#1140 - Joey Diaz

The Joe Rogan Experience #1140 - Joey Diaz

July 4, 2018

Joey “CoCo” Diaz is a Cuban-American stand up comedian and actor.  Joey also hosts his own podcast called “The Church of What’s Happening Now”.

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everybody this is a Fourth of July podcast me and Joey Diaz just decided to get together on the 4th of July and it's brought to you by the cash app cash app is the number one app in finance if you don't know what it does what you could do with the cash app is phenomenal you can buy and sell Bitcoin in fact you don't have to buy a whole Bitcoin to buy a little $2 but you can buy and sell crypto motherfuking currency with the cash app you can pay people back you can deposit your paycheck right into the app and you can also order a free custom Cash Card spent anywhere you like and the cash card has a feature called Cash boost in a cash cards boost program that you get instant discounts every time you swipe your card so you can get a dollar off every purchase you make a coffee shops across the country when you pay with your cash card you can get 15% off Chipotle 15% off Shake Shack and more and they're constantly rolling out new boots so if you

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Auto Cash app c a s h a p p on Instagram and Twitter you can find out what boosts or next so you can download for free in the app store or the Google Play Store get your free cash card and select your Boost and when you download the cash at make sure you enter the reward code Joe Rogan one word you will receive $5 in the cash app I sent $5 to Justin Brands fight for the Forgotten charity building Wells for the pygmies in a Congo when so really

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amazing thing that he's doing and spend months out of the Year doing this they built many many Wells were very happy to be part of that and happy to be help him build some walls down there were also brought to you by movement watches who want to say it like that

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didn't get you. Imma get you a pair I got a pair they're good I like them I like you know what I'm saying I'm Jamie aviators I like a simple sunglasses and I'm saying like a just a simple Aviator

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but your relationship with LegalZoom hardly ends there they put together a network of independent attorneys licensed in every state available to answer your questions and provide legal advice for your business without billing by the hour since LegalZoom is not a law firm because as a business owner you have enough to worry about without getting bogged down with legal stuff for that there's legalzoom.com go to legalzoom.com now and use the promo code Rogan at checkout for special savings LegalZoom where life meets legal legalzoom.com today is first one one thing I definitely should say is we got way too high for the show like way too high dangerous these they're trying to get rid of marijuana that super potent in California they're restricting the amount of THC is in it and so Jamie got a hold of some blunts

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and Jesus took us awhile to sort of stabilize but we we made it but in the beginning it was such a go I guess today is one of the greatest humans of all time I love him to death he's one of the funniest people the funniest guy I've ever met my all-time favorite comic give it up to my brother mr. Joey Diaz

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The Joe Rogan Experience

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the first man to smoke marijuana never really smoked in hell did it was a Chinese man it was very great man and whenever she lit the plant it wasn't to get high but he would start to get high and every time I got high a bluebird and come to him

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and tell him to conquer his neighboring neighborhoods in the he listen to those

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the burden that's exactly what he didn't you became a great emperor in China

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but that point the story Pablo Escobar looks in his doctor and he does have you ever been to Disneyland and the doctor was no problem I have it for you

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very clean very organized

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well that's it

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that's the truth First Chinese do that broke the plants because he like the smell of the plant and give him a soothing but after days of doing it it packed up in his body how do you spell hallucinating he saw a bluebird bluebird came to him and told him that he had to conquer the neighborhoods within the region for crazy bird you got high in the birds are talking to him what you going to do you know I don't know if this is true but this is one of the things that the pot fishing on I was always used to say is that you know when a priest walks down the aisle and they have that thing that they swing and there's a burning incense inside of it that used to be weed that's what they used to do Dimension believe it was week that it became that shit that Batman shot at the Green Hornet it was like pedophile smoke you wake up your shirts mom backwards and shit your pants and missing

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well what is it now what kind of incense is it now in the afternoon on Saturday and the only morning Sunday they don't break out the incense they don't stop breaking up the fucking malukah fucking in the ass sometimes and the guy comes out and I comes out throwing water Cheese's and then the other guy it's so weird how that somebody made a great point on Twitter that day they said

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Yumi Mitch Hedberg it is 5:00 is the delivered newspapers is five. Meetings that delivered newspapers delivered them cards other places I was an asshole it took her out but not the right in my neighborhood throughout the neighborhood over so I had to beat the kids there before they get there and steal the papers I will deliver them to the doors are you did to me I am and then you collected yeah I collected from only a handful of people most people run like a monthly subscription plan did they were switching over but the people that you have to collect from Eliquis envelope like at an envelope and you had to like mark off like you know when they owe think I barely remember it cuz it was only a couple of clients and after while I kind of got away from doing them I said I don't want to do these people that have cuz it's too hard to collect it's annoying like I don't want it I don't want to have to go to that was my specialty I didn't like I must have been that was my first day of school

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and my mom gave me an option that I had to go up there and work in the afternoons on my way I'll figure something out I just don't want to go up there anymore and my friends I'm giving up my newspaper out they didn't give up the one in my neighbor but he gave up the one in the next city over the next town over not City I can still walk in with it so I'll have to leave school and run over there because I'm not to do to steal my papers and sell them as their own fucking street corners so I'll have to get them for the circulars in put them in the thing and then throw them on people's balcony and then on Fridays and Saturdays I have to go back with a ring after dinner and collect I do mr. Rogan I'm here to pick up $0.75 and they give you like a dollar fifty that was you tip and you got like $0.22 a week for delivering the paper did you collect from everybody I collected from everybody I was dissing fishing what years was it when he's this has to be 73 74 75 yes I guess when I started

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it is when I started driving would you been like 83 I probably start a T3i price started when I was 17 know that was 8585 probably then that's when I probably started doing it you too old to be collected I wouldn't they eat it was just annoying like what you wanted to do was go to the depot pick up the papers Chuck them into the people's driveways and that's it and then there's a few people that wanted it inside the door so you'd have to get out of your car open up the screen door put it in there and then leave in the idea was that those people ever do to those people to be better just to Delta be better and so we would only have like a few of those and I think after the first couple years they stop doing those kind of collections for I definitely stop doing them

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it was an awesome job when you're like a young comic or you know even before I was a comic when I was fighting it was just I didn't have to do anything where someone was telling me what to do I could get my car I could listen to whatever I wanted to I listen to Charles Lockwood era he had the other morning the big mattress on I think it was bcn preachers wbcn in Boston this is awesome radio show I listen to that Chuck newspapers out windows I do that for like 3 hours every day you know what's the best job ever cuz then I would make enough money or I could pay my bills

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but I still had all the time in the world you stand up

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all-time the world train all the time in the world do anything but it definitely fuck me up because you're not supposed to be getting up that early every day like I can't be good for you you know if you listen to people that know things about sleep like getting up at 4:30 in the morning at 5 in the morning everyday and not being responsible that was the beginning to me that was the beginning of the new Joe Rogan ever a podcast that was the first podcast I listen to the I agreed with a lot but I was trying to a couple Milly Gayton factors because I believe these bodies lot different I know I can rock and roll I could throw down on 7th street but it's got to be seven straight no no no get up to pee 2 times just went your 50 you could be up and down

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she once you turn 50 48 Everything Changes Papa so you should get that night and you will be up all fucking night on the hour every hour there's no REM sleep there's no REM sleep so you have to come once you get old you have to come by control your thyroid since day one that was one of the most interesting podcasts you had on I bought the book and everything and he made some great points in that I didn't I wasn't raised on an app

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Lana Del Rey Once We Came from Cuba my dad died when she went so Michael Day consisted of a 8 to 3 in the morning she had a manager's room in the back of the bar with a cop and if I got tired of that one go back there and take a nap but I got to stay here till 3 and mama got to work wow so why sleep is always horrific Dad when I was 25 or 6 in school that I went to normal sleep I went to Catholic grammar school normal sleep everything was normal but my mom had a bad signal she did my mom had an issue. A lot of parents don't do when they work nights it was she did it from the heart cuz I have a friend who doesn't wake me up at 3 in the morning Joe Rogan Joe Rogan get up I brought you Black Ink in pasta which wengie we from Humberto's and I brought your newspaper

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are you fucking kidding me could you imagine if I woke you up early latitude when you're 26 years on jump at 3:30 in the morning and you know I'm doing it from my heart and 7 out of 10 times you going to get up and eat this to your lips swell the marinara sandwich I brought you from Leo's because they work in the city

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so if you remember you bartend in New York City on the way home. No you stop and get two slices of fuckin the best pizza there is in Manhattan so my mom would wake me up every night at 3:30 in the morning for the Cuban sandwich

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that killed me over the years that Matt would make me get up every night at 3

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there's still nights that I'll be sleeping I got a good night sleep but I'll look at the clock and its 3 a.m. on the fucking.

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Because it's in my

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but like last night I slept good I fucked up my sleep with bad after I read the book for a while and if that's how deep it got into my head so when I went back to Weight Watchers I realize I couldn't eat any more fucking edible because they wouldn't they would make me hungry at night I would fucking go off the charts with points so I stopped eating animals and Joe Rogan my sleep pattern changed bad

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my body did not know how to go to fall asleep by itself I went through a month of you fucking 2 hours of sleep do teens doing a bunch of shit and then 3 more hours in the app to try anything did you try like melatonin or anything like that but it's okay for 30 years. Google Google boo I drink them all together the TV the vine that leave me alone please leave me the fuck alone alright go fuck yourself the tea and the tryptophan put together and they still don't find I buy it on Amazon so what I learned to do was rotated

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so now I'm back on the animals I finally bought an expired bag of Cheeba Chews like for the Dave Chappelle tour when I when I was David years and I found the bag was about 24 on my God my slice I'm going to have you take one of those if we wake up at 6 in the morning to pay your peace brown bear expired you understand me

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what happens if you eat expired edibles

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the should I fucking around though this works the jar this is my fight Joe Schilling he two of these and call me back on Monday and we're ain't nobody ain't nobody knocking me out after he one of these those things put you in another dimension my god I've been in a funk another dimension since last week and I don't give a fuck I have not left the house in a week you understand me I ate two of them on Saturday I know you were up and I know how beautiful is beautiful how is your audience and they were major men of the nicest people I took a bunch of really smart people that's it you don't want fuck California

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fuck Portland fuck New York fuck Chicago taking to get mad with blowing up boys if they want to keep it low-key we have to know if they want to keep it low-key is fucking all those areas they got everything out that nobody knows yeah I got a couple people hate black people but they do on the side of the state Mark Fuhrman's up their fucking OJ sister-in-law it's alright it's alright don't I know it's beautiful and then you went to Saint my friend who I kidnap showed up to your show he said he had a great time and he said he was embarrassed

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but Saturday night I pay the fucking that Uncle Joe Rogan I ate two of these expired ones I ate one that I said let me take a chance it's Saturday night I never won and I noticed your movie was coming on and it is fucking what a phenomenal movie Midnight Express when they catch the kid coming back from turkey with hash on his body Joe Rogan that is one of the most hottest movies you're ever fucking watch and you God damn the first 30 minutes of that like I thought I was going to die in like Wednesday let him go through and they played him as soon as he hit the fucking plane they return them around ripped his shirt and they dropped it at hands and knees and they gave the seven years and they started raping them but I watch soap to the part where fucking he became friends with this dude they had a cat and the dude name was likey likey likey was the guy's name and lucky killed the cat

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and then let this American know you love point where even what with Mother Michael Douglas and was that movie where he's on the 405 and he just snapped fighting back Michael Douglas and shit than they try to Rob them the three Mexican Shadow Robin from the suitcase what was that what was that movie called falling down that was his last day to fucking live this fucking dude finds out they killed that poor Americans cat he throws a fucking beating on his Lefty dude Joe Rogan is one of the most disturbing beatings just too disturbing videos of film history that's number to because he closes it out because the guy was a rat trap to Heathrow is a beat not looking right there he spitting up and guys tongue in the air and they showed it on I got to give a shout out to Turner Classic Movies you mufucking been throwing heat the last 6 months they have

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what's that mouth last night that the Gambler on the other night that followed this this is the 40th anniversary Joe Rogan he throws a beat Mountain opens his mouth I'm thinking the guys being the nice guys I can mount them up and save the guy's life fuck no you see in March

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Elmo singing pools up like this Joe they Slow it Up only once I was wondering what is the commercials and they said fuck one time I want Mother's will play this hand. They're going to show the tongue taste it out you could see the rage from the fucking hate using that Turkish jail getting fucked in the ass eating at hummus drinking that fucking watered-down tea from leki and he just spits his fucking tongue in the air because this beat the best beat the Vault I'm just only one better beating our boy the Mexican when he beat up top

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the pilot there this is lepke Jesus

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dude I forgot about this movie Classic this is a classic 70s movie

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this is crazy dude this is 8 years of getting beat up everyday I'm not I'm going to fucking kill you your fuck

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this is an intense scene what year is this movie 78 I was a kid I still remember going to see this in the movies and leaving their like dog I ain't ever going to Turkey Jesus Christ the scene for the people that are just listening he's he's tearing apart is bathroom to get it this guy I don't remember who the guy is he's the guy that sells water down a rat you out and he's just a creepy fucking dude and then to finally push remote app he hangs his cat he wakes up to his cat being hung and right here by people this is the fucking strength of the seventies balls to the wall smashes them know this is Real Deal real

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oh shit are you fucking nuts good morning it's the fourth of July you're fucking with an American motherfuckers even in Turkey we lose our fucking mind that guy must have been half arminianism when he bit his tongue out of here you go to the actor who was he named Brett Brett Brett Davis Jesus

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then the second best beating is on man Anthony Quinn when he was 80 he beat the shit out of the good lookin dude for fucking his girlfriend Mariel Stone Madeleine Stowe in the movie called Revenge

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that is all I remember Revenge Kevin Costner Kevin Costner and then he slices of face of the fucking butcher in a whorehouse right I'm getting fucked in the ass every hour on the hour. If this is it it's a Fourth of July dog get your shit together you know if Alex Jones is correct we're going to have a civil war today so what time you talk to Alex Alex you got to calm down talkin about a civil war he had me do it extra cheat with you the other night in the New World Order cuz I didn't think the George Soros was a Nazi

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it's also painful

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what's up Joe Rob nothing what's happening Brother everything's great now I feel good

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Alex Jones I love you buddy for real

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but you say some silly shit that's where this all comes from doesn't mean I don't love you you're great guy but there's some shit that's just silly it's waste of time you know

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that's one of those things it's just a waste of time

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does that make sense I'm with you I think it's real conspiracies you know but I think there's some that

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you know people just get caught up and looking for conspiracies and everything after while it's exhausting

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let's get the ball off the table I love the god of the podcast with Ari last week yesterday Tina Turner son no it's okay it's just I love the guy I really do I just don't support a lot of the shit that he said like the Sandy Hook stuff I don't know if he's since disavowal. I don't know if he changed his opinion on it I don't know what it is but at a certain point time like Jesus man are you are you sure like you got to be really sure before you say something crazy like that

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look I think he's a great guy and as a person I'm not attacking up

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I just thought when he goes crazy and gets mad at me

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I love I want to hug him I lovely told me the story about trucks pulling up in front of your house and they can see through your walls

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they probably can't do that they do that in different neighborhoods you know those

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and this is my experience and he'll tell you something that you got to sit there and go what the fuck am I doing sitting here but that's cool that's Alex and we accept them for what the fuck he is I just took it was a civil war starting today I realize that's what he was saying that I'm a Christ to go on at it today so somebody shooting somebody so who the fuck knows too just to come Alex down nobody's telling me what to say no one's tell me what to do not involved in the New World Order I'm not sure I'm not involved though I just want to know not involve who's the dinner people to people you say you eat what you want these are all podcasters and former professors and all these different people that are doing different things together I'm scared me the other day though yeah they had on the ropes Riley was thinking you went back with the CIA

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what do you say it I think it's piracies are fun and that's part of the problem with conspiracies they're fun they're fun to chase down the really are there interest about one at to absorb it by yourself once I get into a room with three men and we're honest conspiracy for 48 minutes. When I get aggravated that's what I don't like me want to talk about that's what I don't have the time to discuss with little moon landing on that we all have an idea what we think happened guess what I really don't want to talk about it not on the fucking Fourth of July know if the problem with that man's and this is a tendency is it when people get really into conspiracy theories they're into everything being a conspiracy it's not like they're in the conspiracy theories

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also into the history of Cuba then give you a detailed history of some really crazy shit that went out like how many people that are really any conspiracy theories could give you a rundown on how Castro took over Cuba which is it a real thing that happened in you know our parents lifetime's right think about that

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how many people that are into like you know whether or not there's bases on the moon know about you know all these different things have happened to human history the Mongols

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the Roman Empire the Greek Empire was crazy shit that definitely really happened all the stuff that happened during the Vietnam war all the stuff that the happened during the Nixon Administration all that sucks real fascinating fascinating shit to look into

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can you get the dumb ones like God we really discussing whether or not the Earth is flat this a real conversation or people really doing that

