#1171 - Nick Yarris

The Joe Rogan Experience #1171 - Nick Yarris

September 11, 2018

Nick Yarris is a writer and professional speaker who spent 22 years on death row after being wrongly convicted of murder. His books 'The Fear Of 13, Countdown To Execution' as well as 'The Kindness Approach' are available on Amazon and via http://nickyarris.org

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ladies and gentleman September 29th Toronto Canada the date has moved for the Ricoh Coliseum to the Scotiabank Arena I know I fucking said this a hundred times already not really a hundred but it was a Union Gig the union is on strike at the Ricoh Coliseum so we had to move it to a new Arena the new arena is Scotiabank arena is also a union Arena they just don't have a dispute over the contract it is almost sold out if you have tickets for the Ricoh Coliseum you also have tickets for the Scotiabank Arena it transferred everybody over so you're all set and then there was another thousand tickets plus and I think those are almost all gone okay JoeRogan.Com all that juicy shit alrighty this episode of the podcast brought you a hundred times he has a hundred and one it's fucking awesome is the number one app in finance and it

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this one this is a heavy one folks my guess today is Nick yarris we go into it in-depth on the podcast the description of his life and with his gentleman is been through but in summary just to prepare you he was wrongfully convicted of murder at 20 21 years of age and spent 22 years on death row his story is horrific but he's a powerful person in a really deep and

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just a guy with a message a really deep person and a guy who is experienced things that are unimaginable to the average person to you or I most likely I don't know you may be established to me I was very moved talk to him and his stories fucking intent there's a Netflix documentary about his life called fear the 13

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the fear of the 13th hole outside right now

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fear of the 13 that's what it's called I really enjoy talking to him so please give it up for Nick yarris

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The Joe Rogan Experience

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Stir It Up mixed with live

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hello everyone put the ear cups on and cheer sir and thank you Joe thanks for being there man yeah thank you for breaking me out here man I know we meant to do this before but now with all this good energy between us we can do this properly for unions for sure

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listen man to say that you've had a crazy experience in this life is one of the most understated things a person could ever say I mean

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Where Do We Begin right let's tell everybody your store so you were wrongfully committed of murder you spent 22 years on death row before you were exonerated by DNA evidence

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hello everyone my name is Miss Harris and I was X Joe said convicted and sentenced to die for rape and murder I didn't commit at age of 21 in 1981 a woman named mrs. Craig was murdered in Delaware I have never met the woman I was in prison on unrelated charges and I stupidly made up a story to try to get out of those charges

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the police soon feel realize that I was a liar and they fabricated the charges around me then so it's ironic than a few days you're going Upper Darby Pennsylvania and that's where the murder happened really basically and Linda Mae Craig was leaving her job at 4:05 p.m. on December 15th 1981 she's going home she gets abducted I don't know any of this but I tried in desperation to get out of a light at the saucer put on me for I got pulled over in a stolen car the cop beats me up you put charges on me I'm facing life imprisonment and I'm a junkie because all of my life I was destroyed by what happened to me at the age of seven I had my head beaten by a man with a rock in his hand after he sexually assaulted me and I did all the stupid things that people can do in the aftermath I kept it a secret and I let It Foster all the anger in me I became very aggressive is a child and I ended up in trouble all the time

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and when I was in prison on these unrelated charges to the murder I stupidly fell into that mindset of desperation trying to get out of it so the police put a prisoner in the cell next to me he said I confessed to him I was given a 3-day trial I was sentenced to death and put on death row and then stupidly I escape from prison in 1985 and ended up on the FBI's most wanted list I was being transported to court and the sheriff's will being cool in the first day you were talking about what what's going on in Philly they were too nice guys like 60 68 67 and we drove 5 hours from one of the hardest prisons in America called Huntington and I left there after spending two years of my first two years in silence so if you opened your mouth they would come in and beat your head in

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so I was so glad to get in the car cuz my mom is waiting in my lawyer's office cuz they were going to give me a review of my trial because they withheld so much evidence so I was eager to go to court and it was the coldest day of 1985 February 15th

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we stopped at a gas station in in Exton Pennsylvania and as I got out of the car the officer driving Pool Pass the cubicles now we all got out of the car and ran over to the cubicle together and I went in and started peeing and all should hold the door for me and my eye glasses are fogging up you know what I mean cuz you go from the freezing cold to the 1 to the cold your eyeglasses so all I know is I turned around and I come out and he has to do her like that and I put my head down go under his arm and I turn left and go back to the car that dude smoking a cigarette doesn't know that his partner when the cubicle to piss

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and as I'm running back to the dude he pulls his pistol out and Point Blank shoots at me Joe like and is it went past my face I was like oh shit I hit the ground I ran how do you follow me with the gun I can feel it like I like I was waiting from the blastman you know I'm going to shoot at you cuz he thought I overpowered his partner he doesn't know his testimony at trial was I turn around Nick's running at me my partner's down or going I pulled my gun and he runs and I wasn't going to let a death row prisoner run so I've tried to stop at my shot so I run around the corner I hit the ground with all the skin off my hands I run around the corner and I fly towards this restaurant and there's all these people innocently eating dinner and I'm running right towards the plate-glass window cuz he's going to blast me you know I ran like I knew we couldn't shoot and then I shot around the corner I ran down to the gas station I tried to steal car that didn't work then I ran like 400 yards for one at yards 400

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I hid behind the car I just escaped from and I was laying in the weeds behind the gas station about 50 yards from a mother they were screaming who was the bigger idiot for letting this happen and I was thinking oh my God like what am I doing what do I do Joe what like how do I just jump up and say wait a minute was a mistake you know he already tried to shoot me in the face so I go hide behind the next 4 hours I chased by a helicopter and he chases me and he pins me and he chases me and I was so fit that I ran for 4 hours to the woods without care what the branches did to my face or nothing man I blew out both quads I did my my hamstrings my feet open I ran so hard and tell her that I didn't care man and I got a way I made it all the way to Florida and I was going to leave the country and all this and I said I got to go back to get to Florida I stole of dudes wallet knew you were can I get on an airplane and I went down to Florida and I tried to rob a drug dealer and I try to do

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was sitting there so angry I was going to kill myself I was on I'll never forget this day

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name of my foot to see me in prison handcuffs no more you know so I was going to buy a raft in the ocean that's going to have one last party but all the foods that I loved and I was going to stab the raft wait for the Sharks after I cut my wrist you know Nana's go to cap myself and go then I said no I'm going back so I turn myself back in they put me on death row in Florida and I went back in my face that you know safe beat me for 4 minutes man they broke my face broke my back

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crush me man tortured me and I thought imma get you back you know for all the times you made me go in the cage and beat some other prisoner why you stood there with a club laughing like it you back I'm going to make sure I start being a loving person again

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so I'm sitting there in 1985 1986 with 105 years plus it definitely decided thought this would be a nice guy

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so I started to learn

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I suffer from the fascia I had my head beat number to Rock so it what is aphasia Aphasia can be identified simply in people who have stuttering disorder their brain and their keep their abilities are distorted by A disruption in their brain either their brain is functioning too fast or their mouth is functioning to fast does a combination of a misfiring and Aphasia can be through trauma or through genetics and Aphasia affected my life so much as young person I never had the respect to listen to people cuz I couldn't function I couldn't articulate I couldn't speak when I was at trial people spoke words that I didn't understand and it frustrated me and when I try to speak and I stutter people would be like that. Kamal retard we got to say so

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after that beating would it be me for 4 minutes and a broken face

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if you can practice in speaking to myself

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everyday I learn new words and I taught myself how to correctly articulate that word into a sentence beautifully for my own self and myself everyday

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then I became very very good at writing I began helping other prisoners I became the most dangerous prisoner that they held because I cared about other men I wrote to their mothers I wrote letters to her lawyers I gave up opportunities for people to write books about me so I could help another innocent man I did all those things because that's how I got back at him for like they did to me

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so in 1988 I'm sitting in my cell and I read about DNA

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I knew right then I could prove my innocence so I was the first man in America in February of 1988 to ask for DNA testing to prove my innocence

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make sure way out all types of material and when I discovered new evidence that destroyed that and this woman who came to meet me and start visiting me fell in love with me and she believed in me so she stood by me and told me that she would be with me

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either to the Gallows walk or to the moment I prove my innocence and for 9 years she stood by me you know

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we found some evidence that was testable in 1995 it was sperm from the rape

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and it was being sent out here to California to dr. Debra Blake and it broke open and transport and Spilled

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so Jackie left me

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had nothing left then they put me in a special unit and started torturing me I keep this part quiet I never told the story it would ruin would happen if your 13 is now I don't Netflix

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but they finally closed down the old prison I was in for 12 years where the average rate of survival is only five and I was one of the hardest dudes there and I made it to close to prison down and open up Greene County supermax and the court ordered that every prisoner in Pennsylvania be allowed out of their cell for 8 hours

