#1177 - Sober October 2

October 1, 2018

Joe is joined by Bert Kreischer & Tom Segura to discuss the challenge for Sober October 2.

Episode Sponsors

Help improve this transcript!

ladies and gentleman how's everybody take first off my fucking tour is over thank you everybody that came out to any of the shows I had a great time definitely my favorite tour ever it was a lot of fun it was a lot of work getting it all together putting together the hour and it airs tomorrow night October 2nd not even tomorrow night actually there's like midnight tonight technically on Netflix you will be streaming and you can get anytime you want I hope you enjoy it it's the best I could do at the time and my goal is always to do better so my goal now is to do better than this one for the next one and I think it's better than my last one I really do I work hard at it I hope you like it thank you everybody thank you everybody who came out to Toronto on Saturday night Dan I was crazy that was definitely my the most surreal

show I've ever done was the biggest crowd ever performed for it was fucking absolutely massive and the people are amazing too I always say it and I'll say it again Canada's fucking great it's great there's literally 20% last douchebags that's my quote I say it all the time but I say it cuz I mean it in Toronto is without a doubt one of the best country was one of the best cities not just in that country but in the world Toronto's amazing and then we went out to antler afterwards Michael Hunter the guessing the podcast that it did on before who he he owns this amazing restaurant that specializes in Wild game and he just protested by these vegans they protest and stand in front of the door and try to tell people not to go in there because they're murderers and so because of that he decided to cut up a deer in front of the window

and when he did that it got national news and then the vegans ramped up their protest than I had them on and when I had them on the podcast his his reservations went through the fucking roof it's sold out months in advance now it's crazy so we went there after the show Reggie Watts came down Jeremiah Watkins was there Tony Hinchcliffe Bruce Hills from the Just for Laughs Festival my agent the lovely powerful Stacy Mark was there and Men we had a fantastic time it was it was amazing the food there Sensational so thank you thank you to everyone and antler thank you Michael and his all of the fine people that he works with and

fuck man it's just surreal so good so everything was amazing the whole night the whole and again that's the that's the end of this big giant tour it could have been a better ending I'm very very happy and now we move on this podcast is the sober October podcast because as of today no weed no booze and a fitness challenge this is the new thing we got a fitness challenge going on

all the details will be revealed during this wonderful podcast in the podcast is sponsored by the cash app now if you heard me talk about the cash out before I'm very enthusiastic about it because well it's not going to happen Finance that's on the App Store and you can do things with the cash app that you really I don't think there's another app like it first of all just a thing called the cash card now the cash card is a debit card that offers instant rewards that comes with premium features that not even a credit card card can offer like boots with Boost you can save up to 10% at Whole Foods Chipotle Shake Shack and more of your favorite spots even a dollar off coffee every time you swipe your cash card at coffee shops across the country it's fucking sweet it also allows you to directly deposit your paycheck right into the app and use it as a debit card fucking fantastic you put you in

control your money with extra in app safety features that let you pause your card with a touch unlike a credit card there's no fees ever

no fees ever and a credit check is required to get one

fuck other cards that's what I say fuck them the cash part of the shit and you can download the cash app for free and get your cash card for free visit the app store or the Google Play Market now and when you download the cash app make sure you enter the referral code Joe Rogan all one word you will receive $5 in the cash app will send $5 to Justin wrens fight for the Forgotten charity with race thousands of dollars already through the ad and built more than two Wells I think they're on their completed two and they're building more it's just it's beautiful it's perfect I love it we're also brought to you by meundies my all-time motherfuking favorite underwear I wear them everyday I wear I'm constantly they are made out of micro mold all it is a sustainable fat fabric that is 3 times softer than cotton it's made from Beech trees

it's sucking feels great I wear them everyday I don't wear any of their underwear and meundies also makes the world's most comfortable lounge pants and tees inside Jamie's in the morning at 9. What are lounge pants anyway get them I'm sure they'll be awesome they don't fuck around they make socks bralettes have you ever ever wear a bralette James wearing one of those two nope made that up listen to make awesome shit and they also have beautiful patterns you can get patterns that match if your boyfriend girlfriend combo or a boyfriend boyfriend combo you can get your girlfriend girlfriend combo whatever you have a fucking orgy with all people with the same underwear on that's what I'm trying to say folks all sorts of cool patterns and they're definitely the softest underwear I've ever put on in because they're so confident in this they have a 100% satisfaction guarantee you're going to love these motherfucking undies but if you're not into it meundies will do whatever they can to get you in the right pair and

why can't you can keep them and they'll refund you so it's really risk-free risk-free to try the best underwear ever meundies has a great offer for listeners this podcast any first-time purchasers when you purchase any meundies you get 15% off and free shipping it's a no-brainer 15% off the most comfortable comfortable underwear you ever put on ever and free shipping and of course 100% satisfaction guarantee so to get your 15% off your first pair free shipping and 100% satisfaction guarantee go to meundies.com/Rogan that's meundies.com/Rogan and last but not least we are brought to you by mother fucking Squarespace if you notice I have a new website it's a beautiful new website and that website was created by Squarespace and you can make a website with Squarespace too and I mean you

and anyone they have got it nailed it used to be extremely difficult to make a website and you were going to fuck it up a few times we tried heat up to go to school to learn HTML to learn how to code a nightmare not anymore Squarespace has the entire process boiled down to a Perfect Blend and what they've done is created a beautiful easy to use drag-and-drop user interface with phenomenal artistic designer templates you cannot go wrong you can make a fucking gorgeous professional website in a minimal amount of time you can do all sorts of different things I can think about you if you're thinking of selling products online like maybe you can make some stuff you can make those things and sell them cuz each website come to the free online store maybe you're announced an event or a special project whatever the fuck you're doing promoting a physical or online business Squarespace is the way to go they were a sponsor for quite a long time before I decided

my website over to them I just couldn't think of any reason why not to that it's we wanted to get a new website and I was like this is fucking make it ourselves with Squarespace I'm very happy that I did they have powerful Ecommerce functionality that allows you to sell anything online and everything is optimized for mobile right out of the box they have built-in search engine optimization free and secure hosting nothing to patch or upgrade ever in 24/7 award-winning customer support and they're so confident what they have to offer they let you try it out for free go to squarespace.com for Joe for a free trial then when you're ready to launch use the offer code Joe to save 10% off your first purchase of a website or domain you can't go wrong folks Squarespace

all right ladies and gentlemen this is it sober October Ari shaffir is in New York City right now so he got on the phone with us briefly on speakerphone to shit all over our plans at the end but we'll work it out the bottom line is a belt will be involved we will have a belt sober October champion and it's going to be a good time and no no booze no pot no nothing for the entire month of October

so without any further Ado please give it up for the Great and Powerful Tom Segura and Bert motherfuking Crusher

The Joe Rogan Experience

beaded ceiling we just did that suggest you like pretty reason I don't know lol I know it's fat blunt when I'm backwards man one of these back was either so good to smell it

you know everyone was commenting on it on your blunt rolling technique after the Elon Musk thing so I don't roll on my know they were like I knew that they were like you can't read this it does smell so good they taste good too there's our bills are phenomenal I'm a blunt man and I know it's probably bad for your lungs but there's something about the tobacco get you a little high up in the marijuana sort of like spread you out and it puts you in like a new dimension yeah that's that's a good one I'm going to get kids for Halloween kids oh yeah how how you get to after 30 days I had no idea what I was talking about while I was on stage I was like oh my God this for in the people from now you know what I'm saying I was about to bring in all my marijuana and booze in here like a like why it like it like in the old west me to turn in your guns

marijuana it's ridiculous I know it's crazy I keep store-bought ripped on the the day we did the podcast on the day back yeah rumpi when he's sober I'm such a grouchy dog like legit angry like he could joke around about anything when he's high when you smoke but then when he's not smoking with you like we wait are you fucking serious he gets upset when you texted at the three is he like I don't think you're doing the right classes do you remember the Meltdown

joking I didn't I called you right I don't remember if we texted or called but I'm sorry I love you just joking I'm sure you'd is this is one thing you could say after all the well to talk on the nonsense already has Rock Solid ethics he doesn't like so if I'm fucking with him and say I don't think you doing it I don't really meet right right you're just kind of your poking out of it so if you're out there already and you hear this money fucking around I know you're doing it but I'm not talking to you for the next Thirty one day he can. He came to our class for that last one who's likes was so much easier than my class can't believe you question how hard my class 1 and we didn't see no yes he was like

do you like it's all easy if you go easy I guess so how you do it if you if you do hot yoga and you go 100% every post yeah it's fucking heart of the matter guy that I go to yoga a drinking problem legit drinking that I go to yoga with who is he's it seems like he just doesn't ever go hundred percent he started her a kind of like you know you put your arms above your head he always does this he's never doing this for us to extend his palms not connected when you do that it's hard to just kind of half-ass every post and do this now you can get your 90-minute class you're not doing the same thing as a group training class somewhere you can see people and there's like that 63 year old lady whose like doing away with normal regular

you're not doing it I got in trouble with my CrossFit class cuz I just get pissed I was throwing up every day I was throwing up every single day I was also drinking a coffee right before it started so it's throwing up coffee every single day and one day I just have to go pay the black guy's not doing his burpees the black guy that's what they said that's what they said they go why don't you care and then the joke I made out of it was hey Wendell the gay guy says I can't call you the black guy but you're not doing your phone working or doing this and I was gentle heart rate sensor yeah I want to go to spin class and by the way if you want to like it at real bump in those points it's about a bump and heartbreaks a stained accelerated heart rate so it's been class is going to get you a bunch.

better athlete than you but it doesn't mean that it doesn't mean that automatically beat us because he's in Better physical condition you can actually beat them if you're going to push it all the time what is it in your brain that makes you do that cuz I just looked at your MVPs and that you burn a thousand calories is there some sort of I talked to Pat McAfee one time he said it's about explosivity it's about rape and murder my head's filled with it they stopping rapist and stop and murderers and the killing child molesters that's why I think about killing bad people you work out yeah that's what I do when I get tired I get tired I think about like saving someone I care about

I think about stopping someone is trying to murder someone I love that's what I think about

I love your face I'm not kidding I think about my second wife think about that I think about protecting people I care about if it's hard you'll go for telling someone trying to kill me so you like

I don't have words for that that's what you got to do cuz that's what that's what if you think about worst case scenario you're tired and someone's trying to kill someone you care about and you don't have enough energy to stop them would you think you learned that switch in like type Taekwondo Taekwondo martial arts for sure like the scariest place you could be his life and death so like just putting yourself in almost want to lose weight okay good yeah that's good boo but that's not you're not going to save yourself like you got you got to put yourself in like animalistic Fury that's how you got you got to put yourself go to put yourself in this the state of just 100% effort that was pegged at like a hundred and eighty hundred and seventy-seven beats per minute for the last 35 35 minutes it's really really

David Goggins guy got my head with just embrace the suck I can get there at like where I'm at and I can I can wrap my head around that I don't know if I can wrap my head around like I don't know the exposed to the other than going like I'm going to save my family and then getting but that might not work for you but they're so could be a different tactic that work for you you know I mean like I said even like that going that fucking hard to where your body is completely giving out their part of me that goes it's really fucking hard well you got you definitely have to protect your health right like the last you want to be doing this and having a heart attack that's what that's always my way to look at it but I've been doing that kind of working out forever that's how to work out yeah you always go crazy yeah

I go crazy about someone who like really disrespected you right before you lift do I mean like right before this that I wish I would have cracked that dude in the face and then right now I know I'm definitely know what I want I know who I'm thinking about going to Riot I don't say any names rhyme with really get yourself into that place you know you don't have to think about something that's terrifying and negative but to me that's like that's the ultimate position that where you're going to need energy this is so silly the one of the best shape I've ever been in is what I'm at my wife has a hundred eighty-six pounds

and I had like 5 pushups okay to 100 supposed to last year sober October that photo that you posted that you sent to us I look at my skinny face I'm going back I'm going hard this month I really am and I'm going to cuz I'm going to enjoy it last month I think last time I did it was out of spite I want to prove everyone I can stop drinking this month I'm going into it and probably not drink probably a 1/3 as much as last year and I'm eating like I drink three quarters as much does that make sense and so but when I was in spin class with Bob from The Biggest Loser spin class teacher crunch

is inspiration was so connectkey connected to me so quickly one time it's Brett for Thanksgiving and I'm looking good I'm not going to go to wedding my buddy's wedding and I'm on on the bike and go for 2 minutes and I'm like fuck this and then he says you're going home I felt like he was talking to me cuz you're going home for Thanksgiving you're going to see all the people in high school all the people that didn't want to have sex with you do you want them to want to have sex with you this weekend and I was like yeah you extend stay out of that fucking saddle on your Thanksgiving dinner and go out to bars tonight before and say I won't fuck you I'm better than you I'm just going home phone number for the fuck me

isn't that funny man that bike motivated so many comedians you know just being a loser in high school and I'll show you guys I'll show you some straight to their deathbed to the still like yeah fucking Sarah 7th grade this is for her to the bottom of it is I want you to like me cuz I love you I know I know but I think it's on I do that. Healthy way I think joke thank you is the best compliments I've gotten you worked hard at it thank you very much everyone a secret I'm streaming right now but Joe Rogan special star drops tomorrow tonight tonight at midnight I saw that do that. Trailer for the best trailers I've seen for a special in a long time I worked hard at it I hope people like it some people going to hate it but that's normal I worked at it is harder than anything I've ever