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satellite. Real cars social media that goddamn money you'll find a bunch of people agree with you two got to be so careful about not listening to scientists look I saw on Saturday and Sunday night Sunday night on the 50 years of 60 Minutes there was showing how the interview different people and how the one guy went to some coochie nice I'm trying to Saddam Hussein's but I will say that he said to him and ask him to tell him that this guy said he's crazy and there was supposed to it was one particular interview that he was just talking about the interview

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pickles on the best interviews he ever did was when he pushed the guy that killed the guy that was standing behind Kennedy in the car

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Disturbed the Asian

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that should have taken the bullet for Kennedy the interview that guy that's a great you got out of that one now that he was one step behind I mean he breaks down into tears he's a real American like this is a guy that a real American took that job and then like it wasn't your fault and he's like you don't understand I was a second behind if I would have been there I just one second early I would have caught it in my back and the present would have been a lot I mean that's fucking crazy Jesus imagine being dedicated to protect the guy with your own life and to really drink the Syrian to believe it like like a fucking Soldier it deserves very special human beings I can do that

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it's a lot of human beings that have that kind of resolve

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throw their life in front of a bullet to protect someone else's that's intense

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that is intense

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and you have to hear where the bullet is coming from what your response time has to be to be this is when you were real I level bodyguard this is you are the highest of the highest your hearing is impeccable this means when you're walking down the street with this guy inside you have to learn by yourself how to shut off nature and noises and listen to footsteps weapons clicking holsters opening thinking how interesting just that alone is that's why sometimes when you see him they're holding one here

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because they're 0-11 anything particular or cars tires screeching differently think of that fucking job because I thought that job is

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to react to that so if there's if Joe Rogan has eight guys when they train and I don't even know I'm not I've never trained them Quantico but I just know that I got a receipt the first two guys the first floor guys Aleve guys they have a mission one guy gets to the door if there's a shooting the other guy duck two guys look for the president this guy to be plans like this like formations in football what is the linebacker goes this way you run around me just as fake as fuck ingenious to tell you that there has to be formation to protect the president or whoever it is you're protecting in that level when I'm protecting Kevin Hart how many people going to try to assassinate Kevin Hart

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when I'm protecting

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a president how many people going to really try to shoot that present with weapons I mean let's go to the Ronald Reagan attempted let's go to these attempts how far to fast this is you have to be so high I delete Vietnam another war or something else or you would just like the spoon are you tipped out and kill people with toothpicks and shit like this is my dream this is what I think the training you I don't think you just born to be Rambo

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I think they have to take you to government and they start with a hundred Rambo's they just keep training training training you lose some along the way and after every hundred you get eight fucking Savages that never had chance to get married the government never gave him a chance to get married

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they that good but all these guys that I know that I've been Navy Seals all of them are

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any special forces guys just those are different humans you know to just different people that looks Jocko Navy SEAL yeah and

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it's just a level that you have to be

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you have to have more control over your mind more control over your will more control over you discipline your urine the most elite branch of the military I mean this is the elite of the elite insanely difficult to get in so you just get the cream of the crops

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the people who are they just a mental fortitude is just unlike an average person

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give me the pump bunch of people like that man you realize I wow people come in all kinds of different levels there's people that just only surround themselves with other excellence

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and those dudes like those Jocko type dudes or Tim Kennedy type dudes those did that's a different kind of human like they don't make a lot of those you just want to have only those

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boy you got up this a lot that has to happen before you can become a person like that you have to you have to travel through many valleys of the mind and the body to get to be a person like that a person of insane resolve in a time of War

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it's a very very intense human beings it's not even a time of War least 12 Filipino kids in the fucking Batcave stop the Seal team went down that and that would happen different various agencies but there's also a Seal Team there

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makes sense the Seal team that that's his Elite has a leak so why do you even know that's how you probably become a fucking bodyguards you have to fucking start like as an attache somewhere for you to wear the suit on just to adjust a human life and life without fucking are in bombs go off every 20 minutes and then move up in that system until you get to that level the Secret Service there's no way you're going to be asleep they put you through secret service training school and you're very 60 fucking days let me tell you something I got my daughter goes to science camp

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yeah whatever the fuck until Pre-K starts and one of the kids she goes to his dad's an FBI agent you know my job is everyday to sneak up on it

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everyday is leg of my man put a gun to his side so I know what's going on love you Pat him in the back and he giggles and should I tell my wife everyday is the worst FBI agent I've ever seen in my life cuz I'm 280 and I'm tip-toeing up till we don't even hit me up bushes are not like that that's how good I am you know why the dog because they hiring right I'm going to Academy today Joe Rogan write a college

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that's why we have so many shootings that's why we have so many accidents out there with police officers they don't hire neighborhood kids anymore

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hi college graduates in them never had what we had see when you were growing up all else fails you've never been arrested in your life you really could have been a cop you're a nice guy but you really could have been Joe the cop you could have been Joe the cop in Quincy Mass that drives around and shit like that anybody could be but Joe the cop would have been different if Joe the cop would have came in here and see me and Jamie argue Joe the cop wouldn't arrest me and Jamie Jo the copper say I want to meet you motherfukers tomorrow at 3 he would give us both boxing gloves and we would boxer that when we were 12 and both go home and get ice cream the next day show the cop wouldn't throw us both in jail so the cop wouldn't throw it against the wall and if we turned around he shoot one of us in the fucking like he was part of the community Jolie top and Joe and the cop knew what it was like living in that Community as a child

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do you understand me so and I didn't know this I've been thinking about a lot about this and I ran into somebody and I asked him like a cop why are we having the situation we're having this country the one last week in fucking East Pittsburgh it's just mind-blowing

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that mother fucker just now there's a lot of different angles for that they had just finished doing a shootout

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but the kid took off this car watch them said Okay God damn drop down military Stone blasting three times shoot me in the leg bitch shoot me in the life of running away that's what Joe the copper do what do you get it's got to be something that they did that's really fucked up I believe it's fucking life I hear you I rather shoot you in the legs and take your life if it's an iffy call you but just so you know it's not safe to shoot him in the leg people die from getting shot in the leg in a fucking ankle you live getting a job and shove it is they get pistol-whipped and then when they wake up it's like nothing happened I just talked to get it at all

► 00:39:10

think I want to see everybody that was so crazy that was like a thing

► 00:39:21

I didn't get people to wake up why what happened I didn't get pistol-whipped with the but I got pistol-whipped with the

► 00:39:30

the gun for the heads nothing blood thank God but it's fucking hurt I don't know what the fuck type of gun it was like an automatic like that like a 9 mm Union wasn't like a revolver I never got hit with the butt or what a weird feature of the human body if that you hit in the right spots and goes out we have like a plug we have like a loser like some people's plugs little looser than others some people plugs like Mark hunt and takes forever to knock it loose

► 00:40:03

some people you just taken some people can fucking weird so weird characteristic hit people they go unconscious

► 00:40:11

very strange

► 00:40:13

it's very strange

► 00:40:16

feature that we exploit you know

► 00:40:20

the movie that was making like it's no big deal it's a big fucking deal it's a big deal you should avoid having it done to you

► 00:40:28

the big deal to get knocked unconscious

► 00:40:33

and I would so when we first started hanging out one afternoon you took me to see that boxing coach at the time he had for Academy Award guys he was training that Terry Claybon Terry's amazing he's a great guy we walked in there we went upstairs and I think at the time we walked up Nicolas Cage's dad the time so happy sign this shit looking like Johnny going to buy stuff and then Terry came over and gave you a hug and we went downstairs and Terry Steve Simone later on cuz Steve work there at the time this is 97 98 as a gym call Yam and it goes boy that guy's the wrong profession is it, he should have been inboxing it's like a meal either

► 00:41:22

I never forgot that I'm saying that all the stuff you talked about brain damage and and whatever

► 00:41:29

it took a lot for you that at that age to realize that this was fucking for real this is disregard Andres there's no money in it there's no temptation this happened at this had shit is not this is it was real but it was also I didn't have any Temptation that would happen before this what happened before this like what happened to the guys that I saw a plain black football in black and white with leather helmets well you know how much safer believe it or not cuz you don't feel as confident when they have those leather helmets it didn't crash into each other the same way that there's not there's a pinion I don't know if I agree with things I don't know much about sport there's an opinion that no pads no helmets football be safer because you wouldn't be able to do the same things that they're doing now you can't just run into people head-to-head you just it just destroy you and you can only do it a few times your body just heartbreaking but if you eat your pudding helmets on pad it accentuates your ability to run into someone with all your for

► 00:42:29

that's a natural and it creates an unnatural jarring of the body in the brain that the rugby guys don't get the rugby guys don't have all those Pat's so they're crashing into each other they are learning how to roll with things and not just colliding into each other they're not there's a different game when you've got padding so if you take away the padding people have to be more careful and how they're engaged but catches charge and its smash into each other they won't last house eg a rugby how is CTE and the game a contact sport Corvette sport are there any interesting to find that I'm am being a kid dog couple Spanish people play the dark side of the of the Court they played soccer on Sundays it wouldn't let nobody watching a couple Spanish guys

► 00:43:29

besides that soccer was not big in my area but when I move to Aspen

► 00:43:36

I would go to the hospital on Saturday just to walk around and get a big and a sandwich and I see right behind that never saw that but I didn't know what the fuck it was right and I was like a good shave and after three times I went one of the guys that didn't want to show up on the fucking Saturday and I looked at them like what are you crazy

► 00:43:56

I don't even know what the fuck you guys are doing that have a big rug rug fast and Aspen every year pretty much every year that's why I first saw a rugby was in Colorado I can't lie I've only seen on TV that likes it a lot but it's that's what you hear all that you do you know I saw three things that blew me away live in Colorado rugby and I saw when they did like the Tour de France start with type race but they did it's lunch Nomads Village and I knew exactly what it was the road up and how it would have to be a circle to go back to that have to go back down to Route 82 Friday we just do circles around Snowmass and I still remember being on a hill listening to them going up there

► 00:44:45

and it just blew my fucking mind the way the tile was hitting the speeds like this how fast they were going up there and then 20 years later you realize it doing ppos and fucking hanging out with Sheryl Crow husband shooting on that shit can you imagine when they were shooting in the eighties when I saw them Jesus was shit stronger back then I could only imagine what's the drug that they shoot that their legs won't stop moving at night so they got to get on the bicycle o e p o it's not the delay I'm probably saying it wrong but they have this feeling like to have to exercise

► 00:45:27

one of my buddies was a biker you know who's professional tour guide just like you know not like a super famous super successful one but he was a professional bike rider what would you call one of those cyclists attraction cyclist and you tell us about it I'll guide you to hear them he knew that they were on EPO and then you would hear them when they're on a tour bus did get up in the middle of the night go ride your bike like they felt like they had to exercise so I guess if you're on a lot of it I don't know I have never done it it seems like it would be awesome though if you could take some drug that like super Juiced up your endurance that sounds awesome but apparently it's just not very safe

► 00:46:13

and they were saying that a lot of Executives take it now like there's there's people that are Executives that are just entering endurance races and they're taking EPO and entering its endurance races that like regular people with regular jobs just decided to take it through some article about that see if you can find it it was like CEOs entering into and endurance races taken

► 00:46:43

EPL but it's a few Fighters would call with it and it apparently just really juice head up yet. Yeah I had a friend that used to shoot me steroids and never do a push-up

► 00:47:00

Jesus Christ he was whacked that's crazy I go dumb when are you going to go to the gym next week the pink football like the pink ones in the 80s you just put them in his hand like Tic Tacs with a beer oh my gosh gym tomorrow I did some push-ups today slots Italians

► 00:47:29

crazy group of humans that came out I always want you to do the impersonation from you in Italian people in Jersey found out that Marlon Brando is gay

► 00:47:43

I can't fucking believe it 20 years he was The Godfather and no no no he couldn't blow o's a black dude that really stab me right here in the fucking heart I could even take him no more either throw the DVD collection away and fucking I would love to hear one of those guys what I said when they found out that that week didn't he say that he fucked everybody men and women cry Superman you suck his dick too so fucking poor Italian people if they have a Godfather fans they would like those fucking DVDs on fire fuck Marlon Brando poor poor homophobes

► 00:48:34

I like them more now I like Marlon Brando if I was one of the things I was like unless it's prejudiced with me I should just assume he enjoyed it and assumed he enjoyed having sex

► 00:48:59

cuz you going to die when I tell you this Marlon Brando talk to studio and to give them like a hundred grand to read Superman

► 00:49:09

but you know when people call you I'm Joe hi Joe this is Cynthia from your Engines R I was sending you a script though if you do approve to read

► 00:49:18

300 Grant give me a hundred grand over what he went to the island he went deep he believed his ego you gotta remember that was an all-time record for a long time what you got for Superman he bang them out

► 00:49:32

he took him to the cleanest type shyt in a fuck them up in the ass bad my big money find out what they pay them in 1970 whatever for the Superman member he fuck them big-time mom I think it's Mutiny on the Bounty I'm one of those movies they kept saying it all we have a beautiful spot for you right here in the Marina Del Rey if we do this we had on this island I found he had gone down to the phone while he's like that's a bunch of running around and then went down that he wants to go to fucking whatever I want a shot that at so that's where he lived right so he went down there he got down and he's like Jamie what's your job PA no more either director of this and everybody was shooting and they will shoot his feet they were shooting like him rather than the mic to the shore and meanwhile he's just banging fucking Hawaiian women 8

► 00:50:32

having orgies Dragon kids all those kids that shopping centers all those kids he had them all on my God those poor kids if he was down there like fucking just mad or whoever Paramount whoever that network was showed up down there and said let's see the dailies and see what the fuck is this you're done they brought somebody else in the mall and ended up saying fuck it I buy the end of it he bought the island didn't even like this is just crazy should I heard over the years and they just lived on the island and then if they wanted to have to call the island and they have like levels are you want me to read the script That's What I Call Shady oh you want me to come to the studio and they would give it to me and then let him wanting for The Godfather they were like nah there's no way we want that fucking guy

► 00:51:26

wow are they finally put the tape in his mouth and all that shit and they approve them and he did throw that movies like a porn

► 00:51:36

the one he did that Last Tango in Paris is it on and then the chick came out years later said that mother fucker Stone Cold rape me

► 00:51:46

yeah he was the king of me too he invented me to that mother fucker dog wow yeah she came out years later and said something about she didn't know what with Marlon Brando one in there and choke the rally McQueen and fucking the

► 00:52:05

and the getaway she thought you was just getting pushed you have the McQueen and who was it with will probably look around your bra that was hard to watch dude cuz you could tell that was real there's no way that wasn't real but he was really hitting her cuz of it made its awful to watch but

► 00:52:36

but it's real right it's an awful scene it's real fuck man that you imagine being her and also the due to start smacking you in the head for real I don't know what to do when you don't want to bail out of the senior getting fucked up though he's fucking you up and she didn't stop she just kept saying the lines and working with it fuck dude Jesus Christ what do you say to somebody after that when I came in I'm sorry but that's what the same call for

► 00:53:07

you can't sleep now though

► 00:53:12

deep fry it sounds fucked up to say but I think even just that recent a time people did not understand that if you're smacking people in the head like that you're giving them fucking brain damage like you smack someone in the head like that like you could seriously fuck them up like something could be wrong with them for a long time even if they don't go unconscious your mother's mag and I know now my mom wasn't really

► 00:53:46

very few people

► 00:53:48

Uncle no

► 00:53:52

very few people in my grandmother crack me once but it was you know just like a shit together not like trying to hurt me you know so little smack I didn't get beat as a kid

► 00:54:05

but I saw a lot of violence I saw that scene violence when you were a kid there's something about like seeing someone you're close to who's an adult be beating up like a 10 or 11 year old ever see that before

► 00:54:22

a grown adult beating the shit out of 10 or 11 year old when you're a little kid yes that to me it was it was like at the final moment when I was a little kid as a parent

► 00:54:40

or I only saw parents beat their children yeah I saw someone to beat somebody else's kid

► 00:54:46

it was fucked up to watch man when I lived on 205 West 88th Street

► 00:54:52

I came from Cuba to Jersey for my dad died we moved to 89th Street then something happen at the building me and the movie 88th Street and I had a kid I had a beef with every day and one day I finally got my shit together in karate

► 00:55:10

like one day my sidekick started working and that fucking right cross started working and I learn how to use my fucking up block and I finally had this kid's name was Ruth a Haitian he was the only Haitian kid in the neighborhood on 88th Street can I fuck them up this day this father came down and held my arms

► 00:55:30

they made Rudy punch me and I'll never forget that my lip was bleeding and he took me upstairs me locked on my mother's door

► 00:55:38

and my mother open up the door and a half a fucking hangover and she knows what's the problem is you can show with cocoa in them and he does next time your son hits my son I'm going to hit him in the back of my head and that you

► 00:55:50

why my mom turned around and got a butcher knife and Chase Rudy's fall up the stairs cops came and laid next door since you didn't see a knife

► 00:56:01

but at that point we were done in the building that was one of the worst there when I moved to North Bergen

