest itself with human communities maybe that's what I remember so 50,000 years ago was the number that's in my head so language they had it a long time didn't start they don't think at least they started writing shit until somewhere around 10,000 years ago but they don't even know if that's the case but I think the oldest known writing that we know of today I think is that stuff that comes out of Iraq Sunni or form I think it's called itself in the ancient Sumerians and they were the oldest civilization that were like modern-day me not modern but Advanced civilization that we're currently aware of and they kept records old school carpentry know when I was a kid and Boston I've worked on a lot of houses

demolition stop in carpentry stuff and you would go on his old old house and they have these weird nails cuz the nails were all handmade back then they weren't a nail like you think of letting a like a table top with the pool and Ernie said it's not where the nails were the nails were like this weird kind of like almost rectangle or triangle thing and that's that was exactly what uniform looks like it has a like a very specific pull up some Sumerian Sumerian cuneiform so is this series of lines and it's really got to be insanely hard to decipher like what what they were writing what they meant by all this but this is their language that shit you looking at right there it's that right there so it's it's like seems like an intermediate between hieroglyphics and an alphabet I don't know but you can still answer graphic when you look at it right like it's still a little while that's not that's a great word letter

turn on the spaceship you'd like the alien writing right but does not look like if you saw that a spaceship that looks like something from like Hangar 18 * Goethe but yeah it looks very Stargate to me like that dude that is like some sort of like if you had a computer printout of those old-school printouts they would run through computers with the little holes punched that would look kind of like that

the

man that's the oldest language I think that shit 6000 years old I think it's somewhere around there and it's like Babylonian has it been able to decipher Nava better be like we had 48 letters in a row I don't know what they found but they found a lot of cool shit there's a lot of bullshit from the Sumerians had like you know I went to Catholic School the kid and the big story when we were younger was we got like Nude Nuns sisters like at a certain point like when I started Catholic School our lady Perpetual Help they had old school nuns that you know would wrap your fucking Knuckles and shit like your parents would talk about and then I'll send any of these new sisters come in the sisters of The Franciscan Sisters of the Infant Jesus and they were more like about education almost like a Jesuit priest so that you know they definitely had their vows and whatnot but they were more Progressive in there thinking then like the preview

generation that have come prior to them so sister Theresa is like our 8th grade teacher captured our imaginations with the Dead Sea Scrolls to her about how you know there was a Bible that we all worked off of and then thanks to some kid threw a rock in a cave they found all these jars and inside of the drawers perfectly preserved for all these writings on parchment scroll and so that's where we started getting a clear picture of the Bible and that's where they found Bibles or gospels that aren't included in the Bible and it man it was like this is a minute before Raiders of the Lost Ark came out so then when that movie came out you were like it's all it's all connected yeah they the scrolls are fast many men you know they had to use DNA testing to make sure that they were getting the pieces of this parchment from the same animal skin so like say if you

add these pieces they did they had so many police study them for years and they referred to decipher them they would have to lay them out on tables your see what they look like new like laid out on tables and so one of the ways that they had to determine where pieces would go this is a incredibly painstaking process they had to take small bits of organic material cuz it's animal skin and then they would run it through a DNA test go okay this is the same animal this animal is where you know that all these pieces go on here this is likely for the same piece of skin how amazing dude it's and it's crazy and I think it's the only version of the Bible that was written in Aramaic yes John Marco Allegro we talked about yeah that guy that's how I found out about the Dead Sea Scrolls in the Christian myth and the sacred mushroom and the cross to books on that but he was a music I've studied that the Dead Sea Scrolls at what point

we just saw an image of the Dead Sea scroll parchment spread out bonding I'm down to tell me I got a jet I got a spot at the store. Like Robert schoch who's taking these trips to Egypt to study this in releasing this very controversial theory that end in that someone have the energy to study the Dead Sea Scrolls and tried to compare the stories they like way more extreme way way weirder to the point where people are going to think we should use these stories involve the same characters of lost your Uggs I think so