I never for sure this hour I did the best I could do I did the best I could do for sure because more the only thing that you could say is like maybe a little more time like maybe a month or two more time on some of the bits like but you never know when that is you know it's like there's a there's a there's a sort of like a. Where they're developing an immature and then they're solid and then you never know I got it done or is there only one more tagline that I'm missing here cuz you know how I like so that's always the case you'd you fell and then right after you're done you have a brand new tag on it makes a bit if I was just gets worse I'm in Michigan doing some Peter and I have that Alexa bit about Trucking Alexa talking back talk to Alexa like I talk to women and whatever it is and then next week I write the bit I would say the flashlight attachment for a Lexus or you shut up the way I want to

it's always WhatsApp doesn't open up all the way till it's like doesn't have any pressure so it's like the pressure is gone and you're like oh I can take it here I can take it there and you're like I wish I could think like this before I record but you can't you know it's a nice things that we talked about this the after the specials over like I don't have any material and I don't have anything to think outside terrifying

but you always find it like overtime and then before you know I like what I got to do our it happens it happens it happens quicker the more you've done it yeah yeah because you know you can do it that's one of the bad things about these guys like I was talking to a guy the other day I like how long you been doing comedy he's like 7 years ago how much time you have is like 20 minutes ago that's fucking ruthlessly unacceptable terrible I know you. You are lazy what you been doing comedy for 7 years of 20 minutes and out of those 20 minutes 10 you should throw away right that's crazy are you doing open mics in when you doing open-mic everyone sucks so you look like a hero if you have anything that remotely humorous and said but then you try that remotely humorous stuff and you do it on at the ice house and people like huh I know I keep going between you and you and you know you do this bullshit that you was doing an open mic night 2 people just not having it so I real sets are so different than what

real crabs and it's not you know it's not entirely up to you obviously when you're starting out too hard to get what you mean what do you mean real crowds like a real show a professional body soap in my child's you know valuable like it even if you give somebody an opportunity to come on your show for them up and comer because they don't normally have real audio Yeah it's giant for the wake-up call this is a real show me when you go to one of those Open Mic nights people are just drunk and everyone's terrible so you just laughing at basically everything yeah how bad they are almost Peter Chen who's the guy who is so bad I Chris McGuire was auditioning for Mitzi and Peter was funny

is Mitzi was so hilarious she thought it was funny that one of the worst comics in La don't put his picture up was hosting the open mic night really yeah she does funny and but I knew that McGuire was going to have to audition for mit's here so I said fuck that so I called at the stores and I'm hosting I said I'll host Open Mic nights okay just just to keep him from posting it as great as a safe for your body

it be too much too much chaos to address I hosted the show is a favor one time and it up snapping on a lady cuz I arrived it was a showcase for Montreal and I arrived at the show before it writes there's like A7 thing and then the 9 showcase and they asked me to to host it and and a lady at the 7 show at the earlier show is in like the front row just yelling out drunk and she's older and she's like yeah tagging every Comics thing, if you want it I'm like I'm just like so irritating I like well at least you know the show's almost over

so the show ends you know people leave we're getting ready for a second so I look she stayed in her seat and I was like you got to be kidding me so second show starts and I'm already you're primed you know if you watch something that gets you agitated and then you're like yeah you're overreacting cuz you're like your price for it so like I started and was like I said like my first joke and she said I got you fucking cunt shut up right and then

like so and then it just went really go to Montreal it was terrible it was terrible oh no but then she ended up leaving her friend came back in and while I'm on stage goes did you call her a cunt like in the show and I go yeah cuz that's my friend and I go within your account too and then she leaves and her son comes back talk to you for a second and I was like alright it looks serious too and he was like to call my mom a cunt when I go which one is she this lady over here so I go outside and I talked to basically the lady who was the friend so I go because what is going on what I go your friend has been disrupting yelling out

drunk belligerent she goes you call her this you called me that and I go alright well I'm sorry I called you that but I'm not sure I called your friend that she is what she is and she's like you can be a nice person I see it in you

she got you would love is like I was like yeah I go get your friend out of here no one wants you here okay okay and then her son was like thank you that was very disrespectful to my mother I was like okay we're good I got to go back in the house This Disaster that I know you're saying something they disagree with it they don't think that they need to just like wait it out I think they could stop you in the middle and the problem for me in particular to lot of my bits start off one way like they look like they're going to be way more outrageous than they are and then I turn them around sure but when I'm starting it off and then you just attacked like like you're fucking up the bet you don't even understand what I'm doing it's all about freedom of speech in a weird way I had a joke about pedophilia and I just started it and the woman this woman who was a fan of mine everything she just goes no

pedophilia I'm done with the fucking punchline those people should be allowed it shows because they're not even letting but not even letting the the the art form take place yeah you can craft it something you know you're like Let It play out you can't do that mean you just they should just kick you out you just like you're fucking up the whole experience for the whole crowd because like a guy like Brian Holtzman would literally never be able to perform all the people like that so people like you and I would never be able to see him cuz his act is saying outrageous shit like that that absolutely he doesn't really mean right but the funny thing is the twists in the turns I getting you to laugh at the other funny thing is is that he supposed to act like he does mean it like that what's funny it's like the people are like always like you know they get super upset about this thing is like he said this and it again but don't you get that yeah it's the performance of this joke about

Second Coming project do you have the second coming project is when they first started fucking around with jeans and cloning they there was a group of radical Christians that had this idea I think it might have event it might have been bullshittin eventually but what their idea was they were going to take some genetic material from the Shroud of Turin and they were going to clone Jesus and so my bit was what if you clone Jesus and it doesn't come out good like you know they had to do Dolly the sheep like 30 times until they got it right like what if what if you what if you clone cheese and he comes back handicapped and I have this whole fucked-up thing about them following around this handicap Jesus instead of turning water into wine turns like dogshit in the cookies and this lady goes nuts

and she's sitting in the end of in the front row so I did the bit to her I just know and I'll do it doing it was a horrible pit in a 1998 or some shit like right right so is clunky anyway but she's literally saying next subject never going to listen to you look what the fuck up but why would you want them to shut the fuck up but you have no understanding of the power of persuasion or the fact that other people aren't you like you're not in control of other people see if you tell someone to shut the fuck up that doesn't work this is just a poor way of you understand you don't understand human beings thought this through you just know what you want your selfish little head and say say it to them this out most arguments

most fights get started because people don't take into consideration at all the fact that they're communicate with another human being has their own set of emotions or own life their own problems or only go if there's a sure-fire way any comedy show hear more of the same I was almost out sometimes I promise if I go hang you got like if you don't like what I'm about to say is I have a couple things now they're a little running too far I would just come talk to me after the show don't don't even do that his daughter up things will change my mind on bit like I had a bit it worked on the my podcast very well and I tried it in the club in this black chick came up to me it's like it's a really fucked-up joke and I was like really super super racist racist

I love to show all of it I just think honey no no no no no no I don't want to tell it but I figure it out to work it out but I'm going to deal with all the fucking steps all the steps on the hill I don't really talk about race much in my axle I'm like I don't really am not going to die on that Hill for that bit you got to look at it as if you are someone trying to deconstruct it like you're someone is trying to attack that bit see what for me a bit works that's the very first time I do it and then at the end of every every every work in bed I do around that to like take it apart and figure out another way to approach it I swear I start fucking it up it's like the first time I say it I go poop let's hope we can find out again that's what I'm the polar opposite occasionally I'll say something

good the first time but most the time when I say something it seems like a sprout or a seed and how much time do you spend listening to record it a lot after that last special I did it obsessively and then I got into it I got into the recording and now when I do is I will bit out if I don't have video like that video cuz I think the video aspect really let me know why things were like I just bit where I can I do my eyes a little different and it was killing and I saw it on video and I got to make sure to do that but

for me it said I guess it's almost like I'm always chat trying to chase to get back to that first time I told it I like to clip it out and then put chunks of like alright yours at the Starbucks big as yours this is and then look at the different ones and go oh why did that work better than this one but in the editing videos and stuff so it's a lot easier for me than it was when I first started now I'm just like oh real quick sync up audio on cuz I'll do audio and video different tracks sing come up and then just put them out for them in folders what do you mean what I do about it I take a h46 I need an audio recorder it's a it's a zoom recorder Zoom H4 6 and then I'll take my camera put in the back so if I can or have the club run run video but I like to think up clean audio on clean video that way if I do have something fun like Hannibal got on stage with me than the night and I like who I got all this shit that I could definitely put online if I have to run it by him first

real clean audio of it oh that's interesting so you are doing it through the soundboard is like the best it's is and I have a basically a surround sound mic on that beach for 6 it's bigger than 4/6 zoom zoom H6 audio recorder how big is that thing that's about the size of it's about the size of his boxing a fucking tell me now if it's my pocket it's like the size of a lighter that's really great I have them always with me all the time and then I get up in my car on the way to the gig that's why I did the other night to listen on the way their new stuff on the way out you go like that cuz I like the I like the puzzle solving aspect of

put together sets your name when you go like a man like why does this when I do it forth it kills but if I do it V it's garbage maybe they should move here I like doing that I like figuring that out and there's always those mystery punchlines that you didn't think we're going to be a punchline and crushes the time that we got to run the back of the room and I said I stink Anne Frank and Helen Keller the same person and I know I didn't think I was funny at all and I was like no useful for holding a super okay so which one is the age 6 I've got the h4n and then the H1 and is the one I sent that take with me the larger one that's like a taser looking thing and then which is when you take with you by Twenty One and it's really little big jump in my opinion

what how so I would I would be should be the same microphones they 6 just going to do six tracks that's what the six is left and right that's what it's two microphones so interesting that was a great night with me and it shows you how much time you have you put a 64 gigabyte mini SD card in and you get like a hundred and eighteen hours of recording as I go to batteries pretty quickly to use lithium batteries is not that bad a mini SD card you can take that many SD card and put it if you have a phone like I just got an Android phone I got this Galaxy Note 9 and has it takes up to 1 terabyte of storage under the stars that are not new but it takes an SD card yeah shut the fuk up it takes up to 1 terabyte of storage it's fucking phenomenal

the used to be that they were like way inferior to iPhones it's not the case anymore in fact I think like look how big the screen is to make that Samsung the fingerprint reader is fucking instant and it has a a pain we could write on the lock screen so on the lock screen you can take notes and write on the screen

I haven't written in my Joker look in forever I feel like that's really cool and then this also works as a remote control so if you're playing music if you play music on this thing while you're playing music this will start and stop your music stomp out your iPhone right now I don't know man I'm trying to figure out what to do I've always said that about the new iPhone that Jamie was telling me is that you can you can have two different phone numbers will you tell me that know Brian was you have two different phone numbers on that I will take that SIM card out for the business line or you disable the business line and you like fuck you say like if you have a phone that only like your best friend your wife have

the Nexus like agents of the bullshit yeah but you just set up a whole decoy number for like people you don't want to have your number that's good yeah but you can also do something like that with something there's a

Google Voice doesn't Google Voice have some shit like that

works as a remote control so check this out I'll Crank It Up you take pictures of the two right

still using that thanks

opposite

box capacity come on 1096 up to your phone

is a burner phone well it's $1,000 you would really want as a burner function of a prime or the thing about the Walled Garden of iPhones is he just get used to that ecosystem right now my myzone is all on my iPhone this thing still sweaty touch if you want to drink some to see if I can get that murdered sweat inside me just got to think like that just for the month

it's me just going to think of that I think of I think I'll show you what I'm going to do I'm not even bugging around I'm going to find my inner voice that speaks to me when I need that Expo civity

that's easy access for me man why is it so difficult time for Tom sober October he should take time off of thinking about murder and Baristas you guys had like if you murdered somebody would you turn me into the cops do that I killed somebody and I got the body in the trunk and no one knows she's like you're psycho I don't know what you're going to do you're going to kill me next Mike why would I kill you next yeah I kill somebody that I got ya that lady go to jail for

that's what I thought don't worry and I ride or die you call me if you kill someone I have to shovel ready and you and you come out and the body starts to get up out of the trunk I'll hit him with the shovel make sure he's dead what's up yeah I can tell you got two places guys trip this is a conversation with her and I got babies now fucking alright whatever just tell him that she's like why did you kill the guy was like alright let's hypothetically so maybe maybe you got called you a cunt I got killed the guy, he fucked up my coffee with excusable

she said she said if it's somebody like hurt the family or something I was like then it's a hundred percent and wait just like premeditated hanging out like stalking people that I got to turn you and I still think that's bullshit like you're my wife why the fuck are you riding on me by my wife would do the killing for me like you think you tell her she should be she be like I got to go handle

driving for this long as you're nice to the kids yeah yeah man it's what's crazy is that used to be super normal kill people are you mean like in human history years ago super normal normal though where it would be like it would even be worth bringing up that you killed somebody that day let me know if you go back far enough it's like yeah people are just stabbed and wait wait there's battles on do you think they had their me-too movement of of going like stop charges people just like totally stop killing people I don't know

my mom my dad was murdered and no one cares in your dad was going to hurt me to my watch when that Game of Thrones when they cut his dick off in Game of Thrones it clicked with the part of me where I went helplessness the idea that you can't go this isn't fair you're not allowed to do that that help us give me a panic attack I think about that when you're on the treadmill Sun them cut my dick off just think of those kind of people out there like helplessness if you're tired you can get away they when they bound I watch the watch the Marco Polo and thing and when they found that little girls feet is that other Netflix yeah I was great I didn't watch that I watched like 1 or 2 episode seemed okay I like history history that's why I like they used to have on Dan Carlin history and so apparently

new Genghis Khan's son I think it's cool if the rain was a long time mean they dig during gangis Khan his lifetime the estimated that he killed in his people killed 10% of world population God they killed so many people that change the carbon footprint the world deliver the change how many people were burning things

deliberately changed it in core samples like when you do a core sample on the earth the carbon footprint of human beings is less while he was alive because he killed one out of 10 human beings that lived so he was like oh it was eco-friendly for what he did yes he is very greedy shit that's a weird thing to Dan Carlin goes over in his Wrath of the khans series looks like one of the greatest hits history series of all time I can't recommend to go back to the day I found it and I was like 7-part series whatever and I'd play it laying in bed fall asleep wake up and have to go find out where I left off so good I have dreams of being a con I remember having a dream of learning how to shoot a dove a pigeon in there we had to wait for All 4. The ground you had a dream that I was listening to it I had the most active was it when you dream in your wake I the most Lucid fucking dream last night it's almost lucid dream I walked into this closet

and I was I was off for as I go I'm not awake I think I'm dreaming and I went I am dreaming I said interesting and I said criss cross applesauce I said what a beautiful woman to walk in the closet in a beautiful woman locked in the closet. Might go down on her and I was like yeah there's no cheating my wife's in Vietnam let's go down on her I sent you fuck her and then I was like oh yeah we're fucking her and then I woke up and I wanted to stay back in it she just wasted 10 inch dick what were you saying about the Dan Carlin Sing Sing Yukon sorry it's okay are you going to access your rage from from

from one of those moments and you suck their dick

does a lot of rage they're upsetting that's exciting I mean I used to do little tricks like that to get myself to work out harder that's why that's why I have those in my head that was like that when I you know I just used to always feel like

if it's the worst case scenario happened and you needed energy like how tired are you really are you really tired are you tired like I'm tired I just need to stop or you tired like I can't survive right now or are you tired like someone I love dearly is in trouble I can't help them and how tired are you

yeah that's think of that chicken levels of tired for sure yeah I'm going to put those things up everyday motherfucker images of these workouts everyday and I'm doing two-a-day to work as a time do a day like that. I already did mine today I walked 3 miles we were talking about as hard as hard as wait so that's the whole idea behind it's difficult we are going for point total right that's all I know is that it was 15 90 minute hot yoga classes the idea was okay well for that was that it was difficult but attainable right then you have to be disciplined to do it so now you're going to do to work out today y'all and 15 min phone number to count the yoga's wanted one okay I'm going to work out today but I'm in another hardcore on the 15th

yoga classes on top of all the other shit what is this number the 100 1,500 calories burned during workout what's a normal workout for an I mean if you're doing an intense one I'll show you I got a bunch of them locked in here

it says 98% of my heart Regina Max is going to adjust its 175 my heart rate doesn't go that high anymore he doesn't know I'm on the juice number starts at silica 220 - your age is your max heart rate

well that's not real old are you are the lower your Maxes what was broken it don't work right I should be dead workout couple days ago 63 minutes 72% effort throughout 864 calories burned that's a lot 893 minute workout I burn 1300 calories and oh yeah you did a 90-minute kickboxing though. We did kickboxing for part of it and then she got a trainer now couple of Netflix Marcus Theaters