► 00:56:11

I swear parents

► 00:56:15

you don't like that you were here comedian go and you hang out with black kids you would have the house I like talk to that parents I can never talk about you right but that's the first thing I noticed when I went to Jersey to have a certain kids that would take that dishing up I don't want tuna fish sandwich

► 00:56:32

if I ever did that my house Joe Rogan are you fucking kidding me my mom would take the dish throw it against the wall and say now you're not fucking even go to bed like that type of shit but I also saw my fucking parrot the hallway one day that would stand in the way you are with his arms crossed

► 00:56:53

talking to the teacher the way I'm talking to you and the kids standing right here with glasses on

► 00:56:59

I'm walking towards them right now I went to the bathroom I have to go Hall Pass

► 00:57:05

and I'm talkin talkin talkin and in the middle of it the father just going down glasses broken blood coming out of the know how you tell them to get the fuck up before I fucking kill you you dumb mother fucker you said that to him you dumb fuck I have seen that that kid was the devil though like it for this reason why I can't kill the devil probably cuz his dad beat him then there was another kid when I went to Catholic School Guido father get his own the whole fucking thing wrong

► 00:57:43

he would come that the nicest guy in the world but the sun was fucking crazy and every time he get there through the nun with telling about what he did and dog he would punch him

► 00:57:57

the way

► 00:58:00

he guy always strong punches and put my fucking steep a fight I swear this one runs his grave right as he was crawling into the car like ground and pound them 12 Jesus Spanish so are you looking at me saying Joey that they deserve it or whatever everybody every parent had a different you know I watch the couple weeks ago I was stoned to the gills and I was laughing about how people put people down on this shit and I was laughing about when Julius Erving first with the ABA shut down when the ABA first shut down if they would I don't know Joe but if it was eight categories Julius Erving Irving's LED 7-Up Sprite and the ABA shut down at the Sixers pick up Julius Erving to get in six million dollars which can you imagine that one would they give that guy yet but they give LeBron

► 00:58:57

asking about 30 or 40 but yeah we got six million dollars for over 2 years is that was Julius and it was the biggest fly in the world for for 3 or something so dr. J switches number from 32 to 6 and now the NBA All-Star game came sorry we're all the critics will like it came from the ABA he's asking for the NBA All-Star Game what color look at those statistics he went off he went off because of a white dude name Pistol Pete Maravich that is funny he went to LSU and let the country and scoring a white dude ended up becoming a fucking Boozer but that dude knew how to handle a ball because his father would beat him his father would make him sleep in the garage in the winter and beat him until he learn how to play basketball because there was no losing in this fucking house you understand me Joe Rogan

► 00:59:57

check the garage

► 01:00:00

Pistol Pete know how to fucking dribble Jackin for Pistol Pete would take you deep Pistol Pete can date anybody can cover by the best black dude in the league and cover Pistol Pete but if you watch the NBA All-Star Game Pistol Pete as stopping chopping people and give them behind the back pass to Julius Erving he even looks how to do with one path he's looking at Bob McAdoo I don't think just puts the ball between his legs and he gives it to Julius Erving why because that kid's father stays on

► 01:00:33

that's different thoughts of some people can handle that some people some guys are broken but I mean it's like how much pressure is too much pressure to create like a superstar like that I didn't Tiger Woods and his dad put a lot of pressure on him as well it's not just the guy that died last week but that's different about that he created 3 fucking kids to change the fucking one kid to change the fucking world right in the ass supposed to be really careful with the same things I'm sorry listen to some me to think things come out what I'm going to do everybody's getting the blame for something but I'm saying something you really heard I have ever had sexual abuse allegations from his father but but I listen to it listen to it what what did he create

► 01:01:25

what do they do what did Joe Jackson do by making them not let them fucking and I let me tell you something the one kid could have gone to a college to play basketball the kids have talent as it was Gary Indiana Gary Indiana. It's like hell

► 01:01:43

fucking Delaware and then Gary Indiana like crazy he made these kids were her she pulled him out of Gary took him up the fucking Berry Gordy

► 01:01:59

you know what you think about this shit some of the probably hate him for what he did you look back at those lessons that you got your rope and how many people did you look at one day and go fuck you mother fucker but then two years later you look back and you look at the lesson you learned from the whole experience and you actually have to go back and hug that person no I meant thank you for that time and made me better motherfucker to that cuz what you did

► 01:02:28

make me a better person

► 01:02:30

will have them agree with everything that happens along the way tomorrow but it's made us who the fuck we are today that's an interesting thing because we grew up in a time where kids were just allowed to run around outside everybody ran around outside that was just normal right when you were little kid you ran around outside nobody just runs around outside I'm at the first time I saw grown lady hit she hit my cousin we're both around the same age I was probably 6 and she was 5 and this lady slipped on ice in front of her apartment building

► 01:03:09

end. She got up and my cousin just unfortunately having to be standing right in front of her when she fell and she got up and she said don't you laugh at me and she smacked her in the face she wasn't laughing at her either. She smashed her in the face man like it was she smacked her hard and I was like oh my God was that I mean we're both little little kids and watching some grown adult smash our cousin in the face really like looking people that will smack you in the face and she didn't even do anything wrong

► 01:03:50

there's some evil fuckers out there that'll hit little kids

► 01:03:54

that's a dark shit man

► 01:03:56

smacking little kids in the face I'd rather I swear to God I ran into probably when I first moved from Cuba to 88th Street there was a dude on the Block that would smack both kids and I'm telling you right now to my little daughter that was words on the street that he would take it to his house and fuck you in the ass oh my goodness

► 01:04:23

this is the early seventies which I turned into a jug later on because it would be like bro have you seen Joe Rogan lately and I haven't seen them in a week sticky Charlie got my second child's name mr. Martini that's the first thing that kids are tired I got was you play through this guy don't fucking mr. Martini Jesus he's a monster Disney about it anyway or black shoes with a white shirt and black shoes his wife would die and he owned the building on 88th Street in the middle

► 01:05:00

he was angry and he would sweep you know like when you were can you stop in front of somebody's house he would always come and go get the fuck out of here you little fucking douchebags get the $5 cubed I didn't understand the language

► 01:05:14

I didn't really understand what he was saying I understood the anger but I don't understand the language they would come out with a broom get the fuck out of here one that realize I'm at this motherfucker motherfucker I'm going to fuck with this motherfucker so all Cubans have that like water in front of the house and it's something that your mother throws change and everyday to change bring it downstairs now looking for the poor kids and I go come in for saying you want to call and let me go yeah what kind of cord and I'll take a quarter to draw it with mr. Martini lived you would like in the basement area here and the whole he'd be right there and he chases

► 01:05:56

we got mr. Martini suck my weenie and fucking Chase's chases he was fucking hit you like 50 times but we walked him up we would fuck him up. I saw some shit the first day of my New Jersey to me was a completely that was like Mars to most people ignore people listen to me and go you you grew up some place that doesn't exist I'll bring 8 people to fill these chairs to tell you about the parents and the people in the situation but the first day I went out in my hometown in North Bergen I saw me and Joe Rogan fight

► 01:06:37

and even though I had Joe Rogan on his back I saw Joe Rogan's father come down the stairs pull me off Joe Rogan smack me punch me kick me throw me on the floor and make his kids go in that was my first experience ever in North Bergen New Jersey at Sawmill and mr. Robinson come downstairs he took Anthony off his sunroom off smack them in the fucking face Joe Rogan at 2:20 after fucking noon in 90 degree Heat

► 01:07:10

go home you little guinea fuck say that now don't throw you in jail for 2 years you don't go home you little guinea fucking as they look them crying a little bit he picked up his shirt he went like this like he took the thing off they going to call my fucking father your fucking dead mother fucker while you're fucking Getty fucking greaseball father that he's probably a greaseball just like you and I'm sitting it going I want to see how this plays out and next thing you know two cop cars pull up and it's one cop car that Sunmark that's another one that's marked

► 01:07:46

and it's a big fucking Italian looking detective like you know that the shortstop be to tell him when he comes out of his car he puts his fucking a jacket on it barely fits but till this day I remember the more we understand I think that's what the fuck is going on here and I'm sitting at going on this is going to get fucking good the fucking cop tells the cop go look around see if there's tickets will spread tickets

► 01:08:24

I need to switch the Skylift and he goes and he goes he grabbed all the other kids because tell me what happened and he was Anthony and Emma fighting and he came down here and he fucking pull them and not this time they know that could be cops 2 that I'm mr. Robinson I can't open this door to be kind of tough

► 01:08:42

like he's not coming up he's or no I'm a fucking knock him out to and the tacos okay okay okay leave grab the kiddos you're okay right then because you just hit me in the face and you fucking walked up the stairs in 5 minutes. To the top thing they open the fucking door Joe Rogan this guy before this and then

► 01:09:04


► 01:09:06

fucking put them against the fucking thing on the second floor with everybody out and just started punching him punching him punching him like fucking

► 01:09:18

Jon Jones when he's got you down he's hitting with those shots to the Head until the guy killed over they start kicking them with the fucking thing Bam Bam Bam the fucking hit my son again let's get out of here that was how I became friends with the family because soon as he came down to go to lose this kid because he's just pick it he's the only one that jumped in because you want to come over for dinner and that was the beginning of my life when I got that police car this is fucking crazy and you know me and you don't fuck around what are y'all over there this is still that's what happened in 1970 fucking 3 and what's that today that's a gold card what is this called do if it does what it what needed to do it does whatever I needed to do you know I'm saying

► 01:10:13

your family member why because of that fucking day cuz I'm the only guy that jumped it

► 01:10:21

I like how cops have things like that remember you have one of your buddies is a cop at what type of meeting at the house I mean fucking pasta with with fresh mozzarella on the middle I could open up the front door whenever I want I call the mama she makes cream pops I'm the only Cuban in 1974 that's even walking in there

► 01:10:50

so now with the 6th grade and we're playing kickball McKinley had no phone number 2 months ago Allen DeGeneres donated $50,000 grammar school was my grandma School North Bergen New Jersey 2 months ago was donated $50,000 when I went to a grammar school of my fucking didn't have a gym Joe Rogan you shovel snow there going to be

► 01:11:15

shovel snow shovel snow let it snow. You shovel snow donate part of your physical education and you did push-ups and sit-ups and fucking in the ass in the kitchen when you just pull up. They were brutal finally they built the gym in the 8th grade but before that we played kickball outside in the fall and one day we'll King playing kickball never forget this guy's name was mr. tortora

► 01:11:43

that was the teacher's name was he a good guy that was a good for you or Jim patient and we're out there were playing kickball and again that little town and kid the one that invited me to his house or his father beat up the phone we're playing kickball at least you're on the ball and every time I swing and I miss he's calling me go go Gala Moco that means I'm a boogie face in Spanish because it rhymes with Coco right and the teacher keeps going there today I told you a thousand times none of that spec sheet too loud in here this is the 6th grade North Bergen New Jersey school teacher mr. tutera's I get over here right I guess you because a couple weeks before that a guy name Keturah was a baseball coach and he threw a kid off at speaking Spanish on the bus

► 01:12:42

he told me to know Spanish on the bus in the Kinkos fuck you when he spoke basket room off I-20 miles from the house became a big problem in my hometown it will kill the fucking do it but I remember going home my mom going she's talking the truth

► 01:12:58

and now she speak Spanish this is America outside you speak American

► 01:13:03

so my mom cut me off right there like I went home like ready to fucking be like a protester and she was like that don't happen here where Americans you want to talk Spanish

► 01:13:13

I think there's a real benefit to being able to speak more than one language definitely is I'm happy I do it I speak to my daughter in Spanish if I tell my ask Mercy something I really ask her in Spanish if I tell something nice they're learning new languages in particular opens up parts of your brain that if you're just a dummy like me that only speaks English you can access different

► 01:13:47

it just different ways of looking at things you know to be a lawyer one of your pre whatever would be a language right you'll also have a heavy math

► 01:14:02

to be loyal you have to have a very heavy math curriculum yeah a lot of history you probably end up being history Mansion but that be a lot of math while he comes out of the analytic because it forces your mind to solve equations

► 01:14:19

twin if you look at the prerequisites if you go to the requisites to be an attorney in a lot of math involved in this got to be language involve just got to be politics involved like that American political systems American history systems all that shit but it's got to be having math once you get the law school with heavy reading and but before that it's a lot of problem solving yeah that's the that's how you become a problem solver by fucking whatever

► 01:14:53

yeah I agree with you whatever you just said

► 01:14:56

before I got locked up I was going to be an attorney so I was a history major yeah that's the plan and then I'll do the best I was thinking of going back to school no no no no no no no no no no no there's no reason just go on and read about it and your black hardcore history and everlasting my boy daniele Bolelli history on fire his shit is fantastic

► 01:15:31

he was telling me about this road to Rome. Never forgot this image where there was I think something like a hundred and fifty miles of bodies

► 01:15:43

that were put on steaks he sent it to me he just handed me a couple of days ago hundred and fifty miles of of human bodies that they stuck

► 01:15:55

on these big poles and shove them into the ground for every 30 yards they put a new person's body here it is

► 01:16:05

125 Mi with one body crucified every 30 yards or so for a total of about 6000 people crucified on the road between kapua and Rome

► 01:16:18

what the fuck man what was your purpose I would have to go back and listen to it again I forgot that's a shadow over here I want to start with 0 I'm going to start with the Mongolians and go Wisconsin draft of the Khan Dan Carlin directions to be an American history 101 I need American history 101 day one we're going back to Roots let's go from Roots let's go to that 1776 would happen all there I need all that refreshed yeah all that stuff needs to be refreshed do Carlin guy has got some all the wars on World War and its cover both Wars let's cover both Wars butts cover the third war Vietnam and let's cover the fucking whatever the end the conflict all that shit I was doing

► 01:17:18

play the who the who the fuck was watching the news in 1991 not may I don't watch TV again till you know 2003 or something like that I didn't watch the fucking news and have a chance to be inclined politically. What the fuck was going on I was just worried about doing stand-up

► 01:17:41

this silence brought you buy marijuana I got to tell your man I like I'm leaning and I loved and cornmeal he's a fucking Champion the Champions he took a fucking couple bombs from Anthony Johnson bombs from Anthony Johnson Jesus Christ every time they put an obstacle in front of Steve pays way he figures out a way to take it down and he's hell bent on staying Champion he's a giant dude like Steve is a big guy and I know that Daniel has beaten every single heavyweight as far as undefeated as a heavyweight and including like throwing Josh Barnett around who just a beast

► 01:18:29

but Steve Pizza is the most accomplished heavyweight champion of all time that's just a fact he's he defended his title against the top contenders and submitted successfully 3 times nobody else would do that Ortega Holloway Jesus Christ really great I'm looking forward to it and steep a is I mean he's as good as it gets what I do want to show Friday night me and Ian are doing The Mirage tax refund nice yeah you ready for ya man I'm excited I'm excited for this card it should be should be very interesting is going on with you and the running lately you're really digging it yeah I'm digging it but I have a little bit of a tear in my Meniscus are you thinking of if you fix the meniscus of doing something with running

► 01:19:25

like running what your body does does a marathon. Have you considered something like that or not really man I'm not home I'm not into doing something that I know is hard to do and it's definitely not good for your body I just think you get beat up doing that shit tell me was it take your friend I mean just go to Shams you different kind of human what does it take to recover from something like that well that's an interesting thing you just a good good time for that question because he just ran a race today around like a six mile race and he was saying that his legs are not fully recovered we say in the post that you know his cardio is really good but you got to figure you run for 24 hours when he ran for 24 hours just a month ago right was it a month ago not even a month ago 3 weeks ago something like that

► 01:20:14

that's it takes time and he's 50 you know when you're 50 years old it's not as 10 recovery is the recovery is is very tough he's an animal but he lives to push himself like that more inclined to try to preserve my body I like pushing myself but I'm just a chickenshit I don't want to be I don't want to be breaking hips and knees and shit my brother just had shoulder surgery she Bravo and he just got the stitches out this is his second surgery that he's had just to see her you know he had kidney surgery real recently a few months ago right didn't have his meniscus down a few months ago this generation to get you guys is learning a lot and they're learning what they going to pass on to the next generation is that it's great the role in the lightbox agreed that all that is great but there's another aspect of this to Fishers call yogurt and keeping your muscles strong and yeah and the conditioning

► 01:21:14

has to be good and your you know it's all reality of Jiu Jitsu is it's a thing that as you get older you have to be much more careful who you train with and how you train you can't just go balls-to-the-wall like you could when you were 27 you have to keep your shit together and you know injuries are real you can't just work through them like that was a big file see people get hurt and they would try to roll light and nobody ever rolls like they say they can grow lights and the guy almost gets you in the you trying to get him next thing you know you're defending and it's fucking serious heat it up roll session which is great but then you like your neck so fucked up but next time just going to lay on my back or my half car bullshit as soon as it starts getting hot and heavy almost got caught in an armbar then you try to pop pop and then try to pass his guard then get into it you know it's