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the administration looked at each other's head fuck that not the crazy kind of pills and not the serial killers not the dudes that have been cell and raping each other so they picked 48 of us out and they put us in Pittsburgh and especially Penitentiary setting in which we were in a sealed unit and they put all these guards in there they weren't allowed to touch other prisoners cuz they're so violent and told him there was giving you the craziest of the crazy you know Buffalo Bill from Silence of the Lamb was a real man write his name is Gary heidnik the abducted black women in Philadelphia and put them in a pit under his house and said one of them to the other survivors cuz he's building a master race he was my neighbor man like so they started torturing us and doing all this psychological crazyshit to his where they were feeding us to each other like wolves so Capital quiet until this year when once again Misfortune fell in my life and I released Monsters & Madmen a new book that I was going to give you today and I thought I got to tell that story you know

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but it's been so hard to come back from these moments Joe is just like I look at what they did to me and how I went to that moment where the DNA is gone Jackie leaves me

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and so I find out I'm dying from hepatitis C that they did when they infected me of it when they broke my teeth when they beat me

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so I asked to be executed said

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I studied all the world's religions I read over 9000 books I did everything and piety my mother asked me to do a

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guys like Dale Carter did the cards come into a cell and taunting them cheese in them belly is killing them so I wrote the courts and I asked to be executed said fuck it

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I want to die as a man I love who can respect himself

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the court intervened in order to DNA testing that was going to be expelled

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July 2003 the DNA test come back and he proved me innocent and so the the the evidence spilled and they just captured it wants its build it was in a box with all this evidence and dr. Edward Blake who did the OJ Simpson trial DNA said that there will be challenges to it if he did the DNA in 1999 1998 and 2003 they had Advanced mitochondrial DNA separation so well did he feel confident in his results to the federal court got involved and said look I don't want to have this man executed I want the DNA done so they did that and it was amazing that on the day that I called a lawyer's they reveal the truth to me I called his lawyer and I'm like what's up because Nick we got DNA from three separate sources that proves you innocent

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I said that's amazing Mike I'm really grateful because you know we used to tell people you're crazy that we never believed in you I'm really sorry for that

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man really you want to take away my joy now man so I was really down cast at the day I called my mother my brother Mikey was having a seizure at her feet cuz he was an alcoholic at face off roof and he died shortly after so

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it just went fucking crazy from there if they take me off death row and they put me in a psychological cell and they tell me they can't trust me that no human being has had done to them what we've done to you cannot be angry that we open this door up and we let you out you're going to get us so we're going to leave you until the day they let you out don't leave you in this cell because we don't trust you not to kill us what we did to you what did they do to you

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they used to have a thing called Gladiator day

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salute and it would be off on a Sunday

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the guards who started the come from the Philadelphia area were black they didn't like the guards up in the hillbillies beating on black prisoners so a weird thing happened where this Lieutenant came up with the idea will look let's let the prisoners get this frustration out of you guys buying you pick out the biggest guy and you pick out this guy

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so one day I'm sitting here minding my own business and they open up my cell and there's four of them the club's you're up so I got to go in the cage and I got to go and hurt somebody while they stand outside and if you don't fight they're going to come in and they're going to be worse than you can be the matter GIF eaten by one man

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so they do the all this for their entertainment

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will they ever punished for this

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not until after the riot when one of them testified against the others for the murder and stuff

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I watched 11 people commit suicide I've been stabbed strangled beaten senseless the guards used to talk because I was accused of a psychological murder of going out to stalk in this poor woman cuz she look like my girlfriend they said I was never treated like a prisoner the worst word dictionary the way I was treated with so harsh that it was cruel Beyond cruel

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and yet

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all I wanted to do was have enough within me to learn to beautifully speak sitting on a date at the executed me I could tell them out much I cared about myself

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I was more important because

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somehow when you suffer like I have suffered your head cracks open and you have his hikers sensitivity to life

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so that when you touch the human beings you never forget the 14 years no one was allowed to touch you

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you know what fuck this ain't crying no more it's alright man it's nothing wrong with crying I just thought about it I do because I feel bad for them you shouldn't feel bad cuz I cry and your eyes and I see the hurt that I'm causing you to do no no no don't worry about that man imagine what your life has been like don't you worry about me at all

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I'm harder than life and I'm kind of in love

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secretly on the sink never hurt no one try my best to be played every day and I've Had The Misfortune and I return

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and I'm very sorry that I sit in this chair today

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after it came out

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you see I believe in good I believe God is going to win Joe

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and I

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I believe that I had good again whats 3 years a gambler years ago when I met my wife current wife Laura

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see I had a woman in my life before that used me and left me here in Los Angeles I ended up homeless on the streets here

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I was actually living up in this area on the streets cuz my good friend Noah lives around here him and Jason took good care of me and my bad times I called so I go back to England meet this woman fall in love have a baby and she's born on your birthday

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you start to believe in Hope again I go do a podcast in England with my good friend Brian from Chuchu already and I start to spread my message again I want to get all these young kids to believe in themselves

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then one day I put the baby down for a nap and I get Laura to lay in my arms cuz she's sick and weak it up 20 minutes later in the babies dead and I'm coming down the steps with the bed you know I'll fuck up again and then people are so cruel that in the village they started you know maybe the baby was killed by the guy on death row in all this shit I have a stalker ex wife Karen who just won't leave me alone contacts the police and tell them that I put out a tweet that and it only happened because my good friend Anthony some of that use in the Green Room

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told me the day before my daughter died about a good close friend of his they lost a baby. Day and so when are baby died I put out a tweet just saying you know appreciate the people in your life cuz you're so precious and the police came to our house and humiliated me and wanted to know how I could tweet about something because my clock was 9 hours off because I was living on the streets Los Angeles at my time was still on La time cuz Anthony and I are developing a major motion picture about my life and I told the police are you crazy like why would I so I can't even get a break on the death of my daughter like the that was the moment that the director of the film fear of 13 decided to rip me off for my rights to the film I decided to rip you off how many 50,000 pounds from doing the film Pier 30 decided to rip you off cuz you thought you killed your baby now they decided to rip me off and not pay me my money when I asked him to I needed money to bury my

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so I end up in a shouting match with Arthur demoulas the billionaire from Boston I promise to get on his plane and come kick his ass over the money we're arguing over cuz I baked it was crazy I ended up I'm still confused what's up what so your child dies is it a child dies when everything goes badly and everybody that I counted on to have my back including director David sington who promised to pay me for my participation in the film all then tell me all know I'm not paying you I'm like how can you do this when I need this money to bury my baby why do you say wasn't paying cuz he said he didn't show it to me and all this I said why you crazy you have a written contract so it's the same thing you know how the entertainment business is once they get what they get out of you that's it

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sorry just said he wasn't going to pay you any idea what the contract said so offer demoulas invested in the film he owns most of it so I write to author I call him I said it's not pay me my money can you help me cuz he owned most of the film by that point so author gets all annoyed at me I said look man my daughter just died I blew up at him I told him send me your private jet I'll come to Boston we can have a fist fight you love to fight you know all that shit I can lose control and then the author out of his great send me some money so we can bury the baby but it went through all this terrible so I started I said now I'm going back to America so I leave England I come over here I got two daughters with Laura we're over here now in Oregon and Anthony my God I meet this amazing man only because of Muhammad Ali dying

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and now he's going to help me make a major motion picture about my life so I get away from all that drama losing the baby and being humiliated by people thinking I would do some shit to a little girl I go back and I rebuild everything and then I try to go to Canada and they won't let me in as crazy so I can't go do my job there I do not want it because you were on death row for 22 years that I just came from speaking before the United Nation sitting next to the president and current former president of Switzerland and I have a security clearance from that I worked in a high-profile job in England going around speaking all over the government's but Canada holds it against me cuz I escape from Death Row

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so I can't answer to the country of Canada Robin Sharma tried to have me come up there and speak for him but his conference and I had to humiliatingly do it from my home via Skype it's like I'll never stop being punished for what happened you know what I mean but I don't care about that what really bothered me was that all those things started before me and I started losing hope again

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so I go and I even tried recently just to have a normal job and give up everything I'm a beautiful speaker in schools and I go around and try and help people with their education right so I was trying to do that the last year with a friend of mine named Wayne sharp from New Zealand has a company called my verse and he wants to help children find the correct path education so important

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we can't get that going I can't I decide I'm going to give up everything and just go get a normal job but that doesn't work so I'm sitting there and it's Jamie's birthday

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I'm angry

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like what the fuc how can I fall apart again

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sit-in you contact me after I tweeted

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and it all starts again I'm back to believe in that it doesn't matter how I got in this chair or doesn't matter that the man proceeding has everything and I have nothing

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I still believe in God

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it's called you this time I told you that message I sent you I said fucking hell Joe you going to change my life doing this man you don't have to do this you didn't have to be nice to me

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you are that man I'm willing to keep going

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I can't I mean I don't think anybody can imagine what it's like to spend 22 years on death row for something you didn't do

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I want you to go back to the night that you got arrested and tell us cuz you kind of did some tissue right beside you if you want yeah I'm good

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hey brother it's just

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that the night you were how old are you were 20 21 21-21 before he sends me to death I'm 20 years old I'm a silly kid. I don't mess with the music blasting driving to Chester Pennsylvania in the stolen car everything in my life is just chaos fighting with my two brothers all the time and no one has respect for me