Arena's how was Toronto fucking saying what is it like in the when you do in 10,000 people 10600 people at the Scotiabank Reeves Air Canada Centre the UFC's back there in December 2000 what time I was here alone like filled for events like that mess with a fucking Raptors play it it's it's so ridiculous it doesn't seem real but I got to say the show felt like as intimate as a set of the store really I'm not bullshiting yeah yeah yeah it was it was fucking nuts real yeah it was fucking easy peasy was fun I mean it was literally like any other set I was I was nervous that I wasn't nervous I was nervous that I was, I did a lot of sets leading up to it like when I did you know constantly doucette's but I did like I did 4 sets Thursday night I did

the ice house Wednesday so I did an hour plus the ice house I did 3 sets on

on a Tuesday night yeah I mean that's that's I think that's the key is you just got to do got to show how many so many that you're you're just just like working out you can't have any doubt you got to be just in shape I just sent you a video this isn't this just shows you how ridiculous the crowd looked but when you're but you're also getting used to Arenas cuz yeah you know for sure yeah maybe V I did did Columbus Vancouver I did Columbus a did Kansas City Kansas City Amphitheater crazy at the exact same time next year and I'm stressing doing theaters 12th South 1200 in the theater going like fuck at how do you like it gets normal man after a while

scooter scooter had this in a couple seconds you can see it when I get on stage like like like watch when they turn the lights on this is what's really strange

when you get to look out over the entire audience

ridiculous that's Madness that is that wild man do that and there's an upper deck

he doesn't seem real and it just happened and you did this and the same night bird at The Forum the Western Forum the Great Western Forum I don't know but I know that you're not like that site you know you're a little bit like this but to compare different times of Comedy right and compare people I know you like comparing people but has there ever been a time in comedy where this maniac's were selling Arenas this many actual selling theaters in this money after selling out clubs I don't think so you will burn sold out Madison Square Garden which is way bigger than that Madison Square Garden 18000s dream about that Sebastian is ready self for he's already sold out three they opened up 1/4 show at Madison Square Garden just stop and think about that that's almost

thousand people that's crazy yeah that's like a fucking NFL game Stadium feeling like multiple theater shows Eliza D'Elia you can name any of that you like there's so many Comics selling theaters theaters that I don't think there's a there's never been a time I test never was never going to happen this many Comics are selling out multiple thousand see places and then there's the big first of all this Kevin Hart is the biggest of the big he sells out of 50,000 bigger than he is Katt Williams oh yeah I watched it on The Breakfast Club Detention Center KY best

50000 Philadelphia when he did a special there's only one of him but you know was real close to him that people forget about is Larry the Cable Guy cuz Larry the Cable Guy was selling out football stadiums cuz Josh Wolf is opening for him and Josh will take a picture and show it to me because dude this was me on stage open up for Larry the Cable Guy you like yeah yeah plus he's doing that in like the Heartland so people will just dismiss it cuz it's not like an l a show or right so yeah and then there's Chappelle could basically do anything he sells out matched up the fucking for 25 lbs Amphitheatre offers like left and right and then they'll be no I'll probably be like yeah you do a show it's like you get like seven hundred thousand

and then discuss does that cuz he likes it he likes the intimate shows always evolve it he's one of the rare guys I could do a special and then the next week love into our and somehow or another that works I know it's supremely dedicated you know yeah so there's him there's Chris Rock can still sell out pretty big places if Louie came back I think you could sell out giant places giant Versailles out everywhere he wants to Burkett sell out he sold at Boston Garden which is like $18,000 in Philly how big is a 15000 you think you guys can understand this but I mean

you were selling out clubs what like 6 17 years ago were you just doing clubs yeah for sure but if not more it when you were selling clubs in this business I mean to sell out weekends and add shows is a legit achievement undermined when you go in and use San Jose or you do whatever and you sell out everything and then go oh my God like holy shit like there's two so it's the possibilities are endless yeah it's the Internet it's that's what it is it's people and then there's like this network of comics now that everybody knows about you know if you know about Bill you know about Joey Diaz you know about you you know about you it's like there's this thing going on now where everyone sort of connected yeah that's never existed before and then a lot of these people not Sebastian he's one of the rare ones that doesn't but most people have podcast Kevin Hart does not asleep with Kevin Hart has major movies Sebastian actually does one

I don't think he can get to it like weekly but they definitely will. I think it's probably but you've been in this longest out of the three of us but have you ever known a time in comedy when Comics were more friendly like everyone's on the same team this is a completely different thing I've talked about this before it's because I really believe it's because the internet and also because there's no things were fighting for anymore like Tonight Show spots or stupid shit like that or sitcom auditions but in the past it was like there was three channels and there was The Tonight Show and the Letterman show and everybody wanted to host the Tonight Show but Jay Leno was hosting it forever or Johnny Carson before him and there was this competition between, so they were just cut throat and there's not that anymore now instead like radio shows right radio shows always shit on the

weather radio shows always say always the other morning shows in town this shit on them it was all shiting on everybody fuck them at Howard Stern was Notorious for it yeah we do the opposite but we do the opposite we all have successful podcast but we all have each other on our podcast we're all super friendly about it we all promote each other specials we all we all hang out together like there's a comradery amongst comedians now it used to be like there might be some, Ronnie me amongst a couple but would always go bad you know that in the end it was never like bunch of real Headliners hanging out together like they are now even the simplest things like deleted us something funny

and I'll just put it I'll talk about it all my open tabs at like half a million views yeah yeah yeah you just go like I mean one of my favorite people to watch these days cuz I just watch his Instagram and what you doing today he's open tabs and just share it with everyone I just go oh yeah it's got okay so I put that on my Instagram is another good example I put that on my Instagram and it's got like seven hundred thousand saying fuck you like wait a minute I know you could do that yeah

it's got ya 670,000

small

he looks like he's living his best life man look it up

I told him I go send me the whole fucking video man you're a fucking murder a man and he was so excited everyone was in the back of the room and he came up he's like that's my first late night stand up like that coming to stick with it and then keep getting better at it so cool to be on the end of Conan with him Marin me meridene just 3 comics and that's booking just 3 comics and games only one that did stand up it was just like oh fuck yeah yeah that's what I saw someone said it was it felt like the green room with the main room Comedy Store Bill Burr is living his best fucking life right now he does these when he does the Garden or when he does the Forum they come in with the goddamn Comedy Jam and set up a thing and they do a full

answer to an empty venue before the show me he played from 2 to 6:30 really I said I was exhausted cuz I was worried I was too tired to the show hilarious but that's how much fun he's having it I mean I would watch one I was just invite people to come watch a game that means he's fucking flying helicopters playing drums yeah this is an interesting time but this is also it shows you that because of all this camaraderie and that everybody's doing really well it shows you that that's possible that these the old way of looking at things the wrong way yeah that's so selfish fam and thinking way is it wrong well hire DJ to bring me out to an event like that though I was doing Arena really

does that I think Chappelle does that out on all his wife and a freestyle all the brakes all the way people just sat there staring at Russell old school legends everywhere you go to a club and DJ DJ DJ DJ DJ he's goes back like it got to be a vinyl stick to the crates place that place that I was at in November

doing that to at least it's overwhelming man it really isn't you know what it is I had a guy say to me one time I think this is what it is I had a guy come up to me at West Palm was doing New Year's Eve drunk as fuck both of us probably Friday we're both shirtless if I'm doing the meet and greet he goes he goes I need to talk to you for like 2 minutes and already did like you wanted to talk to you now I got this a lot are you I'm good thanks it's so I go there like in 2 minutes and he's like he's like dude I'm a fan do you know what that means okay and no no no you not listen to me when you do well I get happy he's like it makes me happy to see good things happen to you I will always be a fan always support you when I soon as he said that I thought sounds super silly but before I met you I was a fan look at when you win that when the car. Went down I got I got behind your back and was like I'm a fan of Joe's I like what he's doing that see setting up for me and her we're weight being a fan of something

don't fucking fun we become a fan I think what podcast have done is allowed you to enter by become intimate with your fans and they support you in a way like people go out and they see a video of Dean singing the happy happy for him when you do 10,000 people going fuck yeah man my guys winning the also people realize like hate like you to be a fan of someone it doesn't mean that somehow or another you're like a lesser person you know what I mean like I'm sure Bill Burr's a fan of Chappelle I'm sure Chappelle's a fan of Chris Rock like people are fans of other people's art I think in the past that wasn't the case it was not as about separate camps yeah like I'm in this which is so dumb so dumb because you can also it's like you know you can like you can like one type of music the most but still enjoy other music. Nobody

internet opened up all these possibilities that's when it happened that I probably just like it to me podcasting yes engine Dice and Kinison band each other store that's good Sam Kinison brought a gun and shot the fucking sign to the dice know that he was going to fucking shoot them keep them genius pull out a gun he pulled out a gun and shot a fucking signed it's really crazy and they did they just fixed a few years ago yeah it's a really crazy though. I got to start doing that to you but that's just way too different people you do Coke you like it

your mother let's talk business it's also there was everyone scratch and Claw and it was a lot of opportunities I think it's like guys like Diaz and Ari and you and me like there's a different sensibility there's like a more generous sensibility I think so

give me an I think it's everything for me I'm big I'm big on generosity and I'm big on support I think you have to do that people around you and going to have to come contagious to you know it when you have it done to you you want to do it for the help out opening acts help out other comments and that's as you rise up they'll do the same they'll do the same for the other guys and you see them doing that for it will tell start taking guys with down on the road around who do we like more than comics and where do you want to hang out with more than two medians you know where the most fun for us to hang out with what we could say ridiculous shit and then we'll laugh at it we won't like well I don't know why it said that time you should call that lady cunt especially not her friend and then you know I think you owe her son Paul J mean if I was her son I would have clocked you of course you're working at Xerox and you said all that people would you know they bring you and your liability we got to let you go

can you go it's true I know people that to like get stuck at a dinner with or something you know you like it yeah you just torturing terrible when I was around the people I used to feel like there's something wrong with me yeah you cuz yeah of course real stuck-up super conservative people I would just think something wrong with me why do I think this way why do I always want to see the inappropriate thing yeah I just picked my way about this asshole you just see eyes widen the seminar right now I mean imagine if you were in the world of business I really think this is one of the reasons why so many people are so fucked up it so depressed I think do with the world of showing to a showing up to a place and then having your

cave you're limited into this very narrow and rigid parameters all day long and your livelihood and your success of your your family and whether or not you could send your kids to a good school all that depended upon whether or not you're willing to play the rules yeah you have to wear an outfit with a suit and tie because you don't you might be unpredictable and you show up with that t-shirt I said football shirt on at work what the fuck is he drunk raising yeah he's doing drugs that you can true if you don't know yet around people that don't just like joints around people

Strickland's I got crashed Tesla stock by 9 billion dollars or some stupid shit so crazy but not really they bounce right back hurts while we were drinking whiskey okay no no problem with that which is way more of a hard drug way more of a crazy drug than a little puff of a joint or drinking whiskey no one cared we drink whiskey for 3 hours no one care smoked a little joint being held didn't look like it then look like I just took a vibrator just needs a true I just want to know I do too it's bad yeah fascinated another layer of in California illegal yeah it's no different than having a glass of whiskey Hill California said he could fly with it now at LAX if you could have an ounce of weed with you on an airplane they said we don't know what the fuck's going to happen when you land somewhere but you can go

go to LAX with an ounce of weed I'm Sorry by the way I looked up private Suite after I talk to you about it yeah I like people I don't mind going to the airport and seen a lot of people that thing is like $7,000 a flight prettiest bows round trip yeah it's with a membership I thought the membership was it into like membership gets you the prices so you pay 4500 be a member and a 2700 for a domestic flight or flight for like your own entrance you know whatever your own meals your check in your own TSA drive you hang out in cool for like like a family vacation or something you know it's definitely make sense

fly private they do they own their own play some article online about John Travolta's yacht pull up John Travolta's yacht it's probably got I bet if you went over that fucking thing with a black light it would look like a Jackson Pollock painting Jesus has Jay got a new yet everywhere apparently he's lighting up 5 locks on a door

just got bolts on the inside I'm outside cleaning all the deck hands are really worn out here now you got very weird latex outfits for them to wear yeah it's the money that that fucking guy must have God he's got his own Jet and he has his own it like a jet jet is a 747 yeah and his house he has like multiple planes private jet Fleet his arm out the window see you at the window and commercial playing in the back room is just it's all like a slip and slide with baby oil that's all it is

look at that look how many you have it says he's got multiple streams if he flew for Qantas as a commercial pilot he did yes he actually let him fly he's that good of a pilot that I think he has some sort of a commercial standing with Qantas he has a military jet just in case someone calls him a homo flies over cuz it down if that's really crazy massage hashtag baller holy shit yeah that is balling that's a crazy hot man I mean that's like a hundred million dollars. Right there where do you make all his money