► 01:22:14

it's a thing that's too exciting you know in Jiu-Jitsu when I say like rolling hard I don't mean like

► 01:22:21

not even joking you breathe I'm letting you know I'm just not letting to get the end of the hook I'll give it turns on love when I buy I love it yeah addicted to it as change who I am you know I had to attack it from a difference Foundation I was attacking it from looking at Jamie and going I got to do with Jamie does and not realizing I got Jamie by 25 years and I can't do it Jamie does so my game has to be completely different to Jamie's Monday's when I come into class it's more about the the the drilling and less about the rolling and I do an hour Conditioning class with Brett

► 01:23:12

we do everything we do the balls of the things the ropes I do everything and I'll do that Jiu-Jitsu class but I'll do the drills I rolled once or twice and Papa's got to go Thursday I go balls-to-the-wall on the road in which means three or four rooms that's awesome that I try to take Friday off and Inside Out the movie time condition and I'm done for the week you got to do it again I got this five-year-old number to I want I watched your thing and I really do it I go to the fucking cryotherapy and I put my head in that I go to u.s. cryotherapy I'm an older song guy that bed is making me feel fucking phenomenal I'm getting tremendous hard on what is it to know before bed the bed that you lay on Anna cleans out your cells and shit like that cuz it does everything look it up but you're fucking animal you understand me plus I get that freezer for 3 minutes and 30 seconds I put Madonna on Burn enough for your love I went to Gay Pride and y'all about to get in the first thing

► 01:24:12

dinner fitter healthier happier what is it going to talk us into getting into a pod the next thing you know you're going to be locked into the into the Matrix what so what is this treatment no negative side effects clients are supplied with safety goggles and then relaxing to know both or treatment prod for eight fifteen minutes of whole body restored of light treatment the treatment

► 01:24:41

may be repeated two or more times a week

► 01:24:46

what is it doing something when it's done like what

► 01:24:56

tell me why I should get in your lightbox it's a whole body delivery system of PBM therapy that has been designed deliver Optimum wavelength power what does that work densities and dosages based on the published clinical research outcomes I can't read from the whole body just 15 minutes intended use of Nova Thor or to redevelop muscles or restore motion Two Joints or for use is an adjunct therapy for obesity that seems like it does a lot of shit I don't know how do I look okay you look good alright thank you for losing weight yeah I know you have to do some training this crazy that's really awesome I really love it. It's beautiful. I try to do one strength training at the house out of style with Club Bells will work out together

► 01:25:56

megabox calling you can come in early I hope you give me a kickboxing lessons too short and you know what else we could do we could do like a circuit circuit or not because I have that Echo air bike that Echo Bike I've never done that's phenomenal so we could do rose the Echo Bike and I got a versaclimber and I like to do them in a do those Tabata sequences so it's like you you go hard for 20 seconds and then you rest for 10 seconds then you go hard for 20 seconds and your effort and you do like eight rounds of those it's fucking intense and then you jump on over to the row machine drum machines is another one that's similar number it's like 30 30 hard 30 off something like that and then you go to the versaclimber and you plug in Sumter 50 yeah yeah interesting what I've learned in what I read about 50 I swap picture Carroll O'Connor

► 01:26:50

a year ago when he was 46 years old he was doing aren't you both places on his ex about everybody stopped or when you start it now it was a picture of him in 46

► 01:27:08

I was like that has to be a better way let me see that I saw holy shit you know this is what America is crazy what are you look like at 46 and 47 and you are at like look at that dude he look like well maybe that was like in the later years

► 01:27:28

this a funny thing right The Lovable racist he was like the last of like a represented a real guy that might have had racist views that were kind of funny and he was a someway endearing cuz he was like such a good actor and it was such a good character and so well-written and his relationship with his wife and his kids with Meathead

► 01:27:56

I mean the whole thing was it was a brilliant show one such a well-crafted show week and this dude wallet Puerto Rican guy comes over there talking and he looks in his wife from funding Puerto Rican girls Alice don't just stand that long from the Sun as she goes I don't know what he likes because I don't know if Puerto Ricans drink made with some of the guys smile and I'm like and you look something like I'm going to Puerto Ricans drinking I don't know how about some pineapple juice yeah but it wasn't it wasn't hateful racism

► 01:28:43

it was

► 01:28:45

Queens racism first of all pineapple juice is delicious and why is it racist that a dude from an island would want some pineapple juice I would think that would you'd be like culturally sensitive to like introduce that possibility like I said to you if somebody heard me said to you right now to 2 tomorrow we can get fucking yeah we have a problem I would have a problem yeah everybody knows it 20 years ago right now I'll be heading to Chinatown in New York City Fireworks 144 bottle rockets a couple Roman candles you know what's the most stupid man is that the food is somehow racist

► 01:29:33

like there's there's food that's racist food like if you talked about black people and also talked about delicious fried chicken or delicious orange soda or grape soda will be grape soda right now orange soda orange sodas white people yeah orange sodas white people thing right white trash orange soda know is that

► 01:29:55

not that I'm anti orange soda what I'm saying like those foods like watermelon a particular if you talk about a black person and talk about watermelon that's a racist term even though watermelons delicious it's fucking weird like at what is what the hell could be wrong about watermelon if you don't like the taste of watermelon if it's a hot summer day and somebody bust open a cooler and gives you a slice of watermelon help fucking pumped are you how could watermelon ever be negative that don't make any sense to me it makes zero sense and the only way to make sense of fried chicken could be negative to you is if you're a vegan or a vegetarian you don't want to eat a chicken that's the only way it makes sense that that would be a negative cuz otherwise like fried chicken is fucking delicious who doesn't like fried chicken if you eat meat Fried Chicken is something you smell it and you all some of those really good at making it and they got a nice flaky layer on the outside and slide into that juicy perfectly cooked chicken and cheese fried chicken in Tennessee

► 01:30:54

Milan Tennessee a little Lee's Fried Chicken Jesus Christ I'm places that know how to do some of my God how could I ever be racist that doesn't make any sense to protect switch racist racist but not really likes you on Sunday with the beanie and his wife with glasses I was just Sherman Oaks and get a $10 bill sticking out of his pocket and I wanted to work my fucking pickpocketing skills I want to see if we can still pick pocketed mother fuck it I even have my daughter bumping into his leg in the stuff you can't pickpocket laju Doug you can't do it

► 01:31:41

the pickpocket did you like the movie with a boy in it and Michael seresin who did the first pickpocket movie is called Harry in your pocket with a boy in your Flint In Like Flint James Coburn James Coburn's in a pickpocket money nobody knows about this shit like that Harry in your pocket pocket so I hunted down my mom I used to hear them talk about this Cuban pickpocket guy in the in Cuba in the 50s anymore these two things with him I did American Gun with him and I did all this with him

► 01:32:22

how is his up you can find out if it's online somebody just posted a while ago I forgot about our list that's one of those shows that I forgot about but I watched him and I asked this guy out of you become a pickpocket I bumped into my Cuban joint there was a rumor going around that he was a good Cube while pickpocketing cubanito Chicago a dummy and put bells on the pockets

► 01:32:43

so I went and I don't know how I got a little dummy and I put bells on fucking me is I tried to be a big pocket but I have big ants player Finkle little bells on fucking pockets and you bump into him and I'm very light foot that I am I was a good burglar because I can tip toe and I'm saying like thanks for my ears and tip toe and I'm the dummy try to take the wallet from the dummy I can just never fucking think it's great you doing so many different things though it's really cool to hear your roll into doing some Muay Thai and the rolling has really improved because at first you can't roll I I dropped a weight because I figured very 5 pounds at be a little bit more cardio good plus I got the Bas Rutten mouthpiece I spoke to him yesterday again I really believe it I saw it and I will use it when I walk

► 01:33:43

mouthpieces on Amazon it says web page I saw it because he was on Joe talkin about it I was having such a struggle with my breathing I was having such a struggle but it was just common sense number one I smoke cigarettes or 20 years number to I smoke tree for 40 years but all those are just excuses the number one thing was the weight

► 01:34:06

every fucking find inside is some smart guys that can't some bastard what year he sits and got some motherfucking he's a great guy too he's one of the best people I know some guys say to me that guy a great about told me that whenever he rose he can feel the difference when he's 10 lb have it oh yeah for sure if I'm walking around the 3 online trying to be fucking Eddie it's not going to work

► 01:34:35

so I just started shopping on the way that went back to Weight Watchers I walked in there at 3:10 and I'm like what you can eat what you can eat me some dates look in the face and tell you so that cuz you know you and I always had this conversation

► 01:34:53

if you don't have it and you don't go to Weight Watchers it's cuz you're fucking loser well

► 01:34:59

that's a witch that if it's that easy it's that easy yes I'm an idiot I'm a I'm a fucking idiot they're popping hip hop that's my guy okay that's my guy so see you put everything you eat into this app is actually yeah you you count it out by points is that what they doing as they played do it themselves now 39 now that's a joey would you think we don't know so you scan that and then it'll tell you how many I don't think that has many calories does coffee plain coffee have calories and not really

► 01:35:49

maybe a couple but not really it's when you get the fucking milkshake coffee for breakfast and she and the fucking flat white even a flat white don't tell you right this isn't in that siding that you go like this boom and then you got this Joe Rogan you're ready you press this over here and you press this here and you press this here and they give you points for whatever you do walk circuit training then you have custom Cypress Brazilian jiu-jitsu class how much do you really fucking roll 15 minutes

► 01:36:21

turn on our class you going to take me to teach you how to do the drill and he tells you a joke so you press and 15 done and then you press the intensity will you breathe I got out of my just bent 7-point you leave this in your phone out of pocket you put this in your pocket and fucking guess what happened to count steps when I went to Disneyland that that verse 31 fucking points so it's all the eggs I can eat for breakfast so for breakfast I go to John's and I got to see the roll even if I give myself for fucking points for the Row 5 Points for the rule 6.02 X on that mother fucker which is 14 grams of protein and I put a thin slice of humans Boar's Head American cheese and some Frank's hot sauce on that mother fucker how you going to talk to me

► 01:37:08

we going to talk to me so you essentially could eat anything you want as long as you know what the points are I do certain amount of fish I get out fish you for days so I'll leave here and go to fucking Sushi dance and I'll get the crunchy albacore which is I can't wait for Rogan division me it's sliced albacore covered with jalapeno onion and garlic close is it possible that you could eat just all eggs all day and it have 0 points 0.3 eggs all day all day Sea bath salts eats salmon and sea bass all day chicken breast no skin

► 01:37:52

all day chicken breast not chicken cutlets like my mom made with Italian breadcrumbs that's fried Grilled Chicken on the breast with red crushed peppers and a baked potato five points for the baked potato so you want to tell me again how to listen to it it's not a Jerk It's not a fucking race she before it's only healthy to lose like a pound and a half of week is that what it is that's what it really do anything after that you going to that loser show where they lost all that weight at one shot and then that's why all these diets and stuff that you have to do or something that you going to do forever I've always like this I lost a hundred pounds of this and then I gained 40 and now I lost another 30

► 01:38:40

that's all side it hasn't been killing me like I don't miss nothing you don't want to learn I didn't know this I would go get an acai Bowl

► 01:38:48

American thinks an acai bowl is great let me explain something to you and put in his two different things I did not know that

► 01:38:59

one that was making one of those cuz I switch I have on it protein from which I use the vanilla or the chocolate mexican chocolate and then I have this other one that's up for layout type protein is coconut milk and I put I use that one and one that sent me for the blind in this motherfucker just to see him like that is delicious I'm onto something I gain weight that way I didn't know what it was when you blend a banana it's eight points when you eat a banana it's who gots it's two different things that's why we're all these fat people and you seem going I don't eat breakfast I drink a smoothie you're killing yourself you would killing yourself every time you prune grapefruit because when you eat fruit to sativa saliva in your mouth breaks the fruit down in the digestive the sugar a different way

► 01:39:58

when you bypass that enzyme in your mouth that's when you get 300 pounds and Uncle Joey so when you drink fruit I don't care if they tell you always frozen fruit you lose some of the sugar that's bullshit once you fucking blend that fruit you dead cuz it goes right in your sisters go out to your sister any other way other than the way that comes when you eat it you could go to that little Mexican stand for what the hell umbrellas you haven't seen those guys but the delivery should come down to that guy that cut the fruit with a machete when they just confused people they even got them across the street from one another

► 01:40:51

well that Starbucks doesn't think they're just poor people and trying to make some money not really help me out what you got to sell the fucking pay rent this tastes days and time nobody stands out that they're out there or with no fucking umbrella out there they look darker than the dark take it to her. Because they cutting apples up because a guy comes play Pancho and takes wrote underneath them and takes it straight to Mexico on Thursdays nobody sees nothing

► 01:41:26

got every time you eat that fruit it's sprinkling cocaine eat some of that fruit whip now watch together do you get like that box of Royal Floyd, criminal I see people for what it is I see things for what it is I'll try this and leave a rehab because I got a friend that's going to rehab you go down there early cuz I can make money there's a rehab there's a bunch of rehabs in Florida you go to and they get your insurance and they bang your insurance for 60 and then they give you a cut back in 30 I totally let me send it down into my buddies give me 10% I get 3 Grand you go down that got acupuncture to give you a few massages

► 01:42:11

the rehab businesses that would be in terms of his marijuana consumption imagine where he would be if it wasn't for you but there is that guy when you first started having them on your show when you guys first started doing this I smoke pot baby three times in college a couple months and he's done superhero doses of Edibles couple months and little by little by little by little to 500 what I would do if I get this weekend

► 01:42:48

list the Joey Diaz the Church of What's Happening Now is completely asleep at the wheel he's on the show and his eyes are almost totally closed barely a slick they just dazed who's the guest who is that it's Raven Bozzio a kid that I told on this podcast take a note what is the name of this video Jamie Lee about it sprays and Lisa and outer space

► 01:43:22

YouTube go he's God I would get these okay I would go over there in the afternoon and I would get a 180 and I would rip the cover off the 180 and I would take a 6760 mg and I need that one is like two and a half of the money I don't do nothing to me I didn't like a 60 and I take the 180 and put in the 60 rapper oh no I might bring it to him put on the table and in front of my go ahead and I'll open it up for him and he wouldn't see that was half opened already 60 but it was expired what that little bit of mold on it

► 01:44:05

he's going to be a good, I'll probably is watched

► 01:44:19

does it really special gift to that yeah what do you think I'm going to spend the night with you agree with her that I give you the balls lot of people don't like just sitting there and watching there's a lot of people that do though you know there's a lot of people that work in and around comedy clubs at probably want to do it they just don't know how to get started you know they just don't have it in them to get the ball rolling it's hard it's hard it's hard to try something new you keep thinking about when's the right time to do it is it now maybe should wait a week you know what you know what I want to lose 10 pounds and then I'm going to try it and get all these things to your head I want you to take you seriously honest honest Honest Engine well my birthday was August 11th and when I turn 21 was August 11th of 2000 and 1988 rather so I got on stage August 27th so from my birthday too when I got on stage and just a few days was just okay

► 01:45:19

I was trying to check it out Jonathan Katz was the MC and I was maybe going to get up it was one of those things where I signed up for the last you know you get I think it was 5 minutes in is a bunch of people are going to do 5 minutes and Jonathan Katz was already established stand up comedian he really funny guy and he was the host and he's like he came up to me he said let me check and a half an hour in to see if I can get you on sometimes people wouldn't show up and sew a half an hour in I'm thinking I'm just going to check it out I'm just going to bail I miss going to tell him forget about it and when I'm thinking this in my head I walked up to Andy's I got you and Joe so well you'll be going up right here and you'll have 5 minutes good luck and thanks thanks man okay thanks I was ready to pussy out dude I was totally ready to pussy out and I was so nervous the first time I want to stay that was fucking terrified I couldn't believe was the name of the place stitches stitches Comedy Club

► 01:46:20

August 27th 1988 I was terrified dude terrified I couldn't believe I was scared I did not didn't make any sense to me I didn't think I was going to be scared I thought maybe I'd be like a little nervous like I never performed before so this idea of doing it I was like well you know I've taught Taekwondo classes in front of people before I can talk in front of people and then I thought about the idea of the dude stand up in front of me this go down there it took me crazy it took me a year to think about it and then it snowed

► 01:46:54

I could go to work cuz you can't roof in Colorado

► 01:47:01

wow it's Tom Hanks and Sally Fields Angel Salazar Damon Wayans bunch of people in that movie I watched punchline and that he asked me the fuck off

► 01:47:16

I thought was said I went in the Yellow Pages I found comedy clubs I called him and Connie were offered a Tuesday night open-mic how do I get on you have to call in and they'll give you 3 minutes okay so for 2 months I called in nothing and then one night I like Joe Diaz and I called him back that night I got one check and I put flu I'm not going down there and then I was Roofing Roofing Roofing Roofing estimating jobs and going to different job is dropping off material at take two Crews working and I went to one crew and they go ahead man was stuck here on this job can you get us the morning break