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is ugly

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and it's two in the morning I just came from the bar and I go through a stop sign in the next thing I know I saw that lights up over and beating in my heads out of control I'm sitting there gripped with fear

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took a beat in Philly in December 4th of that same year in which they rip all my teeth out with at Blackjack so I was really scared you know I was like don't move don't run don't do nothing stupid he took a beating from Cops earlier you know Philly cops put me in my place cuz I ran my mouth so

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there I am sitting there in the next thing I know bam on the window band he rips open the door and attracting Bad Company was playing really loud and like I can't hear any or make focus of what he saying you know and then next thing I know any right and he's 6 foot 4 and he's got me pressed against the top of the car and he's hold me down and I can't breathe so I start resisting I popped his arm off in the adrenaline goes boom here comes to Beast out of me cuz it 6-2 and that age I was crazy tough man I was like off-the-charts and so I push them back and remember that and couldn't believe he pulled out his stick and raise it up and I just snatched it out of his hand and chucked it away I was looking at me like I was like that zombie guy he front Furious many pulled out the pistol and I seen it coming I grabbed his hand I push down and I had my arms outstretched in the gunman

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I looked at how many put the gun up there and he said he puts me in the car I'm sitting in the backseat I'm freaking out you know it gets in the car and he's he's like jumping back and forth in front seat did he wait till he looks at me in the mirror and he grabs to Mike and he's going like shots fired shots fired help help help I could still going on what's going on do tell someone they get their the backup officers get there he said he's got my gun I'm like

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no this is going south they jacked me up Take me out to the car beat me down take me to jail now I'm charged with attempted murder and kidnapping of a police officer I'm 20 years old and I meet skip dematteo public defender who didn't tells me I'm facing life imprisonment and that's it and they're going to put me in the security bring cause my Bales going to be so high I looked at my site what do you mean man I was just driving home I'm going to Stone car like he said no man you ain't never going home

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broke down and I went through detox with no no help you know so three days I'm in a cell with nothing but this newspaper and it's the headline on the newspaper mrs. Craig's murder and it starts telling me taunting me.

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Somehow in my head I came up with this crazy manttra if I knew something about something that they got that you would let me go about this lie I didn't try to kill nobody

► 00:37:30

was sitting on my bed and the guard was walking by and he cuz what's wrong with you

► 00:37:37

started telling him what was going through my head the whole story and that was said Joe oh my God he ran down the block you went to the Sergeant's office they got me to the warden the warden's now that I told you say you tell him what's going on your head so we can head you had you had a plan to tell him a story to tell him a lie and when that officer responded because he heard the story I didn't have any idea what the impact of my words were I was so stupid

► 00:38:07

well you're also going through detox and so they take me to the Ward's office and he starts praising me they take me out of solitary confinement tell me I'm doing a great job as what did you tell him I told him that man that I knew in the area had told me yet done the crime at that if they let me out I would tell them all about it and he told me I was helping the community they were taking me out of solitary confinement all that

► 00:38:34

they told me that they spoke to officer right and he was going to retract his charges and only charged me with resisting arrest and they were going to drop the rest of the charges and everything was going to be good then three days later they came back and said did you lie and the only reason you lied is because you want to tell us that you did this they put me in a room and start doing all the shop to find out that you lied to do did I made the store you was no longer a drug addict and he had an alibi

► 00:39:03

so you just tried to pin the story on some other drug addict to do to rob me a rolled me up in a rug and tried to kill me with a 357 Magnum so I figured I heard the story that he was dead and forgot they won't even find them anyway you know but a 20 year old doesn't have any concept of you know complex stuff like this in the 80s right dude they came right back to me and they had me in a Delaware County District Attorney's office and this detective Martin told me no certain terms I was going to tell him why I killed that woman I wasn't leaving at room

► 00:39:38

so for 13 hours they tortured me Matt started bring up my childhood and all that shit I told him man

► 00:39:47

I just want to blow up my whole world that I can I suppose that's a good so this is my confession consist of kill anyone I never meant to kill anyone that's good that's good you never meant to kill her we talked about

► 00:40:02


► 00:40:04

I went to trial and I was given a 3-day trial

► 00:40:08

for the murder of mrs. Craig after the jury found me not guilty of all my original charges so I was really frustrated that the jury heard the testimony of officer right he would later be fired from the force being caught up in the drug gang in Chester he was dirty but they didn't know it at the time but a jury found me not guilty that prosecutor went mental when that happened and he decided to seek the death penalty so a month after I was found guilty not guilty of all my original charges that I made the stupid story of Pi they gave me a three-day murder trial that in essence was a joke and what they did was they pray to find the poor jewelry and showed them pictures of the victim and stuff like that man and they had an inmate who burglarized the prosecutor's home and was facing 20 years come into court and say I confessed him that was it

► 00:41:02

so the inmates that you confess to him Charles Catalina they got to got to do that

► 00:41:08

so I'm sitting there and they Dropped a Bomb on Me I know it's coming the jury was so crass that they went out to the Wagon Wheel restaurant and put their dessert order on hold while they found me guilty and then during the sentencing phase they had their dessert

► 00:41:27

I was 20 years old man I'm like this isn't real man like I never killed a rapist woman how can this happen you know and then the only mistake I truly think I made was said I told the judge go to hell when he sends me to death cuz he couldn't look me in the face

► 00:41:44

why do you think that's a mistake cuz he decided to send me to Huntington prison the hardest prison in America that was going to do before that

► 00:41:52

I don't know but he made sure I went to the place that they broke you see Huntington was designed as the prison if you raped another inmate they sent you there it was the first shoe program at mark it was the first show it what is shoe program a special housing unit or security housing unit words level 5 supermax United like Pelican Bay

► 00:42:11


► 00:42:13

your punishment was that you weren't allowed to speak in yourself and if you got caught speaking in yourself they came in with a nurse and they after they beat you down she jobs in the ass with Thorazine and they knock you out for a week and you lost your mind so it was horrible like I told you the first two years of my sentence every day I kept my mouth shut I didn't care what was done around you and you weren't allowed to say a God damn word in a minute then you not allowed to talk to other inmates nothing I dare you to sing Happy Birthday to yourself like I did

► 00:42:48

pay for that one

► 00:42:54

play fuck me up to but I don't care about that look

► 00:42:59

I realized I was in a race

► 00:43:04

I had to kill off the person that I was

► 00:43:07

the person that I initially was upon entering prison was a deceitful lying coward with no fortitude because no self-respect resided Within Me

► 00:43:19

and other humbleness I took everything that they did to me and I paid for every window I broke everything I stole reliable and then I started to love myself I figured I ain't get nothing out of this but misery so I'm going out like that dude

► 00:43:37

must stand up and speak beautifully on the dated execute me

► 00:43:43

imma walk to that Walkman imma do this I didn't kill that woman but I damn sure ain't no coward

► 00:43:51

I'm going to find out everything I can about life

► 00:43:55

and then I'mma face my death

► 00:43:58

imma do it was y'all V man I had this beautiful beautiful speech ready for him to us going to lay it out and just be a piece because I realized it was nothing else to do

► 00:44:12

I couldn't fight I couldn't argue it didn't matter because God's in control my life and I really believe that I had a choice either be a bitter pill and gets sucked dry by all the misery amount me

► 00:44:24

get my shit right start loving myself

► 00:44:28

so I taught myself how to speak and overcome the this Aphasia defected me my whole life

► 00:44:36

and I found out that I was giving myself neuroplasticity healing and I became very graceful and, in prison I was so Serene and so powerful of neuroplasticity healing I found out from Robin Sharma Robin Sharma is the foremost authority on speaking about neural plasticity healing and when he found about what I speak about he said I am the living embodiment of his teachings that through Grace and dignity and kindness I develop my own Charisma that carries made with confidence and that is the description of what he teaches professionals beginners everyone to explain neural plasticity in your brain where in your interactions especially with other human beings heels you so people who suffer from PTSD people who have had trauma in their lives can actually heal themselves by being meticulously polite

► 00:45:36

and I began all of this when I was released my mother sappy down and she said Nikki listen to me for you to get out of prison and not being nice man is a waste of everyone's time every prayer every time someone called me to Mother of monster every time a woman spit in my face everything that I went through it's a waste of time for you not to be a nice man I want you to promise me one thing

► 00:46:09

everyday I want you to go out so yes ma'am yes sir and thank you because I want you to show respect for who you are in that way they hurt this family badly the only thing I know she handed me the tool to Healing because neuroplasticity is the self contrived Act of rewarding yourself for being a nice person and my gift over the last 14 years is that I made myself so amazingly pliable and gifted at helping others find a good within them that's the reason I'm truly year today

► 00:46:49

the thing that I've been able to accomplish through my writing and through my efforts is to show people that you take things personally in life you be then a fool because what you've done is you taking all the hurts and you've made them to justify reason why you have to be a asshole to somebody we're as you keep forgetting that you've been given a break over and over just to feed your man dude I've been shot stabbed strangled run over by car I hung myself in prison to drug overdoses and I had a kind of will trying to murder me for 2 solid years