like maybe we can find cuz that story has a probably a chunk missing yeah he's 12 and then next time they pick him up he's 31 yeah I think that's probably something that can't be just Googled where was Jesus come on like what they learned out of the Dead Sea Scrolls but I remember there was some sort of a documentary on all of the Hidden truth of the Dead Sea Scrolls and why these Christians were trying to omit it from In-N-Out in the not going to put it into the final version of the Bible are the gnostics were people that it is about faith I guess or a section of faith that they were great record-keepers but they were also not necessarily like and it was the Christ himself the mighty Son of God did you know they were bit more practical in there telling of the tail didn't religion it up quite so much if you had a

if you could go back to a time and observe life like being like a giant bullet proof hamster wheel and observe life would you go to the dinosaur era and seal T-Rexes run around and predators and crazy thick atmosphere and heavy vegetation of spree 65 million years ago or would you go and watch people from like five thousand years ago in shot either you don't impress of the Jurassic Park Jurassic Park

I go to the I go to the Christ era because that might solve a lot of problems but I can come back and be like he was real and he turns out it was the son of God puts listen of the Cork's guy who's the guy literally telling us that the Sphinx is older than it is yes John Anthony West was the guy who's like making all these DVDs about it he's a really serious Egypt ologist just passed away last away for the theory that like

but it's so good man I mean it's like a 6 DVD series all on the the mysteries of Egypt what the hell happened we just got some start recording me your phone just come to life and start

if I'm talking about

where we talking about what was talking about the one who got me like really enjoyed my head around the concept of the civilization collapse and then a thousand years later rebuild again and then do you think about what the United States was like 500 years ago was non-existent and now look at what it is now and that these Great Moments change happen periodically in human history especially in places where there's a lot of Commerce and there's a lot of food like you know the rich vast Wilderness and how did the death of the door door door Rivers filled with fish and chip places where people can get enough food and it would build the cities and then they will start inventing shit and innovating in a hundred years later that'd be better 200 years later to be better than that 500 years later that have crazy structures and then be building things and apparently this is what it was like in the Nile Valley when they were when they were constructing all these things it was just a bounty of food and somebody just took it like

start climate change that's the real Theory because this is what they're saying about the Nile Valley is that before nine thousand years ago was our tropical rainforest and now it's all you know it's all sand in the desert but before that it was like fucking trees and the climate changes whether we fuck with it and make a change fast or not it's not stable it's constantly going up and down you know I'm so this is probably also partially responsible for what happened to those people but those people had taken shit to another level man I need to go there because I'm only reason I'm scared of going to Egypt cuz it's sometimes it's a little unstable but man what it must be like to see these 4000 fucking year old gigantic stone structures that were cut and move by who knows how many people in who knows how the fuck they did it they just have theories there just guesses they don't know there's no hieroglyphic wall that's like here's the real story not real

I mean the problem was they think that a lot of information was in the Library of Alexandria was written down it was burned when I know they were conquered so

cuz they don't really know don't really know how they made him there's a lot of good gases well good theories but fuck you're talking about millions of stones and their huge like how long does it take he saves each kind plays 10 of those massive Stones a day it would take you 664 years to make the Great Pyramid

and what all we know that's how long it took 10 gallons a day it would take you 664 years to build all the Great Pyramids to build the Great Pyramid of Giza just that wants that wasn't just that one so whoever commissioned it certainly wasn't around to see it finished and they did it wake up quicker than we think they did well who knows how long they it took them to build we don't really know it might have been a thousand years you know who knows where do you stand on faith or what happens in your estimation we die what happens I really don't know and I think in that regard I'm right there with everybody I think you can have your ideas and I think those ideas can strengthen your resolve in this life and they can even help you and this is something that I had to accept as I got older more the same thing like okay why do I have this reaction like there's certain people to like these Ardent atheist if God is dead there's no God shut the fuck up

how do you know you don't know so I even though logic would Point meaning if you really paid attention to the way human beings tell stories you would have to say will allow these religious stories are probably fabricated to maybe there was an initial message or maybe there's some wisdom that these people initially StumbleUpon they wanted it documented but whether or not all this came from God and other Cain and Abel shit and trying to trick a brother in to kill another brother like I almost got you you know you got to do it for me you're my boy you going to kill your brother thanks man for this is so many of those stories as a little more human than does that mean there's no God doesn't it doesn't did this this universe is too bizaare for you to leave anything off the table there any any possibilities of what what created it what sustains it other than scientific you know you you get down to like the the the most reductionist perspective of it's just a series of quarks and gluons and