I mean how much money do you make for my Pulp Fiction and I'll be about being a Russian spy or 5280 kind of depleted when Pulp Fiction is like run 93 yeah and then that made him so famous and hot again that he wasn't he was 20 million dollar movie guy for a while that was last week but now we have a fight companion for Godin heard it was really bad it's so bad you wish to wish you wish to do November rolls around we can get drunk again it's supposed to be Richard sack of shit let's do it

that's right that's right there was a movie where a guy who is a lion trainer actually made a movie with lions and a bunch of people that were making think he'll play that play the clip with to the clip

you have the wrong music plan trailer from Gotti said

the music is really the sting song that's out with a piece of shit movie that says the trailer sucks play this is like an acting class good let it play out

YouTube I will it will YouTube gang cast for the audio

there's a lucky with dead so fake

okay kill it looks like you can't even do a mobster anymore it's like it feels like a joke play you could do it but it would have to be like you have to be to James Gandolfini back to life like if James Gandolfini was alive today he can play in that probably would you believe it's it's got to be. I mean Scorsese could probably do it again like it's just there's just a bunch of people there than anyone coming

Danny in the greasers I'll tell you what man burns after The Sopranos came in the everybody wanted to be Italian it was one of those gross moments in time where all these Italians were like empowered and they were all talking like goombazz and they they all wanted to fucking get together and have pasta with mozzarella start doing the work you fucking Abe's what are you doing yeah yeah they wrapped it up you know I'm Italian start pretending that you know there was a time where there was so many auditions for so many fucking movies that were out of town all Italian tennis is life on the line

find guy super 10 store in Mountlake Terrace on the power line from the coming down this is probably worse for sure how about urban cowboy cowboy cowboy thanks will have people sinking of visible do this is Mark those two Mark those two movies and so will get those on the Netflix and will after sober October is over it will get fucking Hammer will bring out a 5-gallon jug of Tito's in here to laugh at my girls like this can be a piece of shit and it didn't get it didn't get bad until like 25 minutes or less I was actually it's pretty good

yeah yeah yeah and it was actually really well done until like third act like fell apart but I'm watching it like this going to be a piece of shit and it was like that with the Snowman did you see the Snowman yeah yeah how to get delayed because of mass shootings or something I think so I mean the trailer makes it seem like a real dog shack Hudson Hawk I was a big box fan 8% Rotten Tomatoes The Snowman spoiler alert the Snowman ends it's the sky

about a serial killer who is leaving snowmans as hints and he's cutting off body parts and then arrange you in the snow Michael Fassbender is a alcoholic cop who is trying to solve it who's Michael Fassbender Prometheus I want to talk negatively but Val Kilmer's performance is so disturbing that you it pulls out the movie immediately knows what he's going through the stuff and it's voice in this they had him. His voice so they took out his voice cuz he couldn't understand him I guess and then they had they dumped his voice calls you out and you're like you definitely should have just know how to make a movie and let him get healthy I think he's doing better now hopefully things going to remission

oldest show in Wyatt Earp member that yeah I'm your huckleberry member that shit the doors Kilmer as a mother fucker of a 90s CD can get that scene from hitting with Val Kilmer as Doc Holliday piece of shit he made Saint did you see things like I play again I get in Disguise crank this all my guess is very end I have it pulled off okay the audiobook. This is a great fucking seen this is a great scene just think about the scene as you believe it

believer

when I do realize it's the wrong guy

I didn't understand the scene until recently

what's up with you holiday I'll beg to differ sup we started a game we never got to finish people can hear this I didn't understand that he's this is him the reason the guy said he wants to die in a gunfight., but it was a fucking monster

and this guy was a wannabe badass

and you realize the Doc Holliday was going to fuck him up

I never seen this you never saw this or no serious I don't like this I don't like you static I don't like crying I don't like their hats. I really am serious I don't like any of it occasionally they get on a horse and I don't like their hats

can you look lower

and still bothers me I like the mustaches

guess what it is they win

I got close they are to each other you think we really just did that close to each other and have gunfights oh yeah

done done. I wouldn't mind doing a gunfight with your tongue

he wants him to shoot it now

Johnny

you're no Daisy

Corso the entire movie

I love these mustaches they all look like all Comics now Kurt Russell was weird in that movie, it's really more I felt like that does evaporated milk go up in the main room yeah you know the kind of get walk-in Shell Shocked they already know that it's not back there crowd you could see I didn't realize what that who I was until you just said it yeah I've seen it before and I've always been like and then you can see it in your eyes in your life

yeah and it's so funny but get more aggressive if you can tell it's like a natural

yeah I remember when all was like thought of his you were if you were all you were like soft and Progressive and sensitive and kind now alt is right like you think of all you think of all right oh yeah like that's all you hear about now it's like all right which is like assholes you think of racism me like that xenophobia got sort of hijack that's true yeah I don't even think about that but it does you say all most people's my will definitely go all right over the last few years but I actually oddly usually implies somebody's probably far to the left with audiences I don't think they didn't even know that expression anymore I feel like truth universally publicly is sort of been hijacked by Alt right or at least that the definition of it by Jack by all right people that's true that is true

I don't

yeah I guess so I'm assume there's got to be an ALT left right well I think there was but I think the problem is once you say all now everybody thinks right out left sounds made of what what is that what are they alternative to the right of young rights okay like but assholes so I choose the right if you think I'm concerned if you would think of like Lindsey Graham you think of like people that are probably racist for they keep it under wraps in a slippery shoes and grab the check until this week I literally went dollar woman while he's got that southern accent that you can't tell if it's gay or or not enough since the same thing so I got why do the Clown

yeah this is weird watching his Kavanagh hearings the whole thing so strange are you going to put you gotta keep your head down if you do not agree with the like I I just I just tweeted that I can you imagine Defending Your High School yearbook that's all I tweeted I saw that it was a fucking shit show I saw that and I was like I was like I can't recognize that you're not in support of this guy in support of engine light but it's it's a real thing I don't like your sit there a signal so that people know I can't imagine

Defending Your sister your high school yearbook do you guys remember remember hicks's bit about Clarence Thomas I'm sure I've heard it a bit about Clarence Thomas when they were they were trying to bring him in the Supreme Court man I wish I could remember exactly how the bit when I was a great bit but it was about his porn collection you know I miss it here at all with clam lappas volume it was just like this funny bit but like yours examining by the way but Lindsey Graham what do you see I go after he left where they decided they voted on that they're going too well about it it's going to move to the floor but they decided like you know will try to do this extra week of the FBI investigation and then he goes someone's going to have to explain this to Trump I guess that'll be me

what is a not-so-subtle way being like dumb dumb doesn't get it so I'll Trump said one of the fucking reporters today what a female reporter said he goes to a woman and he said go ahead and he goes she can but she speaks so she can't believe I called on her in the end she goes by I didn't think goes yet you don't think yeah I got to get that I'm sorry and she goes I'm sorry like listen to this listen to this question us you never do was Jesus so she knows he can't help himself he's not thinking it's okay I know you're not thinking you never do

what does that's such a crazy thing to say to someone know I know you're not thinking you never do it must be someone that's written really negative things about it he knows you know he's got that hit list and everything is this the piece of shit yeah of course it's all whole thing's for sure I'm not I'm not a competition on one conversation show Partners part of me that goes like I always thought I was Kim jeong-hoon would be a fan so I could go over and party with him for a week what I know I like Fidel Castro would have been cool crazy to text Robin if you went over there party with him and then just like I don't know like the next morning when you like I had the best time he's like 7 to a labor

and fuck this guy was just like yeah yeah fuck you want to lose some weight how about I give you one grain of rice a day that's it you won't stay hydrated is a jug of pissed I guess I'm the only one that thinks that way yeah yeah it's a maybe deposit it's going to be really amazing million-dollar super private sitting down

so awesome sitting down why would that be amazing you're sitting it's nothing it's not like you're flying private people rubbing your feet and sucking your dick ice cream ice cream ever I'll post some baby movies playing in the music is fucking full 3D surround sound for you. You can make it's the draw for flying private obviously I can't afford it wouldn't make any money on the road but is that you get done and go home do you get done and you go to get on a plane and fly home wait 20 minutes and you saved $30,000 at 20 minutes would it be nice to get on a plane that you fucking cock you fly private though I don't fly private I have a couple of times but I never liked it I was like I just got to get home it was it was it

instead of doing crazy transpo to get to a gig for a short of short flight though I don't do it like on a regular amount you should have thought about it and he was like when that be nice and I was like yeah I would you know it's the one of the grossest celebrity things ever is the posing in front of private jet. Do that though cuz yes Google can you cuz you know I'm talking about a weird thing that's okay if we were all on a private jet flying somewhere and we posted this right over that be okay

Heather and we always shirtless hammer down the runway looking rip cuz we're going to lose shitloads await this monster sure

and we all post that's fine right side really excited now how much what's the most amount of points you've got in a month in a month yeah I think it was right just under 4545 was 7 but that's like you really really going after it all the time you know probably probably more than twice of what I did for 15 days right

that's crazy that's a lot of work here's the thing we did discuss though so did with the BET what are the stakes what are we doing it's just isn't even in this is my long walks in and we couldn't stop giggling as we have my picture Dari shirtless in New York with a chest strap what is it good that he's I don't I don't I don't think he's going to San hope called me and said he wanted to do it maybe some one that said you can't go off everything he just can't go off and immediately is actually going to a doctor this week and he's going to get himself checked out which is a rare atheist and hope I don't know if you know this stand up his policy to not go to the doctor then when it breaks he dies that's his idea cuz I didn't want MRIs doesn't want diagnosis is what recommendations doesn't want

you know prescriptions later he is going this week he's going to go this week get himself checked out to make sure that he can go so I think

I mean it's much is Stanhope is sort of a fatalist and he loves being this lovable drunk and can't feel good to just always be drunk it just can't feel good I know he's taking time off before I don't know you taking time out before smoking as well and I quit smoking for quite a while at one point in time I think you would like to be healthier you know I mean I know he would have more energy I think would make it, he better I really do not this, he's not amazing it is but I just think you'd have more energy and she's out there in fucking bumfuk Bisbee Arizona hanging out with a bunch of dorks anywhere that you do your party North Korea you fuck yeah yeah email

this and then only watching machine story and then he watches rescigno Gonzalez make another one let's make new store I had I've had moments were that where people go we could get you into some trouble and I got fucking skip I was with the group and tans any other like we're going to go kidnap a baby elephant if you're into it knowing god damn dude kidnap a baby elephant never back and I was like party but a part of me is like if you get a little bit of a buzz I'm in but I was just that sounds like a good way to die yeah yeah but it's the stories you have the time to do it since the stores does not interfere with actual life like how often do you present in real life when you're doing I look at your dots on your insta store in like cheese a source like 70. No I don't have her put that that many I put up I'll probably put up 10 today that's all

how do you mind having it hanging like that but sometimes it'll just do it anyways but yeah it's fine like that means I got all the beeps off on the app so I could use it in yoga class yeah oh okay yeah I don't want to be Ben of course you know yeah it worked out I look at insta stories I look at Instagram is part of business again part of my business until I go I am very present life I don't instastory everything but like in moments like when the rat runs in the warehouse I definitely miss the story that and I always have my phone on me it's in my pocket I like how you like I'm very present and then right at home I'm taking care of my kids by myself my wife somewhere traveling abroad

play The Hollies. Bro that ain't 10. See that's one what the two three four five six seven eight bits only 1 p.m. and you have eight dots ready to do some of them last night and yesterday 24 hours

beyond.com Parenting by myself I can't do I'm not good at it it's a good chance to bond with your kids it is or where they realize exactly how out-of-touch you are with their lives well I'm not one for giving parental advice but what I would say to do is abandon all other things you do while you're doing it so think of yourself as like a mom house mom like instead of like trying to squeeze it in with all the other shit you do you won't be good at it if you do that when I if I if I if my wife go somewhere and I have to just take care of my kids I don't do anything else I schedule nothing nothing else if I do a podcast I have to do it during the day while the kids are at school and then once they're I don't go to I don't do show that night I don't do shit I just hang out with and we do shit make sure I do like I'll take him to a pottery class I will go to you know I fucking Dojo boom Going those bouncy places that trampolines and shit just do stuff

images. But leave your phone off leave your phone off your kids are there unless less you want your wife to contact you maybe that but don't look your Twitter just hang out with them it's it's you have to like have like rules in your head my kids are a lot older your kids though it was still doesn't matter how old they are like 14 and 12 and so yeah but don't you to hang out with them and we're going out to dinner tonight but getting another 5:45 to get make them breakfast and and my. My oldest daughter and already pulled the trash out put it by the door back door for me to take out was literally gave me a speech was like just so you know you need to be ready to go at 5:45 like you can't just get up at 5:45 and kind of like slow roll into the morning the school she they got to be at school at 8 I think it's better that she likes hearing you

that's why I said booty and the game was loving it Lee Ann called said yeah you got to get going you can't just get up and be regular Bert your daddy on duty I made the mistake of saying I was going to make pancakes everyone would like to make pancakes those like to make pancakes pancakes I've got the standard batter Stern and they're like it's just when you told me into her life my brain doesn't work like that I get that but it's like when you're just hanging out with them just them it's kind of realizes I mean it's for everyone that has kids do you only have a few of these years you know you don't like that you only have a few and then next thing you know they're adults it happens quick