► 00:47:23

I know that I could fall at any moment from my own hand but God bless me I believe so much in my purpose in life that I won't kill myself I won't give up and it's only because I've been tested that I know that it has to be for a reason

► 00:47:43

I had dreams about all this

► 00:47:46

while I was in death row I had the most amazing intense dreams because of my suffering and they play out now

► 00:47:53

so what happened did I manage to touch something we're all chasing where am I in a delusional world because I ain't what you mean by that last year I told everybody on Facebook something was going to bed was going to happen and it did for my daughter broke her elbow so I told everybody before it happened 2 years ago I told my wife Laura I was coming back here to meet Anthony sign my Donny and go on the good news network with and do a thing with may may Ali who's a good friend of mine and I told him how things would happen and sure enough every time it's played out

► 00:48:37

why did you think something was going too bad was going to happen when you said something bad is going to happen your daughter broke her arm dude I'm in a meeting with a guy named Kevin and John and I look at them and I say I have to go and I'm on Melrose Boulevard my daughter is playing in the playground a few blocks away and I'm in this meeting with these men about my film I stand up at the table and I say to him I have to go right now I run outside and I can ask my wife Laura is she okay my daughter fell and broke her elbow and had to have six pins put into it and Cedar-Sinai we have a $63,000 bills did it is stuck us with but I knew was going to happen before it did and I even told people was going to happen

► 00:49:21

how can I hide that touch did you move that was going to happen specifically I saw the event but not in real time so I could make sense of it but I saw the greenery at the park when we pulled up it was the same and I had the flash last night when I met Stedman Graham I had all these moments of woman last night pin to thing on my collar and she look just like my mother and I had this because my mom died on September 9th and 10 years ago I was actually going to fight September 11th for her funeral and it's all crazy how I saw all these things in my dreams on death row inmate play out and it keeps happening with witnesses to my life that are recognizing it with me so I can't make it up

► 00:50:08

wish my friend Jason was here he's been able to help me put this in context and I'm doing this badly but I just think that somehow I went through an experience so intense that it is truly cracked open something that has given me a hypersensitivity to things I think that it is allowed and not being ego-driven but I have nothing at this moment where we sit here but I am so proud of the fact that that doesn't never stopped me from believing in good

► 00:50:44

and you could beat me all day you could put me in a cage you could do whatever you want to meet but it's up to me then make it mystery

► 00:50:52

I'm choosing not to man I don't care how much I got to struggle from this point on or what Grace is I'm granted I just want one thing to stay true in my life that I don't lose who I am I fought so hard to be this man threw the childhood of a feeling so inadequate goes another man rape me to the feelings that I was so low side is it condemned Human Being 2 then rise up and go and speak before governments to the point that Kofi Annan told me I was one of the finest speakers in the world that then go follow that and stand at the base of the Colosseum human being for put the death for entertainment and blow 20,000 people away and have it flawlessly done

► 00:51:38

it's a recognized that I had it all within me to do because one thing that neural plasticity gave me Karizma the kind of Charisma you exude so I don't know where it is that you hit that point where you decided to really believe in yourself but like you said you didn't listen to that shit that people were telling you and once you did that you started the contrived all this beautiful Charisma cuz I didn't even watch the fight Saturday when you were talking I listen to you and I thought he's so Flawless it's not even thought of but people would never grant you that you Dad to do something in your heart something within you made you believe in this guy man much resistance at all I'm going to be honest with you like what you're saying about me is very kind I really appreciate it but really haven't had much resistance but what it is about you that makes you believe in yourself Bo

► 00:52:34

what happened where'd you hit that point I'm pretty sure it came from martial arts for martial arts competition when I was very young pretty sure from didn't either neither just just how difficult it was just doing it from 15 to

► 00:52:57

before I was 22 I stopped somewhere around 22 but this is just the fact that it was so difficult that it it taught me hard work Tommy focus and I didn't have anything for that for that I thought it was a loser like a really thought it was a loser I don't know my father my stepdad's a very nice guy but there's something about growing up without a father but that is still alive that doesn't talk to you and you know my mom worked all day my step dad worked all day there's no one around you know I just and we moved a lot in that many friends so I just I just I never felt like I was worthwhile yeah I swear I wasn't anything like what you experience no nothing but it was enough within you

► 00:53:48

that it was the point I needed to prove myself that's great what I need I wanted to show her something inside me that I needed to show that I wasn't useless and the only way I could show there wasn't use this was but being good at things and initially it was Art and then after RK martial arts in the martial arts thing was more important than art because the martial arts tested me like art was beautiful because I could draw things and people would love them and then it made me feel good that people like my work but there's there's a big difference mean that in the martial arts the martial arts was so difficult to do and to compete at a national level it was every time I did it I was terrified but after it was over I felt better about myself and I understood that I could actually be good at things so was the first thing that I ever did they gave me a feeling of a value so I went from being a loser to being an extreme winter that's brilliant but it was just a bit is it but your ears your point though

► 00:54:48

people like help me back and hips that's not really the case it wasn't you know I mean I'm sure people judge me one way or another because of Fear Factor or swing of things but the thing about going through the martial arts competition and everything when I was young I know I don't give a fuk how other people view me I don't I just do what I like I do what I like and I try to be nice but that's where your charisma comes from and where you got that from is still yours man I admired it a lot of people don't have the confidence to do that to shut it off that noise that thing that makes us all react to everyone else's opinion will I react to it I mean I most certainly feel it but I just don't I don't I don't let it change the way I I go through life

► 00:55:34

and I think because of the lessons that I've learned I try to express that as much as possible for people that haven't gone through those same lessons so I can I can I can express that information and maybe people can absorb some of it without having to go through what I went through I think what you went through is infinitely more difficult more trying and I think that

► 00:56:02

your message and your story

► 00:56:05

can show people that in the worst possible scenario the beginning of your life as a man your wrongfully committed to life in prison you're going to spend the rest of your life until they execute you on death row and all the cars that you've gone through to come out of that and to come out of that with a purpose of being a nice person and learning how to speak and learning how to speak clearly and confidently like there's a lesson in that that said I mean it is almost like that

► 00:56:43

out of religious level I mean you talk about someone is created a diamond from pressure and that's what you've done what you've done is you if you figured out a way to despite all this raging hurricane of emotion that goes to your mind it's cause you to cry when you think about these things you can express yourself

► 00:57:04

in a very clear way that lets people it just at least Pierce through the window into what you've experienced in your life

► 00:57:14

and if it can give people a perspective that they're just is very very rare that someone gets fucked over in life as bad as you did very very rare and even more rare to come through at the end with a sense of purpose everyday of my life someone writes me and tells me he didn't kill himself today did you know that everyday man trucks

► 00:57:40

there's a young man living in my house names that curves is really good friend of mine

► 00:57:45

really changed his whole life since meeting me

► 00:57:49

even my close friends of told me I changed your life

► 00:57:55

I appreciate it because I recognize a lot of times it's the good within then that's resonating

► 00:58:03

and I'm proud of the fact that

► 00:58:05

I have sat and listened

► 00:58:09

to the words I kind of deserve for what I tried and I'm going to learn in the future to accept The Graces that you just did to me because in the past I always tried to as you see it diminish it

► 00:58:22

I have worked very hard Joe I have worked very hard to craft my work into writing and like your drawings I was so proud of having a number one bestseller in my first book and I was so proud of using my talent as a writer didn't articulate what it's like to lose a baby and my journey through her eyes or to use this last effort in Monsters and madmen to to tell people it's okay to have a bigger secret than the one that people know you by and still live with it and then when it's right you can share it with made a point that I'm done writing because I've accomplished all my work as a writer and now I want to do one thing well I want to help young students around the world take them so seriously with their education I did over 500 of them schools over England and Europe and stuff I loved it man I got all these young Lads and lasses to come back to me and show me degrees that they got when I showed him how important her education

► 00:59:22

I really thrive in that environment because I think that's where everything still is for me

► 00:59:31

somehow like I'm that kid you know who won't let go of needing to still chase the good in my life and I know there's better things in the woods and I know there's a million things in the woods are still willing to walk that path and find something meaningful and that's what I came here to really say is that I want to make an impact with my words but not over do it so I don't want to do any other podcast after this one except for my friend Brian's but I wanted to the meaningful thing without it having to be attached to

► 01:00:14

the social media draw that has hurt my life so much social media draw this hurt your life how's it hurt you like well when my daughter broke her arm and we put up a GoFundMe page I was viciously attacked because people expect me to have funds but they don't know you know because the movie in the book and I'm not have nothing here wearing shirt for my friend because he funded me to be here get outside at food while he's here it's like that real

► 01:00:46

people don't want me to not succeed like I hurt their image of me if I don't have wealth in addition to being this person before then I just think people just do they don't understand you know that people see someone else's life and they like to assume the worse and they like to criticize you whenever they have an opportunity so if they see any vulnerability they they talk about what you've gone through is the opposite of what most people go through people have difficult times in their life but more than difficult times you know what they have they have long periods where they don't have anything happen where life is boring and life is just a dull gray and life is just work and coming home from work and the trials and tribulations of the ad in traffic in the kind of insane experiences that you had being wrongly convicted in spending 22 years