Adams and you know an energy and maybe maybe it is all that maybe it's just that but maybe that in itself is God maybe God is not a material thing but it's a creating force of the entire universe itself and it also has good and its heart like maybe the reason why we love like hugs and good conversation and and you know what a cute puppy and all these other things we like love and we like happiness cuz all these things are powerful forces in the universe and all these things represent the greater will of the creator of whatever it is that makes this universe so spectacular whatever the fuck that is I don't know what it is but anybody who says they know what it is is lying you're lying you're trying to trick people so that you have the ultimate truth and they don't that's how we control people and that's fine up until around now that's fine when there was no internet is fine with books for scares it's fine when we had to keep order it's fine it's fine but it's not fun anymore we know too much now

doesn't mean that there's no God but it means you definitely this guy that wants to Jet who's that is televangelist that wants 50 million dollars to buy his own private jet for sure that guy's full of shit.

see is there still like things that we can like he's found a hustle and it's not even original hustle it's like I know what happens after this give me your money to somebody in the donkey experience they have your life yet I've met people that have had near death experiences that have had a crazy trippy almost psychedelic experiences and my belief is that a lot of that can be attributed to the chemicals that your brain is capable of producing on a regular basis it does while you're sleeping it does why you're into periods of extreme stress you know and that all of these different chemicals most likely are released in the brain during these overwhelming periods of anxiety and fear and Terror and injury when your body is thinking of hay and this might be at you know when I think that's probably what a lot of these near-death experiences are is that people are experiencing what you would call in and Dodge in a psychedelic experience that you or your brain is releasing these potent chemical

that it has it absolutely has inside of it you're at your your brain has a ton of different you know it will do things like dimethyltryptamine and different psychedelic chemicals is capable of producing as well as like melatonin dopamine serotonin adrenaline and cortisol this is a fucking storm of shit going on in your brain and it all out through your fucking neurons and everything's firing and you're seeing things that aren't there and you're talking to dead relatives your imagine the Pearly Gates and your imagination is on 10 and you just see it everything that's the reductionist perspective the the the hopefully optimistic spiritual perspective is this is a chemical Gateway and you're seeing through the door of the other side and then when they decide it's not your time yet you're sucked back to where you lie and then you're allowed to resume the slap cuz you're more work to do and that's the perspective that a lot of people feel when they come out of those experiences right

they feel like I have more work to do I can't stop now years ago goes like 10 years ago more than that even made 15 years ago at this point had a heart attack or heart episode rather my dad died of a heart attack but my mom is on the table and they were putting a stent into her heart into artery and she was sitting there chit-chatting while they were doing the surgery I guess she was on a local more so than anything else and she was joking around the doctor she's like here. Hurry up. Cuz I got to pick up my mom for the end then went out and so she died for a minute and a half Clinic fucking dad the Cubs fucking try to restart the heart

so I was like what what just what happened what was it and she didn't she set you know she didn't describe a guy saw the bright lights and I saw people and she said I was floating floating up because no floating on my back like okay well you were on your back in the hospital do you think that's what it was she's like I don't know who this is this is what I remember

every

iota of responsibility I ever felt in my life was gone she's like I felt free like I felt instantly lighter and just as I was heading in a Direction That's when like they pulled her back so she been dead for like a minute and a half retarded stuff so I was like alright

you been in this best of all possible worlds for you know fucking 60 plus years now you've seen a glimpse of the other side which is better and my mom said the other side and I see what you were there for like a minute and Chase why and she said I was completely bucking free like that was it I didn't I didn't know this one I don't have to care for this one I don't have to make sure this and take care of that feed the cat she was like it was less she's like and if that's what happens then I look forward to that again so when I was having my shit 3 months ago and the doctors are you at 20% chance of living

I was sitting there going through all the fucking shit in my head about like alright well this is it your fucking you spend your life with your head up your ass and you know if I can try to figure out who you are go ahead love your dark what is your this is it this is a big moment like what are your thoughts going through and I know I'm such a chickenshit in life I assume that I'd be like the guy was like a fucking suck your dick to stay in this life cuz I know this life and I don't know what happens afterwards. So I thought I'd be begging for being out for help from God or something like that but I was like I'm a dog when I'm sure Jesus would be like go to hell fuck you Buddy Christ my ass so instead of the religious thing