► 01:47:58

oh yeah I'll go over there and I went over to this little diner right off the fucking dirty whatever that I-70 and I-70 and I-25 which one the one in Denver it was like a dustrial area trucks everywhere I don't matter with number that road as we would do it a road there and I but there was a place around the corner to Jamie. The best fucking green chili ever had a fucking life and when you pull them over fucking scrambled eggs you think we could fucking heart of the fuck will two twenties are you kidding me to eat out those fucking to Mabel's Ranch walk over there I sit around and you know there's always a paper I can front of you ever go to a diner or something is always a paper somebody read write and I sit down I get to wait to see all of them sitting and I look over and I would like this just out of you know how you just go like that to the middle and when I open it said do you want to be a stand-up comic

► 01:48:55


► 01:48:57

it was an article back on Roseanne became a stand-up comic and now because of Denver she had just blown up like Roseanne had just blown up it was maybe March of 91

► 01:49:12

Rosanna just blown up then there was a hotbed jack everybody was drinking the water I want to see her Roseanne was doing so I had a big thing about Roseanne and it had all these Open Mic spot and it had two classes that you can take and there was a class in Boulder for $33

► 01:49:32

three Sundays in a row

► 01:49:34

University of Colorado Boulder continuing education the guy that toilet is name is Jeff Harms

► 01:49:42

I went the first Sunday that okay went to Second Sunday did okay in the third Sunday performed and on the way out he took me inside because I don't know how serious you are about this but you're onto something if you want to do it let me know and I left it going I want some coke

► 01:50:00

fucking crack crack fucking jokes I swear to God, you fucking crazy I want to be a comedian and then about a month later I saw in the paper for Dorman for comedy clubs I called it up and it should come up on the way there I call Jeff he gave me his number cuz if you're going to stay just call me I'll put you up somewhere but it is a job for a doorman at wit's end

► 01:50:38

do you think I got it Migos. I'll call the guy right now that you got it just drive there fill out the app and tell me friends on me and it made me a doorman slash

► 01:50:49

some guy in the bar back quick so I was the door guy and some guy in the in the bar back

► 01:50:58

after my 6 months I got two jobs I hate it going home I had a marriage that was just fucking just like the one that we all talked about when you cannot go home it's not your home anymore

► 01:51:10

I was basically leave at 6 come home at 5 take a shower eat whatever fucking crap she cooked give the baby a kiss when I get my truck and go back to Westminster it was a club away from The Comedy Works was in Westminster but it wasn't it didn't get the best people in the world and I'm saying that you have toothless people in there and people should poach bags and shit like that so I started there and then in the middle of all that it took me 2 months to get a spot from one day

► 01:51:43

and then I went down there at Nichols Swami were the original owners of The Comedy Store Wendy which comedy what time is it tell me where he was showing me and told me to keep coming back

► 01:51:56

but I knew when I walked off that stage that life as I knew it has a tended how so whatever I thought life was at that point I've gone out the window I got Saturday was fucked up for me because Saturday I was supposed to be somewhere this week but I couldn't go I had to go to my friend's mother's 80th birthday party and why was important was in Philly it was a way from Philly she's an old folks home because they're the second family that took me in with my mom died but they took me another crucial spot gel like you you're throwing me out I'm 17 and I got nowhere to go I could go to my stepfather so I haven't had an aunt in New York that I can live with him and a godmother in Harlem now they want to live with both of you

► 01:52:49

I was but I just mention to a friend when they were snorting coke and drinking and I told him I go where I'm standing I throw me out of the Dana

► 01:52:59

he wasn't even good friend to me in about a week later I saw him in school and he goes hey man I talk to my father you can move in with us that was sweet birthday at was on Saturday you know so when I got off the phone with her I was thinking about how important it was to me but I still remember being 17 and sitting on that head on 86th and Kennedy Boulevard thinking about how I had nowhere to go. Bro I just was my only shot like I had nowhere to go

► 01:53:28

like nowhere that wasn't like a homeless shelter I didn't know where the fuck to go I probably had $10 in my pocket and then the younger brother ran up the only the dog that wait for you to come to eat the dinner I'm older I never met the parents

► 01:53:44

how lucky am I dropping I never met the parents that's pretty lucky and I walked in the headlight six kids and then wasn't like what I was used to live in if they had no way I can dish in it the parents with blue collar and they took me in that made me a part of that home never asked me for rent wasn't the fucking best house in the block but till this day when I'm tight with all the four brothers and sisters like what it was like we're all one big family but think I'll fucking looks like I'm not even talking about being thankful for the comedy Bridge just a personal break so I went over like I was killing him in full and I thought when I lost all faith in humanity like I was done like I was in the Catholic no more I was just waiting to kill somebody that's it that's all I was waiting on it's such a weird

► 01:54:36

like I'm not even worried about the county Bridge no more was the personal bridge where I grew the mouse do you know I don't even know how we got in this conversation this week is killing me it's good weed

► 01:54:46

they're going to kill the good weed now right is that was happening how's this work but it hasn't I still got some guys forgot to get a card recreational it's going to be how to remove that card son I got it I got to do that car I don't want any more bullshit weed I don't want of your fucking water down weed what are we going to do they got to water it down 18% something like that but we got Statewide Federal we got them coming from all over you understand

► 01:55:28

damn do you say fuck you just in case you let us know you can't just in case you end up liking Tom Cruise American-made if you have a card yeah they're sneaky with that shit right hopefully people eventually vote that out but you had to get it in there first that's the only way it would have passed they have everything wired up but it's a it's a victory because it's very going to be very difficult to make it illegal now that it's legal going to be very difficult to go backwards to figure out why do these companies have a monopoly on making it if it's legal why can't you make yourself aren't Tomatoes legal I can grow tomatoes can I you can even probably grows like you need a tax stamp for something to grow tobacco how does that work

► 01:56:16

maybe to sell it but if you wanted to grow your own tobacco would you be able to do that like if you said I want to make my own fucking pipes in a film with my own tobacco I want to make my own cigars could you do that it's a possible it's for personal use that's crazy so if you could do that federally and then they're saying you can't

► 01:56:39

in Ohio you can't grow your own weed

► 01:56:42

that's so stupid that's so dumb I highly let that boy you roll weed do you even know what you doing out with you like me when I don't know nothing about it I wouldn't do it but you should be able to if it's legal of course she should be able to grow it that's it's a fucking plant grow in Ohio if you have a car you wouldn't charge taxes you would keep the money you wouldn't be accurate you just do with cash do cash transactions that's the worry but that would be a tax worry more than tobacco to you you can grow as much as you want you just can't sell it okay but you did not even allowed to grow their own for personal use when it comes to marijuana so it's more restrictive than tobacco which is highlarious

► 01:57:30

silly Fox that's so dumb does that make any sense to you

► 01:57:35

listen. We have some wacky laws and we let sneak through like why would you let other people decide that different people in this group can't grow a plant that's legal now get the fuck out of here that's dumb that's a dumb rule they can't Edibles over a hundred no weed that's loose anymore so if I come into your store and I go what are you got you can't open up the container you show me the button let me smell it

► 01:58:04

you'll have to be sealed and stuff does just a lot of silly rules I don't know which ones they don't I'm very happy I found this bag of expired fucking Cheeba Chews 2015 from Anastasia listen you know me I make it work are they diminished in anyway no no no nail polish on it nobody knows nothing you seen it like it like nothing who gives a fuck a little mole Never Killed Nobody Motel people so crazy how you see it with your kids

► 01:58:43

you see what your kids I took my kids to science camp and I came from Cuba have a lot of problems medically here when I came to this country and one of them was allergies the allergies are completely different than when I was using a different country that fucking mind boggling so my allergy if you ever hear you make that noise I do that that's cuz I don't I can't scratch the back of my throat like normal people so you all sealed up up there the first week of Camp I saw my daughter do shit and I felt so bad she would try to scratch her nose and I would see her get frustrated Joe Rogan just scratching and scratching and scratching and now it's gone

► 01:59:30

3 weeks into summer camp she don't scratch them how come cuz you build up your phone you do this to me it's so weird how you see it in front of you now you see it I see I saw I went right to my wife and I only say some you have to take it to the fucking doctor and get a fucking tonsils out because that's the shit that started with me at that age when I came from Cuba right away I was in the hospital for a weekly level dog weekly between the tonsils and the fucking allergies and send the Heisman for the asthma but my mother didn't pay attention to the ass that's why I don't have it today like I might have bits and pieces of it but I don't have it but she's got it

► 02:00:11

my dog's got it they got to do the fucking inhaler in the whole thing that's going to fucking roughed Rich Ross that's rough I've seen people have asthma attacks and he can't appear the wheezing and you have no fucking idea so I have to work from a different angle I do like if someone doesn't have an inhaler and they have an asthma attack is there a strategy or technique Ono so you have to be her asthma attack

► 02:00:47

and then Haler opens up your your lungs charlson are you sure how it works my wife has the machine we have a machine that blow some powder and over the thing and then there's a regular machine that my wife has and then she has the enamel you know my wife and her and the doctor been working on different things she's healthy and the kids healthy is fucs you run she swims Jutsu list. Ballet you know it's it's 4 days a week we don't stop at that fucking house you know you just used to seeing you know you know people I love these people that they don't let's meet at 3:30 you tell your mother's Ministry 3330 is in my day really starts and I'm saying I'm writing jokes at 8. Cuz I want that cuz that's what I got yeah that's what I got that's what I got I got this. This back and at 3 from Monday the fucking Friday that's a different activity sometimes you do three at a time bro we going right from Jujitsu right to the pool and she jumps in

► 02:01:47

you think we could do a 9 with you just to me then go to the pool server 45 minutes fuck you jack yeah you got to see it it's it's unbelievable I got by the way I got a thousand fucking activities during the week it's a little energy machine that if you don't burn that energy then you deal with it from 7 to 9 when you're trying to do your own shit trying to get it together they're just concentrate. Go there ready to go couple weeks ago she took it to the zoo 6 hour walk around LA Zoo I get home at 4 I looked at my wife I park at the park 2 hours on the monkey bars and then another hour at the fucking yogurt place jumping up and down to music and Michael Jackson and fucking joint

► 02:02:38

really is crazy being a fucking that especially cuz they don't know I kidnap somebody like she's she has no idea she has no idea I'm a Savage so she thinks I'm on the up-and-up like when we go to church you shouldn't you think that he look at Jesus yeah well nothing turns people more on the up-and-up than being a father it really does change who you are you responsible for these people now and you just do you have to think of things differently you have to make sure that you provide you have to make sure that they're taken care of going to give him love it's like it's an intense world and you feel more vulnerable and it just throw the whole the world around you opens up and you y'all have more empathy way more empathy for people

► 02:03:22

looks like I'm becoming you know as your

► 02:03:26

raising children you're seeing how they develop and then you considering how other people have been mistreated and how things have gone terribly wrong I've been abused and beaten and fucked up and then left and terrible situations and you realize that so much of what happens with people with even terrible Behavior comes from other terrible behavior that didn't get a chance to stop at cycle and there's a lot of people that we could sit around like a really bad people violent people people to do terrible things that we don't even realize that so many of them are product of violence like their product of someone doing it to them like they they've almost there trying to get back at the world for all the horrible should have been done to them and there was no one there to put a stop to it there's no one there to save them there's no one there to protect them

► 02:04:21

and this is what we're seeing when we see fucked-up people we we always just think of it as fucked up people that fucked up person is the product of some terrible things that have happened to them almost universally was every Angry fucked up person is come from a place where something's gone really wrong against them you don't you're not angry and fucked up if everything is awesome if everyday just getting ice cream getting your dick sucked and driving Ferrari and watch an awesome movies like you know it's you there's it there's an anger that some people have violent criminals

► 02:04:55

and in particular that comes from someone doing that then I know you had that anger from 1979

► 02:05:07

you had that shit when I met you I had that in your butt know when I met you I've seen it I've seen it with people wanted to attack people

► 02:05:19

my first of all that was true I was always a happy kid and but not really because I was always confused about the death of my father side always have a little certain happiness but I always had the Catholic faith I was really raised Catholic and I always believe he was in heaven that he was in that box from my mom did the things

► 02:05:40

Chinese the pain a little bit then my mother's death was just fucking horrifying and that broke the central nervous system belief system

► 02:05:51

that broke the your believe in the world how can there be a God that takes a mother away from a child

► 02:06:00

when you're 16 and you wrap it around your head and does not a good result is not going to be able to go results so how I lashed out with my Robin you that was the only weapon I had my world was to Robbie Joe Rogan fucked me the studio and get robbed and lit on fucking fire and your new wooden mean what the fuck is he going to do I'm with Carmike

► 02:06:22

what you going to do they call the cops, you going to answer the phone next time don't fuck with me you know next time not to fuck with me when I tell you to give me that gram of coke and I'll pay you on Friday you'll give it to me alright cuz that's what it was it was simple shit like that right like choking me a hundred bucks right now I don't I'm not okay and I rob you fucking house should I was lashing out of the fucking world number to the other issue I had is I lost a child I wanted to chat I was not ready for that child at all I love that little girl with all my heart but I was not ready for her at all my intentions were good but the result was not going to be well I was not ready

► 02:07:06

and because I lost a child and I'm in no contact with that job it makes me the better father that I am today this is never going to happen to me again do you understand me I see I see that we see Daughters of comics

► 02:07:23

we've seen Daughters of comments and Sons of comics and that fucking lost you know I don't want my daughter to be fucking lost and that stupidity of the mat World C know you have to be that junk we have to be there yeah I know you have to be there I'm trying to be there as much as I can be I found a gauged you know I have to be in Gage will your parents engaged as much as you're engaged my mind but I didn't want them a run road yet it's a different world but my parents are very open-minded what would my parents gave to me that was really important was they they're like the most non judgemental non-racist non homophobic people ever they don't judge about anything they were hippies you know when my mom that my step dad he had a crazy long hair and he had it like all all too I was like holes in high school just want to cut I was so happy when he caught it was like back then

► 02:08:23

dudes grow their hair long they were hippies like legit hippies but because of that I was raised around like no racism no homophobic we had no homophobic thoughts in our house we need that never came up we lived in San Francisco from the time I was 7 till I was 11

► 02:08:42

we lived on a serious getting the one thing that did stormy there once I was walking with my stepdad some dude whistled at him to do was like wait for you

► 02:08:54

I knew that dudes were gay but there's a thing about when a dude is hitting on your straight stepdad me like oh my goodness this is ridiculous like guys are gross it makes you realize it doesn't even really make you realize what it would like to be a chicken that same exact not in my home

► 02:09:17

not in my home but the surrounding

► 02:09:22

you know when I would walk down the corner store Tina will go speaker rule where you going tonight to Dominican Joe he's Dominican he's Dominican they didn't give a fuck they called Louie the nigger didn't give a fuck they didn't give a fuck so funny you didn't give a fuck the different world were talking about write a kid that I still talk to me my brother as a matter fact he's one of my brothers I got to be honest with you he was in Miami's got HIV with me listening if you didn't know he was gay when he was 12 something wrong I missed out Tina used to call him he was lighting the slippers you know he's like the slippers you know and you haven't sit there and take it it was

► 02:10:22

whatever it should be okay for a little Jimmy lightning slippers everybody should just let him be I got him but he was my last year and he had a dog named Tramp that when the dirtiest dog ever like he lived outside skin like when you pet the fucking thing was that hardest it was like like those brushes you scrub the can metal brush like you've lived outside trampoline follow them every way beautiful I love Tramp

► 02:10:47


► 02:10:49

but you're very lucky cuz I appreciate it is popping. As simple as that is at the judgment

► 02:11:06

better judgement but it was more of a sense of humor you know before we're looking at a picture of Archie Bunker America understood it because he didn't know where he was coming from he wasn't saying nothing malicious it was a world where he came from right and the idea was that he was reluctantly open to occasionally taking new information on what's going on in Charlotte today every guy sitting at home fucking looking out the window Beacon waiting to fucking to get me through it as a thousand men at home waiting right now to get me fucking to it everyday a new guy gets called out for something like that what's this going to be like in 5 years I'm going to be able to even ask for a fucking piece I think

► 02:11:56

there's going to come a time and then I don't think it's going to be very long within 10 years where we're going to be able to read each other's minds I think we're going to be able to communicate in a different way

► 02:12:08

and I think it's just going to be step one into some sort of a technological world where we all read each other's minds we we can connect together and some almost like telepathic webway the way use this is obviously just an idea

► 02:12:23

but I think that if technology continues to give us closer and closer access to people going to lose all boundaries between what a person is and you going to know everything about everyone's past and everyone's going to know everything about yours and it's going to be like some unlimited library of the mind you can you can travel through anyone's mind and read anyone starts and 100 years goes by and the technology gets better in a thousand years go by we're going to integrate we're going to figure out a way whether it's in our grandchildren's life times are there grandchildren's life times and I think that cultural shifts and things that are happening in the news and people waking up to things that they think are horrible and people trying to correct the the misdeeds of the past all of that is US waking up in the middle of our culture and trying to