► 01:01:46

confine in a cage forced to fight because of vicious psychopath guards that those kind of experiences are the experiences that allowed you to come out of it this

► 01:02:02

very kind very open-minded person who's trying to better yourself and wants to see the best in other people the people that go through their life and this dull state of jealousy and bitterness and resentment and just

► 01:02:21

constantly focused on themselves to self obsessive culture that we have and one of the things about social media that's most fucked-up is you're looking at all these other people's lives and shitting on them and comparing yourself to them and finding faults and them and attacking them in the comments section and attacking with it and the people that are doing that they're all doing that because they're in there in a a different kind of Agony than you but it's in agony of nothing I try to craft a beautiful message on the social media is so that I don't get caught up in arguments and I always try to show the good in the world and that's why I look like the good news network I'll try and deliberately stay away from things that poison my fine cuz I don't want to contribute I don't want to get caught up in the Trump era argument or the previous argument or the new argument I wanted post meaningful messages of good because that's my overall message so I thought recently maybe I can contrive

► 01:03:21

free beautiful messages for Twitter Facebook and Instagram and I could leave out this wonderful message and then I can go about my business if going back into schools and talk in a student because it gets too chaotic in addition to all the lovely messages of the wonderful human beings that listen to me speak where they saw the film fear of 13 red one of my books there's also a lot of women out there man and they've been harassing me and bothering me and it's put a lot of conflict in my life and I don't want that to ask you and bothering you how a lot of women fall in love because of the film the film made me look very attractive what is it about women and men that are on death row to the shop one too yeah I know so that you will contact me and tell me about their inmate I'm not an inmate not a death row prisoner on death row that is a strange obsession that some women have and it goes to a psychological feature of women who can fix things

► 01:04:21

so they want me to deceive my wife to be with them but not be deceitful they want me to ignore all the social chaos I could cause to go and leave a family to be with them but they still want to harass me and it was so bad recently even on my anniversary I had to cut off the people who were bothering me I have a eye doctor stalker in my life it's all kind of crazy going through a lot of experiences where their social media is really testing me so I thought I'm going to try and be like the dude alright so they're going to excuse me I don't mean like from The Big Lebowski kind of like the dude man like the dude so seriously Jeff Bridges one of my Heroes level interviewed about hell and high water and they ask Chris Pine what are you watching he goes oh my God I got to tell you about fear of 13 I got to tell you about Nick yarris man this dude is the shit in a mean and my phone

► 01:05:21

but yeah I had dinner with him he's a really really cool dude man wow you need to have Chris on he's a really cool dude introspective and he's deep like he's a real good conversation I so tired what else has he been in the Star Trek Chris Wonder Woman Harvey Weinstein Pops in for a minute that was in jail I know yeah I had to feel great blessing so Alejandro monteverdi who did the little boy with Kevin James he has an amazing life story himself I mean

► 01:06:21

his family was abducted by kidnappers and executed this is real drama

► 01:06:26

the day I meet this man I'm at a red carpet event in LA and he goes home and watch his fear of 13 he comes back and he tells me I'm going to make you move but I hope you don't know how but God told me they're certain movies have to make and he's making one right now with Tim Ballard from those CIA about rescuing children from the sex trade and stuff so he's doing really serious work he says he wants to make a feature film that are going to make a feature film about me called conviction right now it might be changed but I got the script and it's hard man to read but we have all these A-list actors in my dream course of Chris Pine cuz I think he's one of the best right but I have no say but I get this amazing chance to come out here and meet all these people for the film being made and I realize it's all meant to be mad like all this crazy stuff so maybe if I cracked my message right I can step back and let people appreciate the message I had without distorting it cuz I don't want to

► 01:07:26

I want it I don't want to go too far and end up making a fool of myself when I thought the right thing to do was teach people about neural plasticity and how to make yourself over really bad ass outside the ring by being a kind man and how did barely make yourself a really nice person to the family and loved ones by having to self respect about yourself to be patient in life and things like that you know I don't ruin it so that's what I keep saying don't ruin it you know when you talkin about social media I think one thing to take into consideration is when you do something like a GoFundMe or any anytime there's anything controversial those are magnets for hate and you might think that everyone hates you but what you're dealing with is a very small amount of people from a very large amount of people so if you thinking about the whole planet right all the English-speaking people you're dealing with hundreds and hundreds of millions of people that could leave so much and what you said that's why I'm here now because all my website Nick yarris

► 01:08:26

Lord we organize so today's listeners can go there and download copies of my book I can get out of destitute times I can get my life together we did everything we could knowing that this podcast is reaching million people so you're right I mean even you like your social media what I mean it's just that the thing is to not get caught up in the numbers that come out either negative because it's just a sheer matter of volume right if you are reaching people through the internet you're reaching who knows how many human beings I think one out of a hundred is going to be the type of person that wants to send a hateful message because it's easy because I don't have to look you in the eyes when they do it they don't have to feel any social consequences they don't have to feel your pain when they insult you or or you know say awful things but you or your family they're doing it because they want to affect you because they're hurting and they're hurting for a very different reason than the way you're hurting but this is what's wrong with social media

► 01:09:26

is consuming beings are not meant to communicate that way we lose our Humanity in this very shallow form of interaction because all those parts what's what's important about people's look in them in the eyes talking to them hugging them shaking their hand communicating honestly and anytime you you're missing any of those pieces when you communicate dishonestly when you don't want to shake someone's hand when you don't want to look them in the eye when you don't want to enter in your interact with them when you don't care about them as a person all those things leave you feeling like shit and all those that's true. The social media is the worst form of it cuz it's just text you have to interpret it yourself you don't know what the fuck is going on in their life you don't know who they are but you read that text and you absorb it personally You observe a person you take it in the worst possible form and you you feel that critique in your chest you feel it you feel in your head I know I guess I got caught

► 01:10:26

in this notion that

► 01:10:29

I could just go pick normal guy and have a normal job and people would leave me alone they would if you weren't on social media you don't have to stay in that form but it's true but here's the thing even if you do use that form you know what you can do you just don't interact you post I was too that's the thing it's hard for people to understand that are on the outside like where you asshole I love you I want you to interact with me because I love you you know and I want you to recognize that I'm recognizing you and I appreciate that for people but they have to understand the volume of people that someone like you was dealing with that's what I tried to convey and I tried very sincerely never to be ignorant to people and

► 01:11:11

you know it's it's fucking mind-blowing Joe cuz I had my mind made up and now I've realized that I do and it all goes back to a conversation with a boy Jason Daly me and him were driving along the 405 one day in the film for the fear of 13 is about to come out and I told him I didn't want it to come out and he said you don't own that film

► 01:11:33

every kid that's ever had a shity childhood owns that film everybody was got a broken marriage or a shity life is really struggling owns it film if you fuck this up I'll never be your friend again man

► 01:11:46

he was right I don't own the fear of 13 and I don't want to really anything of it but it's message is so beautiful I did what I could to tell my story because we're all living my life as an experience but we can only convey it as a memory and I did beautifully for myself I'm so proud of the effort I made I don't care that the director rob me I'll make my way I don't care what I went through to this moment because I truly appreciate the person who wrote me last night and said two weeks ago I was released from a mental hospital after trying to kill myself and my mom sat me down to make me watch film now in the last 2 weeks I've been going to therapy and I'm get my shit together

► 01:12:28

songs from Joe and I don't know my message I guess my messages taking long by the people love me or not you're right I'm not going to be bothered by the negatives I had a terrible experience with a stalker for 12 years who won't leave me alone in the cost me my daughter in a divorce is all kind of crazy stuff so it was really affecting me and my current wife and I didn't like it but I think I'm going to actually be too dude and just hang around for a little bit longer to make you proud of me for what I do from here on out don't worry about me man now everyone did I love you always go to vacation. That's great and there's nothing wrong with that but I think that what you can do and what you are doing is show that you can you can overcome things you can overcome horrible things some of the most horrible experience as a person could ever faced you can overcome them and you have and those messages they give people inspiration

► 01:13:28

Inspirations one of the greatest things you can give a person and you inspired me today I told you since it's a man ever since we started communicating Matt Ryan me your producer and I wanted to make a point right away so dude I know a lot of people climb right past you to go to Joe but I wanted to tell you thank you for helping me and my family thank thank you for helping organize I made sure to Jamie got my love when I came in the room because he organized my trip it was so cool I got me in the right order for it and everything right because I know that is so important that man because a lot of people won't make that effort Joe and I don't want to be a guy to Misses my chance so I'm going to say thank you and yes ma'am and yes sir to everyone like my mom has me and make sure never to overlook people because that's truly my message my kindness makes me able to come back my good heart is made better by the fact that I want to believe in good and is crazy