214 that happened overnight that don't have good relationships the kids and weird weird signal sucks sucks sucks you know it sucks where the kids are resentful angry at you

he got that coming for sure and remind them over and over again you're dealing with a torrential downpour of hormones that you just don't know what to do with you remember what that was like yeah yeah you're so confused all the time confusion bodies in fucking disarray good night for you is probably exacerbated by like them being like this generation and knowing that you're racist and I mean damn racist in the CrossFit people picketing outside your house

where are steaks so he is so what did I do when I get today 200 or something like that when I get to 11, work it out so if you get 200 well if I did 200 twice a day Jesus man how many days a week you plan on doing that I'm going hard Sun I'm trying to kill bird I'm in I'm in for the challenge I want you to say sending you mental jeans real I have that if I have the accessibility to get there I'm I'm up for the challenge but you're planning on Joe you're planning on

you're funny looking for today or what at least I might go 7 days a week trip that's going to take me away for 6 days I have a cruise that states the most that I was going to take me to 845 hunting trip I'm going to think about me Kelly's going the way I'm doing the hunting trip like I'll send this to Jamie you see what like a typical day in the mountains is like when your that's what some of the most brutal workouts I've ever done cuz it you're hiking at altitude and when you're at altitude man it's fucking I did 12 miles a day 31 Thousand Steps Beach 800 16 floors at 8150 will just so you know if like a typical day

in the mountains hunting if you wore it by the way for that you would just so you know it would come out to some crazy number how many steps do you say that's a thousand steps + 12 miles in the mountains but the thing is the elevation you're going up and down Hills and stepping over logs and you're always always breathing heavy it's it's rough and you know where for that fuck yeah she's as Christ I mean that's working out give me two times after run around my God damn cruise ship a hundred twenty thousand points a year a month would be you doing two-a-days 4500 was his best his best month and that's crazy I was working out late probably 22 or 23 days and doing you know something like 200 plus

each time that's amazing okay so 8000 is okay

your best most 4000 without like being in a competition I've hit 43 4400 Lissie

Joe immediately will get 6000 if you just did what you did today everyday at this month everyday I got this round High School are we going to have to someone call the fucking rock

so

I'm getting nervous when are we going to do steaks on this and I love this makes me more exciting than anything and just make re pay for everything I love that he's never going to catch up to a big shout-out or I mean are we said it before but he really did come through on that bet he did and saying how many took us to the game he pot crazy tickets and I thought they were much less PJ was the first class experience and we should make him do it again

what's got to be

go to something that we can all participate in Floyd Mayweather Manny Pacquiao 2 that's a great one front row

we're talking about who that say whatever you want about me being on my phone the entire time I have the best fucking video from that of the last them scoring a touchdown touchdown and then cut to Tom and Lori it's great that was a really fun fucking weekend I was fine. No one's places like that that's a big as audiences are when's Floyd Mayweather Pacquiao I don't know I think it's in December is it in December for my God yeah let's go to that also

yeah we're not playing kochari no way that's why I coach cross the ocean

there's no way he could win rights of someone has to win someone has to win but more importantly one person is going to lose so like if you beat me and I beat you then I'll meet chicks were all beating re right it's like a Skins game is already but you know he's going to be like I'm not doing the phone maybe but maybe he's listening to right now he's doing so we call him through the window crazy just fucking goes Whole Hog everyday he sits hours a day takes spin classes and Crossfit classes where is it during Jiu-Jitsu Floyd Mayweather is planning come back in Tokyo before his rematch with Manny Pacquiao fight huh

let me know if you real you know would you go that you would you go to the fight though I mean they're both passed a prime but it should be a fun event to iCal just knocked out Lucas Matisse a and Floyd hasn't fought in a year since he beat Conor McGregor

that's not a real boxing I mean it's a boxing match but it's on a boxing match at an elite-level I can use if he was boxing Terence Crawford or someone who's like at the very top now he's not in that kind of like zone right now they still the best ever if not the one of a handful of the greatest boxers in history the world ever you know no question what we should do is tear tear the winnings first place pays for nothing whole weekend I like this idea second place pays for their pays for their tickets all hotels the most out but he's not he's not dropping has to cover flights but they can use their miles to see the problem is Aries bets are like no rope the loser has to wear a beard of my pubes yeah he's got to clean

how come all of his suggestion so psychotic no we were not drinking everyone's pissed he said like one or two to panhandler for 6 hours on the corner of Pepsi yeah he wanted us to do really ridiculous she like going to the street naked the tears of paying for it so it's like not all it's a good idea so one person doesn't take the whole beating the first place should be I don't cover shift first place to get like a belt we should make a belt sure sober October built October rocktober belt where you would get a pro wrestling belt

I'm not no knock up shit don't know when I work out that fucking belt just my God I meant to add a spell I'm going to be doing 3 days, I can't run a marathon there's no way I know a guy is diabetic so what which what should we have on the app on the right there

could be reinstated jet on the Bell okay so we found a company that makes belts what is the name of this company so we need some sort of a logo we need like silver October is definitely the name of it right but sober October belt and Undisputed soberoctobert champ yeah what should we have on it still okay I should be out of our faces engraved in it should be like to eat like the no smoking sign Nobu sign yeah I know pills by your side no needles needles needles piles of coke will have to come up with how long does it take to make one of these belts

let's find out it was whoever proambelts if you listen in 3 to 4 weeks I'll try to get on it we got to finish the design by the end of this week we might be able to have it at the end of the night you might be holding up that build at the house that it's misses missing you there's no way we did actually we went when we were in Phoenix we went to like a MMA gym

what happened I don't mind work throwing up for work out like I like him then I go enjoy it I do cuz I know that I've done it as hard as I can do it

I got it I've thrown up before this weekend and threw up all over the bathroom and just fucking threw up that's your conference call her today so I started throwing up by the way you're proud of your promo you showed me it's going to bring in more vomitors just so you know it'll be dropping next Monday we ran out tonight or next week but it's kind of promo it's all you were hurling no no no it's just what it's like being at one of my shows and how fucking chaos it's chaos you show you got like a whole party experience happening we stand up and stand up straight stand up then a lot of times I do a meet and greet people get to talk and hang out as a fan I like that so I do that and then lot of times at the end of the night and a lot of times I go I'll be at the bar next door and everyone go to the bar those are fucking crazy do you think you can do that when the crowds get to like 3000 4000

I don't know actually have real loose and conversation about what mean Green's are going to look like on this theater tour cuz I don't want to get rid of the meet and greet means it as silly as it sounds but I think it means something for them to hang out and I don't want to charge like a hundred bucks for a meet and greet but I got you definitely can't do 1200 people like I did when I did the Wilbur I told everyone to go meet me at the bar next door and it was fucking chaos and he was like like literally elbow to assholes and I just was not I didn't get to hang out with anyone I was just taking pictures over and over and over again so I want to try to figure out some work around for a meet and greet this theater tour because it when I get to Scandinavia I want to meet those pictures with people have stacks of pictures they want you to sign and they selling that is not does not like take a picture with me that's not what you sign this for my friend for me that's like you asked me to work yeah and they are fucking shame and they go

come out with the one that can't be saying oh yeah and then the the six behind it come to the side and they're like in this and this and this and this Sunday at the airport there's like six dudes and have stacks and you want me to work this is what you're doing you want me to stop what I'm doing and you think it's alright it's only 5 minutes of your time that's true but you're not really a fan you're going to die trying to give me to work for sure this is you sign them outside one I'll send one to get mad like some guy got mad Philly member that dude got upset you famous you friends nothing you're not a fan you just told me enough and you told me he literally told me he's like a used you don't we would sell well because you self like $7 I go I don't give a fuck what they say

but I used to do meet-and-greets at the Chicago theater for 3700 people I would wait and take photos with everybody that's ours as fuck I think but you can't do it any more crazier and crazier people go crazy and they weren't there would hold on your arm and want to tell you how you changed my life I want to tell you like long stories like there's 500 people behind wait I can't give you 15 minutes here I can give you 5 minutes or just it just got to strange and it just got too many people wanting to get on the podcast like you got to get me on I'm going to tell you my story about beating drug addiction like I'm sure it's great story I can't get you on stop this is not how this works if there's just too much of that too much it's not if it was just High I want to take a picture I had a good time great but it's not that then it's all these agenda-driven people that all they want to do things and they want they want you to do things for them they think there's too many people that have been on the podcast or just regular folks

and then they get on the podcast and now people know about and so a lot of people think like hey if I just got on the podcast that would make my career totally you know whether there are singer they have a book or this it just gets too annoying it's just it's too overwhelming but that mean greed is actually like it's like part of your brand I feel like seriously dating all those guys

you know I'm just like it none none of the guys wanted to do a meet-and-greet and I there was like a thousand people waiting outside the theater and I thought I just thought but that's different because that's who I am like if I go see a band I am like super compelled to go talk to him and tell him how great I thought they were part of that is who I am with everyone waiting in the alley at the Chicago theater and I was like that and then when someone says you have no idea I love the podcast I love Tommy I love the weight loss like I beat you know I love that interaction I remember one time I was in Scotland and I was like I just headed out is anyone any fans when he got the beer with me and it's 3 Guys showed up and it was right one Bobcat was on your podcast and we just bullshitted about bobcats appearance we all listen to it so I don't know what I'd like to chat maybe charge only did like weed out the people that don't want to you know yeah but see there's the problem I'm not that some philosophically opposed to making people pay for pictures

and making people pay to hang out with you I just don't think it's right but there should be a way to like just yeah but there's not a thing unless you charge money or pit people feel like there's a company now that does that to do these VIP things in and someone brought it up to me in like you can make this mine like I'm not doing it and they go but you can make some stop not doing it I'm used to do it for free forever I stop doing it because too many people that too weird but I'm not going to charge people I'm just not going to do it but I know a lot of fucking people to do a lot of people they make a lot of money doing it just to do it right what that mean creative also feel like you know honestly I I I like meeting people I mean people on the street and meet them when I walk out of the back of the venue I was just people there always meet people but I don't I'm not that good at the meeting. I'm just not that comfortable with it I don't like it that much you you're not like I'm not very social

people that are demanding and they're like oh you don't love your fans yeah that's not true extra thing for me is I work hard on my ACT I do a lot of sets I prepare take a shower very seriously I come to town I try to do a kick-ass show that says thank you good night deals done now if you think that you have to tell me some fucking life story for 20 minutes or I'm not your friend like no it's not the arrangement this is not like you're demanding too much and you're also not aware of how many other people would want to do the same thing yeah I give it being impossible it's just it's untenable you can't do it there's too many for me like anybody who wants to wait outside that door I'll meet anybody mistake that then I can wait they're coming right now to get ready there's one thing Fable trailer out there right now Tom's, it's amazing that we're friends because we're so very different men

there was once a comment on his Instagram that made me laugh so hard compared to my comments it was hey Tom I'm really sorry for looking at you at the airport sorry I said hi. Tom's face just like he is he's not needy that's what it is and then the guys didn't know what to say about what I said I he came out I still remember it I was about to take the escalator I go hey man and and it was like a quick thing he was like big fan ago thanks a lot appreciate it got on this road never thought twice and then he wrote I'm sorry that I bothered you at the airport I was like you didn't bother me at all

right now I'm sorry don't be sorry to hang out with you but never apologize I was at the hotel this weekend in San Jose it was all fucking Fighters right Big John McCarthy I just work now and he was like that is like I just got done working out I was like yeah I wouldn't want to bother me cuz we were mutual friends and I was like does he know who I am and then but I saw that big cock big fella that's a different guy but I'm sure Jon has a big dick too much sauce he's got a fucking the hammer

what when did you see massages dik-diks it was legit of course

I called you from massage my jacket I didn't see the fight because the fights on some new streaming thing called Days Inn DA's it's called with Michael Buffer it's pretty I have a commercial about how dumb how do you spell it it's about he's joking about zone is no oh hey man you can't change how people pronounce things phonetically this stupid thing 1 primate and I got stuck at McDonald's to get a chance to see it cuz I thought it was going to be on TV and so I went to check my Bellator on my DVR and it wasn't even there was anyone with his dick the shit out of him with his debt because I don't know how to cut weight without copying all gone it I want to see how big how big

it's fabulous that fatter than a water bottle

I'll tell you right now it's out of the water to her I don't know what I don't know how is the weather on satisfied totally soon as they pull it out there like hold on 172 172 that day because I got the fights in 185 he cuts wait to get to 185 used to be a light heavyweight champion seems to be fighting and I can make 172 he would destroy everyone in the welterweight division he's a murderer is that big gay guard mousasi I thought was Gerald things whatever you think I don't see it right away

for the UFC cuz my opinion he's one of the top two or three hundred 85 lb in the world at the UFC It beeped and Chris Weidman and then he goes over and fights in Bellator now but apparently they just came up with some large caps they're trying to get big names over there about you about that but like really cool just being down there is like Chael Sonnen Rampage Jackson like 50 Cent really like if you're a passerby fan of MMA then you're like oh shut the fuk up they have big Talent there now they have Michael Chandler was one of the top light weights in the world Rory MacDonald is one of the best if not the best welterweight in the world he's definitely like top two or three he's beat Tyron Woodley who's the UFC champion who passed the snag over then right snagged him they have a Silva's way past his Prime and so is Rampage right but you know those

cars that they are doing the Legends tour Rampages knocked out vandelay look good anymore and you know they're doing a great job you're doing a great job there really they're promoting these fights well they're putting on in the welterweight division they have Douglas Lima was one of the best in the world they have Paul Daley who can knock out any living human being they have Lorenz Larkin 50 Cent was giving away a cash price Jesus Trejo got into the steam room was $0.50 but it says to a ward Bellator or was this a while to wait Grand Prize winner a million dollar cash price didn't you just go bankrupt part of that money is going into this a million dollars goes to give the person the million-dollar cash prize Grand prix's that they had koreshkov just fought Lima those two guys are excellent to course