I started thinking about just the journey itself I was a goal of the journeys ending what are your thoughts just like when the day held up the phone there like you want to talk to your wife and I was like I

of course I did but I didn't want to cuz I was like I know in my heart of Hearts by ants if I speak to my wife right now I'm going to be in the 20% I'm going to die moving the 80% I'm going to fucking drop that because that's that's not even like the way they were so like do you want your wife is on the phone do you want to speak to a right now

was very leading and you know they're professionals and these cats deal with life and death every day and this is my first experience with it so what I got out of it was you probably going to die who is what they felt yeah and it's still I was in the state of like I didn't realize I was in a heart attack and so I remember looking at the phone and being like

if I answer if I talk to Jennifer that's going to be I'm not going to leave this room so I was like I'm going to play the odds if I don't talk to Jennifer maybe there's some part of me that's like look I like talking to Jennifer we've been together fucking 20 years I better enjoy talking to Jennifer maybe if I put this phone call off

you know that I get to talk to Jennifer when it's all fucking done so I said to the dude I was like you know what tell her I'll call her back and then I go seriously I was like yeah and I saw him talking about phone as a good she said she was fucking pissed dude and I was like well I'm doing my own shit right now so I was laying there on the table and I was like going through my life and I was more grateful it wasn't scared anymore that was the thing I just love thing that I love to communicate I spent my whole life terrified a fucking dying

and when I was is closest to it as I ever knew I was and for all I know I was closer someplace but like I was cognizant been told by a professional this is fucking risk

I was just kind of I was grateful more than anything else I was like what a fucking Journey like yeah and I'm 47 and seem short but fucking like you got to admit you did more than fucking most people get to do and maybe that's why it happened at an early age because you weren't going to get the rest of this time and shit like that but like I wasn't mad I wasn't like fucking why this is unfair I remembered like there's a issue of Sandman which I absolutely would love Neil game is comic book series back in the day and in like after the first story arc we meet his sister the main characters dream Morpheus 2 character of Dream House part of the Endless and he's got two other siblings delirium desire one of the siblings is deaf and they represent death in the comic book you know you're used to say in the fucking Sky than the fucking Grim Reaper and shit she's a little emo girl goth girl wear in an offer on her neck and shit like that is written

90s and they don't tell you right away that she's death is your reading the issue you like how shit I think she's meant to be. She's pairing sold over to the other side you see a baby pass and she's holding the baby and then there's the refrain is like then I hear the sound of her wings and that's taking this Soul over to the next place as she's sitting around talking to her brother and so she said she eventually gets into a room with his older guy who's like who are you and and you know she's like I'm here for you you know who I am he's like that's it he's like oh my God I did all these things I work my fingers to the Bone and what did I get this is that what I get and she says you like a line that when I read it when I was 18 if it's powerful but when I was laying on the fucking table it was

translate going through my head in and made it all easier maybe kind of at peace with the idea of dying there's this line she says to the guy she goes you got you got what everybody gets you got a lifetime and as I was laying there I was like oh my God I got a lifetime like that's that's what it was nothing more nothing fucking lesson I did some shit net and now it's going to stop and people are going to go on without you and that's not terrible like I thought I would be fucking desperate to live and instead I had that weird like I understood what my mother said for the first time because I was laying there I was like oh my God like I made it to the end like this is it is the Finish Line in it have been something that I was terrified of ever getting too but then when really kind of face with it I was like oh like I'm done like I'm not scared that I'm done I'm actually kind of relieved then I'm done and like you know if I can like I didn't get killed and I wasn't home invaded a shark didn't eat me

all the things that like I've been terrified of my entire life like I don't have to think about anymore I made it to the end and it it's kind of okay so it's not like you know I'd be scared to death the most people we all are well terrified of fucking dying so we don't know but that's the closest I ever came and I wasn't scared like suddenly the fear just went away and it seems logical like of course it's over like things end and I didn't want to die I wasn't another death wish but I was like if it's done it's it's kind of it's done and count your blessings and be happy and don't be a bitch like don't if if the fucking ferryman shows up tonight don't fucking hole. Don't be the last asshole the party going to like just fucking pay the ferryman get on a boat and go we'll see what's next and stuff and then ultimately Layton time did a good job and I fucking wound up loving and stuff so