► 02:13:14

figure out what's right figure out what's that the healthy way to move forward figure balance this thing out slow down what are we doing for waking up as grown adults trying to figure out our system and there's some in justices nose and justices have to be corrected or at least recognized we have to understand what's the difference between normal male female interaction and what sexual harassment what when is it when someone doesn't want you to do it when does it become a crime and I wouldn't you don't want your daughter to ever experienced that and I don't want anybody that's a woman to experience real sexual harassment

► 02:13:50

it's the worst fucking thing that could probably ever happened you cuz you can't do anything physically about it other than rape or bed being beaten up and murdered to creepy place to be in

► 02:14:00

I've had guys hit on me before you ever had a guy hit on you before we you like hey where is this going I was like 13 I didn't know what to do I also acknowledged it and I never fucking happened again and I was going to get through this and I was a kid like we thought it was a joke to go to a fucking porn theater on a Sunday your little point on a Sunday in like with 6 of your stupid friends and go to the bathroom and there's always a guy that gets next to you in the store when you go pee and it looks at your dick and he smiles come on guys yeah I bumped into a lot of cream you been out here first of all day what bothers me about the current situation and I went off that this fucking place he has always been a fucking Haven for sexual harassment this fucking neighbor down at want to hear Hollywood is with sexual harassment got a vest invented did you ever see all the stuff about Fatty Arbuckle

► 02:14:53

the herd piece of my family right by but I don't need to know about fatty I know by the chick named Marilyn Monroe that they passed around till they killed it I know about a guy named Liberace we used to suck your dick and fuck and clean you out and then send Jonathan to put a fucking cold plastic surgery so you look like you look like him ever made a person to let me tell you something else too

► 02:15:20

that's why won't fucking the elephant in the room the fucking will we hang out was known for, me fucking hell of then I'm sucking dick through saliva is The Comedy Store by the dick sucking went down the fuck, you store I don't know how long Harvey Weinstein's been around but this is strong by the Eagles in 1980 that was released on the fucking long run their last album It's called The King of Hollywood on the way home put on listen to in the car you going to crash your car

► 02:15:48

call the king of fucking Hollywood and hit you going to go who the fuck were they talking about it just breaks it down it would be a shame to see all that Talent go to waste

► 02:16:02

do you know what are you willing to sacrifice wouldn't really be just nice come sit down here beside me honey let's have a little heart-to-heart that's the fucking lyrics to the song King of Hollywood 1980 nobody knew now look at me and tell me darling how badly do you want this part yeah let's listen to put many positions of power hiring women like that that that crazy position of what you're trying to cast something and you got a hundred people that want it so bad and you're

► 02:16:37

you know you're some creepy dude some people actually think that this would change

► 02:16:43

Dell life if I came to you right now and said you're wrong and you're fucking delivering papers in Boston

► 02:16:50

you have to show if you have a podcast that's all you got to do is make my fucking ball no more than time to swallow one time yeah like that's too

► 02:17:06

did you do it I didn't think I'd ever think about how much do I get in how long do I have to suck him for this is Blake's it's going to be over pretty quick cable may do just do that right now the king of Hollywood Clark Gable a thought I was in there

► 02:17:32

but he what was he lives to be a gay man was this also those lyrics were about Clark Gable oh I'm sorry I thought you yeah yeah yeah but then it was about the chick who described or sexual relationships with a bunch of people in town and she had to describe some fucking Don Henley the drummer from the Eagles the guy that sings and he would get hooked us to come up to the house

► 02:18:10

wouldn't even talk to me why them up turn around don't even look at me don't even make fucking eye contact with me and you understand me

► 02:18:21

bend over

► 02:18:23

so he would sit on the couch

► 02:18:26

we're Obama's dick out snorting coke and they would all be in front of the fireplace bent over

► 02:18:39

Jesus Christ said he would fucking he'll ever you lunch in this town again probably never eat lunch at he would take the thing do a line of coke get up and walk up to one of them

► 02:18:51

spread footing in their ass a little bit of that pussy up and twice and then I'll be back in 5 minutes or 8 hours just get up fucking for 5 minutes and sit back down before he come so he would never crack a nut and he was just keeps doing to keep a hard-on alive

► 02:19:13

fucking face so who the fuck knows listen to know it's like they all through the Harvey under the bus but these animals have been doing this since Jesus left Chicago since Jesus Le Chicago when I read that article about the Cuban Superman that they ran over sleeping with what they blink when we talked about it at Oracle was exactly what was seeing today only behind closed doors that you might become a Haven for sex will you go see if I can go get fucked I mean then they were passed through this week in Mexico that a girl could get fucked if she's 12 years old you really need that room really that's the rule you need in this every time we just got past 12 years old. Jamie 12 years old fucking years old what are you just answer why is a woman 12 years old that's insane that's insane

► 02:20:11

it is real talk to you you fucking believe that oh my God look at this the federal laws. I was at the age of 12 at the minimum age of consent while the age at which there are no restrictions for consensual sexual activities is 18 sex with someone 12 to 18 is not illegal per se but can still be opened prosecution under certain circumstances what does that mean so it's it's 812 is the age of minimum age of consent but the age of which there are no restrictions for consensual sex is 18 so the idea that sex between someone is 12-18 it's not illegal but they might be able to lock you up if you do something super creepy

► 02:20:54

that is nuts Man U match if there's like some

► 02:20:58

person that just only one after 12. Where is that that's on the United States of Mexico

► 02:21:05

Mexico so that's why people would fly that is actually I typed in Mexico but this is an article on Wikipedia about age consent in North America North America how is that real I just saw North America to and that's why I asked you North America United States of America write North America's Canada to that is that is that is not possible the house it is that really possible the 12 to be the age of consent anywhere

► 02:21:34

what are you talking about that's crazy it is 18 right the Federal North America age of consent in North America and there is States here where it's lower than 80 real okay so 12 to 17 the 12 that are in white which is that's in Mexico right okay there are spots and all the way up the coast right

► 02:22:12

if that's the Mexico. Yeah that side but. That whole thing is 12 years old is the age of consent of Blues on 16 that's a lot of State 16th that's kind of crazy

► 02:22:25

and a lot of fucking US states how quick 16 that's crazy and Central America interesting that age of consent thing is bananas go back to that little map again please

► 02:22:44

that is weird to look at I would have thought they would be way less of those 16 week of May 16th are and what are the darker ones can you scroll all the way down so we can see the whole scale so 17 is that and then why is 18 so don't like Florida calculus less greens and there are Blues Morse the age of consent is 16 is current

► 02:23:12

is it possible this is not current

► 02:23:16

it seems not Alaska 62

► 02:23:21

I assumed it was all 18 almost everyone it was like eight

► 02:23:27

you know why they could be like 7 6 and 1/2 you never know that I'm fucking that crazy place a fucking crazy place

► 02:23:37

that's where white people go to Boogie

► 02:23:40

so I just found out about the time you go out and buy pills over the counter or something go pain doctors pain medication like I just read this shit recently logged out of mileage to something that's why so many people left Florida little people moving to Florida and drugs just feel the pain doctors and drugs I don't know about this shit yeah well there's a great documentary that we talked about many times call the Oxycontin Express and they sort of documented that whole route from Ohio and Kentucky and all the way down to Georgia all the people would go into Florida just to get pain pills all you had to do is just get into Florida and you get a doctor and say you hurt your back and they would have a pharmacy right next to the doctor's office and all the pharmacy had his pain pills you go there you tell the doctor you hurt the doctor says great here here's some fucking serious hardcore drugs that can kill you don't take more of these he'll die they're super powerful opiate

► 02:24:40

but since I wrote. I wrote it on this piece of paper you can go buy it so you go next door and you're buying you're buying the hardest of Hardcore you're buying hillbilly heroin you're buying Oxycontin you're going to sleep now I've never done that shit I did morphine when I got my knee operated on to give me the pump thing and you press it and press it and press any want to get more morphine I don't have no idea what Oxycontin feel but that morphine felt wonderful film Oxycontin did not feel good was it feel like I ate it one time and that was good enough for me anymore and you know I like blow but I don't like math what does oxy do for you like why is it not good I took a little tiny piece like I'm always a fan of that might put me to sleep

► 02:25:31

I hope you like this could put you to sleep you no more I'll give it fucking shot I like sleeping you try to go to sleep on oxycontin we gave me a 16th it was there was nothing there right I was nothing that I popped it

► 02:25:49

and I just felt like my blood pressure drops like I couldn't even do anything so I went to sleep and I just know never to take that shit again this shouldn't should have taken that I just knew that I was never going to. Just wasn't going to work for me damn

► 02:26:03

you don't heroin has that Effect 2 for a little while like it takes you somewhere and if you don't put the brakes on this shit then you're gone on that thing I don't even know how to describe it but I don't like that face you know the cocaine feeling you like in the beginning then where it goes if you don't like it and I gets worse and worse and worse before that time you were addicted to it and I'm saying meth I never understood that shit wanted to be up for 4 days that that just seems and you will be up at two fucking days thinking you're tired and want to go lay down and I'll see if I can't sleep I'm sweating so pills I've always had that I like a little fucking sleeping pill or something but I can't cuz this

► 02:26:51

I can take the anxiety medication that will help me sometimes I'll pop a few of those if I get stuck there like as a pan but then like 1.52 of them do nothing nobody .5 + find the weed let's go to sleep

► 02:27:07

weed at night don't do dick you ever seen me at night smoking weed not really cuz relational fact was in the daytime that's we like I like that morning hi that's the one that gets the whole that's the one that lets me email tax tweet think think...... All my mine all mine I get it out the way so if I'm up call at 6 but the coffee on over the computer feed the cats I don't Pablo it

► 02:27:41

she's just people Pablo it that's no bueno Escobar at yeah what's up I blow it open your eyes in bed roll over and take a joint and smoke it that's no bueno y'all let your body wake up that's no bueno that's the quickest way was that fucking thing yet let me take a hit it if you don't I love that little blunt that fucking Gino from speedweed you some of the best fucking Jamie pick this one up this we don't want this is a veggie know what's it called Hollywood's

► 02:28:19

you always hated blunt when you're waking up and pulling the Pablo

► 02:28:24

Peter Fonda ruined your dedicated yeah it's Medicine Man okay but if you wake up and give your body some chance to like I remember smoking cigarettes in the morning you don't know what

► 02:28:37

what damage is to your body

► 02:28:41

do you wake up in the morning take six steps should I download to pull a cigarette out and waited there is no worse damage a human being could do that body forget heroin forget even a few avocados forget eating a Burger King Whopper

► 02:28:59

get up at 6 in the morning give yourself 3 minutes and light a cigarette your body does not recover from that and you don't know how bad it is to you stop doing it

► 02:29:11

that's damaged so I look at it the same day with refund I let my body wake up a little bit but at a drink water let the body's heat drink a glass of water with ice let my body is heat wake up get the stomach going drink a little coffee and then bang out some reefer who lordy it's a different day and you like to work out in the morning to write 8:55 I can't come to your house later tonight but I can't come I'm not going to roll with you at 6 in the morning most heart attacks happen before one time I don't know what's going to happen before fucking 12 so you don't want to be yeah I know you don't want Joey Diaz on your side control at 6 in the morning either I'm good at 9 to kick box and the kick box 1112 to Jujitsu eyes

► 02:30:02

are you guys awake everything up that's the whole deal heart attacks are more common the morning says Fox News 5 to 6 times more likely to occur in the morning hours between 1 and 5 a.m. and Studies have shown that morning heart attacks tend to be more severe and those that happen later in the day too long or Too Short of an interval can result in abnormal heart rhythms called arrhythmias don't give Mama stabbing in the mornings

► 02:30:29

don't worry about heart attacks again cuz I was my more I love more than pussy in the morning so I'll wake him up in the morning and in the morning she pops her head up and then maybe they already know they get up there. They dry the monkey good they come back naked you eat that fucking monkey and then you start giving them to stab him like a soldier that stabbing dog I would have to get up and start breathing heavy and I thought about that that fucking gangster that was telling to testify that time in court and he bent over the pitaya shoes and they had a heart attack and the guy ended up doing a fucking jail and we have to talk about that too in a second but we will come cover the heart attack I take a baby aspirin before I go I drink something from GNC to get me going a little bit in the mornings I still take my haunted protein powder I live by but I do take a something before I go to the gym and I do drink something while I'm at the gym to comment down a little bit what do you drink something

► 02:31:29

GNC v i g n c I don't know you don't know names I just know performance levels do shroom Tech side pop once and I started with a half a capsule

► 02:31:46

because I was finding my heart was beating too much you got to watch the ticket yet you got to watch the ticket that's interesting you don't listen to God gives you a certain amount of texts to the heart

► 02:31:56

I did Coke... Fucked up the whole clock that I vets that fucked up the speedometer you got sand in your diet but there's a lot of shit you could do without thinking like a marathon or something yeah I watch my fingers no numbness I go up I get a finger up my ass as much as I could from the doctor I use I overuse Insurance Dallas I can go on Friday for a blood test why joint cuz I'm in the mood to you got to switch out the blood every couple months I'm saying you got to switch it out like Keith Richards still alive can you switch it out looking women on dialysis tax why cuz they bleed every month what do you only answer I was at don't take them over to matter what you think you like a fucking booked I'm just anybody okay relax I'm enjoying your conversation you just smoking so much weed to getting paranoid

► 02:32:56

sucking it down and getting deeper and deeper into the hole that's what's the matter was great to see what's going on no bulshit you know what else to do last night and now I'm coming tonight you going down there tonight tonight nice of the Fall in Love Again with it I wanted to get to take time off thanks but really weird how you live and you learn and you still fall for dumb shit you know the only person I should listen to him to come too, as you and I don't see you enough but I don't talk to you enough about I got to get out more planes with you because when I tried I watch the John Mulaney special my phone what was joke writing and stuff is very funny guy really nice guy to really nice guy fucking great fucking special ghetto

► 02:33:52

but every once in awhile I'm sorry I'm saying this word I always think I get the white moment but I'm not a white comic the reason why you like me in the people like me because you don't know what's going to come out of my mouth when I become a writer that's my mother comedian know more when I go home and start writing stupid fucking jokes and you laugh at him I'm not Joey Diaz no more that's not my Joey Diaz supposed to do that was supposed to do but this shit the top of Mount scares the shit out of me so now I got to go up there you paid 25 bucks to see me I got to go up there and can you leave my soul of that I take that should seriously not take a little bit too seriously this shit you see now in what way

► 02:34:32

did the people coming to the shows people coming to the shows to see you then they tonight and they want to do you to see you do well so I go up there with this plan material that I work on hard but I believe in that's bullshit because I'm a lot friendlier when I go up there and I just fucking yell and scream and go off the cuff and go crazy in my eyeballs turn red but no I want to be John fucking my Lane because he makes me fucking life and he's what in your mind that you, cat yeah everybody's got their own way of doing it I'm going back to bed I'm going back to midnight spots

► 02:35:09

next week I'm going back to midnight spot I'm going back to Cali Cali Cali Going Back to Cali yo football movie spots I know that late but they're the only ones that keep give you going to play it if you listen for me to be in uniform that's the only way I could do it at 10:15 following you that ain't fun no more we got to be back there late like we used to go on for hours of sleep for 2 or 3 weeks then you got to walk me over and buy me a fucking pink dots and was like in the old days why you like the 10:15 spot they put me in that position I'm sick of fucking being that fucking John Mulaney position I'm not John Mulaney I'm a little early tonight but I'd like to see me because something's going to come out of my mouth that's going to be funny but nothing funny coming out of my fucking mouth listen I love you but it your desk it is crazy talk you what you do is your way of doing it it's great at 10 it's gray today you could do at 3 in the afternoon show the amazing stare at me

► 02:36:09

they stare at me of the original room I'm going back to midnights taking McKenna some spots again 3 nights a week because I can handle it that means I get home at 1 I'll stay up till 1:30 to get to do the late spots yeah you know I'm at the reason why I do this early shit is because I'm trying to be normal I read that book your podcast like I said I like this hold on a second so you are going to close out the store and do like an hour long set up at least for the most part I was it I just saying I don't want to close so it's not I thought you were saying you want to do the contestants about nothing Midnight's midnights by what he would do that. I thought he was always the last guy

► 02:37:09

spot in the water though I don't always do Midnight's but let's call the Paul Mooney spot okay just you want to do a late-night spot that I would do a lot better I don't have to go to all the places for sure yeah yeah yeah it's ready for me that it's time for me to be on Mama fucking the generational say that fellow playing Pokemon in the morning 12 12 12 12 people coming in and bumping you that still happens a little bit but not too much it's up to him if they don't they don't know one jump sound does an hour and a half like the old days I miss I miss that 12. Process of 12th and Main in the old days was

► 02:38:01

I swear to God Joe they've already heard everything yeah they've I think they really want to hear these dumb three jokes in my pocket I got nothing coming and it taught me how to write really good what is changed recently like the one of the things a lot of people been saying with especially the me-too movement is a people are more cautious about saying controversial jokes now