► 01:14:28

let's come back to reward me in so many ways like do you remember when Muhammad Ali died I didn't know Anthony Simon Donnie I didn't know his story but one day I could contact if I am a nursing the fear of 13 and I learned that he went to University out here and he became a lawyer cuz of a promise to his mother to be a good person he goes to the mosque every Friday if he comes close friends with Muhammad and they go to dinner every night when they met on Fridays you know any become real close he tells me the story how at a young age Mohamed looks him in the face and says you're going to be wanted a man carries my message in life. 22 what could I possibly have to offer anyone

► 01:15:12

so it goes to this experience and on the date of Muhammad Ali had approval from the government patent office for this bracelet that says within good there is God

► 01:15:23

he called me in England where I was time and he says I have a question for you I saw your film and I learned a lot about you since then

► 01:15:33

why aren't you better man why are you still willing to leave and I said my mother never paid for anything but good she always told me that I don't need good there was with some with less with in God

► 01:15:45

he said are you kidding me hold on he starts sending me this stuff I didn't know that earlier that day Muhammad Ali's bracelet would be you know approved by the Pat I didn't know any of that but it was those words you see what I mean about the synchronicity of all this craziness in my life the next thing you know I'm in Los Angeles I'm meeting Alejandro he wants to help me make the movie I mean all these wonderful people like Adam callanan from bottlekeeper he's such a sweet guy they came up with this company on the beach couple years ago and now it's doing very well for keeping drinks cold and he wonders for me and my wife this man is such a lovely guy that I wouldn't be in this chair without him or Anthony or any of these people right then Anthony sets up may may Ali

► 01:16:31

how do you say brings me out and we have a podcast and he doesn't tell her word about me beforehand

► 01:16:41

now what's crazy was I'm doing this interview right behind where I used to sleep on the street I think I kept a lot of client did some of my best work but I was homeless

► 01:16:53

I do this thing and MayMay looks at me and says no disrespect to my father mom that I leave but you're one of the most influential man I ever met my life and within 5 minutes of meeting you I'm already changing things about my life I decided right then okay then I have to own that man I have to live it for her man I can never go back I can't go back and be an average retarded mindless angry person I can't be caught up in the drama of everyday stupid shit like I got 200 it to that girl you know and I have ever since I met her she's one of the nicest people in my life man I got some amazing friends Joe I really mean it by night and there's so many connections to your life you wouldn't even know when people found out I was coming to meet you every one of them said the same pretty much the same thing

► 01:17:48

Joe such a nice dude he's so intelligent I love listening to him I work with Educators on a platform code naprous they love your stem broadcast I know people up in Waterbury Connecticut to teach out of the self-defense class called practical self-defense right now going crazy cuz you know they know Joey Jesse kozikowski is on the 1st though it's work hard these guys are really crazy like Alex Cortez and all them that they're like Joe is so next level I'm saying cuz he didn't get there because he had like been handed this shit like I remember reading stories about you going to the MMA and yeah that's true ain't it yeah when I first started working for the UFC I did the first got the money right I did the first 15 shows for free for free yeah see what I mean why was probably foolish

► 01:18:48

financially my manager didn't think was a good idea I just didn't care I just I was enjoying it that's what I love what I want to do man I want to be too dude man was also struggling company that I believed in I wanted to help him but what what you're saying is interesting because you are the one thing that you keep repeating that you want to do things for other people you keep saying that like you wanted to do that for me may you wanted to make me proud of you this is a constant theme that you you want you want to do good for other people that's an amazing amazing mine set for someone who's been through everything that you've been through that that sentiment that and then your gratitude that's another very very powerful thing gratitude love and gratitude or two of the most incredible expressions and some of the most influential because when you show True gratitude to people and true love to people they feel that it is that if

► 01:19:48

that's the way they interact with the rest of the people that they're going to experience like if they run into a new person but just moments after meeting you they will be nicer and they will they will feel that gratitude and feel that love that's real and that's one thing that we all can do you know this thought that were all powerless and helpless some of the problems with this Society is that the society is so overwhelming we have so much information coming out I send the messages that what's important is you know beautiful girls with short skirts and fast shiny cars and big giant houses in private jets and diamond rings and expensive watches and all this horseshit and this is what people seek they seek that instead of seeking love and gratitude because it doesn't seem that that's important but that's way more important it's everything because that literally changes the world it changes though it said you know I was thought that expression the wings of the butterfly

► 01:20:48

finally become a hurricane that's fucking stupid cuz that doesn't work that way butterfly just generates very small amount of wind and they're small and says really work that way but the idea behind it what would it would it would it represents

► 01:21:01

as a metaphor is that you literally by your one person that lives amongst 300-plus million people in this country one person with love and gratitude and inspiration especially the way you can express yourself

► 01:21:19

that affects people you come in contact with and that in turn affects day people they come in contact with and that literally can change the world it actually could change the world that are real plasticity man that's what I'm good at I know it I've helped so many people who love their lives when I've interacted with him in tents time I saw me. Let me stop you cuz this is one thing that you said to me before the podcast she said it again during the podcast do you only want to do this one podcast you don't want to say anymore and I want to ask you why because if you have this powerful message the more people you reach in the more you express yourself with this message you're not going to cheap in your message where you're going to do is going to get it out to more and more people in the more people that you can get out your words in the way you express yourself that's going to affect people it's going to affect people in a very very positive way okay

► 01:22:14

but the other side of that but no one can appreciate is that I'm failed I haven't been able to get anything going I tried to start a fight for no no no no I have not failed first of all you've only been out of jail for 13 years that's fucking crazy you were in jail for 22 years on death row there's not a whole lot of people get to that experience and can't either I'm fucking shoes after they're done you know you you have every right in the world to be shell-shocked and incapacitated you're not it's hard to get things going that the world does not open its doors for you and success does not come easy doesn't work that way so it for you say you failed you have failed you've already written books you already have a documentary made about you you're in the process of making a feature-length film about your life that's not a failure I just failed in getting the platforms together that I need so I guess it's just it doesn't always work out right the first time it's not it's not

► 01:23:14

you're not a failure prove your words right to me and come on when I get my shit together you come on to my podcast we finish the the conversation later on I would do that but even if I didn't doesn't matter you can do anything but why would she want to show you you yourself this idea that your you failed is crazy it's you you have not failed if you've done things look first of all

► 01:23:40

everyone does things that don't succeed and then you recalibrate and you adjusting try again no one succeeds and wins the world championship in their first fight no one writes a book it without learning English and without practicing essays that becomes the greatest book The World's ever read read written whatever you take time and you learn this is what life is about life is about this process and through that process you find yourself through the difficult tasks that you undertake maybe I should I stand you become better

► 01:24:20

you said you start a podcast you feel how long did you do it for never cut off the ground No One Believes Me and then I saw her there I'm sure that phone has a audio recorder I've done my phone probably does your Android phone right now finishing these me luck if you had this phone fucking 10 years ago people think you were a wizard yeah man if you're in the 5th Century of course she happy

► 01:25:07

I'm going to do this by myself cuz I thought I have a platform in accomplishing things that I wanted to and I felt really shity that I wasn't able to take care and provide for my family and that's the heart of it really is the struggle in that side I wouldn't give a shit about Fame I had the most amazing experiences my life man of my first interviews was the Village Voice in the woman learns me at the end of Jennifer gonnerman she says man you know you're living one of the greatest stories ever told Man this ain't no joke every time she's told me that words in my head I realized

► 01:25:47

comes with a hell of a ride in the price so if I going to own it I got to own all of it I keep telling people to own it when you do well so maybe I needed the bounce back in this is the day I step forward and start kicking ass again and maybe that will get me out of those cheerful days that I've had to go through would you have every right to have a struggle I mean if anybody has any right to to have difficult emotions and a difficulty expressing those emotions it's you and I understand how you could dwell on things not succeeding the way you anticipated wanted them too but you just got to keep going on man I thought that would be so sincere so I just came down here and I just honestly we do and I feel like the best thing about it is you're so like me in so many ways on the on the down low like you just you just want good Becky G

► 01:26:47

want to have a purposeful message that you want to share that's what I thought was really cool I had a really cool experience last year I went to East Germany to speak before company and I met all these Lebanese refugees after meeting Navy Seals the dudes on the plane love me man I built them up for being part of our military system I made them really respect and honor themselves then I was on the streets of Berlin hanging out with these Lebanese refugees and I made them feel so good about this fact that they still believed in each other some magical ability to go around in touch with different groups and send my message resonates with people who've been in the military or been through trauma or not been through trauma and I have a gift I know it

► 01:27:34

and I've spoken some of the most prestigious places and one of them is still to this day one of the highest honors I spoke at St John's Church in London where tick Hackman on the Vietnamese monk who marched with Martin Luther King in Selma Alabama spoke and he used to be my pen pal on death row he was the first man that gave me respect when I was on death row and question why didn't have respect a lot like you're doing for me today

► 01:28:02

he taught me to look at myself differently so I went through a whole one year. Of my experiences before I can speak at that church and when I did I was absolutely Flawless because I knew it my friend was there and he was guiding me and somewhere within me I have some magical ability I don't know where it comes from but I have an orator skill and want some pasties dark days I'm sure I can lay it down well so that I can carry a message beautifully to educational Fields purposefully into the corporate Fields whoever I want to go and I love it that I do have a winning hand and I have a gift behind it that was not a good taught yourself how to do this mean think about what you were saying earlier about learning how to speak so that you can speak at your own execution