alright I Know This Much I got to read a bunch of shit like after I nearly died was all nice people wrote very nice things about mean shit and I expected and I was pretty sure the internet that some people be like I wish you would fucking died from the death of shit I wish you'd stay silent but generally it was like very nice things before kind of positive and stuff so I was like fuck man like

you know again I didn't want to die but like if I had like that would have been okay now I'm back at it you know what I'm saying like now until it ends like I've got to analyze and it's kind of easy as long as I don't wake up with a fucking dead girl or Alive boy I don't think like the fucking rake me over the coals when I die in the future and chill but it felt weird to be so close to the completion and having something that normally terrifies you suddenly be like oh it's okay like and I don't see if you walked up and put a gun in my face I'm sure I'd feel threatened but like I kind of lost my fear of death I'm not like death-defying I won't go out and do anything differently

but that that dark cloud that kind of killed any good time the moment you start thinking about like the fear and anxiety are going to die one day like it's gone and I will send him like a minute. One day it's going to be awesome but not for the reasons that you think I'm saying it's going to be I was supposed to be awesome because I finished like it's nice to finish things we know how good it feels in life to complete something and that's the biggest fucking thing in life you'll ever complete is your journey so I didn't walk away gone like I got to do more like I got a fucking live life to the fullest I just got to keep doing what I've been doing like living life the way I enjoyed trying to do things sometimes they work sometimes they fail and shit sometimes people are on your side sometimes people are you fucking blow

and just do that fucking time have good conversations in the process meet interesting people hear new points of view and shit like that and keep at it but

it's nothing to be afraid of

like I don't want to get eaten by cat don't get me wrong like I and I can guarantee you I would not be philosophical as a fucking big cat was crushing my

death is no longer something I'm not looking for it and I'm certainly won't put myself In Harm's Way But it done preoccupy me anymore been there and it's not the thing that I was led to believe it was like it's not the ultimate fear come true it's not the Grim Reaper there's a sense at least in my case and again I didn't have a painful heart attack I'm sure people have heart attacks where they feel like they're fucking bodies being ripped in the cleaved in Twain

but it wasn't it wasn't that wasn't scary it was okay we'll listen man I'm glad you loved cuz I love you and you're one of my favorite people eat so I can only do always wet and after the heart that I couldn't wait till we start texting be like bro you got to come in as a definitely I didn't want to ask quick what does it give you some time you might not make it to the boys but no I'm happy to be here and stuff as well as as we all are happy to be above ground better than below-ground I realize I watching Amazon cuz you're a secret as well and he listening to because that's what everyone's scared of right just blows everyone scared of the ride do you know that's what we think we're trying to think that way every fucking movie every book you read every song is about like how it will suck when it's over and that fear can keep you from enjoying it while you're living in Triangle things and stuff like that

so how do I start a video of the things I really like to try it maybe time later that's the one thing I did walk away from it like time you're fucking lucky for every goddamn SEC every God damn so I can so use it wisely and I didn't think and I think if you could just think that way like today is a borrowed a you know you'll have sometimes have to trick yourself into like finding more enthusiasm used to trick yourself to be pumped up about stuff but if you can really do that in an exercise those patterns in your brain and get them normal there's there's people that have tripped themselves into enjoying all sorts of things they know we're good for them this fucking chemicals and today we're going to just go out there an attack this day because this is a gift this is this isn't supposed to be here we got one I think that all the time now honestly that's like an underlying that goes under almost every thought I have

and it doesn't happen constantly but it literally happened about 10 times a week you'll be doing something you'll be heading somewhere you'll be eating something fucking whatever fuck fucking having a conversation and then you'll be like this isn't supposed to be happening right now checking based on the odds I supposed to die back on that fucking table so suddenly like I'm playing on house money house money you know what I'm saying haven't lived the house money life kids live a house money life kids I should be a fucking t-shirt thank you Kevin I appreciate you thank you everybody for the podcast and thank you tour sponsors thank you for the cash app download the cash app in the app store or Google Play It's for free when you download the cash app into the reward code Joe Rogan you receive $5 in the cash Apple send $5 to our friend Justin wrens fight for the Forgotten charity thank you also to dollarshaveclub.com it's a great way ladies and gentlemen to get there

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is it for today folks I appreciate you guys hope all is groovy take care

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