► 02:38:30

you feel that you feel like energy in the air being different

► 02:38:36

you feel like I get some more sensitive I feel the energy different but guess what G it don't apply to me

► 02:38:45

it don't apply to me doesn't apply to me and it's never going to apply to me

► 02:38:51

okay I understand me shooting you special on your network you don't want me to use certain words there's parts and I and I get that this is a business Brian this is a business and I got mouths to feed but when I'm at The Comedy Store when I'm at The Improv when I'm at the Laugh Factory when I'm at Flappers when I'm at the haha when I'm at the New York Gotham you got to let it fly I'm going to let it fly okay and I'm sorry I was just so you know just so you know you know what I put on yesterday because it's time when I take it no more I'm not taking no more I put on an album and again I'm very sorry if I offend somebody so take your name of the album is Bicentennial Niger by James Richard Pryor I put it on and cried I got the fucking I got the

► 02:39:51

the Periscope listening to Richard okay I got it okay and I listen to Lenny Bruce live from Carnegie Hall in the last couple weeks I don't know when the last time you listened to that because we can't because of our guys like you and I can definitely not Jamie and definitely the other 30 you can because of the

► 02:40:15

call Florida house loans for references but it's a lesson I listen to that and I'm going home just don't listen to tonight I'm staying in tonight to listen to the one when he meets the wine on me Dracula is It Something I Said or the niggars crazy both of those albums and masterpieces and that's how he wanted us to do it yeah that was how we have to do it yeah he didn't give a fuck what the fuck was said if a company wants to pay you HBO with CBS and Joey can we talk to you the corner we can't have that junk because we got a complaint about that I'm an adult I can't send you no listen to Bill Hicks is that don't feel too good myself okay alright let's cut the fuck shit okay we do this for profit at the end of the fucking day with feeding our families alright so but there's also way you do it and there's also way I do

► 02:41:15

I watch the Richard Pryor thing and I know he wanted to the Hollywood Bowl and it would do anything for gays anyone up there when it gets the gays I got it is it something I would do I don't know

► 02:41:25

I don't know but it's who was supposed to be in the way as a comedian

► 02:41:31

what's supposed to be the social column

► 02:41:36

Society in a way in some way so now you want to take that away from me

► 02:41:42

you want to take the way I can't say I grew up on the word retarded I grew up on the word faget I grew up on the word I grabbed a lot of words that people don't accept today and I'm very sorry that you don't accept them but it's too late for me to change my game right now yeah I'll try my hardest I try my hardest I'm still going to say tranny from time to time I know it offends but when you're a comic listen man the first seven minutes of to any news is about what's going on in the world in the next 10 minutes is bad I never talk about politics month to top it off I'm a felon so I need to talk about frat party I'm saying this just thinks I'm not going to talk about kicking in the boys from Child let me for a long time and we, you know I'll chicken imported free to you that's not my style I'm up there to talk about

► 02:42:42

Cooking Mama you'll be shocked I meant I'm here to tell you how I see it you want to hear I want to see it this is how I said if I offend you I offend you in the beginning was showing said some very effective in today's terms but in my reality it was real you want firecrackers you buying from a Chinese dude on each other because that's racist how's your actual Chinese people out of weird ones that we all let fly like black dudes with big dicks no one's complaining about that give her that you seem black dude has a big dick do they might come by and probably did look into now that might be like maybe I'm the first one who called out on it that's racist to think that black dudes have big dicks

► 02:43:29

is it is if it's positive is it pot is like a positive attribute racist I give you said Asian people are better at math people would say that's racist how is it racist if they're really good at something like if they have more Talent OR skill or more accomplishments has it racist but this isn't that racial if it's good

► 02:43:50

rightlook Jews accept it if you tell Ari that more European Jews won Nobel science projects is it of course we're smarter is it is it racist to talk about how many Jews are so fucking smart like why is that why do you say God damn smart German and European Jews were like fucking serious Geniuses it's a it's a crazy Trend what happened over the counter explain it to me once but their values their education and experience is and what led to the numbers of European Jews that have won Nobel science prizes it's kind of like

► 02:44:28

is I opening you know me getting some New Jersey 00 guineas for New Jersey when its eyes were none of my relatives wouldn't science project stop a couple weeks ago it was European Jews that have won the Nobel science prize try that I don't know

► 02:44:48

I don't even know what those numbers I'm talking on my ass I know that it's definitely heard it discussed that there was a giant number

► 02:44:56

what you doing with a Joey Diaz

► 02:45:00

text me

► 02:45:01

body I need to be at all Fourth of July baby this is our our country's birthday is a time that we should cherish

► 02:45:11

I think we should play the national anthem

► 02:45:16

Leon play the national anthem real quick that on this morning by my house I love it I love it so how was your experience doing your Netflix special

► 02:45:25

everything was great Netflix I take my hats off from everything was great it was my fuck up it was my fuck up I let it get into my head too much I listen to too many people and I forgot the number

► 02:45:38

just be funny

► 02:45:41

that should be yourself doesn't matter lame people how many shows did you come to

► 02:45:47

first one I think was a disaster the second one that redeem myself a little bit will put something together we'll save something

► 02:45:54

I'm working really hard like now now I'm going back to my old roots how I want to do my stand up again it's hard when you have two shows only two shows that start with bush no more I listen to see I got to do with me I'm a stand-up comic

► 02:46:12

that's what I sign up for

► 02:46:15

well I got left on 55 going on methadone stand up another 10 years maybe I got to stop now you going to shut me down now, is what we get started

► 02:46:27

as we get started

► 02:46:29

we have to we are daughters when you think about you think about ever stop and doing stand-up cuz I do occasionally I think about it and then I take a flight back with dice from New York and I look at dice right before I approach him I sit and I look at him

► 02:46:43

10 feet away for 10 minutes and I think to myself is this what I want to be doing at that age and I think about what would we be doing

► 02:46:52

what would be doing you really want to be around your wife and your daughters every fucking weekend very fucking week you already used to leave in one weekend at least a month

► 02:47:03

AAA used to it

► 02:47:05

there's going to be a casino some reason pay you once a month to leave the house with two. If you would you be happy with your act if you want to going out once a month like if you weren't doing up and practice and going out once a month to be awful but I'm saying you still hosting the pizza place on Wednesday nights but and you still let's pretend you move to fucking Columbus Ohio okay okay Columbus Ohio Miss Ohio and you work the funny bone one to you right and you do your little pizza open mic somewhere down the corner couple nights a week they look he was the older guy they all came up looking the commie watching it you know they listen to you know when I starving, I started the guy's name was George McKelvey

► 02:47:51

Detroit McKelvey was a really special guy JoJo because he had been on The Tonight Show with with the

► 02:47:58

whatever I say, got to stand up and that's the fucking depend on me for one of us whether he became Richard Pryor or not he was on what's his name come on I've no idea I might show Johnny Carson stand up and Johnny put them on the couch you know the real deal I'll never forget he call me when they said they go to drive to Colorado Springs and get on stage open up for me I got to can't get on that stage cuz of famous manager that was at that stuff that club the time would let you go on stage unless you took that comedy class for 35 bucks oh that was ask and why was she did was fucked up I wave it

► 02:48:43

so you threw me out on stage and this old guy like me

► 02:48:47

hello guy had no career basically he did the local places he home to clubs

► 02:48:53

and he worked a couple clubs that hire I'm still he died on the road or whatever my point being that he helped me a lot as an old guy like I looked at them at first my first opinion of him was in the mood of this whole lose another wasn't no losing have been doing it for 30 years he committed to this and no matter what his turnout was or whatever he was still a, he died a comic I talk to him my baby Tweety isn't until he died and I lost contact with George Carlin died on the road but I can't for years I thought I wouldn't be doing this is 50 guess what I'm 55 and I'm starting to be you're still letting it swing you still having fun and doing a lot of crazy shit that get you in a lot of trouble today that's what I brought up with we're talking about the you know in air quotes me to era people going after people today for good or bad

► 02:49:53

and it said to still have a wild controversial act in this politically grabbing your pussy of you sucking my dick for a movie roll over something like that all those things really don't exist in my life right I have a wife and I have a child they don't exist them right away if you want to come at me for sucking my dick in night in 2002 we were both both doing blow that be my guest be my guest but I want to see footage I can't be on Z I'm sorry and take it and just give them a lot of people out that I got to get me to look for years he was known as a heroin addict never got accused of sexual misconduct and some chick said she met last night when he was 11 years old and now you that you need that you need that in the chicks on drugs she's doing the press conference while she's on drugs what's his name brother the one the guy that was in heat that the narrow put them in the rehab

► 02:50:53

are they married Heidi Fleiss for a while who was with Heidi Fleiss from some girl comes up when she questioned me on the movies that when I was 11 that's great and dandy dog but you can't ruin somebody's life now but what do you think is happening this is my question like why are why are people accepting these these situations like the Chris Hardwick situation or why is everybody instantly thinking that the guys guilty no one giving him a check. No court no justice court there's no nothing and then some some cases like the worst case was Garrison Keillor Garrison Keillor is the host of the Lake Wobegon Chronicles like this radio show on PBS I think it is that what it is he apparently hugged woman and his hand went down her back this is this is

► 02:51:53

depiction and he apologized to her and he sent her an email she said don't worry about it it's no big deal was nothing and then they continued I believe the corresponding were friends again and then all the stuff start happening with Al Franken and then he had this complaint brought up by this woman she reintroduced it and said that a long time ago I put his hand on my back and they cancel the show they took his name off of it and they did it like really quickly and it's one of those things where you just go okay really like the guy in One Moment In Time touches someone's back I don't know if it was creepy or not let's assume it was a terrible error and it was creepy I don't think it was I don't know I'm not saying I know

► 02:52:42

but that's it just touching someone's back and you would that is a hysterical reaction that is hysteria it's almost the definition of Hysteria you're not talking about an evil person. Another person to touch someone's back like we got to be real careful with what you destroy a person's whole life with so on the one side you have the worst case scenario which is like a Bill Cosby who's drugging people and raping people so worst case scenario for these powerful Elite type people that are getting these women into their web and probably want to stay in and everybody knew about his contract with sexual harassment Clauses were in his contract right wasn't that it was known for years we have you do it bothers me about Harvey I'm eating with masi about Harvey what we got it it's a lot of people that have to be indicted in this is one

► 02:53:42

should be a RICO Act is a RICO Act agents manages Oprah and everybody knew everybody knew how much are you doing in 2005 everybody know Joe Diaz was a Coke make Coke think it's 2007 Jodi is coming to a party in your house that's two cell phones missing

► 02:54:14

okay let me let me say that still do you think that it's possible that his behavior was shielded from some of the people that he interacted with like Hillary Clinton or Oprah or Bill Clinton or was it they some high-profile people that he interacted with is it possible they didn't know is it possible that they heard little chilly chatter but it's okay it's a chunk they would just let him okay I see Joe whatever not now

► 02:54:54

only 5 years ago

► 02:54:56

I see Joan the first thing I do know is Joe before you leave don't forget I got to take this time

► 02:55:02

what was that story going to be about about fencing Hendersons choke

► 02:55:07

about a joke that somebody said the store no I'm going to play something with you

► 02:55:15

Patrick took me in the back of suck my dick under the car and then she stick a finger up my ass and that's what we talked about so if that's what we talked about you going to look me in the fucking face like a man and that you are in the men that you've been around and don't me Harvey Weinstein never turned the bride or is all the bodies in the sentence remind me to tell you a story about that dirty fucking Adam

► 02:55:41

for sure okay that for sure oh my God and the other boys will be boys right I have what what you want say to Jaime you'll say to me before you go on your watch blind date the movie Blind Date does the movie named blind date with Bruce Willis I remember that movie with Kim Basinger hilarious Kim Basinger steals the show when she walks in the Japanese then she's like you know you're entitled to 50% of your husband's ashes in California and the Chinese woman kept saying me no speak English me no speak English but she opens up 50% 50%. Movies at Great movie this is seen in the opening of that movie both of those actors

► 02:56:37

where the guy comes up when he goes you not going to believe what happened last night and Bruce Willis goes here we go one of these fucking sex stories again I think it was so much pain I walk out and some lady pulls up on my phone and I say I never been a limo she goes to go get in and we're riding down Sunset hard times in the summer and next thing you know she's sucking my dick she's got leotards on eat her ass and he's telling the story and Bruce Willis listen to go to know know why does this always happen to you this is some other bullshit

► 02:57:14

and it goes very sparkly sauce whipping out Polaroid's

► 02:57:18

but I've always known

► 02:57:22

we've all known one guy in my life that guy in boat Harvey model number

► 02:57:35

do probably was because they listened to everybody who told him that he was holding people down at all she's a piece of ass she's got to see to suck a dick right she'll do anything she's an animal but that's what we do is meant with braggadocio actors and actresses I think he had four or five guys that knew what he was doing I want you to remember being 27

► 02:58:08

and having for your boys that would come back every Monday with a different story the karate school

► 02:58:16

a dress I fucked her on fire just whatever the fuck is that you do he told somebody something new about all these stories

► 02:58:24

some agents New Summit because Fallout 4 the hundred of them that said no and whatever that had to be 25 years playing the percentages Joe

► 02:58:34

Bojack bit and Friday they played yes they blame that one girl they had that and that one girl that did rounders they accused her yeah I heard that played Matt Damon's girl she was she went from being an extra and fucking Donnie Brasco to being a guest star opposite fucking yeah if you want Donnie Brasco she's what's his name sorry Black's girlfriend let me in line she hasn't that movie

► 02:59:02


► 02:59:05

smart move to you later she's a fucking guess the opposite

► 02:59:11

so he has a bunch of them that said yes but you fought the girl for doing that little girl decides to jump on her own free will.

► 02:59:23

And this two ways to enhance that dream is he the I always knew that I wasn't good-looking I always knew I was fat now as mom is already hard to listen to it but I always knew that was funny so I always worked on being funny

► 02:59:38

I didn't think somebody was going to let me suck that dick or eat that pussy to be a star so that was on never in my mind but think about people who how many people have you met that would sell that many people have come and gone in front of you the reason why our friendship is still intact it because you know I'm more at work if you know or he's a hard-working you respect hard work how many times have you pulled me aside and said look at this fucking clown and you're not trying to be judgmental you just know that he's pulling the wool over somebody's eyes we know who's talkin to talk and we know who's walking the walk we see it on stage we are about it no big Twitter or Facebook hear about it we get to that club the club on her page on Joey was here 2 weeks ago he was falling asleep on stage you know

► 03:00:27

so it's the same thing

► 03:00:31

yeah I think so I think

► 03:00:37

I think what's 1 of things is stand-ups good for is that it's it's an exercise you doing while you're living your life

► 03:00:44

and the better stand up gatz it's usually a better indication that you're thinking better be like your your lights more in order you more tuned in you know you're doing stuff that's hitting harder because you got better points she not edited better and usually that that you can use that I think it's like that movie Mo Better Blues Band I love that movie pirate to work on my act after the movie I was like thing about how much musicians practice he was just always practicing these girls hot girls wanted and you like not all right now I got to practice I got to practice I was like damn the discipline crazy discipline the. Man has to play that trumpet and practice it over and over again and it made me really think like as a comic we don't work like that we don't have to rehearse all day you know we don't really rehearse the musicians like a really good musician I mean they're always working there was trying and training and working on their crap and we do it on stage in front of people probably more than a lot of musicians doing less than you know

► 03:01:44

Ashley regular touring but it's we don't we don't have that kind of work ethic attached to what we do if you want to play a phenomenal trumpet those guys their breath control and the way they can blow those horns man they practice all the time they put an hours and hours working on that I was thinking about it like that's a different kind of crafts to different kind of cramped the debility play music musical instrument the thing about stand up that becomes a problem sometimes is that it's kind of you can kind of pull it off like you can do it really well or you can kind of pull it off and to kind of pull it up you don't need a whole lot of effort you seen a few good subjects and a few good ways of expressing it but did get that we can kind of pull it off and turn it into a bit. Just smashes a bit that you put it in you can't wait to get that punch line cuz you know it can be a nuclear bomb that's where the real work comes in and I think for a lot of us it's the difference between how much energy you put towards anything but it's

► 03:02:44

stand up comedy or painting or whatever the fuck you do how much energy you put towards your writing how much energy to put towards thinking about it the more you can do the better it's going to be and that's that's a fundamental thing and nobody ever tells you he will tell you should write what's up just that you should write you should also listen to your shit you should also perform but the whole key to it all is just applying different kinds of focused towards your act and if you look at like a movie like Mo Better Blues like he's doing that you realize like this guy is like lost in the act of practicing this beautiful musical instrument and this is his craft and he takes pride in being an excellent at his crap he could just hang around all day and still probably blowing awesome tuna at night but no he fucking practices and I remember thinking about that going to and that's probably something it's missing from the lots of most stand-ups and I should probably try to think about that more with my own life and I love I love the