► 01:28:52

that's what is a powerful motivating force and to learn all the world's religions that you understood what it means to speak do you know when is sanskrit religion a lot of the words are used as scripted forms of things so chair isn't the object is the feeling of sitting

► 01:29:11

so you have a responsibility and not only in the words that you choose to speak but in a manner that you deliver them and their vibrations within you that you carrying these share with another person because there is a receptor within us all to the truth and it resonates and it rises within us and so I found that powerful ability to talk to myself in that manner so that I could love myself and I would stand in the window of my cell and talk to myself or quote beautiful text and I love reading The Prophet by Kahlil Gibran I read it over 20 times because I thought his message was so powerful because he lost his entire family while you wrote this book over 3 year tourney

► 01:29:58

and although I might have come back from the ashes like peachy Carnahan in the man who would be king from Rodger Kipling

► 01:30:07

I still feel like I have a valid message motivating me to go forward and my idea from this point on is I want to go home to Laura and the kids and recruit get myself together and I know a lot of people are going to contact me because of your grace to have me on your show

► 01:30:26

what I plan to do over the next couple years Joe is

► 01:30:30

I want to show myself not just you sir

► 01:30:35

damn right being a kind man being a good-hearted man being meticulous sleep late doesn't mean you're a loser doesn't mean you're full and if people take advantage of you down to you to take it as an insult rise the fuck up about the insulting just move past it

► 01:30:53

the reason I'm not bitter it's because I didn't take it personal when they broke my teeth and put in death row and tortured me I didn't take it personal because right now there are two million people incarcerated in this country

► 01:31:07

I didn't take it personal cuz 150 other men got off of death row

► 01:31:13

that's why I'm able to function because I don't take life personally but I take love personally I take it so personally. I'm willing love myself a lot of people can't do that do you know how hard it is to get a woman to look at herself without looking at the floor they can't stand it see how hard it is to get a man to be honest with his emotions thinking that he's week if he does I would rather have tears on my face walking down the street and frustration then just rip on somebody and hurt somebody that's the kind of caliber of level of humanity I want to find in myself and I think we all do I think the message was like you said it's been distorted by the social media so badly that we need more talking and I would I would dream of having them late night talk show and play some of my coolest music talk to people just average people just open it up

► 01:32:06

like I want to just share what's good about me because my mother was right

► 01:32:11

wouldn't have just been a terrible waste of time if I got out of jail and I was just another ass hole in the street

► 01:32:18

hey would you know one of the things that keeps coming up is you are longing for community

► 01:32:24

and this is something I've been thinking about a lot lately because I think one of the things that people are constantly searching for in this world is happiness right so one thing that people don't have that they wish they had that comes up over and over again it's a reoccurring theme and one of the things that's also a big part of this life that we are all are living right now is very recent disconnect between our neighbors are friends by commuting to work and being stuck in this stuffy environment we can express yourself normally and this is the majority of your life the majority of your time and we wonder why we're sad we don't spend enough time together with friends here's here's when you aren't sad when you're having fun with your friends because that's what you mean things are meant to do there's they're meant to work together to do something together like something meaningful cord healing

► 01:33:24

it's a woman to have Community a man to have friends and what not to laugh when meant to share experiences will meant to care for each other and when that's not happening in your life you feel like shit what you're doing is spreading the fingers of your community or spreading the branches of your community by by expressing yourself and helping other people by expressing yourself and inspiring other people by sending your message out there this is a type of community for people that have longing for Community you're connecting with people people that are longing to feel a connection and this is this is something it's missing something it's greatly missing in our society and you you understand it more than most

► 01:34:09

because you are time

► 01:34:12

that they forced you to be separate from community that they did that they gave you the opposite of community if you communicated they beat you up they gave you the opposite of commuter they lock you in a cage didn't let you mingle with other people and the people that were around you didn't want to mingle with them horrific people that are just the worst examples of a life gone wrong and you surrounded with him he still emerged and that just out alone gives people hope and that hope is something that everybody needs I was a good person on death row to the point that is a man named Tom Lowenstein wanted to write a book about me and I turned them on the Water Oak Rider still sit on death row

► 01:34:52

I asked him to write the book about water and then CNN death row stories wanted to contact me and have Susan's friend and narrate My Story 2 and 1/2 years ago

► 01:35:01

told him again water still on death row man do it for him or the Walter Water Oak Drive was convicted of killing a little girl and put her in a TV box but he didn't do it and he had The Misfortune of having his brother attacked in his house and nearly murdered and being brought in for that investigation and then simply asked by detective hey there's a girl killed on your street did you know anything about it because I know about it next thing you know he's facing death row so it jury finds him not guilty but for the sabotage of one's your he ends up on death row sabotager 1G voted not guilty about doing the get the guy to come in and say that now he confessed and they have a second trial so they put water on death row and I meet him and everybody's abusing the shit out of him

► 01:35:57


► 01:35:59

I did the unnatural thing I stood up for him for all the bullies and I told the two men that were abusing them if they put their hands on me again I was going to do it get involved and I started helping Walter with his lawyers and ever since I got out of prison I kept my word to stick by them and fight for them so I gave up opportunities could have changed my life and now death row stories is back and they're going to do my story and Walter still on death row right now what can be done to help Walter contact Tom Wolfe and ask him why is he innocence Project's and the Integrity units won't take up his case there's no evidence and it was clearly I mean when you see the show on death row stories it's just laid out so clear I was a little disappointed they didn't mention me that I turned them on to Walter myself the sack was overlooked but I was just my ego but I always have like that and that's what I love I know that they were despicable Joe and the two acts did a lot of men did word respectable

► 01:36:58

but if I let that stop me from loving any of them then I was going to be nothing so yeah a lot of them were really messed up man but the ones that needed it I set aside everything and still cared about men Teresa spell out Walters name for a g r o d o Grodd was convicted of putting a little girl in a box in Philadelphia we need to get Kim Kardashian on the case if you want to get someone a pardon it's Walter this man is so I suffered enormously people using Greene County supermax in in Pennsylvania

► 01:37:39

I fought for my other friend world are Ernie Simmons he got out of the trials of Walter ogrod shocking murders so-called confessions in Notorious snit to send a man to death row Town came to me while I was still on death row in 2002 and he said Nick my God your story I want to write a book about you and I said you had a brilliant but how about the guy sitting next to me it doesn't have lawyers or DNA or anybody to help them how about helping him because are you crazy or given up an opportunity as a dude it ain't like that I love this man he has no lawyers like I do so that's who I am

► 01:38:18

so I didn't take credit for it but I really did try to help another mad because I felt like I would be so disappointing if I just took and took and took myself

► 01:38:30

and you know I'm actually grateful I didn't go on your podcast 2 years ago I was a homeless person without a family and now I got the two amazing girls sorrow and Bethany and my wife Laura these two English girls get the dream life change they get to move from Somerset England out here to Oregon and my little girl gets on a yellow school bus show she goes the bus everyday she's in school they pay like I'm in the community I got all these wonderful friends up in Oregon like Donnie Hobbs and he's guys that are my personal friends now I built my community again like I got all these cool people up there that love me I got my wife's right now in Salem with her friend Carly and they're opening up a new shop up there and all the stuff I really did it despite not having anything I did exactly what you said I went and overcame the deprivation and found community and Built My Tribe look I know a lot of people struggle to have people in your life

► 01:39:29

don't cause any conflict it's you is allowing it man go out and find new people to be around cuz a lot of people want you if you're a nice person it's just hard for people to find those people sometimes and that's where they lose hope you know people that don't one of the things they did it. They don't know where to get started right they don't know how to how to get their life going how to get moving how to feel good how to get success there's so many different things and to those people I say just do something the more things you do the more things you can do do something do anything whether it's commit to walking around the block 10 times tonight with the weather at the weather it's committing to riding your your life story you know what stops a lot of people is there self imagery

► 01:40:16

I was convicted of rape and murder and everyone's eyes I was a psychologically deranged person I had to live with that stigma everyday right then when I got out everybody thought I must be crazy as fuck because I spent 8057 days in solitary confinement being tortured so there's no way I could be saying right

► 01:40:38

their perspective had no effect on me because by that time I've given myself enough education to know the difference between what was done to me and who I am and this is the problem a lot of people they fail to stop doing this thing where I am this or I am that and this is the problem so I really have never cared about the perspective of anyone in the negative except for when they got it wrong for my intent to do good with them and then it just became about all my own ego so I realized that the truth is as long as I know I'm doing right I'm doing good it isn't going to matter about their perspective cuz the same person you thought I was a rapist scumbag murderer now thinks I'm one of the most eloquent speakers they met their life their perspective about me change but mine surely shouldn't

► 01:41:34

I did and that's where a lot of people suffer from they let that negative comment make them feel like they have to overcome it or have to live with it and I tell you what you're I really never expected this before the first time of my life from conducting an interview throughout the whole process I've been reevaluate who I am and what I'm saying it's like a fucking slap in the face man I got came in here to drag with my emotions carrying them on my sleeves and all the stress I haven't slept well for days I haven't taken care of my son that's bullshit