I was another top-10 guy in the world I think and he's fighting for Bellator to Lima beat him Lima and Rory had a great fight Rory beat Lima by decision so is Rory Douglas Lima Paul Daley and still to this day like all day like knock on any one he's so fucking dangerous to punch her I'll just disconnect he's got two left hand it's just a nuclear missile so in and he does not. Lorenz Larkin who's also a top welterweight there's so many good Fighters over there now to show a good fighters in general yeah yeah it's MMA is coming up right now there's the top talent this fucking fight this weekend between McGregor and khabib nurmagomedov off is going to be crazy that is a crazy fight that's Vegas right yep that is a fucking crazy I don't know what the fuck's going to happen are you excited yeah it was that

I wish I was as long as that you offered tickets yeah man I'm super tired I think you can get us free tickets to so we can take that out of them cash prizes cuz that would really like to go where I send you free tickets for the UFC think we could leverage you who to get us tickets to a boxing match for sure we can get some tickets. Maybe that may make the prize right if it's if it's so like maybe I'll get the tickets for the fight I'll use leverage to get the tickets and then we'll make a big deal that we're going to go and then we'll get like sweets at some hotel somewhere and the loser has to pay for like some extravagant meal and crazy but who's going to be on the bed and then and then

best way to do in Vegas if it's a sky that's not Manny Pacquiao and Tokyo he's not talking about fighting Manny Pacquiao fights Manny Pacquiao going to fight him in Vegas that's where the real money at all right you're going to be spending a lot of money is your fantasy that you come in at the end and you win the whole thing so girl story should work out with me once okay

call Dad

I want to know why I don't know what you think you're going to get dude I got a Paisa numbers right you okay what do you think is going to get yours is scaring me I know what I have to do now when I get home tonight so let me let me understand what do you think you're going to get cut that I want to know what do you think you're going to get your going to call your shots so

will Thomas Girardi achieved more a day than my first workout. Chief 230 says most the most I've ever done in a day is 380 380 why do they actually I'm sorry it's more than that 380 in one workout but that was like but that was how did you do that 7 miles and I did mostly uphill and then I went around and likes I was I got the hike run right so can I sustain heart rate for for a long. Of time cause you guys are fuck elk hunting because I'm never can I get 500 in a day or so you can do you know let's say a hike like that a run and then go back and go like I want to get like another hundred points I'm going to go

how long was this battery go for a long time

yeah really yeah I didn't charge my phone for a second time until after I had it for over someone's for all skeptical people does not sponsor know we don't know anybody that this company and I don't want that we aren't we talked about it and text messages I said we should do is punk rock I don't want to we shouldn't do this we should have a company sponsor knows now we just this is a good metric system. Product we're going to use it because of that and I wanted another one of the sponsors so this is this is non-sponsored this is the end if it's a piece of shit we were going to get to say it's a piece of shit so just so cuz people like the site I like to try that tonight right now so kind of wish you to sponsor

you know I do it for real and they hit me up and then I will probably but why would you want to do that why would you want to go to I don't know it's about the stories I like I like I like crazy stuff like that I think and work out a new suit

okay that's good and all three of us have to buy them a new suit just texted how do I register this thing is in two okay most single Day gifts but he doesn't exercise in the best shape of Our Lives to email them for a facility code yeah it's easy to get it right away

you're right we should wear suits to the gig yes your your suits yeah I know David August yeah they make awesome suits like me you can move around this Linksys Affleck's brother belly yes everything's what's that Jim Henson fired at with a child, I need you to kill the time in which is a guy when it's on Amazon Prime and there's a scene in the documentary where we go and we get suits made in

with wagon with Chad and it's really really fun man I went to the same district that re got his maiden and that guy Danny I went to Danny that was like the names are really sit there like did you get yours at Joe's or Danny's like that's the designers there but

most single day gets a brand new suit should we do third-place players lodging fourth place pays for flights and we fly private I like it I like that and are you going to pay for a flight you're going to be launching yeah right no way whenever the second one big bottles of wine for a thousand bucks realize if I mean oh my God be with me Rob he went to dinner with family who this is one of my favorite stories we've been we've been partying all weekend and this is who I know this is that at the time you're like middling or just entry-level Roxy I was a future Act

it's just Leanne Lyons first trip away from Georgia so it's from our daughter at least 10:10 so it's probably 2007 maybe before maybe for like fifteen hundred bucks 2000 Maxum headlining and but I'm done I'm still featuring at the time and so maybe I done Jameson Comedy Tour that was so I had a little to no money to speak of so we go to the do this gay Paul and Young Ron and the first night there we go out to eat and it's a huge dinner don't like how much do I owe and I was like yeah you know I got that don't worry about it you can I should know I got a pipe. Let me know when you're around so we go out that night everyone goes drink and have a great time the next time we go out to eat everyone goes out to eat if you want again I go to pay for it

all Playboy around me just come on the time we go to a show have an amazing fucking show we go out drinking again round picks up everything the last night there we go to Sushi Nobu and Leanne says you can't Lobby pay you got to pick up the bill and I went okay so I go over

to the lady before before I'm I'm going to screw up numbers I'll tell you that right now but I go over the lady Before the bill comes and I go hit a big guys not paying here's my credit card she's like okay so we eat and I drink and I drink around is getting like boats right boats could just like you know who she doing sake bomb after sake bomb and the lady comes to the check and it's like $2,000 I did not have $2,000 and I did not I didn't have enough money to for the tip but I didn't I was like why do you think you can pay I didn't know what the bill would be I don't I've never paid attention that stuff I didn't know what I just do you ever eat out no but I didn't I wasn't paying attention to what the bill will be I thought I would be 500 bucks 600 know how expensive Sushi Nobu was that everything is through the roof

she puts the check in front of me and I open it up and I see it and I immediately freeze and langers how much is it and it's just insane should I go fuck you that's how much it is and she goes Ralphie fucking fucking

I then I go Ralph Ralph you guys don't worry play are we go out with a pack so I go to our bank machine like $20,000 and I go over and I put it on black hits red

oh my God Wesley Snipes will be able to speak to me is probably why we're fighting in the lobby and she's mad because you bet the extra money no because I said fuck you that's how much it is don't ever talk to me like that you're my partner by the time it was like probably 3 weeks on the road for me and fucked up some and then you gambled away a thousand like a fucking god Gene what's Lou Gehrig's disease

is just like you know that you got shamed you know that's what I love about what makes you feel good about that just as my friend doing some stupid

so we can work this out right now I have to bring Ari in on this right cuz he can't can't have no say he couldn't be here to do

let's see if he answers at the same time

I see

stingy jail

did you get them

Tramp.

Words

what schedule is fucking stupid thing

hey you're on speaker with Joe and Tom we can all hear you and we're doing just like that

you do not have to use my voice hey we're talking about the bet he was thinking right so with these my fitness trackers

Joe did 200 today he's planning on doing today so we're thinking the person who gets the most

most calories at the most points burn in a week how does that the pay for anything out of this challenge okay my agents don't know it so the bet is what we're fighting we're going to a fight in Las Vegas okay Joe thinks he can get don't be scared

first place don't have to pay for nothing second place would have to pay for were thinking maybe one meal third place will have to pay for lodging just let me fucking finish their basil play for lodging for play store play for

the person with the most Fitness points points for the month will get in first place the person with the second most Fitness points for will get in second place and so on now there's a size bat going well and the prize is going to a big fight a big boxing match boxing match will not have to pay for one thing

second place

what about a pubic hair beard

come on see I knew he would turn this into humiliation we all we all come on the losers face so that's part of it

Alex

nerc of drinking goblet of our piss combined pissed and I'm eating asparagus

I don't know what weekend it says I'm a grown up the weekend

tell Nest to be fun and tell him this there's a belt involved the winner gets a belt belt sober October belt

and you can have to defend it every year we're having it made

and it's going to have pills on it with a line through it heroin on it with a line through it

okay we can go we were going to go to see Floyd Mayweather rematch Manny Pacquiao we don't have to do it though but it'd be fun

show me fun to be in Vegas with like a gentleman yeah we're all together and we don't have to work we just all there to hang out

I think it takes place sometime in December but they haven't made the date they haven't made the date yet you're in right you're gone all December where you going to European

if you're up and Israel what if we go to a good Bellator event

well I have to work you want to go see an MMA event

New York City in the Middle East band

I can't I can't take off one okay I tell you one thing we can do one that I don't have to do cuz I only do the big ones I don't do the ESPN ones and some of the ESPN was going to be really big I can be in the audience for that okay for flying private

just just to Vegas it's not a lot

if it's a Vegas event that I'm probably going to work it imma be honest with you though

picture of that email if you email the email that I just sent you a text message if you email that address will send you a facility code right away

we got your message yeah it'll send an email to support at I sent you the all the details to say I needed a facility code did you buy yours on Amazon me to ya didn't send me any facility, are you in for a tear to financial bet for a UFC event where Joe doesn't have to work and

okay let's do you know what let's find it let's find a sweet little spot of humiliation in this last place last place has got there's a punishment involved that drink piss everybody is pissed

no no no goblet friends

the straight from the tap like a Yeti tumbler

yeah yeah yeah we're not we're not sorry Tumblr and write the piss champion on it this right here will keep it will always keep it on this table so we'll know that the person drink the other people's piss hope you like fucking Forrest Gump this month I hosted Fear Factor I'll drink a gallon of piss right in front of your mom

be the one drinking piss wouldn't bother me sorry I'm sure he doesn't believe that you could ever possibly win this there's no way burtle even come in fucking third there's no way what do you think of this sorry for sure you're what you're doing two-a-days and but what about what about birds Mickey Mantle Gene

yeah I'm going to cruise that switch

I'm going to try I'm trying to get bird to die trying to keep up with me that's why you go or 4 days good luck

that's fine that's fine maybe this will be fun we'll is a very tasteful yet meaningful punishment for final four last place well tasteful you just your out of ours will house sit tasteful he wants to be humiliating

thought is too slippery and break off and get stuck

Warehouse

well we can certainly do something to the end of April we can figure it out look yeah we'll figure that part of it out but you're in right you're in on the bed

okay cool

pays for nothing second place pays for a meal third place pays for lodging and 4th Place pays for a private jet

you're in your it right or in humiliating that's that's part of what's humiliating to pay so much money just don't ya don't come in for enjoy those long walks in the East Village

shut up how about a helicopter

cruise ship Winnebago across the country to be money related

makes you feel terrible but we're all like it the whole thing is they were having fun together doing it's not supposed to be like really wants you to suffer he wants to drink his piss and where is pubes on your face

you got to get the names of the of the three winners tattooed on your left on your right hand on the inside palm of your right hand

yeah but I do like the belt I do like the fact belts greatest defend the belt

collectible that way the person who has the belt whoever wins they get to keep it in their house and make videos and saw the Bell number is very motivated to murder this all the social social media points you can get in front of that belt letting everybody know

Delta fitsum

so this is this has nothing to do with it if so it's not about how many calories you burn it's just about these weird points that this thing makes is basically related to effort it's a good it's a good system

you're incorrect Sorry by the way

Vegas

okay what do you want to do what do you think it should be

Tommy Vaughn's has to leave wolf will sort this out but for sure they'll be a belt involved for sure that

we're not really interested yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah how about this can you agree on this tiered structure if we find an event that you are comfortable and really excited about

yeah a little bit to go to it don't have to be I mean I think you have to be fun. Never seen the UFC fight but cheered structure

of a punishment meaning for the bottom three a humiliation for number for belt for the winter single day by the way single day calorie burn the person with the most points for one single day that person gets a brand new suit that all people have to pay for

shoot yeah

now we're going to get David August to do it

only the guy who makes suits for Conor McGregor and me

really

show me only makes Smalls Diddy really joking

wow that would trump it suits for Putin

maybe we'll know Kim Jeong Hoon Sky by the end of this

yeah but that's better be fine cuz we'll have a belt the winner of gets a parade around

Puerto Rican Birds ready got the belt sitting on a shelf he's planning on it as his little Instagram stories in front of the belt I can't wait

I don't know are you listen man you got a lot of resolve I saw how you manned up for the fucking yoga challenge you might man up by the way I'm doing the yoga challenge 2 I'm doing both things

yeah yeah for sure I'm going to do 15 hot yoga classes as well

I'm going hard I'm trying to kill Bert I'm going hard I'm trying to match Joe

yeah the last time you worked out was probably when we did you get to together

I want Hotel

I want Birch to fall apart I want Joe to recognize and Mickey Mantle Gene that's bulshit listen I want burst of Fall Apart

yeah I recognize that

I wanted to fall apart trying to keep up though

he's not good he's not good he's not I just did all my measurements my pre soberoctobert measurements not good re chest 48 belly 44 waist 44 belly no belly 48 waist 44 and then Cavs and biceps or 16 18 what were you at the end of the weight loss challenge 22222 maybe I was 216 at the end of sober October last year I'm going back I'm getting back I'm getting back I'm telling you right now I have motivation I want that belt I want that belt and I don't and I'm not going to pay for anything and I want and I want to see the look on your face when you're like when you look at some of my numbers you're like what the fuck is he doing he case. Good luck with that

this is my wheelhouse motherfucker this is my wheelhouse I'm excited I'm excited also excited not my wheelhouse I'm so excited today I want to see if I can hit 500 a day everyday

I'm just going to do different things everyday and I'm going to power fuck I'm going to wear it while I fuck

I'm going to be this is The Tortoise and the Hare

I'm just going to try to tortoise my way through this month

is that what it is okay I don't know but I had to ship pegged I was at 97% for half an hour

you are just do it just go fucking crazy one of them that we all can agree on correct re single day most points suit and we can add humiliation / like meaning like if we come up with something during the month that we all think cellarius texted to each other we put it on social media and we hold ourselves to that too

and then have nine months later if Burt wins will never hear the end of it that belt will be on the Shelf in front of every fucking Instagram video he makes who I hate you guys might do me some / Crusher sober October Champion or like to I like to call it soberoctobert

he's going to ask you to be his but my motivation is all murder and death and his motivation is all just going to be like Instagram stories

why do you scared of begging for money

true why were you not do it I don't care about begging for money I don't think he finds it in tiesing

I get it okay we'll figure it out we'll figure the tiered structure will make it to the second place doesn't play as much as third place it doesn't pay as much as foreplay