► 03:03:39

writing and I love the Performing I hate the listening yeah that's a very rough for me and I listen I force myself in before the special I force myself to listen a lot and it made me to fucking over critical you know. Me too old for fucking critical a week before I take I also went to places that I didn't put my name on the Gazebo just to see how my jokes would do in front of regular people and that fucked with my head a little bit I'm in a lot of couple of little mistakes and training camp but that's a training camps before. And yes no I agree was not been doing this for 27 years I love doing it I get better every fucking Year my breathing I get something better going up on stage or confidence level and the targets 27 fucking is you going to be doing Saturday this shit is your next month is going to be 30 fucking years did you ever

► 03:04:39


► 03:04:42

doing this for 30 years I still remember walking into the main room and Mitzi was in her booth and Paul was on stage slice in that room apart and she called me over and she goes that's what happens when you give me none, if it's 20 years at that time I was like damn I mean before 11 I still got another 9

► 03:05:09

now I'm at 27 crazy it's like you watch people like John John Wright who will fuck you up after lutely sleep without even breathing heavy John Jackal you know that you'll be in you'll get that fucking hell you think you got them in the fucking Guillotine yeah texting you know you're on your back looking up with your arm in a fucking and that's what kind of wood doing right now I feel myself when I see a guy with a car about then I might that's the level now that we're at I can control a lot of shit Joe one of your secrets was following me was putting yourself in a bad position which in Jiu-Jitsu is like getting the biggest guy in the room anyway you busy right now did I tell you on the road with me to be like what the fuck is going on top of me and just on the road

► 03:06:05

is like somebody going to hate come in for second what do you weigh 300 I weigh 140 get on top of me in the mouth and put one hand then and we'll start there yeah let's start right there start right fucking that only if you think about it that way see this is what was important about it and is 1 of 1 things is important about traveling with all really funny people did it only becomes a negative when you think at it as a negative when someone's funny you should be laughing and enjoying it and it makes your time more enjoyable when you go on stage yes it does I needed to learn and the way I learned that one of the ways we go on the road with you I knew that you were going to crush and so I knew that everybody else would like to take you know we were both relatively Young & R, T careers back that right so it's like we're talking about I've been doing comedy maybe 9 years or 8 years you were a lot wiser about the game that I've never even

► 03:07:05

watched a few texts but you had the Practical knowledge that I needed like you were the Vo-Tech school what what I did is I thought about the same way I thought about martial arts that's one of the reasons why I wanted to go on the road with you all the time I was like you don't get better or sparring people that suck you get better when you spar with Wizards you got to be real careful when you respond with Wizards and so I was like what I would need to do is have someone goes on stage in front of me and just crushes we had some I had some tough sets going to have to remember one time and rascals rascals in West Orange right was in West Orange East Orange West West Orange New Jersey fucking great Club but you went up and you got into it with some people in the audience about something and you were just on fire just on fire you crush and I had a real hard time going on after you and I remember thinking oh okay this is a very important lesson like this is important like there's something that I'm not doing right that he is doing right like what am I

► 03:08:05

oh I'm nervous I'm nervous going on after I'm so I'm not having fun up there so he's having fun and I'm being tense going to Jesus better not suck some putting in my head this better not suck it's the total wrong way to approach to fight like that man you going to get smashed most likely you want to approach a fight thinking about things you're going to do not the things that you want to like worry about what's going to happen to get hit you don't think like that you just think about doing your thing and then adjusting along the way and I had the wrong mindset and I needed to see someone kill a bunch of times in front of me and then bomb go after them to realize a good something's wrong here the wrong thing is I'm going onstage tense because someone was funny that's ridiculous like I should be the opposite I should be happy that someone was funny cuz I love comedy and this is what I like to do I mean I want to watch it if I'm not doing it so why am I so tense it's just a bad way of approaching a problem and that I think this is one of the things that fucks people up in life you approach a problem the same way every time

► 03:09:05

and you never stopped and just completely look at the whole thing from the top down so the whole thing go what what am I trying to do here I'm trying to get tighter and funnier and better what do I got to do a lot of sense I got a right and I got to work with murderers those the key like working with guys like you and all of us working together and also people knew if they came to see us like hey this is just going to be Joe goes up and he's the hero the show new you going to get re who's going to go on in Murder you're going to go on and murder and then I'm going to go up I mean it's a fucking Rock'em sock'em robots show we had we went on the road dude we did cup College I mean the club's rather cross the country we did I mean who knows how many fucking cities you and I and re torque on fucking crazy numbers just over and over again bonding together hundreds of shows together figuring out how to fucking get everything perfect thing out the right amount of weed to smoke before you go on stage the right amount of getting Joey Diaz riled up

► 03:10:05

coming yelling about something or hair all I want you to see something I'd go into the bathroom and it be a shit looks like a crocodile trying to crawl out of the toilet bowl

► 03:10:14

all that stuff that's some rock and roll, T-man you know it help both of us would help both of us a lot and also like set a tone but I think for a lot of us like you should be with funny people should all everybody should try hard should not like think that anybody doing good is bad for you it's great it's great for you is great for everybody and everybody's like doing good together is better for everybody when I go on the road now I go on the road a little Joe Rogan principles

► 03:10:42

but that's my whole world thing the only thing I added to the only Jeet Kune Do I add it to it as my travel I'm in and out fast I don't fuck around and I want to see nobody I mean yeah go right over there you know there's no radio necessary I play just like you now if we don't know why I want to get you in there for cool I go in because you want to talk to the people on the way up the same people should wait down there's a lot of people that were there for me when I wasn't charging station the problem is the waking up in the morning bugs what do I fly out Thursday at fucking 6 a.m. that's the best you got out of me cuz I got the family and I got a lot of shit it's not like it used to be mad and so the thing that I love about like this

► 03:11:42

time is it even though people are super sensitive like we were talking about people real sensitive about like getting in trouble for Stuff there's still Rock'em sock'em robots comedy going on it's still wild up there like doodoo is there still doing crazy fucking jokes it's it's fun people taking real chances that doing real stand-up you know when it says a lot of them is Bill Burr there's you you go down with re always doing some real stand-up you know there's a bunch of real killers now Santino he's doing some dangerous and up you know like the reach the point of that fucking story I told you being on top of that hill at 17 and being homeless it because I had a lot of chances to ice myself show

► 03:12:31

Alana has chances dice myself if you can't not a fucking prison and thinking of getting out on bail when I got out on bail at a lot of fucking down to my friend then you get mad at me bad knowing you're going to look at 48 fucking ears and your a fucking loser is it is think of all those opportunities I used to break into a friend's house to sleep in his house at night I slept in a rocket ship for a month outside of the park in Floral Park and see those rocket ships in your kids play on I still want to go up to the third floor of the rocket ship finishing off my Coke and jerking off on the third floor at 5 in the morning outside in a fucking park with leaves around me and shit it was a lot of times I had that I wanted to do it it's amazing idea I would go up to the third floor with a bottle of fucking Smirnoff silver vodka

► 03:13:25

a bag a hooded sweatshirt gloves with a missing finger so I could fucking touch the Rock and put them in my nose and shit you know what I'm downtown now that's so funny that's so funny on the way up the stairs and shit but when you're when you come down and you in that rocket ship its 5 in the morning it's 20 fucking to below zero and you'll just thinking to yourself fucking God took away my mother God did this this is all God's fault because it's the same God that I was raised to believe that was going to help me is doing all this a lot of times I want to fucking do a swan.

► 03:14:03

black didn't you know it's so fucking weird I was in those positions for a long time job now I got to look at you and go to Jesus Christ look at his son killed himself yesterday it was a nice son though I thought it was like son with it you know this trend the fucking people lighting themselves that scares me that concerns me is some reading this it's something that we're getting weak on you know there was no blue drugs and blood vein system so we can't blame fucking prescription drugs on the side one medication some sort of medication and it was something that was prescribed form someone told me that it was malaria medication I don't know probably what it was what does some people he would really wasn't doing well and I don't I don't know I need to

► 03:14:56

I mean it's almost

► 03:14:59

unnecessary to get from media to full story I miss the guys gone that's it you know I mean I don't need to I think whenever whenever someone does something like that whatever it is there's one thing that people could point to and say hey there's a chemical that's responsible for this or this Gene problems responsible for this or like how could someone whose loved so much want to step out I mean that must be a terrible moment of pain I want to do it I had to listen to music and playing songs you don't you don't have no control I think I I started with Lynyrd Skynyrd Simple Man that one point blow up the outside world and I'm sitting there and he says that lie about going out of something so broken my lip

► 03:15:57

started shaking like I'm Mike I don't even know this guy and I miss him and want to Skype you want me to look you people tell you I know I meant I don't know I don't know I never saw him once, just walk 6 feet away from me Chris Cornell that's it and I started crying like how could something like this go in a room and just ice themselves is this what I'm going to do because I'm in this and it made me feel because what what happens

► 03:16:25

I've been I think about all these times one time I broke into my friends house and I broke in the window and it was freezing so I couldn't even sleep in that room at asleep in the hallway and it was a mattress on the wall that had like piss stains from all the kids and I pulled it down I slept on it when I woke up he had a dog and it was when I was through was too cold he just let the dog sit down stairs and there was like 20 pieces of little road shit that have been you like when the juice goes out of them they just roll up what's those things that uses it accordions it was like a piece of shit accordion what's the moisture goes out of it really does so you take a shit that's this big you put in the Box come back a week later it's like this big how do I know that goes to cash it the welfare Boxley time you love Jesus in the boxes of cheese with a cheese comes in american cheese gas this dude had a long hair when I was trying to play me like you do

► 03:17:25

Chicken Box for him but he played he where he lived in the keyboard work in the kitchen he forgot I ran the kitchen and it was on me and black dudes someone that got one of the welfare cheese boxes and I took like a 2224 in it look like a lizard inches images of law like you don't then at the end of those things that make her like a snail and I put it perfectly into this cheese box and I took a flag and American flag like that from the cheese and I put on top and I put it in his drawer every night and I thought he had the first bank on the way out so that everybody had to walk back and all the black guys will open the door and go God damn it smells like shit this motherfucker and he kept saying I know it does and I feel like a month when they when this draw I've ever become sane man it smells like shit then he went in his drawer opened it up and he found this box he opened it up and I never forget him.

► 03:18:25

I want to find out who did this to me like what they do to you till like 6 it just it just shrunk down like a fucking

► 03:18:45

I don't even know why I'm telling you that story that's hilarious story it's fucking crazy it's hilarious story

► 03:18:52

he's a fun times Joey Diaz I think we're the last of the regular humans I think we got a large our children's generation maybe one more after that and I really do believe it's over I think we're going to integrate with fucking computers I think we're real close to it now can't even go whole podcast but looking on her phone hose the time is it you know it's weird

► 03:19:13

we're going to integrate with computers we can all be living in some weird world we got this fucking virtual reality thing here now the HTC vibe to try this thing out it was a place you're there's a zombie games and games where you're on top of a castle defending the castle shooting arrows down at monsters that are coming at you

► 03:19:35

we're went into a weird world right now Joey Diaz computer that's not that's not have social media good for you you do know that I only have Twitter on it that social media I don't have Facebook I don't have nothing and nobody even people I tell people Hotmail they go what the fuck you talk like so you limit your intake interaction that's it that's the road the iPad no social media I'm convinced we got to fix had a writing app on my iPod that's it what do you use for writing app whatever I have came with it writing whatever that section if I have Joe books I have chapters this. Thought Sprite I'm working on is it notes is that what you write on

► 03:20:31

I don't know what it's like that you lose a yellow paper notes I have on the phone and I write on here from time to time but nothing to fuk you write on something that's on your iPad yeah so what I do is alright on my notebook in the mornings and then once I take the baby to whatever I go to the coffee shop and transfer it if I really like it to the iPad and I'll work on it for that and I look at the whole thing as a whole nap instead of in a notebook and I don't know my spelling and I can't remember what that word was the social media part is a big part of all this time talking about it so we're just getting closer and closer to each other in some weird ways

► 03:21:11

I just got to be nothing compares the next wave whatever the next wave is but they really do figure out a way to integrate either virtual reality or with the call an augmented reality what to wear a pair of sunglasses can you get up Google Maps sitting up on it he can Google things you see images give me navigation it's going to get real weird Joey see Joe Rogan I'm still a fan of Life meet you at it bothers people and it bothers me when something is not a fan of life so I don't want him around me anymore life a lot of people we forgot we forgot too many videos listen I was raised in a society you don't seem to really talk to me to find pictures of me as a young kid

► 03:21:55

really thought yeah there's not a lot of pictures taken back to society where and when I came from the society would put the camera with right good what's that for the camera while we need more of that backstage right when I hit yo Rollin voice

► 03:22:21

no we saw some people I don't want to hear your fucking voice I want to hear your voice cuz I know what you're thinking if I hear your voice you can't buy care about you I care about you too so I want to hear your voice I told us telling people that I love that thing that you do like you don't want to have to do you like my one friend the only time I would text you if you text me first yeah I'll text you back but I call you we talk on the phone you have to check in you have to have that you you have to be as human this day's I don't have nothing on my books but I don't want to do, but guess what I'll do I'll push myself I'll be sure and I'll push myself to know because that's human contact and it's it's it's it's the most positive human contact

► 03:23:06

you'll ever have right

► 03:23:09

think about it and you roll on the street with fighting about something but means with no clothes and I grab your gear I pull you into the fucking that's his humankind so I know I'm not going to do this but I'm going to do that tonight on the right a little bit maybe spend some time with the girls maybe I might take the girls to dinner but I also know that I'm going to make myself have that human contact of Jiu Jitsu y'all your gay Joey you just a closet fire cuz you're rolling with men that's great but I had human contact I had an emotion I shouldn't answer the guy who died sweat on me and I sweat on a man which bill is a certain type of emotion between two men and then they'll have to be homosexual that's a different type of fucking man it really is when you stop what you're doing and go Joe Joe Joe Joe Joe Joe Diffie on the hook and why you teaching me something I'm sweating on my fat fucking potato chips what is sweating on Joe Rogan's net for you doing Joey

► 03:24:09

squeeze you know what that does to your psyche as a man

► 03:24:19

got a man that's beating you is teaching you how to let get up so chill I got you in this Guillotine for stick and that you're sweating I'm tired don't know what you put your hand at one time just squeeze real tight I think so too I think that that you bought these good for you the human contact fit also it alleviates the tension of like men have tension that they might get into a physical altercation you don't think that way if you do just great you relax people are scared of vitamin D this is cydaea scared people of sunlight you got to get on the Sun a little bit that goes depression this depression people talk about again yummy times I have to be the price you how many times I've had opportunities to call you up when I'm depressed I get depressed for 10 fucking minutes but then I smoke

► 03:25:19

just put solution expired fucking Cheeba chew and I think of something that you said not to laugh my fucking ass off you know on the way up here I was high and fuck and they should be this guy that used to fuck me in the body shop is a beat that used to fuck me everyday couldn't beat him up he's a lot bigger than I would try to use my mind so I just want that Mouse one day but I took a nap in his jacket pocket he was driving to work in the morning with his pocket for a cigarette he found the mouth when he crashed his car

► 03:25:55

Joey we're at almost like 4 hours all right let's go look at it is I love you thank you very much for having me Vegas a sold-out Utah Soul. I'm in Kansas City with you I'm at The Improv while you're out doing a dealer so we'll do dinner and then I'm in Nashville and Huntsville Alabama. I just seen you look great I love you brother to take your offer up and we'll try and will have Jamie take pictures of different cardiovascular machines and then we'll do a circuit of the cardiovascular change to do Circuit of like some kettlebell exercises would do can you do chin-ups to do chin-ups. How's your shoulder terrible terrible okay have you ever done clubs you done Clubhouse Barbershop me clubs Alberto crane Club work on Friday I'm going to see my man Joe Schilling and shit beautiful Tuna from Uncle Joe beautiful beautiful

► 03:26:55

medicine balls in the times I can't do it until the afternoon will work some out will do some shit and thank you for the experience of Disneyland Jesus fucking Christ bro it's fun right

► 03:27:16

which is the way you told me to do it like I looked at my watch I want you crazy I know this isn't the man says there's only one way to do it. Brother Eddie we had a great time with the kids were awesome heard was awesome thank you brother thank God for when you have kids when you when you didn't have kids when you have kids it's like you did tell me that I eat half of it I love you thank you very much bye bye

► 03:27:53

thanks everybody for tuna to the podcast and thank you to the sponsors thank you to the cash app go to the cash app download for free in the Google Play Store and App Store use the reward code Joe Rogan one word you received $5 into Cash Appleton $5 to Justin Brands fight for the Forgotten charity thank you also to LegalZoom go to legalzoom.com and use the promo code Rogan at checkout for special savings LegalZoom where life meets legal legalzoom.com and thank you also to movement watches go to movement watches and also now movement motherfuking sunglasses beautiful trendy classic they have fucking babiators bro go to mvmt.com Rogan and join the movement

► 03:28:42

get 15% off today with free shipping and free returns by going to mvmt.com Rogan my folks we did it fits it thanks everybody for TuneIn will see you soon.