► 01:42:05

I didn't do well in articulating and you gave me a wake-up call that I've never had before in any experience you can go back and look through the history of the many experiences of had of interviews and I've done some outstanding ones I've never had a personal experience where throughout the course of speaking of another man I started to reevaluate everything I held firmly to

► 01:42:29

and I promise you I'm going to go and think a whole lot about this and get my shit together because I do owe it to a lot of people to be one bad ass mother fucker would help a message if you want to sell

► 01:42:40

damn straight man imma do that I really a man so if you want me to come and speak before your corporate functions of where a high school or university I do that better than anyone in fact I'm find one of the finest speakers on the planet and I learned it because I watched Bruce Springsteen remember that speech she gave at the Oscars for Philadelphia no I never watched you get that out white guy Bruce Springsteen is one of the finest bad motherfuker he made the Nexus point between music and imagery so poignant that I was blown away by it so much so that when we made the documentary fear of 13 that's all I kept imagining when I spoke with the imagery we would be landed and I love the fact that I worked very hard to bring the whole audience in

► 01:43:40

my cell one time to spend with me my story in a way that no one ever did before our fucking rock it that's awesome

► 01:43:51

yeah I like that I like the fact that I know I have talent in that field I don't want to boast but I have a gift and it came light years ahead of me when I watch I had four hundred students in ceiling in raptured at a conference my friend at educator named Emma Dobson set this whole thing up

► 01:44:12

go there you could hear a pin drop all along somewhere along the way

► 01:44:21

an energy Clicks in and I can hold the room in palm of my hand

► 01:44:26

I had some amazing experiences with it

► 01:44:29

I don't know how to stay it but that Cult of Personality Laura being on the stage and talking to people is powerful man and I can see why Tony Robbins and everybody gets off at 9 8 do that I'm not a life coach I can't coach no one's life but I can tell you about your life and met and ways that would make you really invigorated to want to make a better life for yourself but no one could truly be your life coach you got to do that shit yourself and I love it I love it that I understood those moments cuz what are the coolest things was I used to go to the Globe Theatre anybody to understand Shakespeare understands the Globe Theatre is the center of the world for Shakespeare they would perform Titus andronicus and then after which Cleopatra would come out on stage and introduce me to the car up now I had 8 minutes 10 minutes tops to do this thing

► 01:45:30

and in 8 to 10 minutes I had a crowd who it been spending for 3 hours long Play Crying put money in a bucket for what I said to them and did it flawlessly every time and I did it for the whole summer in London it was the most amazing experience stand there and look out over this Vista of London after you did this amazing thing where people never expected you and you are nothing to do with the theater you are just a human rights charity chosen by the theater to come out and speak and I I realized that moment I had a gift if I could get people who have been standing for 3 hours watching a play to have wet Tears In Her Eyes put money shoving it into a bucket for me then I knew I had some ability to finally speak I was no longer enough Asia effected destroyed the stewarded mine Idol by drugs and used beyond belief to distortions of like I was so screwed up to come back to do that

► 01:46:30

I knew I was do you know I wrote this whole book and only 3 days 200 and I have a gift show like seriously like I wrote and I have witnesses I wrote the whole book in two and a half days man cuz it was in me this story monsters met him was so powerful that when I met Laura my wife I told her I said you know what I'ma finally do it and I'm going to get this out and it it just came out for two and a half days I barely slept ate anything all I did was make love to my wife on a break or right and I mean poured it out and I poured out the whole book and I've realized that was needed to move on and it's what is the best book I've ever wrote my life and I'm so proud that it's my last one so I don't have to worry about no more stories I did the thing that was great I saw this one change this is really fear of 13 my countdown the execution it went through hell it got cancelled

► 01:47:30

now if you're 13 then I wrote the kindness approach I did one called my journey through her eyes I didn't bring a copy and you do not want to write like why why do you say that because I crafted my series of books that create and Captivate my whole entire message and I want to leave it pure I don't want to then go on and makeup of falsifications of things that didn't happen to all these or nonfiction all these are nonfiction all these events are true and pointed to my life and I think that's the best thing to do to stay true to who I am I was going to tell one story called that's enough for me as a fictional lies writer just to show everybody my talent because people in the past that said wow you can write anything so I was going to do that but I held back because I thought I want to see the cool I want to leave it like this is my series of work my work is I wrote to prison books and I wrote two books

► 01:48:30

that will guide people in life how not to be screwed up or bitter and I want to leave that as my message I want to go and do other things but those are my books and I'm proud of the work I did I got it out of my system I'm a published author I can go down in history is that right I'm cool with that I don't really want it then push it and think that I can then more people into reading more work that I couldn't write because that's not really fair to them I mean I want to keep it that way I think that's one of the things I want to try and stay true to now I'm speaking that's my love someone wanted to hire you to speak where would they go Nick yarris. Org so it's really simple everyone on the podcast can easily find me on the other social medias but I have like I said my really close friends Adam Callahan and his wife just had a baby so they're running my website Nick Harris. Org and a lot of people can reach me for functions like that but I really love the fact that I have a chance

► 01:49:30

also with this my verse.com to go ahead and go into schools and there's a really cool thing you know this X Generation X three men their legs so computer-savvy right so much so did you actually are starting a trend there's no longer 15 minutes of fame there's the 5 second video clip of Fame now and it's been reduced it's like everything's 5 seconds and I mean snow. So everything in the education field is coming to answer faster and faster so we need to use analytics of something like my verse to go ahead and get a child to figure out who they can go and be in their careers and then follow that correct path you can't just throw it against the wall anymore so you have to really work hard to get children to feel good about being a taxi driver a painter you know it's not ashamed to be at a person who goes out and does a simple manual job if that makes you happy as a human being you should be able to do that without the stigma right but the school's not going to

► 01:50:32

I know they're going to tell you could be anything but why wouldn't you want to find out what could make you happy in life and be that right

► 01:50:39

that makes sense to me so not going to learn that from school from people from online more than anything today and that's why I want to be involved in the educational field I think that's my greatest gift is someone who went to prison who had never read a book who accomplish the things that he did then can share how the purpose of my education was so that I was able to process life enough to handle it to give myself enough separation to realize who I was as a human being is not the sum total of my misery and that I could then help others structure their lives through politeness to go and get a good education and I love that fact that I worked so hard to all these different things to not lose that message and it really does work for a lot of young people they find that their self respect respect really does grow when someone gives them just a small little bit of a break man

► 01:51:41

you're so honest I love I love it I'll never Tire of it and that one regards I've touched so many young people's lives man that's beautiful neck that's a great message and thanks for being here man I really appreciate it I'm glad we did this yeah me too I really do can I give a quick shout-out I so I got some good friends of mine died I really messed up on Alex Ortiz and I like these young dudes these Fighters joke they're all mad about you and that I like it when you think about the pellets were anyway love it and I like the fact that his father teaches that kuntao with that prison style of martial arts martial arts that most people with no cuz it's derive from the Filipino prison systems really cure size of quick attacks and stuff like that so it's losing the boxing but I like it

► 01:52:41

if I do. Gov Mike Campbell and all these guys been really supportive to me and everyone like I said that knew I was coming on there I just want to tell them if I forgot who you are thank you all for being so supportive and I really want to say thank you to my wife for being so there for me lately and I'm really grateful that we've learned in this wonderful lesson that I might belong to you sweetheart but I also have some good love to do I'm going to try and do both well and I'm very grateful to everyone listen especially to you Mister Broken you're a really nice young man I'm grateful to you as well now I mean that Joe and I know you're my grandma young man even better I'm your sexy Grandad and have a good day bye Martin Mulch Man bye-bye bye-bye everybody

► 01:53:35

thank you everybody for tuning to podcast and thank to our sponsors thank you to ZipRecruiter you can try ZipRecruiter Fallout free credit.com Rogan go there by the right person tried out for free ziprecruiter.com Rogan dead ziprecruiter.com Rogan ZipRecruiter the Smart Way in fact the smartest way to hire CBD oil I fucking use it all the time CBD lotion they have CBD lip balm as well fantastic stuff they offer 100% money back guarantee shipped all 50 states and Australia and Mexico everything is made in the US of a visit Liberty lotion and enter the promo code Joe and you'll save 20% off your first order that's Liberty lotion. Com and use the pro

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call kojo thank you thank you thank you also to motherfukin LegalZoom LegalZoom where life means legal go to legalzoom.com now and use the promo code Rogan at checkout for special savings that's use the promo code Rogan at legalzoom.com LegalZoom where life meets legal and once again we are brought to you by the motherfuking cash app

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download the cash app for free in the Google Play Market and don't forget when you download the cash app enter the reward card there or Ward code Joe Rogan all one word you received $5 in the cash Apple send $5 to Justin rent fight for the Forgotten charity to build Wells for the pygmies in the Congo cut off alright Fockers who did it

► 01:55:29

my goodness that was a heavy one right that guy is been through a lot but his message is powerful and I really respect the hell out of them. Just For Today much love to you all bye bye