I'm definitely going to that

by the way Joe just made eye contact with me and I have ordered my

you look at me like are you being a fucking serious I'm so excited about this

I might take the whole month off comedy on my workout day and night I might just want us I want to see what my body can do I might just go really crazy

see what happens I got a lot of machines here to I'm the only one of us that has a full gym

you can come over anytime you like fella to get off here to work out together we can make videos and you still don't have to worry about that

butter churner

where can I get feet away when it's over we're getting fucked up so are you going to be around at all anytime in November re November 5th

sixth okay I think 5th work for everyone

which one works for everybody at the 65th works better for Tommy okay that's that works for me man V is perfect 5th or the 6 either one oh no the six I've got a I got a show I have to do the 6 at night at 5 there's a television show I got to do but I can do V I think v v work better for dummy

2/5 word alright will do the step so V will get fucking plowed we're going to bring it up I'm going to get a Kegerator will get kegs Tito's what do you need re for the fifth wheel get in advance

you like whiskey right

what's up Pappy Van Winkle what's your favorite bourbon text me your favorite bourbon will get a fucking case of it

Uber drivers

yeah

Smith works better for everyone is everybody so sober October 5th will be the celebration day and then the day where hopefully

yeah so when he flies back we're getting fucked up as soon as he lands

is going to be awesome

I'm going to go charge mine right now and then go put another workout immediately and if you need

I got the message. Did you send it to the support the email that I just sent the text message

didn't say blow up doesn't you quickly

they're going to hear about this first while they're going to hear about this and then probably going to email you quicker but if you have any ideas about the design of the belt feel free to chime in there too cuz we got to order that soon cuz it takes like 3 to 4 weeks

yeah I think it'd be cool to have each of our faces as one of the side things whether I'm with our thing that is hard it's like you have a joint I have a Tito's in my face as a dick in his mouth and Tom is a piece of cake

we'll figure it out we'll figure it out

alright love you bye crazy serious motivation you know what else to say you know I was a little skeptical when I first thought about this but then in using the app while you're using the app it's showing you your actual numbers while you're doing it and when you're when you're when you're in the middle of it like you're seeing the actual numbers take place really should we accept other people should know just the three of us going to be a good one I want to how much weight were going to lose I'm like 197 198 right now I think I'm going to get down below 192 body measurements

button waist and then biceps calves and thighs I'll tell you all my exact measurements right now I think I just think it was accurate my blood pressure today was my blood pressure today to figure out what to do so. Cobert go solo. Bad I know where to go but I'm on medication he wants to come watch my medication so that if I what do you want and raspberries and everything Jesus because my blood pressure 129 over 95 is it today but is that a a natural thing you have high blood pressure is because of drinking I think it's probably like sound do snakes from being overweight and probably from drinking out but

so bad you want pills but I could be better than a stroke like I think of me being proactive and getting into a cardiologist these past five years has been the best thing that ever happened to me and side effects to a lot of those things really yeah you got to look into that stuff I'd like to get off the pills all together I would like to talk about it jokingly but I'd like to get blowed 205 you could do that and keep it there listen when you got the 2:20 or you got the 216 you said at the end of silver October what's the stop you from losing and 11 more pounds you could do that

what spiders do have a my friend cam Hanes when he was getting down to run 240 Mi he wanted to get down to 169 or below so you know what he did he ate 2000 calories burned off three just kept doing it everyday people say they can't lose weight or go oh you can you just got to be willing to do with the people that actually lose weight do it's your hungry all the time losing weight and I buy don't have what how I lose weight is not the healthy way you crash I go drop calories blow thousand and then we actually discussed this podcast very recently the problem is your metabolism crashes as well and your body goes into spam and mode and he wants to protect calories so anything you do eat you gain back much quicker and it's far more difficult for you to lose again cuz your body has a mechanism in place to protect yourself as your body thinks it's you know we have to hold on to these calories it slows you down you're talking like

one of the guys Layne Norton who's he was involved in bodybuilding and he was saying that his blinking was slower he was blinking slower because as you know shredding getting down to like slow bodyweight yeah his metabolism crash so hard that he was literally blinking and thinking slower and thinking is for you for a Comics terrible to be thinking slow or when you're on stage at the last thing you want you know you just work out like a fucking maniac and eat healthy just cut out the sugar in the fat and all the bullshit your body slimdown I just got to go clean the nutritionist talk me through how to eat what I say here's the thing I was having problems she was like you need to eat before you workout you need a little bit of oatmeal do you need some energy for your workout I fast cardio all the time that's why I've been doing the 16 hour fast she might be old school life is a lot of people that are nutrition and the science behind athletic performance has changed so much

over the last five ten years this not that you know just talking to some random nutritionist might not be the best person to talk to they did might not be I don't I don't want to say cuz I don't know her but she might not be on the Ball Z II just I feel like I had so much information especially when you listen to this podcast you get so much information Zach bitters like you got to go fatty meats and then and then and then you hear Jordan Peterson's daughter saying that and then you go all know a specific situation she has severe autoimmune immune issues severe and the most likely according to other nutritionist that I've talked to she's probably got some gut bacteria issue that she needs to get her gut biome sorted out. It's also above my paygrade quite honestly I mean I get interested in this stuff and talk about there's some things that I can say with certain amount of certainty but not really what you should and shouldn't do in terms of each individual person in their diet I would say if I was you but I would get down to is

they definitely start eating a lot of vegetables this much Universal everybody agrees accept these crazy carnivore people but I think their situation is like either an elimination diet or a calorie-restricted diet which is not really the best for performance I don't think for the kind of shit you're trying to do I think broccoli kale spinach all that stuff sauteed all that stuff fantastic for you then on top of that mean obviously I eat red meat I'm a big fan of red meat I think you should eat just like very nutrient-dense meat and I think you should take multivitamins just to cover all your bases you know there's a bunch of like really good green supplements that you can add to water or in a little packets you could take out your calories know so you just eat until you're full yeah really yeah cuz you think you need it. I really don't know

if you had to guess what the LVL cuz pretty lean yeah it's pretty lame and you looks like you're eating maybe 8 oz of milk I probably eat a pound of that a day for sure at least you shoot when your 400 pounds of meat I have some for you if you want I definitely do I got a bunch of sausage elk sausage is Sensational really a bunch of the back okay I got these freezer bags to I can take it home with I would say just cut out the sugar in the bread in the pasta and if you just do that you'll lose a ton of weight you lose a ton of weight just doing that I mean this was going to be fucking awesome yourself a fucking big bowl of broccolini and cook it with butter and olive oil and put garlic salt on it it's healthy it feels good to eat it your body responds well to it and you know

just skated only good nutrients man and just realize you're going to have to get a lot of rest and you going to drink a shit ton of water cuz you going to be keeping up with some terrifying numbers to have

we're going hard this month Burke Cry Baby 31 days man 31 days

yeah the end man move from that photo I maybe I won't maybe I'll do trt if you win do you know how you should do trt would you ever get your hormones tested she getting tested just to find out where you're at it will help everything helps your immune system helps your energy levels are low concentration yeah it's literally a place you can get trt. What you don't you got to do is look at that picture yeah that's my 40th birthday 5 lb from being shredded

if you were right there and you lost 5 lb you have a six-pack I did the cusp I lost that weight in 19 days wow to the problem is when you do that the yoyo crap why is a picture of me shirtless right under Burt's picture leaderless that's me when I was like 26 oh my God that's me on news radio 20 meals 27

sexy bitch

whoops oh yeah problem is losing the losing the weight like that trash the problem with the crash is see if you lose the weight over the month because you just burning it off like a madman but you're eating a lot your body is not going to be in famine mode your buddy just can be more efficient it's going to need more cows and you definitely should lift weights that's one thing you should do over this mine lifting weights also add this item on my plan is lifting weights kickboxing running hills yoga and then various cardio machines from the versaclimber to the rower to the Echo Bike I'm going to rotate the mall so I can keep doing all of them I could do different ones I got the roller in my house I got the assault are fitness trainer and food and food all the time cuz you just going to be going to be so hungry all right

I think about if I figure but I do two days

and then just do I know what I got to get a day yeah yeah keep going that today when I was when I was working out I was like wow this is when you looking at the numbers on that thing it's very motivational you know it's funny when before when I was in college I ran and what was really fun they said these Runners journals is to get done your run and write them in a tracking your Fitness tracking your workout is it's really fun to look at numbers and Stat up it's almost like it feels like something like a hoarders Viber or like an OCD Vibe it's definitely better like when it's on this app that it is if you just know you worked out how do you get I had to get 12000 steps everyday and I would try with land from flight get us my hotel room open a bottle of wine and just are dancing weird as fuck

someone came and complained or they would think I was on meth yes it feels good feels good to set goals but I always tell people like one of the best ways to get things done is to write things down it is is such a huge motivating factor that you have a list of shity of you today and check those bitches off and then the end of the day you feel good but you go to bed you feel good I checked out all those things on my list I'm better now I feel better than I was before my wife's a big list maker xyooj do we make a list it really does organize your day when I was shooting now shooting at the Provo thing for my door next week and I shot it this weekend in San Jose and and I was like I told these different things I needed to do more than make a fucking list and I needed that and then just banged it out was like why those fucking easy as shit yeah it's it's so much better than like trying to remember what do out what else do I need to do and then like half-assing it you know what you did that's very impressive you came up with a new

how are pretty fucking quick and how long it take you to come to the new our maybe like February March April May June

six months what did you do to ramp up your writing super where my biggest thing for me which I think help me back and I have talked about this a lot maybe a lot but when you were in production brain you didn't have room for comedy brain look when I was Make It TV show I never did another room for comedy and so I might be upset of a bowl so there might be something wrong with me but when I'm in comedy brain and which is when I'm doing a special its focus on only that material like only that material but when I got done the special I just went up and was like here it's a most enjoyable time of my life is like everything was a bit just walking around I was looking for things and just being inspired by the littlest thing even to this day but it's part of the reason I like to go to New York and do podcasts and fuck around I was on Anthony cumia podcast I came up with two bits in the moment there's like do those environment a new feeling you bring it by myself the opportunity is silly or goofy or hakki am I

oh that's okay let's keep working that and so I have right now I have like 55 minutes that I'm that I feel is really solid but the goal now answer like we were talking Tom song about untangling it is like leaving it in so that one that follows the other one so right now I'm playing with these bits put him in different places trying to figure out what could follow what bit that's the fun part also and then once I do that and once I have no one I'm doing my next I sold almost becomes less fun for me is like I don't want to go to the store so I don't want to write Noob it's like in this then that salad days are when you're just all writing a love that shit just going up on stage and going in LA and be like I bought a gun and just going just feeling the energy being like I'm in it I don't know where this is going Brad could lose them right right right I thought it would be a good bit

I went I went and said did you say that on stage no but that should be part of the bed are you serious yeah I bought a gun gun talk and I was like on a minigun material feels like I should buy a gun and I was like to have a real gun nut on your podcast to talk to you about guns I should you know she can't get on Coley in the wall on YouTube he was on my podcast a good guy that makes it seem like there's something wrong you're pointing out yes he happens to be an African American culture culture that is so interesting that they it's almost like I like when he had your mic on Magic Mike Magic Mike Magic Mike

who's cooler their perspective on it you know cuz culturally always see a company an array come from this like white redneck you know he makes it real good points and a lawyer he was a lawyer right it pretty sure his Lord was here but he makes really good points in terms of like personal safety responsibilities good thing about like that at people equate NRA with mass shootings and all kinds of other crazy shit which is not really totally fair cuz no NRA member has ever committed a mass shooting you know whenever something happens they think all this is all because these people you know want other people to have access to these kind of guns that's the real connection as always an ad nauseam a talk about this too much is a psychotropic drugs those people are almost all on some sort of Psych medicine all of them is it called is it causation or correlation that's the problem is the psychotropic drugs causing them do this or are they on psychotropic drugs cuz they're crazy and they shouldn't have a gun anyway and

it should be more difficult I'm a hundred percent in believe that you should test people and that there should be some sort of standards in terms of mental health in terms of whether or not you've committed the salt weather not like those kind of things whether or not you have a history of mental illness with her not to have a history of lashing out or violent outbursts had those kind of people shouldn't have done that it did the kind of people that think everybody should have access to a gun I think that's a little irresponsible but the kind of people who think no one should ever gone I think that's irresponsible to Chris crazy talk or towards his other gun nuts I could turn you on to my friend Justin's legit Gun Nutz Justin call it he's been on my podcast for he's a legit giants like 7 ft tall but he's a real gun nut he's he lives in Vegas he has so many guns does know how many guns he has a big gun guy he's a giant

wrapped everywhere you go see his ankle one up his ass about cage fighters where there is there they're very direct and they say what they mean and they mean what they say Tate was the first person I ever ran into that was like that you texted me and I didn't text back and he texted again and then you texted hey man I'm sorry to get feelings about this and then I was watching this weird bullshit Hollywood world where people don't mean what they say that I used to that and he goes that was a really great cigar we should do this we should have another one I was like okay and he's like what you doing at like 8 tonight looks like I'm here and he was like I'm going to the park that's why my car again at 7:55 you like to talk

keep fucking said fine as being sincere as an oddity that's what it is in around these the world of auditions and actors and producers and executive Strange Land we live in man this right here it happens in other places but it just is very problem here like we're people just aren't genuine and honest but this is like people just lick their finger and stick it out in the wind try to figure out which way the wind's blowing and that's the way they go because everybody just wants everybody to like them out of here because everyone's audition good thanks just such a strange place man I saw my buddy Eddie is a like a man you know the Cuban from Florida pill fist fight his actual man and he came out first time you came out there was a, Colts his name who was holding court at the Hollywood improv and he was making fun of me like I was the joke ever was laughing and I was laughing

play my buddy Eddie just kind of look sideways we got in the car and goes right why you let that happen I go he's super famous I mean you know it's like whatever he's not man now he's smaller than you why you just fucking knock them out that's not how it works out here he goes yeah it is it is it does it to me it works stand and he's like dude I don't like that disrespectful shit I was like what no it's not your cuz you're letting it be different well it depends on how close you are with a guy because if you're really close to the guy and he saying funny things and you think they're funny you laughing sincerely like we bust on each other all the time but it's not disrespectful it's just hilarious it's just I think it's I think everyone knows that we're all close friends about it's our language but there are people who are not your close friends who are you looking for it over there with blue blue and then I'll start fuk with you and Nick it's a little slippery

bro it's especially there's if there's a it's narcissism it's guys who did they think they'll out for you yeah it's funny I know I definitely have changed from that when you know when you're young and you're hungry in this business and you want to succeed you know what to tell a famous guy that might be able to give you work and then don't talk to me like that because you almost like Black by yourself some bad experiences we don't need to mention any names that you had some bad experience with particular comedian that was like that where you know we've talked about it so there's there's mental mentally ill people that are in this business to you know is do that

it's something I feel like I feel like sometimes I draw them in brown I like to you know what I think some people see that as a weakness I am there's someone that I'm told you privately that stole from me that was a friend separate and it

I meant not fucking makes me angry so I go I remember when it happened and I already dealt with something else it was similar to that I remember I was in my wife's lake house when someone text me and said amen did you give that joke does that person sounds like no man it pulled this fucking thing in my in my ID that was like I'm overthinking you think I won't say anything

good to me and I didn't learn the first time around it it really almost like all these women that come out about sexual assault it doesn't it doesn't benefit you to come outside up someone stole joke from you you just did you stack wait steel I know I know but no but it's it's coming it's not coming forward thing where you like we looked at him and said there's no benefit in the song about a benefit to go until you've been raped cuz now you're going to fucking that's what you to find us and then you and you got to defend yourself from something you didn't do to yourself and so when you get stolen from obviously it is abstract manipulation but to come out and defend yourself people do start attacking you go why would you even say anything to you just jealous we have to put yourself out on a limb if you're talking about someone taking something like a joke for me too because you have you have to hope that people side with you so let's save some famous person steal something from you you have to hope when you come out that they're knocked that a bunch of people going to jump on his side and

attack you which is totally possible and if they do then you're fucked in your out on a limb dude I went through I went through and I screen grabbed everything that was proof unequivocally screen grabbed everything I got everything but the good lesson is now that person you could write off forever just like what was it was it was Goodfellas what was it what was the movie like you got off light like now you know for $20 or $200 whatever it is now that person never has talk to you again

tell you it sometimes it's sometimes when someone does something like that you like okay now I can write you off at in read write them off in a very interesting way as a comic to know oh you never had it you never will you don't got what I have I can make more that shit that's what I do for a living ohmygod so when you really don't have any material and you don't know how to write you don't know how to write new material I'll shut the fuck up you can't do suck a dick

there's a Tudors two different types of mindsets the type of mine's at work someone like steals someone else's ideas and tries to pass them off as their own is the kind of the opposite of mindset as to someone who's creative cuz when your creative you're thinking about a bit you're not thinking about yourself and how the bid is going to work for you and how it's going to kill when you get out there when you're stealing if somebody save you have a bit about lollipops I wish that was my bed I'm going to steal that lollipop it up it's going to kill that I do that lollipop in it crushes I feel so good when I do that lollipop it they get addicted to it that's one of things about people that get called out for bits and say I'm not going to do it anymore and then I already did that bit at the Laugh Factory here because they get addicted to get addicted to the reaction that bit gets see their you're addicted to coming up with new stuff like an IM and of the people that are the try to be creative what you tryna

who is you have your trying to like some of these ideas out of The Ether you're trying to pull them out of the air and they want you have my cat got in a bottle I got in the bottle cake not going to add things to it I gotta bring in a live I go fucking Frankenstein at it and then one day months and months later. That bit out of the improvident fucking crushes and that is one of the most amazing feelings we get some up yet like someone like Sam Tripoli covered for Bill Burr come up and go to someone's got a new bit, cuz I knew what is that comes out to eat tonight at midnight I remember watching you run it in the OR at the embassy probably like 8 months ago right when I was getting ready to in February when I was getting ready to take my special I saw you doing yours and I was like oh shit is this your new material and you like I'm getting ready to film in you know couple months

when you sit as a comic in the back you want your friends just fucking murder it's inspires you wish it you haven't heard yeah yeah yeah but they will never get the message that it's sad it's it's a sad thing because they're always going to have to live this weird lie you know it just a little weird lie of creativity is creativity is so slippery and if you can't be thinking about yourself that's not what it's about it's the opposite about that it's all about the idea it's all about how it gets to the people it's all about how it works like you have to like take yourself literally out of the equation but the people steal their it's all about them it's all about them getting a good feeling doing someone else's bit and I really think that that is there's this weird bounce the world and I think when you when you do that I think it takes away from your ability to do the other thing takes away from your ability to be creative I would almost talk to you on the exact

it was a bit gets up and running in murderous I almost feel like I'm lying to the audience like I'm cheating going going like you know it works like I've been doing it too long of a hard time doing sets at the store when I when I got ready to go in there for I'm still in the spot from someone who can use it and I'm just going up with shit that works like I'll come on Bert yeah but you're given the audience a good time and you're keeping everything sharp. Something like once a bit is done it so you can't just leave it alone cuz like if I had to today go up and do my Bruce Jenner bit I wouldn't be able to do it I don't know how to do it I haven't done in 2 years I literally wouldn't be able to do it one of my best pets ever and I wouldn't I wouldn't know where to start I would have to go back listen to it and then I would have to go do it a bunch of times it's get it polished again it's really fun though when someone calls out a joke that you haven't told me yours and you're like I did it this past week I do I do an hour 25 minutes show our 20th show where I do when my new hour and then at the end of whatever bit so I want to hear out

that's nice it's too many shows so I can someone do 15 minutes and I'll do the rest and that way I feel like people definitely want to hear flying dildos or the machine or and someone called out Mexican kid in the elevator and I was like whoa haven't done that since like my first specialist, never had to do it I didn't answer but I started doing it and I was like and I was and I just kind of itchy my muscle memory goes back in and then you're like in you're so much better but comedian now that the things that you would have never said I think she didn't know it had to do it you just start adding ad-libs in and it just kills me like shit man I had a guy come on stage once he asked me to do a bit I don't remember how to do a better cuz I do I go get up here bitch I said I broke and I had him kind of do the bed you know I saw some guy on Instagram

did he goes he was doing my machine but as a joke like that he's an open mic roses maybe 10 time of day do whatever and his friends I guess her fans and he was like machine over them with the Russian mafia here's how it happened and they all started laughing because I'm just kidding I ain't doing that shit but it made me giggle cuz he missed he misspoke is not the way I say it I got I got the scuffle with the Russian mafia or something and it made me giggle that's hilarious yeah yeah it it's weird how people interpret your like when you do something and then people really like it and they taken to make a clip about or something or they add something to it or they the one that weird things has been the animated shit that people do you know she's just like you were talking about this the other day that when you're in this room and you doing this podcast it just seems like you and me are talking and that's one of the reasons why it works or do you and me and whoever else is here

but the for the people that are here at your the actual numbers that you're dealing with this you're dealing with millions of people that doesn't seem to register in your head and then you'll see these clips and is she like these memes and you see these videos pcip animated shorts and you see people do impressions of you and you like wait what what the fuck is that it takes an AC people get tattoos of your face on their ass or something like that I like on your calf to get you smiling your beard and you're on there caffeine like what the fuc the machine I guess I do to have that Russian t-shirt tattooed on his body the one that you made with the machine with Russian language was looking off into space and insane swearing exit anus especially like I mean to when I when I saw that Joe Rogan Meets World Yogen I was just used as a wizard whoever did that shit I've gotten done

show in Oxnard and my kids were in the other room my wife doesn't know

that made me that made me giggle so hard I could not decided I just got 9 I was in a room by myself my family is in another room and I I was like dude I wish I hope this guy knows how much joy he just gave me like whatever I was thinking about what you don't like my sad or whatever I'm dying fucking laughing I was like to thank you man what's the my effort it takes to listen to so much Saudi oh that you can have a conversation play back and forth between a dude and his self like you know me videos that guy must had to listen to and how much editing had to do to do that I'm a huge fan and it cuts to you I was pissing myself I literally hit part you know it like when you get excited you like you would send it to me maybe it was too late but I wanted to text everyone and go I want everyone to see this and then when it cut but I'm already giggling some you know and then when it comes to me is The Mangy champ I fucking howling

howling and I'm excited

yeah no don't fuck it and then when he just did the new one I got to go pick up my daughter when he just did the new one of me drinking since 3235 Time Warp the time warp on the fuck you ever sit down talk to me 3 hours to the best is the best thing about these podcast catch up and come up with a brilliant challenges change me change me as a person might but my bility to communicate is so much I'm just so much better at it than I was 9 years ago when I first started doing this you really are there to this as a fan I think I want to listen to I've been listen to podcast always listen to podcast you've changed immeasurably in almost the most Renaissance way is like you have conversations with people I wouldn't know what the fuck they even do but they're still hints of exactly who you are you're very measured in what you say and how you put out your ideas you listen you're willing to change I don't know when you stop saying faggot

like when you would like me to stop saying that like in conversation remember I was like that's a good idea maybe I should talk to we were in the old desk Squad East or West was it all in Pasadena yeah the problem is it's a fun thing to say and you don't mean it in a homophobic way it's still fun to say I still let it slip slip out every now and then it's a fun thing to say but the problem is the way it makes other people feel is not fun it's language should be about intent it should be about your conveying your intent through that sound but the problem is it's not working correctly like if if someone is hearing it on the other end it's making him angry in life but now I'm silly I'm being silly about I'm a silly faget no no no you can't like okay well it's not this isn't an effective use of sound to convey my thoughts and is it worth it to piss people off you know is it worth it like look would have

Tommy and the word retard which he's not calling anyone that it's not the the bid is about forbidden language and Hebe literally all he said in that bit was that you're not allowed to use that word anymore and in saying that it was massive protesters all these people freaking out because they don't even want you to order the sound it's a real problem because that kind of thinking is nonsense like this it to say that it can't be used ever but you can't admit that it's a word like you cannot say it you cannot utter it but it's Abracadabra there's a magic word you can't even bring it up in conversation to it to understand that we are changing so this word whatever the word is that you can't say it anymore because they were trying to get rid of bossy bossy girl yeah yeah they're trying to say that boss he's a sexist word you shouldn't use bossy they abandoned it but it's that point is that they will still try to find something to be offended by

and they'll try to put whatever that word is into this forbidden category and then you can have so many words in that category that is going to be crazy and then you've noises that you can't make I think the real things going to change and I really think this is going to happen is we're going to figure out a way to bypass language is going to be way to directly convey information to people without language and it's going to happen through some sort of technology and Elon Musk was talking about it on the podcast or something called neural link that he's working on that some sort of really revolutionary way to increase bandwidth between you and ideas and how ideas get to your head it's going to be something that you wear and I think that's going to be like step one and then you're going to be able to do that from person to person and I think you know all this so invasive now with social media like it's so and and cell phones and electronics everything is in your life and people getting closer and closer to each other and one of the side effects is that of that is that people now realized

so they can attack you easier and they and they can tear things down we can light things on fire because they can not necessarily cuz it's a wise thing or to measure thing or two really well thought-out thanks to doing it just because it's a new thing that they can use like you gave a champ and AK-47 I need to start shooting up the jungle mean literally that is what a lot of people are doing with social media but I think that is just a stage and that eventually we're going to bypass language I really I really think that there's going to be like emojis and we can communicate through like a form of hieroglyphics almost is the conversation we need to have on November 5th when am I drunk fucked up November 5th I can't find it let's wrap this up so we kind of have a parameter we'll figure it out as we go along. It's written all right here I'll take a picture and leave it here alright but and this is this is awesome this is awesome to be awesome to be the shit cuz we have that belt every year

yep Deluxe Bell to Fat leather brass beautiful times I saw the material to store super excited for you man I'm excited too nervous to buy everybody

thank you everybody for 2 minutes to podcasts and thank you very much to our sponsors thank you to Squarespace the host of Joe Rogan. Com and a phenomenal way for you to make your own website and you can try that shit out for free hey why fuck around you need a website well then just fucking go there listen to me stop go to squarespace.com Joe for a free trial then when you're ready to launch use the offer code Joe to save 10% off your first purchase of a website or domain I can't say enough good things about this company I've met a bunch of people that work there they're great folks the fucking product is Flawless can't go wrong, squarespace.com go for a free trial then when you're ready to launch use the offer code Joe to save 10% off your first purchase of a website or domain thank you also to motherfuking meundies me all time favorite underwear I'm wearing them right now what kind of

they're just I think today is just plain Brett

unfortunately they're all just plain red but they have a Halloween Prince yeah you can get Jack O'Lantern Prince and underwear socks and bralettes don't want to Jack O'Lantern right over your dick

anyway did the best the best underwear and 100% satisfaction guarantee you can't go wrong so to get 15% off your first pair free shipping and a 100% satisfaction guaranteed go to be undies.com Rogan that's me undies.com Rogan and last but certainly not least we are brought to you

bye

the motherfuking cash app I love the Cash app and not just because it's the number one app in finance and it's a fantastic flexible and convenient way for you too well for you to interact with your cash takes your money you could download your paycheck directly into the app you have that beautiful cash card that is a customizable debit card that allows you to use the cash apps boost program which you can save $10 10% rather off Whole Foods Chipotle Shake Shack or more of your favorite spots and even a dollar off every time you swipe your cash card at coffee shops across the country just think about that alone you know everybody talks about the price of coffee fucking too expensive take a back off every time you buy a cop and use the cash card

it's beautiful and you can download that should for free download the cash app for free and get your cash card for free visit the app store or the Google Play Market now and don't forget when you download the cash app enter the referral code Joe Rogan one word you will receive $5 and the cash app will send $5 to Justin wrens fight for the Forgotten charity building Wells for the pygmies in the Congo and Justin is going to be on the podcast soon with the Rafael Lovato who is a top contender in the talent stacked middleweight division in Bellator in absolutely one of the best fighters on the planet Earth in a phenomenal Jiu-Jitsu player as well and those two guys will be coming on the podcast

very soon I'll tell you exactly when October 15th

October 15th alright thank you everyone thanks to appreciate the fuck out of you and will see you soon

Help improve this transcript!

Episode Sponsors